What Your Body Language is Really Saying About Your Relationship | Linda Clemons

Between your ears right now is a Super Neo computer that weighs under 5 ounces, maybe 3.4 ounces. It's that thing called the brain. The neural science that we have behind this, it can lay all the way to the moon for every little fiber that's in your body. That Super Neo computer is so powerful that once it's disconnected, you can no longer survive because it sends signals to every part of the body. This part of the brain, can I touch you there? And there are some of you who are kinesthetic and you move based on emotions. And if things don't feel right for you, you have to go into your intuition. You have to be aware of what's going on on the non conscious subconscious and sometimes the conscious level, your heart. And you won't make a move and your heart gets broken. And there's brain tissue in the heart as well. Can I touch you there? So I gotta tell you a couple things before I get started. I travel around the world as a sales and body language expert. And it's fun because I had a chance to share the stage with presidents, Secretary of State, politicians. And as long as there are politicians around, I'll probably be working forever. And just wonderful people, just like you. And what's so interesting is that even though I work for lawyers and they bring me in to help them with jury selection and CEOs and C suite, my girlfriends and my guy friends call me all the time to take me out to dinner. See, I have not purchased groceries in over 15 years. Maybe I don't look at someone said, lucky you. Well, the reason why is this because a lot of my girlfriends and my guy friends, when they have someone new in their life, they invite me out to dinner as their human lie detector. So I gotta tell you a quick story. So one of my girlfriends, she called me up and it's been a while. And a conversation goes something like, it's Linda. I just thought, just for some reason you were on my mind and I was just thinking about you. You were in my spirit. And the first thing I said, who is he? Who is he right now? And I said, now you know the deal, you know the drill, you know the kind of places I like to eat. I love to eat at Shushu Pupu restaurants. I want the best in everything. So if we're going to go, this is the third time that you've done this. I hope this man is the one. So I go to my favorite Shushu pupu restaurant, sitting near the bay window. As a matter of fact, I Think there was a Picasso painting that was there. She walks in with her new gentleman and she does this thing here. Now, fellas, I'm going to be sharing language with you that's universal with the women around the world. So she walks in and goes like this. Ah, you're here. What a surprise. Why don't you join us? And the gore guy is standing there like, okay, I thought this was you and I. What's going on? So I'm sitting at the table. Now, here's your first lesson in nonverbal communication. When you are at a dinner table or lunch table and you're excited and you're ready to eat, here's your first question. Are you leaning in? Are you leaning back? Yes, because you're looking at the menu. And by the way, because I knew she was taking me to my shushu pupu restaurant, I fasted for three days. I was going to eat everything on the menu. So I'm leaning in and says, oh, my gosh, look, the crab cakes, they look good. There's a special and this. And all of a sudden, you know, he's sitting there, nice looking gentleman. And I decide to ask a few questions. Make a note of this. Please repeat this. Your answer is in the question. Okay, this side is doing good. This side. I need to bring you in. Let's say it again. Your answer. Okay, over here. Okay. Very. Oh, someone looks sighted over there. Okay. All right, so here's what took place. You're gonna love this, right? So I could have asked him a question in a neutral tone, but I didn't do that. I did an eyebrow flash. So I'm gonna teach you one of their first moves here. Very important in nonverbal communication, the eyebrow flash. So imagine you're in a networking room and you were invited to a special event, and you really don't know anyone there. And then all of a sudden, you see a familiar face. Like, I see. I'll stay. And I go, hey, the eyebrows go up. Eyebrows go up when you're excited, surprise, intrigue, or curious. All right? So. So, so set the tip. So set the tone right there, right? Eyebrows go up. So it's called an eyebrow flash, right? So I did this. Watch, watch, watch. So, okay, see the tone? So everybody do this with me. Go. So, okay, so how long? Smile. I'm using my zygomatic major muscles, my bicillary alkali muscles, right here at the eye. By the way, for some of you ladies, you're very beautiful. But some of you who do Botox understand, if you do Botox, what's going to happen? It deadens the muscles that are right here. We have 43 facial muscles. We use anywhere from 27 to 37 of them to make at least 10,000 different expressions. I believe women can make 20,000 more. That's just my opinion. So here's what happens. When you have the, the Botox, then you cannot get the animation that you need. Some actresses like Meryl Streep, they don't want her to have any kind of surgery because they need that animation. So just imagine if you just won, ladies and fellas too, if you just won $10 million and someone says, are you excited if you have muscles that are dead in here? It looks like, yes, yes, I'm excited. I am. It's trying to come out. Can you see, Linda? Are you excited? Yes. I can't come out. Linda, get back to the story. Some of us are analyticals and digitals. Get back to the story. You're confusing us. So I'm sitting at the table and I go like