Vanessa Van Edwards says genuine self-presentation matters more than performance in dating. She describes feeling emotionally disconnected while acting flirty, and warns that pretending to be someone else collapses after a few dates, leaving partners confused about who you actually are.
You need to be yourself to be able to attract the right kind of person. I know specific times for myself where I've been very playful, but it doesn't really feel like me, right? Like, I can do it if I need to. Like, I can be sort of playful and flirty, but I don't feel like I'm getting emotionally connected. It seems really fun on the outside, but it's not actually fun for me. And I have a single friend. I was talking to her about her dating, and she was like, you know, Vanessa, I am struggling because I go on all these dates and I can't tell am I having fun or am I just fun? Meaning I'm not sure if this is actually a connection that I want. Knowing your style and trying to stick with your style and see how it's received is going to help you later because otherwise you're going to pretend to be like them, fake it. And then five dates in the real you wants to come out, and they're like, who is this? Right? And so I would rather you do it sooner.
