Why All Our Insecurities Come From This One Thing | Marisa Peer

So I've gone to LA and my producers called me and went, I really need your help. One of our major celebrities, because in America, they were bigger in terms of stars and they were bigger in terms of weight. He said he's having a meltdown. We're really worried he's going to walk off the show. If he walks off the show, we're kind of screwed. So go to his house today and do whatever you can. Keep him on the show. I'm like, I'll go now. He's like, what kind of car have you got? I'm like, I got a Mustang. You rented it for me. Thank you. He's like, okay, you cannot put that Mustang outside his house. You can only have a Porsche or a Ferrari or a Jaguar outside this house. So don't even put it on the street. That will wind him up. Put it around the corner. So I'm driving along to Beverly Hills in my, I thought, very cool Mustang, and I turn up at this, like, massive, extraordinarily stunning house. I knock on the door. He lets me and he says, I don't know why they sent some Brit here to sort me out. You know, I've been in every rehab, I've been every. I've seen every therapist. No one can help me. I'm like, let me see what I can do. And then he said to me, you have the look of my third wife. Something about you reminds me she was such a disappointment to me. So I'm like, this is an amazing house. Wow. We went, I hate this house. I'm leaving and I hate my neighbors. I'm moving. So I'm like, okay. And then I notice he has a bafta. And I'm like, you have a bafta? Do you know what a curse it is to get a bafta? Every time I make a film, I'm expected to get another bafta. So I'm like, you know what? I know what's wrong with you. He's like, really? What? What? I said, you just don't think you're enough, do you? Oh, wait, this is already up for you. You do not think that you are enough. And considering how cranky he was, big tears started to leak out of his eyes. He said, do you think that's true? And I'm like, come on, I know it's true and so do you. I mean, look, you can't have a car on your drive unless it's a Porsche. You've had four ex wives. They've all disappointed you. Your BAFTA is a curse, and you don't like this amazing house. But anyway, look, tell me about your life. So he's now quite mellow and he's telling me his life. He's raised in a trailer park. They have no money. His dad's a construction worker. When he can get work, the mum works at a night nurse for more money. And they're pretty much dirt poor. And because the mum's working nights, every day he cooks his dad a construction worker's dinner of meat, vegetables, potatoes. And he has this weird stuff I've never heard of called saps, which is milk soaked in bread. And I'm like, did your dad ever share his food? He went, are you kidding? He would share that with a dog. Because before he even gave me his leftovers. I'm like, well, there it is. If your own father doesn't like you, if you don't even get the same food that you cook from, if he prefers the dog to you, none of your needs are met. Now, children must idealize their parents. That is the fact. You have to idealize your parents. And when your parents are wrong, you can't ever get that. So you think I'm wrong. So what you've done is very common. I'm not enough. That's why my parents treat me like this. I'm going to get better and then they'll be great. That is the driver that has made you extraordinarily famous and successful. But guess what? You still think you're not enough. And all this stuff is never going to help you because you don't feel enough. So if I was a doctor, I was diagnosing you. Here's your diagnosis. You don't think you're enough. And here's your prescription. I want you to say it every day in the shower. I'm enough. What else are you going to say in there? Oh, I love the smell of this Jerry Malone shampoo. I'm enough. You say that over and over and over again. So he's quite up for it. So we've gone around his house and I've written on all his mirrors in big lips, he's got a lot of lipstick. With four ex wives. I'm enough. I've written. I said, just say it, say it, say it, think it. So I've written it and I've taken his phone and I've put it on his phone alerts. Every morning, every night it pings with I am enough. Six weeks later, I'm back on my set and I'm going onto the studio. I'm on the lot and I'm walking to the recording studio and I see someone only about as far away as you. And when I see him and he sees me, starts to undo his trousers, then he undoes his shirt and I'm like, is this guy really going to flash me on a lot in LA and where is security? And then I realize it's him. And when I get closer, he went, look at me, I have lost so much weight. Look how flat my stomach is. He said, I. I never