How To Use Your Desires As Universe's GPS | Emily Fletcher

This moment right here, walking up on stage, knowing there's going to be a dance party. And this the tsunami of love that happens when you stand on this stage. This is why I keep coming back to a fest. There is nothing like it. And I am so incredibly grateful. Thank you for being here with me, thank you for being present and thank you for inviting me to come and play with you. Didn't anticipate being out of breath. Oh, yeah. How amazing was Don Jose Ruiz, right? The Four Agreements is one of my favorite books. And I was so glad he talked about the fifth agreement. And it works out perfectly because what I want to talk about today is actually the sixth agreement. Just kidding. I'm not going to talk about that. I'm going to talk about how to use your desires as nature's gps, basically like an instruction manual. Don't we all secretly wish that we had been born with an instruction manual? Like a little set of directions of how to live our lives? And I actually think that we were. I think that we were given one of these things, but most of us don't really know how to listen to it. And that's what I want to talk about. So the theme this weekend is live your quest. And we're going to be hearing this word a lot this weekend. So I actually looked it up to see exactly what it means. And it means a journey made in search of something. Simple, right? A journey made in search of something. And I think what most of us are really searching for is our quest. I think what most of us are really searching for is our mission is our passion. And I think one of the things we can do to set ourselves up for success is let go of this idea that we have one quest, that we have one magical mission out there waiting for us to discover it. I think that's bs Just like I don't believe that we have one magical soulmate out there waiting for us to discover them. My husband loves it when I talk about that. But I actually think that this idea that we have one mission or one quest is debilitating. And as Seth Godin says, it's actually a form of resistance and it can keep us from ever starting. I don't think there's one mission. What I think there are challenges to solve and which challenge we solve and how, that's up to us. And this is what I want to do in our time together. I want to give you a framework for a way to discover your quest or a quest, and then perhaps more importantly, how to start using your desires. As nature's GPS on that quest. So actually, it's a simple framework. It's four questions you can ask yourself. And it's actually not that original. Part of it is not that original. If you do a quick Google search, you'll see that there's all kinds of Venn diagrams of this. Asking ourselves these four questions. And here they are. The first is, what's the most pressing need of the time? The second, you guys are writing this down. I like it. You're good students. So first question we want to ask, what's the most pressing need of the time? Second question, how do my gifts best serve the need of the time? And then it gets fun. Third question, which of these gifts do I want to do? We'll talk a lot about this. And then the fourth question is, which of these gifts do I want to do right now in this moment? So, like I said, these questions aren't that original. If you've ever read Good to Great or if you have ever done any business coaching, you've probably seen some version of this. But what we're going to do today is we're going to look at this through a meditative lens. We're going to look at this through the Vedic viewpoint. And perhaps most importantly, we took these four circles and we put them in the shape of my Ziva logo, because that's just good branding. So let's start with question number one. What's the most pressing need of the time? What's the most pressing need of the time? What challenges do you want to solve? How do you want to be of service? What I recommend to figure this out is that you watch the news one time, read the newspaper once or twice. Please do not get stuck in what I call spiritual bottlenecking. You know what I'm talking about? We're just like, ugh, there's so many terrible things going on, and we're just ingesting so much news and so much media, and we're just looking at all these catastrophes and stressing ourselves out. It's not doing any good. You getting stressed out about things that are happening in the world isn't helping anything. It's only contaminating the collective consciousness. Unless you're going to do something about it. So if you're not going to do anything about it, I recommend that you just drive on by. Now, I do recommend that you want to do something about it, but we can't solve every problem, and that's what we're here to solve today. Do you know that the Average American in this day and age receives more stimuli in one week than our ancient ancestors did in their entire lives. So we want to be careful about how much media we're ingesting and certainly what kind of media we're ingesting. It's also exhausting. Right? So I want to just give you permission to absolve yourself of the responsibility of needing to have an opinion or a position about every TV show and every event and every political leader on the planet Earth, because, you know, it's exhausting. Oh, here's an interesting fact. Did you know that there were people who watched more than six hours of news coverage on the Boston Marathon bombing, and they experienced symptoms of PTSD that were worse than the people who were actually present for the bombing? Crazy, right? That six hours of media consumption could actually give you ptsd. So let's just take care about how much of this stuff we're consuming. But what I'm suggesting is that to figure out the need of the time, read the paper once, watch the news once, what's going on, right? And then we want to ask ourselves, well, actually just take a second, write it down. Write down top three. What do you consider to be the most pressing needs of the time? Or you can just think about it if you don't have a notebook. And it could be big to small. Climate change, ocean acidification. I need to start a compost in my neighborhood. Homeless people that don't have coats, animals that need adoption. Doesn't matter how big or small. But what's pressing to you. And then I'd love to hear some who feels like sharing just one or two. The election. That's pressing. And it's coming soon. Good. What else? Humanity's awakening. Ah, good. Yes. Uh