Vanessa Van EdwardsScience of People, Science Of People · Behavioral Researcher, Founder, Author, Harvard Instructor

Why Intention Matters in Every Cue I @jackneel

3 May 2026 · 1 min

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In this monologue, the speaker warns against using subtle cues to manipulate others, emphasizing that the key difference between ethical influence and manipulation lies in the speaker's intention. The speaker recounts a consulting experience with a law firm that proposed a series of physical and environmental adjustments—lowering chair height, removing armrests, positioning lighting, and offering warm water—to make the opposing side feel powerless. The speaker rejects the request, stating they no longer consult for clients with ill intentions. The narrative underscores that when the intention is to understand and serve someone, using cues is acceptable, but when the goal is to control or diminish the other person, it becomes unethical manipulation.

Chapters

How can you subtly manipulate someone to agree with you? Never do this. I want you to see if someone's doing it to you. It means they're trying to manipulate you. I once was consulting for a law firm. I don't even consult anymore because people have such ill intentions. I just won't even do it. I walked into a law firm and they said, we would like you to consult with us on all the things we could do in our boardroom to make the other side feel powerless. And they were like, so here's what we think based on your research and your book. We're taking the opposite of what you suggest. So we're going to lower the height of their chairs. We're going to take away the armrests on their chairs so that they have to sit small. We're going to make it so that the light is behind our heads so they can't read our facial expressions or our body language. We are going to offer them warm water because that's like not as refreshing. And I was like, I gotta go. There's a really fine line between optimizing behavior and manipulating someone, and it's all about intention. If your intention is understand someone more deeply, I want to be able to read their personality so I can serve them or talk to them or understand them better, those are good intentions.