Authenticity - Short bites. Episode #9. Take-aways

So as a timekeeper, we're almost up to the hour, so I want to thank everyone for this insightful conversation. And as we come to the end of the hour, I'd like to end this discussion the way it began, with a tour de table. And one of the premises of this podcast is that there's too much talking and not enough doing. So let's pass the mic and tell us what you've heard today that will inspire you to start something differently than the way you did it prior to this conversation. Conversation, or anything that you want to leave the listeners or the viewers with. And I'm going to start by sharing my own takeaways to give you a moment to collect your thoughts. I've heard a lot of really insightful stories, and I'm really, like Jim, grateful for this opportunity. Two things really stand out. The first one is I love the way you describe, Melissa, at the very beginning, this dance between the true self and the false self. And it was, it brought to me a sense of peace. I've always had this sensation or understanding that I had to fight for this authenticity to come out. And even though there is a fight, and it could come through pain, now that I look at the true self, the false sense, I think I can reconcile the two. And kind of remove a little bit the dance and just acknowledge that sometimes I do wear a mask and sometimes I don't. And it's, I think, a matter of choosing the true self to be the leader and using the false self to adapt to the world. And so in looking at authenticity through that lens, kind of diminishes a little bit the struggle. So that's number one. And then I was really inspired by knowing that authenticity is about being vulnerable, and we've got, we've had some experience in that conversation. But I think a lot of, a lot of time the reason why people, and even myself, don't go to be or allow ourselves to be vulnerable is because we're afraid of the consequence. Not being liked, being judged, etc. But it might just be the price to pay. And price is a big word because I think it is more— how could I say— the experience of living authentically your life is way more satisfying on the short term and on the long term than wearing a mask and protecting ourselves. So I got inspired, and I think I'm okay facing the consequences of not being liked, not getting a particular client, because I'm being honest and true to my values and truths. And maybe that's what it's all about. Living is about having consequences. So thank you.

Definitely. Yes.

And Melissa, you'll be the last one on this. So Aaron, do you want to share your last thoughts or comment?

Yeah, absolutely. So I think for myself, I come at the subjects a little bit academically because I'm really— I'm trying to figure it out and I'm trying to help others figure it out. And so, but through all of that, I think I really have this concept of the ego or the false self and the true authentic self, all that. I've got that pretty well figured out. But what I've come away from this with, I think, is that I've really missed this concept of vulnerability and spontaneity and dealing with the mess that happens in life sometimes, or, um, you know, the, the parts of us that we don't normally tend to, to address as often. And so I think that's my inspiration coming out of this. So I'm really, really thankful for this discussion because it's broadening my perspective and my horizon here a little bit. So very good, and thank you everyone.

Wonderful.

Thank you, Erwin. Misty?

I would say I want to explore some of the questions because everything I do is from the work of looking at it from both sides. So a different perspective is how I always write about in my blogs and speak on in many of my vlogs also. But like, so Melissa brought up the point of being spontaneous and how that relates to it. What happens, can you be authentic and it be planned? And then talking about vulnerability, is it possible to not be vulnerable and still have a side of authenticity? I want to explore those questions deeper in the shadow work and the light work, both in myself and with those that I work with, and those articles and books and materials that I read and speakers I follow, just to learn more about it.

Wonderful. Thank you. Jim?

Well, one of my biggest values in life is human connection. And a sense of oneness that we are. And love is my essence. And I'm discovering real time that authenticity with myself opens the door to connection with others. And then the second thing that happened in this meeting, which is a delight, is, uh, is that connection allows you to stay open to delightful surprises. And every one of you has surprised me. Like, Every one of you, when I first would hear you speak, I could easily make up a thing based on a few words and then listen deeper. And every person surprised me with their beauty and depth and range of experiences. Just stunning. But I noticed that it all started with being authentic with myself. And I really cherish having had that experience. This has been beautiful and I'll take it with me all day long.

Starting with ourselves, that's very true. Ashok?

Okay, yeah, so for a while I'm sitting here wondering what I'm going to say, but two things that stood out for me. One thing that Melissa said about being real, and I think that's something that everyone has been doing in this conversation, which is something I definitely appreciate a lot. And the other thing is that the fact that we're all together having this conversation and being real in our own way makes it a kind of practice, like we're practicing something here together, and I think there should be more of that. That's it, basically. This is a great practice to keep working on and cultivating, where, you know, we sort of draw out each other's authenticity in a kind of magical, alchemical kind of way.

That's beautiful. Yeah, love this practice. Melissa?

Okay, well, I wanted to share one last nuance. So my boyfriend is a people pleaser, and he's very, very well liked by just about 110% of the people on this planet. And we used to kind of banter about who had the best EQ, you know, who was better with people. And one day I said to him, you know, if nobody knows who the real you is, then you're not better with people because you've completely compromised yourself for them. And I realized that one of the aspects of EQ and being able to be good with people is that you not only have to give them what they need, but you have to ask them for what you need. And you can't do either of them all the time, so you can't always need something from other people, but you always— I mean, you also can't always give to other people. And so it's kind of like this relationship that you cultivate in which you ask for your boundaries to be met at times, and then you allow other people, you know, you have a generosity that you want to make them comfortable and you want to make them feel safe. So in this case, I just wanted to say that it is very easy to be authentic for me, but it is a little bit more difficult to ask people to accept my authenticity. In other words, to put people in, like, you know, to sort of give them the chance to reject me and say to them, this is what I am, this is how I show up, could you accept it? And so sometimes I think we compromise a little bit too much. We are people pleasers not because we're inauthentic, but because it feels good to make other people happy. And I think you have to let other people also feel good for making you happy. You know, you have to let other people be generous and let other people go through that experience as well. It's kind of a reverse of everything that you do to other people, you should at some point ask them to do for you. Authenticity is both. It's being comfortable with yourself and letting other people feel comfortable with themselves, but then it's also sometimes giving people a chance to be put on the spot, which I think Misty did in this video. I mean, I think you put us on the spot and you said, "This is what I am. Can you accept it?" And all of us had to say, "Okay." And so we did. But I think that's important. You have to ask once in a while, can you accept me? And so I probably don't do that enough, but that's my last thoughts is I would like to try to do that more often.

Very nice. Well, thank you very much. I'd like to end by asking viewers and listeners to like this video and subscribe to our podcast, whether it's from an authentic standpoint or just to make us happy. I'll take both. And tell us in the comments, how do you yourself live an authentic life? So leave your answers in the comments, and thank you again everyone for showing up today in your unique and authentic way. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.