Marcia Wieder breaks doubt into two types: beliefs you hold about yourself and external obstacles like missing skills or resources. She walks through a system to separate your dream from your fears, list what the doubter says, and turn each doubt into something concrete you can actually fix.
But what about doubts? And I know you have, and I'm leading in with this question because I know you have a technique called a doubt removal system. When we set a big vision, when we set a big goal, naturally doubts start creeping in.
Yes. The number one way that we sabotage our dreams is we project our doubts and fears into the dream. We do it with three little words. But what if. But what if I go for this dream and it's a bad idea? But what if I move to a dream new city or country and no one comes to visit me? But what if I go all in and it tanks? If you're front loading your worst nightmares into your dream, then every time you move toward the dream, you're also moving toward your worst doubts and worst fears. So we need to separate out the dream. What is it you want? Put everything into the dream that you want and your doubts, fears and reality. And ultimately the question becomes, which one are you more committed to your dream or your doubt? Now, there's two reasons that people tend to be, you know, let me give you a metaphor. So if I'm in reality, I'm in Washington D.C. my dream is to live in California. The difference between where I am and where I want to go is a strategy or a roadmap. So I get in the car, I'm clear about where I'm going, I'm driving to California, I get a flat tire. If I'm more committed to my dream, I fix the flat and I keep going. But if I'm more committed to my reality, I basically use it as a sign from the universe that I should abort the mission. And two things will have you be more committed to your reality. One is if you don't have a dream. Most of us live our life. We're really good problem solvers. And although problem solving is a useful skill, it's not as exciting as being a visionary and imagining what you want and moving toward it. The second thing that will have you be more committed to your reality is if you've loaded your worst nightmares into your dream. But what if, and I can't. What if this happens? And then every time you're moving toward your dream, you're also moving toward your worst fears. So you have to separate those things out. And what I would say is this, that if you, if you have not dealt with your own doubt and you meet another doubter on the road, their doubt will magnify yours. But if you've dealt with your own doubt, and I'll give you a suggestion here in A second how to do that. If you've dealt with your own doubt and you meet another doubter on the road, find out. By contrast, it becomes the opportunity to deepen your commitment and your conviction to your dream. A true visionary stands up for what they believe in, even if they're the lone wolf voice. When you develop the ability to talk to anyone, anytime, any place, you've earned visionary status. Now, here's what I've learned. Your doubter voice will give. Let me back up a half a step. If we turn the doubter voice down, we get the voice of the realist. And as I said, the realist wants to know, what's the plan primarily, where are you going to get the time and where you're going to get the money. But before we turn that part down, we want to hear from the doubter. I believe that every part of us and everything in life serves a sacred function. And the function of your doubter is to give you your list of obstacles and every obstacle. Basic Clint comes in one or both of these flavors. Either it is an internal job, something you believe. You teach about this as well, something that you believe about yourself, your dream, the world. And then it's a limiting belief or it's an external obstacle, something that requires a strategy or plan or resources. And when people see that, wait a minute, the thing that's stopping me from pursuing my heart's desire, my big dream or vision, is something, some little belief that I don't even necessarily believe anymore. It's a game changer. So you could, you know, create a little sacred space, light a candle. If you want to decide you're going to take 10 minutes to hear from your doubter, let it give you a bullet. List of all the obstacles, all of its fears, all of its concerns, all of its issues, and don't talk it out of its point of view. If you ignore the doubter, it either gets so loud that that's all you'll hear, or it will get so soft that it will unconsciously sabotage your dreams. So get your list of obstacles and then stop. Look at every obstacle on there. Is it a B as a belief? Is it an S for strategy? Is it a bs, a belief and a strategy? And then sometimes under strategies, we need something called personal practices because we need to develop skills or change a behavior. But basically, when you really get to see that, wait a minute, I'm sabotaging my dream by imagining the worst. Number two, I'm going to hear from my doubter, get my list of obstacles, some of These are internal beliefs, so I need to work on my mindset or my heart set. Some of them are external strategies that I need to talk to people and get some help on. And also we need to take dreams and break them down into projects, because big dreams or long term dreams die when you just plop them on the to do list. And I'll add this as a closing piece on this topic. Nothing activates the voice of the doubter faster or more than saying you're going to do something and not doing it. You get a creative idea. The doubter says, well, let's just see how often this person actually does what they say they're going to do. Because many of us, we have an intention. We say we want one thing and we do another. Or even worse, we say we want something and we do nothing. So true visionaries have learned to live in alignment with intention and integrity, so that when they get a creative idea, all these different parts, the protector that protects the wounded child, the doubter voice, the dreamer, the visionary, the realist, everybody gets on board because you are trustworthy to yourself. And that's a really important big conversation, maybe for another talk.
Oh, well said, well said. It reminds me of something Harv Eker said in his book Secrets of a Millionaire Mind. He says we must take on the belief my word is law, which is the idea that if I say I'm going to do something to myself, you're only promising this to yourself. It is law, you will make it happen.
