Vanessa Van EdwardsScience of People, Science Of People · Behavioral Researcher, Founder, Author, Harvard Instructor

The Secret to Getting People to Open Up I @ryan

20 Apr 2026 · 1 min

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In this short instructional segment, Vanessa Van Edwards explains two distinct approaches to fostering non‑romantic intimacy—what she calls "open connection"—that encourage people to share, trust, and collaborate. The first method, "fronting," involves facing someone directly with eye contact and minimal physical barriers, though it can feel overwhelming for some. The second method removes visual barriers by entering the other person’s personal space, such as sitting side‑by‑side at a bar or walking together, which can feel safer for those who find direct eye contact too intense. Vanessa illustrates the concepts with examples (parents in a car, bar seating) and offers practical tips: walk alongside the person, scoot your chair to their side, and experiment to discover each individual’s preferred level of proximity.

Chapters

There are two different ways that we can be intimate with someone, and I don't mean like romantically. I mean like open connection, open book, sharing, collaborating, building a lot of trust, oxytocin. The first is fronting, facing each other without barriers. Ideally, you don't have a desk in front of you, but if you do, you're giving eye contact or trying to be aligned. The second way is you remove all the barriers and you go into their personal space. You might have people who prefer this because the one-to-one eye contact is actually too much. This is why some people love sitting at a bar next to each other as opposed at a table facing each other. I have parents of teenagers tell me, you know, when I'm sitting in the car next to my child, they tell me everything. The moment I'm facing them, they're like, no, no, too much. So you have two options here for getting someone to open up and connect. One is fronting. That's not working. Try walking next to each other in step if you can, or try scooting your chair over to their side of the desk. I would try this in a couple different ways because you'd be surprised what level people have as a preference.