Vishen LakhianiFounder of Mindvalley | NYT Bestselling Author | Transforming Lives Globally

Why Having Empathy Can Sometimes Ruin Your Mood | Jeffrey Allen

11 Apr 2023 · 1 min

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1:24

Jeffrey Allen explains how empathy can make you unconsciously absorb other people's negative moods and energy. When you feel grumpy after being around someone negative or get pulled into their arguments, you're matching their emotional state. He says this matching is optional and happens because of weak boundaries, and suggests noticing repeated arguments with someone as a sign to test whether you're taking on their energy.

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A fun example of empathy gone bad is matching other people's moods. Let's say you're feeling really happy and you're having a perfectly nice day. Then Oscar the Grouch comes by and everything is terrible, blah blah blah. And they're very negative. And now you feel grumpy too. And you might even be mad at Oscar for ruining your mood. You unconsciously matched their energy. This is completely optional. If you had better boundaries, this wouldn't have happened. This is also how you get pulled into an argument. You're feeling okay, someone starts to argue with you, and pretty soon you're arguing and getting frustrated too. And you might think, this isn't even like me. I'm only like this when I'm with this particular person. That's a good sign that you're unconsciously matching their energy. Think of one person right now that you argue with and next time it happens, remember, maybe I'm matching their argumentative or analytical thinking energy and see if it helps. Sam.