Marisa Peer says the words you use shape what your mind does. Saying "I can't" or "I hope" programs failure, while "I will" or "I have a phenomenal memory" tells your mind to make it real. Reframe negative self-talk to positive, expect good things, and link pleasure to your goals.
Chapters
I don't like wish. Wishing says to your mind, you haven't got a prayer, but you might as well wish, because wishing just says, you're not going to do that. Oh, I wish. No one says, I wish I could get up in the morning and clean my teeth. I wish I could pick up that pencil and write a note. You don't say wish. You go, I'm doing it. So when you say to the mind I wish I could, it says, yeah, me too. Get over it. When you say to the mind, I hope. I hope I get this right, it goes, yeah, well, keep hoping, because you're not going to do that. When you go, if only, your mind goes, well, you never managed it before, so keep on with the if only, why don't you? But when you do it differently and go, I will memorize this. It's going in. I have a phenomenal memory. My memory is all. I read things and they empower me and they stick, and I remember everything. It has a totally different effect. Every thought you think and every word you say forms a blueprint. And your mind must work to make that blueprint real. So when you say, I can't remember anything, I'd lose the eyes in the back of my head if they weren't fixed in there because I just can't remember anything. Your mind goes, that's a blueprint. Let me take you to it. If your boss says to you, can you do this? You go, oh, my God, I'm gonna have to race through it, and I'm gonna have to rush it. I haven't got enough time to prepare. I know I'm gonna get it wrong. I'm gonna go on stage, open my mouth, and go, well, when you say that, it tends to be realized in powerful language. You can never say, you're going to fall. You're going to mess that up. You're going to ruin everything. That's just not going to work out. You have to say the opposite. Okay, I've only got 10 minutes to prepare my speech. I only need 10 minutes. I've only got 10 minutes to get there. That's exactly how much time I need. And if I'm late, I wasn't supposed to be there on time. In fact, I was recently going in a cab across town to get a train to work with a football team, and we got stuck in traffic, and so I was playing a game. I thought, oh, my God, I'm going to miss the train. This is terrible. I'm going to ruin my reputation. The team are going to be so upset. And I felt really sick. And then I started to say, the trains run every 20 minutes. It doesn't matter. What's 20 minutes? My material's so great. They have lots of time after. Well, they finish practicing at 3 o' clock and it was fine. So all the way there, I was playing a game and I actually got the train on time. But they really wouldn't have minded. But I could have ruined my day, made myself panicky and sweaty by going, oh, my God, I haven't got enough time. And now it's all ruined. And it's never ruined. You can come back from anything because the mind believes what you tell it. You see, you have a choice. Every day you get to choose how to speak to yourself. But you know what? You don't get to choose what you do to your body. When you say, I'm an idiot. I knew I'd mess that up. I knew that relationship wouldn't work. I've been waiting for it to go wrong. In fact, the day we got married, I stuck stickers on all my stuff so that when we got divorced, there'd be no confusion. They plan it. And you don't want to plan it, you want to ban it. You can choose to be negative or positive. That's your choice. But you cannot choose what you do to yourself when you use negative language. So the first rule of the mind, what you expect is realized. So here's my advice to you. Expect amazing things. Then if what is expected tends to be realized, expect the best. Expect love and success and an amazing life. Because you know what? It will probably be realized really fast if you expect it. When I make clients, I love the words. Where did you get those words? I'm like, well, I find the most negative ones and I flip them over. I'm useless. I'm spectacular. I'm terrified. I'm delighted. And by the way, fear and excitement are exactly the same. You can be on a fun fair screaming your head off and going, oh, look at that wheel. Are they scared or excited? I don't know. Do you? Because it's the same. When you're excited, you scream. And when you're scared, you scream. So whatever you're doing, say, I'm excited and you'll feel excited. Or go, I'm terrified and you'll feel terrified. Here's your mind's job. It's got a very clear job. I'm your mind and I'm going to do what I think you want. Who's ever done this? What I would Give for a week off lying in bed, Your mind goes, leave that with me. Now you got the flu. How cool am I? I listen to you. You wanted a week off lying around watching Netflix, now you got it. That's not what you wanted. You need to say, I, I need some time. And I'm like a battery. I need to recharge. And I'm okay at working full out all week because at weekends I recharge like a battery. Now your mind understands. But saying, I'd give anything not to have to chair that meeting. Mind goes, how about a nice dose of diarrhea? I can bring that up for you. You don't want to chair that meeting. You said, I'd do anything not to go, I'd rather kill myself than give that presentation to my boss. And I goes, don't kill yourself. I just give you a really upset stomach. Now you can't even leave the bathroom. There's no chance you're meeting your boss. Done what you wanted? I know I'm making it funny, but it is funny that so many people don't understand. Your mind's job is to do what it thinks you want. And it bases that on one thing, the words you use. Why don't you do your job and talk to your mind better? And here's some great news. You can change those words and change those pictures like that. And when you do that, it changes everything. I've got to work on my website all weekend and all my friends are in the bar so I can link paint. It's not fair. It's not fair that I've got to spend all weekend writing when I could be in the pub. Now your mind's going to go, I think you should tidy up your sock drawer, make sure all your forks face the right way, then plump up the cushions and then go to the pub. Because it's very clear you do not want to work on your website. But oh, boy, getting those forks and knives in line is really compelling. Who's done that? Most of us do that. I suddenly need to do the laundry, which I don't even like. I'm tidying up my house because I'm saying I don't want to write that bit of work. How about saying it thrills me to work on my website? I'm elated. Working on my website. There is nowhere I'd rather be in the whole world right now than sitting in my office working on my website. Your mind goes, I'm going to set you on fire now. You're going to be doing this till two in the morning. You told me you love it and it thrills you. Let me fill you up with energy and passion. I'm a writer, I know how this works. I never go, oh my God, I got to write a book, it's so lonely, it's so isolating and what if no one liked it? What if it goes on Amazon? They go I hate that book and it gets no stars. Or I can go, I love writing, how cool is it? I get to write and people pay for my books and they like them and they give me great reviews because there's the choice going on again. So whatever you want, you must link massive pleasure to what you want because what you want wants you and what you are moving towards is moving towards you. Don't move towards fear, don't move towards failure, don't move towards it going wrong, move towards it going right. Sam.
