Vishen Lakhiani explains how to become unfuckwithable: a state where you stop needing external validation and aren't rattled by praise or criticism. He traces insecurity to social conditioning and outlines three practices: forgive your past, train yourself to feel enough about your future and self, and stay present.
Chapters
I'm going to be talking about how to be unfuckwithable. All of us, as we grow up, we, through the conditioning of our parents, of our society, of media, we develop these holes within our being. And unfuckwithable is really about going from these holes to being whole. So unfucked with ability is basically extraordinary. Minds do not need to seek validation from outside opinions or through the attainment of goals. And instead they are truly at peace with themselves and the world around them. They live fearlessly, immune to criticism or praise, and fueled by their own inner happiness and self love. Now the reason we need to be unfuckwithable is because without this ability, we don't have the skills, the invincibility, the power to go out there and truly pursue life transforming goals. If we care what other people think of us, good or bad, we limit our abilities. We fear. For example, I did not write my book for many years because I feared what people would think. What if the book sucks? Oh my God, if the book sucks, would people really like continue buying mindvalley products? I did not get on stage for many, many, many years because I thought, well, you know, what if nobody claps? I remember in college I never asked a girl I liked out for many, many, many years because I was afraid of rejection. Heck, it took me two years to ask my wife out because I was afraid of rejection. And so all of us go through this. This is what causes us to want to dress up in a certain way to get that six back. Because apparently it means something to buy certain cars or things or vehicles just so we can compensate for whatever we might find lacking. But the problem with this type of attitude is that the fear limits us. It limits us from really doing epic things. Because to do something big, you got to be prepared for rejection, you got to be prepared for failure. And the bravest people in the world are able to do the incredible things they do because these things do not represent them. The attainment of the goal, the accomplishment, the object, the man or the woman are just nice, perhaps, but they say nothing about who you are. But what I found over the years is that there are three ways to get to the state of unfuckwithable. To get to the state where you know when someone compliments you, you're good with that, but you don't need that compliment. If you give a speech and nobody gives you a standing ovation, you're cool with that. You know, it's not you, it's maybe the speech or it's something you said. Or maybe it's the method that you use and you're like, okay, great, I can hack that method. I can improve this way. I can rethink how I give a speech. But it's not you. Too many people make it about themselves, and this is what causes the limitation in how they grow. Forgiveness is about facing your past. It's about looking at the shit that happened to you in the past and being able to heal that so that you can move on now you're unattached to your past. It's about writing a new future for yourself where you are enough so you can go out there and not give a damn about criticism or judgment or how people think about you. Now, this means that you can do what needs to be done to fulfill your mission in life without fearing other people's opinion. You can accept praise. That's good. But you don't need the praise. You can look at criticism and just see it as a simple way to improve without seeing that criticism as a wound into your own soul. So you have the past, you have the future. And if you apply these in your life, people, everything changes. These models have helped me make the last year among the most successful years of my life. But notice how simple they are. You do not have to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars learning them. In fact, the illusion is their simplicity. It is simple to forgive. It doesn't happen overnight. But with practice, as I've shared in my stories, you can forgive even the most vile crimes that have happened to you. And it's directly within yourself you forg. Do people think you need to get the other person to forgive you? No. It's within your own power to forgive. It is a choice you can make. You can feel enough. No one can do that to you. But you can hack your brain through the right techniques to train your brain to make you be enough. All of us are born as kids feeling enough. Society is what pokes the holes into us. But you can reverse that with the right technique, and it can happen incredibly fast. And the third one is simply be present. You can do that. You can do it right now. You can do it over lunch. You can do it on the cruise today. It is that easy. And when you do this, welcome to Unfuck Withability.
