How To Rewire Your Mind For Greater Happiness & Success | Dr. Srikumar Rao

All right, there are some foundational concepts in the work that I do, so let me share them with you. The first is something called mental chatter. And mental chatter is an internal monologue that we have going on in our heads all the time. It begins with you when you get up in the morning, is with you right through the day, is with you right now. When, out of courtesy, you should be listening to my chatter instead of your chatter. How many of you in the 15 or so minutes I've been speaking have already gone someplace else? You know, what are you going to do for lunch? You need to go to the bathroom? Yep. I rest my case. Mental chatter is like an unwelcome relative who's shown up at your house and you can't throw him out. So you lead your life in spite of your mental chatter. You suppress it, you ignore it, you work around it. Sometimes it's so loud that it prevents you from going to sleep. Anyone here have a problem going to sleep? Okay, what's your name? You. I am Catherine. What's that again? I'm Catherine. Okay, Catherine. I do have a solution for that. And this, by the way, has a hundred percent record of success. Not 80, not 90, but 100%. And if I forget to share that with you, you're going to remind me. And if you don't remind me, you're not going to sleep well for the rest of your life. So, okay, you're going to remind me. All right. Ignoring mental chatter is a big mistake. And the reason it's a big mistake is we create our reality with our mental chatter. Remember, Vishen talked earlier about, you know, reality doesn't exist. He's correct. We think we live in the real world. We don't. We live in a real world. And we create it with our mental chatter and our mental models. Which is the next concept I want to share with you. A mental model is a notion we have that this is the way the world works. And we have dozens of mental models. We've got a model for everything. We've got a model for how do I start a business? How do I find a good employee to hire for my business? How do I find a person to marry? How do I find a movie to go to? We've got dozens of models, maybe hundreds of models. These models may or may not conflict with each other. And we may or may not be aware of the conflict. The problem is not that we have mental models. The problem is that we are not aware that we have mental models. We think this is the way the World is, but this is not the way the world is. This is our model of this is the way the world is. And the more we believe in our model of this is the way the world is, the more evidence we seem to get that this, in fact, is the way the world is. And very soon, we build a silo around ourselves that's so thick it's almost impossible to break out of. Okay, now all of this seems kind of abstract, so let me see if I can bring it home with a situation. And what I like to do is I'm going to describe a situation. I don't want you to listen to me. I want you to actually put yourself in that situation. All right? So can I pick on you? Yeah. What's your name? Vasila. Vasila with a w. Okay, Vasila. Okay, so here's the deal, Wasila. You're going to an important meeting and you're running late. Got that? You're driving, okay? You are stuck in a traffic jam. Not a regular run of the mill traffic jam, but the mother of all traffic jams. You got that? Going to an important meeting. You're driving. You're running late. You're stuck in a massive traffic jam. And in addition, it's one of those really hot days and the thermometer is well over 100 degrees and the air conditioning in your car has broken down. Go. You got all of that, Vasila? Everybody, you're in that situation, okay? Now, a car cuts in in front of you and almost causes an accident. And then it cuts in in front of another car, in front of you, almost causes another accident. What are your feelings towards the driver of that car, Vasila? How do you feel? I'm angry. Yeah. It would be fair to say that loving kindness is not it. Correct. You know, road rage was invented in California, but, you know, traveled the world pretty well. Now, Vasila, I'm gonna share some information with you. The driver of this car that cut you off so rudely and almost caused an accident, he's received some terrible news. His son was involved in a, you know, serious accident, and he's desperately trying to get to the hospital. And he has no knowledge of whether or not he's ever gonna see his son alive again. So what happens to your anger when I share that information with you? Does it palpably dissipate? Yes. At least it diminished. It diminished. All right, fair enough. All of you feel that your rage kind of leaves you to be replaced with compassion for a fellow human being in an unfortunate Predicament. Now, Vasila, you don't really know whether the guy who cut you off was an inconsiderate jerk or a distraught father, right? That's true. Okay, so here's what you're going to do. You're gonna go hire a private investigator to look into the matter. And if the private investigator reports back to you that the guy was an inconsiderate jerk, you'll be really pissed