this, so how long have you and my friend been dating? And then he said, well, about two, maybe three months. I said, oh, okay, in a neutral voice, okay. Then I went in for the second one. A lot of controls. So. So have you ever been married before? Crickets. Silence. Silence is an answer. Let it sink in. Silence is an answer. So he got really silent, a little awkward, and then he made the comment and said, sort of, kind of, if you ask me, Linda, are you African American? Are you black? Am I going to say sort of, kind of cafe latte? No. So next thing you know, let's get fast forward to the story. She says, you know what? I've gotta go to the ladies room. See, okay, fellows are wondering, like, what is going on here? I've gotta go to the ladies room. And I'm sitting upstairs around the corner, just pass, I take a short right. Then all of a sudden she gives me this look that goes like this. I've gotta go to the ladies room. Ladies. What does that mean universally? Come go with me. It doesn't matter where you are from around the world, ladies. No, it's our side. And the guys are going like, I don't ever say, yo, Joe, I gotta go to the men's room. Come go with me. I know, maybe some of you do. That's a special signal. So we go to the ladies room. And then she says, okay, what do you think? And I said to her, you know, you've only been together for a couple of months. It's like not you're going down the aisle, you know, it's not that you're gonna get married and it's not that you're planning to have kids, you know. So don't even think about the fact that he started to thigh cleanse when I started. Ask him several other questions. Don't think anything about that. He was taken aback. Anybody know what thigh cleansing mean? Do you remember before? Everybody hold their hands up. Hands up. Everybody, both hands, both hands. Come on. Everyone bring both hands up. Both hands up. Put them on your thighs now. Ah. How many of you seen that before? So when the thigh cleansing chemicals are being released from the hands and you're being nervous and you're trying to self soothe cause pacifiers and I said there was a couple things that I noticed, but don't worry, there might have been signs, of course, infidelity. There could be signs of deception, but you're not getting married. And by the way, the crab cakes are on sale. Let's get back to what's important. And whatever you do, don't say a word till after 24 to 48 hours because our emotions can get the best of us. She goes back to the table and I'm hungry at this time. And she locks and loads. Does anybody know what lock and load looks like? You do. Let me see you demonstrate. Lock and load it. Let me see you sitting right there. Lock and load. What does it look like? That's open. You're still open. Who knows what lock and load. You're close. You're close. Okay, every woman in this room, Men, you've seen it before, okay? Look at Australia. Look at her. Fold your arms, ladies. Every woman in this room, fold your arms and cross your legs. And what? And now here's the message that you're sending. I'm not coming out. And you're definitely not coming in. So next thing you know, she gets this call, which, yeah, really, like someone called. She leaves the restaurant. She's sitting there. He's gone. She leaves the restaurant. He and I are just sitting there looking at each other's eyes. And I'm hungry. He's like going crazy, figuring out what's going on. The moral of the story. Don't ever tell your girlfriends or your guy friends anything until after dessert. Took a while. All right, all right, so here's the deal. I need you to do me a favor. I want you to look to the person sitting beside you and say, you are fantastic. You are bold, you are brilliant. And I want you to tell the person Right now, as a matter of fact, today. You look good. And tell them one last thing. Tell them one last thing. Not as good as I do, but I'm glad you tried. All right. Okay, so our subject is. Is. Can I touch you there between your ears right now, Is a Super Neo computer that weighs under 5 ounces, maybe 3.4 ounces. It's the thing called the brain. The neural science that we have behind this, it can lay all the way to the moon for every little fiber that's in your body. That Super Neo computer is so powerful that once it's disconnected, you can no longer survive because it sends signals to every part of the body, this part of the brain. So if you are one of those individuals that need that stimulation, that intellectual stimulation, that's the thing that gets you excited in the words, if you will. That's your brain. My permission, if you will. Can I touch you there? And there are some of you who are kinesthetic, and you move based on emotions. And if things don't feel right for you, you have to go into your intuition. You have to be aware of what's going on on the nonconscious subconscious. And sometimes the conscious level your heart, and you won't make a move. And your heart gets broken. And there's brain tissue in the heart as well. Can I touch you there? And there are some of you right now that are in relationships, you need that special thing, that special loved one right now that can connect with you in the way that allows you to surrender in a sea of love. I know you want me to touch you there, but you can have that with the right person. So one of the things and the keys that I want to give you in communication is observation. Write that down. Write that down. You are here at mindvalley. Take notes. Take notes. You may have a good memory, so do I, but it's short sometimes. Take notes. And my granny would say, faded ink is better than a good memory. Anytime. Write it down. The key thing is observation. So with that