huh. Inequity, racial, financial. All human beings being equal. Okay, beautiful. The refugee crisis. Refugee crisis is huge, huh? Food system failure. Now we're all feeling really depressed, just like my talking grease. Okay? So let's move on to how we can start to solve these things. Okay, so, so question number two that we want to ask ourselves is, how do my gifts best serve the need of the time? What are my unique gifts? And because I know you guys, if you're sitting in this room, I know that you have a lot of unique gifts. And if you're watching this online, you've probably done a lot of work on yourself. So you probably have a lot of things that you could offer the planet Earth. And this is where it gets tricky, right? Because we want to ask ourselves, which of my gifts will best serve the need of the time. For example, I happen to be a really good tap dancer, like legit. Check it out. And I could get up here and tap dance for 20 minutes and it might be mildly entertaining, but let's be serious, it's probably not going to change your life. I also happen to have a gift for teaching meditation. And turns out the world is real stressed right now. Scientists are calling stress the black plague of our century. And I don't think that's an over exaggeration. Stress is responsible for 90% of all doctors visits. So I'm choosing to spend my time and attention on teaching meditation. So take a minute and I want you to think about what are your unique gifts? What if your unique gifts would best serve the need of the time? You can think about it, write it down, whatever feels charming. Mm. Because I know you guys. Let's get weird. Oh, I know there's some freak flags that want to fly in here. So tell me, what are your unique gifts? I want to hear them. Empathy. Beautiful. Compassion. Good. Making fitness fun. I love that. What else? Providing medical care. Uh huh. Positivity. Positivity, good. I love this. We're going to have a lot of really, really happy people helping to solve climate change. We've got a billion dollar business on our hands, you guys. Okay, so these first two questions are really important, but these are the ones you've probably already heard before. And now is where it gets a little fun. Right now we want to ask ourselves, which of these gifts do I want to use? Think about this question. What do I want to do? So simple, so simple. What do I want to do? But how many of us are asking ourselves that question? When was the last time you asked yourself, what do I want to do? Most of us are asking ourselves the question, what should I do? What's going to make me the most money? What's going to be the best outcome? What's going to make my parents proud? What's going to make my college roommates think that I'm more successful than them? Tony Robbins says that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So if you ask better questions, you're going to have better answers. And I think that what do I want to do? Is a decidedly better question than what should I do? And this is where things get tricky, right? We don't ask ourselves this question because most of us don't trust our desires. And this is really what I want to talk about. How do we trust our desires? How do we tell the difference between an intuitive desire and an addictive longing, right? Because we've all had those desires that have gotten us into trouble. And so the trick is that most of us are living our lives in this state of I'll be happy when. Right? We're living our lives pretty stressed out, in survival mode. And so it's really easy to live our lives under the illusion that I'll be happy when I get that next job or that next zero in my bank account or that next romantic partner or that next car or that next pair of shoes or the more Facebook followers or another acquisition or another employee. And it doesn't really matter what you're addicted to. I would call an addiction anytime you think that your happiness can be found somewhere out here, right? And this is where meditation comes into play. You guys didn't think I was going to give a whole talk and not talk about meditation, right? So how does meditation play into this? So if we're living our lives in addiction, let's say you're a heroin addict, right? Or let's just say you're talking to a heroin addict, and you ask them what they want. What they're going to say is, I would like some more heroin, please. Right? You ask a workaholic what they want, they're like, I need some more work to feel better. And where meditation comes into play is that it's the fastest way to feel better. That I know. It's the fastest way to get you out of fight or flight and into stay and play. And when you're in this stay and play, you're actually tapping into the source of fulfillment. When we're living our lives in addiction and fight and flight, basically what's happening is that we get into survival mode. And when we're in survival mode, our reptilian brain is taking over. And this is where our addictions come from. And this reptilian part of the brain is 300 million years old, so it doesn't understand language. This is why you can't reason your way out of eating that chocolate bar. It's why you can't reason your way out of sleeping with that person that you really want to sleep with. If you're living your life in survival mode, fight or flight, and you have an addictive longing, chances are it's probably going to happen unless you're using severe amounts of control and determination. And I just think that it doesn't have to be that hard, Right? So what do we do when we meditate? We dial in to the source of fulfillment. And I think that when we meditate, it's the fastest way to tell the difference between these addictive longings and our intuitive desires. Why? How? When you meditate within 30 to 45 seconds of starting, your brain and body flood with dopamine and serotonin, which are bliss chemicals. So you're actually plugging into the source. Source of fulfillment. So if you're filling yourself up every day, twice a day, from the source of fulfillment, then you come out of this meditation and you still have a desire. But the desire is not there out of addiction. The desire is now there to cue you as to where nature wants to use you to deliver your fulfillment. Right? So before meditation, most of us think, I'll be happy once I acquire my desires. This is what the I'll be happy when syndrome is. It's the mistaken belief that I can somehow acquire my way to fulfillment. Once we have a meditation practice