The 6 Ways We Push Away Love | Daniel Packard

The six are basically, you've got judgment of others. When we get scared, we tend to attack people. Makes us feel strong. We get to protect ourselves. Validation, which is when you want the outside world to love you. We've got controlling things, we've got being guarded, we've got overthinking and we've got protecting. These are your six basic ways that human beings protect ourselves from rejection. The problem is that each time you do one of these, you start a little loop. Basically, I'll just show you really quickly. Well, let's just imagine you're right here and you think you're not enough to be loved. And then something comes along and scares you. And you pick one of these six ways. Either avoid, try to be liked, protect yourselves. What happens is it pushes the love away. And then when the love is gone, you ask yourself, hey, where'd the love go? And then you tell yourself, oh, it's because I'm not good enough. And then you do it again and you make these choices and you basically, you start making choices that push the love away and reinforce the fact that you're not enough. And it just creates this never ending loop of self loathing, which I call the figure hate. It just loops and it loops and it's running in the background of you all day, every day. And so no matter how many times you tell yourself you're great, this figure hate will keep the not enough concept alive in you. Now this sounds like a really good strength.

Just before you go on, before you go on, I want to make sure our audience is really getting this right. So you mentioned the six things that we do. The first one is judgment.

I have. Well, here.

Yeah, let's go through that for a second.

All right.

Yeah, hold it up to the camera. That might be useful. Okay, so it's avoid, attack, validate, control, guarded, stalling. So it's the choices. And then I see. And then on the. So on one side you see the choices. On the other side you see the strategies. Are the strategies what we are using to remove these choices.

Exactly.

Okay.

Yep.

Great, Great. Or are the strategies what we are using to negatively apply these choices?

Exactly.

So are these bad strategies or good strategies?

They're neither good. I mean, they're pushing love away.

Got it.

Okay, so what I call these, I call these. These hurt your love life. So I call these the hurdy choices.

I see.

The hurdy choices. Yep. And anytime you do them, for instance, when you control or you guard or you stall or avoid, anytime you do them, they push love away. And they reinforce that not enough even exists. So there's a double karmic cost that you pay.

So Daniel, for those of you, some people who are listening to this are listening while they are driving. So they don't have the video turned on. Could you explain the diagram verbally and the list of items and strategies?

Yep. So the six are.

And you can hold it up. You can hold it up. So those of us who do have video can also follow you.

So at the top is avoiding. And avoiding is just what you think. You don't even go near the thing. You're just too afraid. You're just sitting. You see someone that's attractive, don't even go near them, Just won't even bother. Attacking is basically, you feel threatened and so you go after the thing. You feel hurt and so you attack the thing to make them wrong, to get the thing away from you. For instance, somebody didn't call you when you wanted to be called. Well, now they're an a hole, they're a bitch, they're a. This, it's calling people names, but really you're just really scared underneath. They've triggered your not enoughness. Also, we judge ourselves. Why did they not call you? I'm fat, I'm stupid, I'm an idiot, I'm bad, I'm wrong. So we either attack others or we attack ourselves.

Okay, is that number three or number two attacking?

That's number two.

Okay.

Number three is validation. And this is where we feel not enough to be loved. And so we go to the outside world to tell us that we're loved. This is people liking us, telling us, good job, making lots of money, being pretty. Anytime you're getting the outside world to affirm you and make you feel more valuable, that's validation. The fourth one is control, which is I'm afraid. I don't want to just jump into life and go after things. I'm too scared. So I'm going to control things. I want to know what's going to happen, what's the outcome, where's it going to go? So human beings by nature, when we're afraid, we go into control mode. Number five is when we're guarded. You're just afraid to get your heart hurt. So you're protected. You have your walls up, you're guarded. You feel that if you connect with someone, they can now hurt you. So you just don't allow that connection to happen and you're guarded. And then the final one is overthinking. And I know anyone listening to this knows what I'm talking about. You're too afraid to act and you don't want to admit you're afraid. And so you create some elaborate scenario that you have to think about. And we think, and we think, and we think. And I will tell anyone listening that all thinking is overthinking. Because when it comes to the heart, there's nothing to know. Your heart knows everything. Love is simple. Be open and honest. And pray. If you're thinking about it, you're afraid.

I see. I see. And as you're saying this, I'm recognizing several situations in my life when I've applied one of those tactics.