Contempt is a cloud that forms from budget fights, criticism, or self-hatred, and it sticks to your partner unless you untangle it out loud. The feeling usually comes from your own self-dislike, not them. Naming it directly dissolves the cloud and brings you closer.
I see contempt as like a very bad cloud. So you're in a conversation and something makes this person contemptuous. It's the budget, could be you, could be something you said, could be themselves. People often show contempt because they hate themselves. So there's a cloud of contempt. If it's not untangled, you become a part of the contempt. With financial issues in a couple, you hate talking about finances and contempt is showing and you're really stressed about it, and all of a sudden that contempt about the budget, it's like a cloud on you and you're now tied to that finances. If you can verbally untangle that, you can be like, no, we hate this together. Like, we are in this together. It's a cloud-clearing verbal activity from the contempt, because you don't know what it is. It could be themselves. And if it's you, you sure as heck want to know it. It's usually not though. When people are like, are they contemptuous of me? Nah, usually it's themselves, or something they heard, or an idea you shared. It's not you. Clarifying it is really important and empowering, and also can bring you— actually bring you closer.