we're filling into the source of fulfillment, then we use our desires as an indicator, as a guidance map of where we need to go to take our fulfillment on a field trip. So here's a real life example of this. So I'm walking down ninth Avenue in New York City, and I get a download for chocolate. Now, I'm very familiar with what a chocolate addiction looks like. This was something different. It was like, chocolate. Now. So I'm looking around and I'm like, huh, where am I going to get chocolate? And then finally I see a bakery. And I walk into this bakery and I'm looking at the menu and I'm like, huh? I don't eat gluten, so there's nothing really for me here. But it smells delicious. Smells like chocolate. And out of nowhere, I hear someone say, emily Fletcher. And I turn around, it's my friend Pam. Now, Pam and I had done a show a few years ago, and Pam was a massage therapist. She was like, emily, so great to see you. Listen, I just finished my yoga certification, and I'm really trying to figure out a way to combine my massage with my yoga. And I said, you want to do Ayurveda? And so I put her in touch with my Ayurvedic doctor, and now she's practicing Ayurveda. Now, I left that bakery, and I never got any chocolate right. I failed on my mission. I didn't get my desire because that desire had nothing to do with me filling myself up. It had everything to do with nature cueing me with where it needed to use me to go and deliver my fulfillment. So does this make Sense. If you are tapping into the source of fulfillment, you can actually start to use your desires as a guidance on your quest instead of a distraction from your quest. Does that make sense? Cool. The other beautiful thing about meditation is that it basically allows you to be fulfillment looking for need instead of need looking for fulfillment. It's just a more beautiful way to live your life. And imagine how amazing life would look not just at aphas, but your whole life. You really spent your days looking at, what can I give to the situation versus what can I get. It really is a much more beautiful way to live your life. And a lot of people, I think, are scared to start a meditation practice because they think, well, once I have a meditation practice, I'm just going to wallow around in my bliss and fulfillment all day, be like, I've got everything I need right here. Why would I ever go outside, right? But like I said, I don't think the desires go away. It's just that we allow our desires to happen easily and effortlessly instead of having a death grip on them. Because if you have a death grip on your desires because you believe that you're going to be happy after you attain those desires, then it's very hard for nature to put the thing in your head, right? And so once we start meditating, we get a form of detachment, right? Meaning, like, I have everything I need, and if you want to play, great. If not, all good. And call me crazy, but I don't think that neediness is sexy. I think that detachment is sexy, right? Imagine going on a date with someone and being like, hey, I think you're really cute. Do you maybe want to ask me out on a second date? Because I'm 37 and my eggs are driving up and I'm afraid I might dial in with cats eating my face. Like, you're not gonna get a second date from that person. Or imagine going on a job interview and being like, hey, listen, I really need this job. Can you maybe hire me? Because if you don't hire me, I don't know how I'm gonna make rent this month. And then I'll be sleeping on a park bench and I'm afraid of dying alone with cats eating my face, right? Like, you're not getting a second job interview if you're approaching everything with neediness and attachment and this belief that your happiness is going to come on the other side of the acquisition of your desires, because they don't. And we've done that research, you guys. So step number four, let's take it out big picture again. Step number four is, what do I want to do right now? And this is really important. The present moment. What do I want to do right now? And it's really important that we start to train ourselves to listen to this still small voice inside, because it's always changing. Our directives are always changing from our boss, right? And I recommend that we start listening to this. Not what did I want to do 10 years ago, not what did I want to major in in college, not what do I think is going to look good on my gravestone, but what do I want to do right now? This, I believe, is the fastest way to get into flow state. And it's just a more beautiful way to live your life. And when you really start to do this, when you start to turn up the volume on your intuitive voice and you start to turn down the volume on your addictive longings, then we move into this space where nature actually renders us choiceless. Can you imagine being faced with a decision and then just being rendered choiceless? I know it might sound a little scary because we think we like choice, but you guys, who needs a thousand pairs of genes to decide between? Who needs 100 million different YouTube channels to decide between? It's exhausting. So I actually believe that once this intuitive volume gets so loud and we start to be rendered choiceless, as we move through our day, we. We have so much energy back, and that is power. Good. So let's review these four steps again. Step one. We ask ourselves, what's the most pressing need of the time? Step two, how do my unique gifts best serve the need of the time? Step three, which of those do I want to do? What do I want to do? It's so simple, yet none of us are doing it. What do I want to do right now? Right now. And if you can do this, if you can start to ask yourself these questions and really commit to your meditation practice so that you're operating from a place of fulfillment instead of need, then it's virtually impossible to not be lit up about your quest, to not be enthusiastic about your mission. And when you are enthusiastic about your quest and your mission, you're either going to inspire people to join you on that mission, or you're going to inspire others to find their own quest. And either way, we end up with a planet with a lot of people who are interested in leaving this planet better than they found it. And that is a planet that I'm very interested in living in. So you are all invited to join me on my quest of getting the world meditating. So let's do it, shall we? Let's get the world meditating. And thank you guys so much.