would have believed that those three words could change my life. I went, well, they do that. They changed my life. That's why I teach this stuff. He went, no, but. No, but guess what? I've sold the Porsche. He goes, I've got a Mini now. I'm not a fat, cranky bastard. I don't need that Porsche. And guess what else? I've just started to date a hairdresser. He said, all my girls have been models and actresses. He said, I'm having a normal life. He said, it's like, amazing. So I stayed in touch with him and a couple of years ago he called me and went, guess where I am? I'm like, tell me. He said, I'm fishing in Iceland, and guess what else? I'm happy. So I've never been happy in my life. I've just got a normal life and I'm so happy. So I'm back in England and a psychiatrist calls me because I do very unusual work. Occasionally, when psychiatrists can't get anywhere, they send me their clients. And this psychiatrist said, look, we've got this guy. She's tried to kill herself, she's been sectioned. I don't know what to do with her. I'm so scared she's going to jump out of a window. Can you come and see what you can do? So I'm like, sure. I've worked with him a lot. So I've gone to this hospital and I've read her notes and I understand what's going on. Her mother killed herself when she was young. She found her mother. She's a city trader earning 3 million sterling a year. She's a compulsive shopper and she's just tried to jump under a train. So I've gone into her room and I've said, do you know what's wrong with you? She went, oh, yes, I have manic depression, I'm bipolar, I'm a compulsive shopper and I'm a hoarder. I'm like, you don't think you're Enough. I said, all this other stuff. Your mum tried to kill herself or did kill herself, and you found her. And any child going through that would think the same thought, if I was enough, how would my mum do that? I couldn't. I wasn't even enough for my mum to live or not even to kill herself where I didn't find her. And all this shopping is just filler for the fact that you don't think you're enough. And I said, I want to help you. She said, well, I'm going to kill myself. It's not if. It's when I'm like, well, okay, but before you do that, how about you just have a month of saying, and they're not letting you out of here anyway, so how about just saying I'm enough. They're not letting you near any windows saying, so you're going to be locked in this room for a while. But how about just doing it? So I did the same thing. Took her phone, put on it, I'm enough. And it goes off every morning, every night, wrote it on her mirror because she was so very fragile. I made her a recording. I hypnotized her. I sat next to her and I just said in her ear over and over again, you are enough. You are enough. I made her say it back because she's so fragile. I start to text her every day saying, you're enough. And she starts to text me back, I am enough. And this girl had such a phenomenal transformation. She gave up her job. She started a charity for depressed people. And this TV station's got her story and she's going to be on the tv. And they said, can you come on as well because you helped her. I'm okay. So I'd gone on the tv. This is not about me, this show. It's about her. But at one stage, the anchorman looked at me and went, but what did you do? What did you do that no one else did? And I kind of took a bit of a breath and I thought, oh my God, they're going to think this is really woo, woo, really l A. I went, well, I told her she was enough. I made her a recording to listen to every day. I wrote it on her hand, I wrote it on her mirror. And I waited for him to roll his eyes and he went, oh, my God, I love that. I'm going to go home and I'm going to write that on my mirror. And I think all our viewers will love that. So I've gone home and I have thousands of emails saying, where can I get this book called I'm Enough? It's not a book, it's a part of a book. So I'm home and the psychiatrist around me went, oh, I saw the show. I said, what did you think? He went, oh, my God, it's so depressing. I'm like, what, the mother? No, you cured that girl in an hour. I've been working with her for years. I'm like, well, why don't you do what I do? I mean, I don't understand. Every psychiatrist is taught the common denominator of all our problems is we don't feel good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, lovable enough. So when you do that psychiatrist, how do you feel today? And how did that make you feel? Which is really psychiatrist? I haven't got a clue what to do with you. So I just keep saying, and how did that make you feel? Stop doing that shit. Go scratch straight to. What's wrong with them. They doesn't matter what they feel, they don't feel enough.