off. But if the private investigator reports to you that the guy was a distraught father, you'll feel great compassion. But until you know for sure, you're gonna remain neutral. Is that what you're gonna do, Vasila? I'm gonna try. She's not going to do that. Right, Vasila? Vasila? I'm neutral. I'm neutral. Do you agree that none of the good people in this room is likely to hire a private investigator to look into the matter or report back? Right. Yeah. Right. So if none of the good people in this room is going to hire a private investigator to look into it and report back, none of the good people in this room is going to know whether the guy who cut you off was an inconsiderate jerk or a distraught father. Correct. The more important point is if it really doesn't matter, you had the choice of determining which is the emotional domain you are going to occupy. And in all likelihood, until I explicitly pointed it out to you right now, you did not recognize that, one, you had a choice, and two, you exercise that choice. But I'm inviting you to think about it right now. Do you agree that you had a choice and you exercised the choice you did? Right. And the reason this is important is that you face such a juncture in your life dozens of times every day. Let me repeat that. You face such a juncture in your life dozens of times every day. And in the vast majority of those instances, you choose to occupy a domain that leaves you depressed, angry, frustrated, rejected. And you never recognize that this is something that you chose. And the reason that you do that is because of the mental chatter that you entertain and the mental models that you hold. So when Vishen earlier talked about bending reality, that's where it all starts. With an examination of what are the models that you hold which are not serving you well. This is such an important concept. I want you to take something back with you every time you are in a situation that you find unpleasant. And. And it persists. Not some of the time, not most of the time. Every time you are in a situation that you find Unpleasant, and it persists. You are using one or more mental models that are not serving you well. And the moment you make a change in that mental model, poof, that situation will dissolve and disappear just like that. Okay. All right. There is another important core concept that I'd like to share with you, and that's the concept of the me centered universe. Do all of you folks remember Galileo? Galileo got into a spot of trouble a few centuries ago. Can anyone tell me why he got into a spot of trouble? Yes, sir. Yes, ma'. Am. Yep. Correct. Yes. So Galileo got into a spot of trouble because he postulated that perhaps the sun does not revolve around the Earth. Perhaps the Earth revolves around the sun. Right? Well, all of you folks are convinced that Galileo got it wrong. The Earth does not revolve around the sun. It revolves around you personally. And every single one of you is utterly convinced of this. And I am not entirely joking. I. I want you to consider this and think about it seriously. Is it or is it not true that no matter what happens, you very quickly bring it down to what's the impact on me? No matter what happens, it doesn't take very long for you to bring the conversation in your head around to what's the impact on me? Your spouse gets a great job offer, you think, gee, how is this going to affect our relationship? Your boss leaves the company, you think, gee, you know, who's the new person going to be and what's my relationship going to be with that person? Or possibly, am I going to get promoted? Or is it that turkey down the hall? Your daughter drops out of high school to begin an in depth exploration of controlled substances. I said, gee, what are they going to think about my parenting? No matter what happens, we very quickly bring the conversation out to what's the impact on me? Correct. That's what I call living in a me centered universe. Now, here's something you should know about a me centered universe. If that is where you spend the vast majority of your time, if that is where you predominantly live, you are going to live, by and large, a mediocre, frustrated existence punctuated the flashes of pleasure. That's just the way it is. You live in a me centered universe, you're going to live a mediocre existence. The only way out of that, the only way out of that, into the higher level that Vishen talked about earlier is if you can find a cause which is bigger than you are, a cause which brings a greater good to a greater community. And you have tremendous flexibility in defining both the greater good and the greater community. But unless you can find something that is important to you, to which you can subsume, if not your whole life, at least a big chunk of it, and which does something to benefit a larger group, you're going to live a mediocre existence. The bad news is that we are so enculturated into looking out for number one and grabbing what we can for ourselves that it's very difficult to break out of that. The good news is that even a very modest stride you make will have a tremendous impact on your life.