Marisa Peer teaches five verbal techniques to stop internalizing criticism. Use "Thank you for sharing that" for minor jabs, ask critics to repeat themselves to deflect, reframe their words as attempts to hurt you, explicitly refuse to accept the criticism, or note that critical people are usually hard on themselves. Practice makes the choice to not be affected by rejection real.
Chapters
It's very easy not to let rejection in. Sounds hard. It isn't. There's five things you do when someone attempts to reject you. If someone says something like, oh, I hate that outfit, or you had that on last week, why do you always wear the same stuff? Or never have cut your hair looks awful, you just go, thank you for sharing that. Because thank you for sharing that saying. That's your opinion. You're allowed to have it, but I'm allowed to not let it in. And for the everyday harsh little barbs you get from people, you just say, thank you for sharing that, because they know straight away that you're not letting it in. And that's it. Of course, there's a deeper rejection when you go to work and someone says, oh, my God, I saw you on stage. You were sucked. You were so wooden. It was an insult to wood. Why did you give that talk? You were terrible. And then you say, do you know, I didn't actually. I missed that. Would you say it again? And usually they won't say it again because they know that you're going to be on them. And they just go, oh, me and my big mouth. I've had a really bad day, just ignore me. So if they say something really mean like, God, that presentation you gave was terrible, or I don't know why you spoke up in that meeting, what you said was stupid. You just go, I didn't get that. Could you repeat it slowly? They very rarely will. So that's the second thing you can do if they do repeat it. Now, you go on to Technique three and they say, yeah, you should never have chaired that meeting and your pitch was so boring. You just go, oh, sounds like you're trying to make me feel really bad about myself. Amazingly, they'll go, no, no, not at all. I just wanted you to know that pitch was so boring so you could actually get better. Or I thought you should know, you really suck at presenting, so you maybe get some handy hints or never do it again. Weirdly, in their own way, they think they're being helpful. So when you say, please repeat it, and they do, and then you go, oh, you're trying to hurt my feelings, make me feel bad. They usually go, no, actually, no, not at all. Technique four is when they go, yeah, I want you to feel terrible. I don't like you, I hate you. I just. Yeah, I want you to see what a rubbish speaker you are. Then you just go, you know that's not going to work because I'm not going to let that in. You can think what you like and say what you like, but I'm not going to let that in. And here's technique five. And you go, but, you know, since we're sharing, did you know that critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves? When you keep criticizing me in this office or in this business or in this family, you're showing everyone here that you're really dissatisfied with yourself, and that's a shame. Don't be mean or harsh. You don't have to let it in. Those five techniques are so transforming, and they're easy. So thank you for sharing that. Would you mind saying that again? I missed it. Oh, are you trying to make me feel really bad about myself? Well, that's not going to work, so I'm not going to let it in. And since we're sharing, did you know that critical people always are most critical about themselves? That's all you need to know. Practice it. It's amazing. You don't have to be mean or snippy or even sarcastic when you go back and go, how dare you say I look fat. Or, well, you can talk. Your presentation was terrible, too. You've let it in. It can hurt you when you do those five things. It can't hurt you because you're not letting in. And that's a choice you can make every day. I write books. Some people write horrible reviews of my books. Most people write great ones. When I look at the horrible reviews, I think, wow, one unhappy person sitting at home writing all this mean stuff. I wouldn't want to be. Then I don't let it in. And I can't tell you how much it changes your life. When I'm doing radio shows, I go, well, can you give the audience one thing? I'm like, yeah, one thing to change your life. Don't let rejection in. You can choose. And when you choose, it changes everything. That's my advice to you for today.