being said, I need you to stand up. Find your partner. Stand up. Give you your first exercise. Okay? Find your partner. Okay? I want you to look at your partner. Okay? All right. Look them over really good. Okay, now turn back to back. Put your back towards them. Back to back where you can feel their back. Okay, Now I want to ask you, do you know the color of your partner's eyes? Do you know what they're wearing? You're sitting beside someone and you don't know what they look like. What if we need evidence. All right, turn back around. Look at them again. See if you got the eyes right. Okay, now for some of you, you have minimum things on. So here's what I want you to do. Sh. Listen up. Here's your exercise. I want you to change one thing of your person. Simply means take off your glasses, do something different. Turn back around. Turn back around. Back to back, back to back. Turn around and change something on you. They can't see it. Change one thing on you. Okay, everybody did it. Everybody did it. Okay, change one thing on you. Turn back around. See if you noticed it. What did they. All right, all right. Turn back around again. This is important. Turn back around again. I want you to change something else. So you have two changes. I want you to change something else. If you possibly can. Use your creativity. You're not supposed to be looking at each other. Okay, Change something else. Change something else. Change something else. Okay. How difficult is it? Change. Right. Change is difficult. Right? Turn back around. See if you noticed it. All right, Turn back around. Okay, it's getting crazy, right? For the third time, I need to change one more thing. Oh, okay. Back to back. Okay, I need you to change one more thing. One more thing. And I want to see if you notice just the little changes that take place in our life. It's the little changes. You are here for growth, expansion. Sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone. Okay, now turn back around. Sarah. All right, how many of you notice the changes? Did you notice the changes? Okay, good. You did very good. You followed directions. Now, have a seat. Have a seat. Have a seat. Have a seat. Okay, quick question here, because I'm watching you and observing you. How many of you, you made three changes. Show of hands. Okay. Power of three. Great, great. How many of you. When I said, okay, you follow great directions. You felt good. When I said good, you follow good directions. Show of hands. Good, good, good. Okay. Now, how many of you, when you turn back around, you start putting things back in place? So help me with this, all this wonderful information you're learning here at mindvalley. Are we going to implement a change or are we going to go back to our old ways? Oh. Oo. See how quick that was? Automatically, you made three changes. First of all, you didn't even know who you were sitting next to. The person could be the person of your dreams. The person could be the answer to the piece of your puzzle that's missing. That person could be someone you need the most at that particular moment. That person could be a sociopath. Or psychopath. Do me a favor. Look at the person right beside you and say, are you a little psycho now? The person back there just said, now. There was one person back there just said, how'd you know? Oh, my God. Run. So the question is, we're learning all these great things, all these thought leaders, all this wonderful information, but how committed are you to the change? How committed are you? It just took a split second for you to go back to the old way because it felt uncomfortable to have your glasses and your pants, it felt uncomfortable to have one shoe off. It felt uncomfortable. It felt uncomfortable. For some of you that took off your underwear, it felt uncomfortable. It felt uncomfortable. But you automatically went back to the old ways that if we cannot accept change, then we're gonna have a hard time with growth. That's change. So the thing of the subject today. Can I touch you there? I want to encompass all the things that's gonna help you grow. You only have one opportunity here on this earth. Some of you may believe in reincarnation, but you only have one opportunity in this earth to live your best life. And that's what I wanna help you with. Is that okay? Are we gonna take notes? Are we gonna take notes? Okay. So good. Thank you. Look at her. She says, I got my notes. I don't know about rest of the roll, but I got mine. All right, so here's one of the things I'm gonna talk to you about is the power of communication study done well over 50 years ago by Dr. Maharabian. And the study says that our words are 7% of our communication. Someone say 7%? 7%. So the question I wanna ask you, the words that are coming out of your mouth, are they powerful or powerless? Poison or potent? Passionate or passive? The words. One of the most feared words in the world is death. One of the most revered words in the world is mother. And one of the most isolated words in the world is alone. The words that are coming out of your mouth. Met someone earlier today, just saying the word cancer is feared in over 12 languages. The words that are coming out of your mouth. Every actor and actress in Hollywood is waiting for that script. Waiting with the right words. When you wake up every morning, what words are you using? Are you using them to uplift, to motivate, to transform, to destroy? Your words, once they are out, you cannot retrieve them. Your words, 7%. According to the study, tonality is 38% of your communication. 38%. There's a saying that goes, it's not just what you say, but remix. It's not just what you say and how you say it, it's what they.