Lil Donald Interviews Partnership Against Domestic Violence #DoBetter

So, Donna, you want to jump us in?

Uh, I definitely will. First of all, I'd like to thank y'all for letting me be here.

Definitely.

Like, because this is something that is very important to me with, you know, me having daughters and being around a lot of women in my life. And, you know, like, I, I get a lot of DMs on Instagram of women who are in abusive situations who need guidance, and I don't have all the answers. You feel what I'm saying? And it's just like, sometimes I'll be feeling like sad because it's like I don't know what to tell them or what to do. So I wanted to do this to be able to give more information on how to escape these situations, how to, you know, what moves to make to like, what's the first step? Like, what do I do if I'm in a situation and I'm in this, you know, like, because I don't know, right? You know, I never, you know, I can make music and heal people musically, but I can't stop it from happening, right? So it's like, it's a lot of women that are in these situations who need to guide them. So that's why I'm here.

Well, well, I appreciate you, and I know Nancy appreciates you, Ebony appreciates you. Um, I just wanted to start off by having everybody introduce themselves. Everybody knows you, they don't know us. So Nancy, could you introduce yourself?

Sure.

My name is Nancy Faria and I am CEO with Partnership Against Domestic Violence.

Perfect.

Hello, my name is Ebony Russell and I'm the underserved advocate @PADV.

So what does that mean? So I do have some questions here, and I promise I'm going to get to them.

Jeffrey, you have to introduce yourself.

Oh, yeah, all right. So I am Jeffrey Brown. I'm the VP of Development and Marketing for Partnership Against Domestic Violence. That's just a fancy way of saying that I raise money and I play on Facebook all day. So this is kind of my wheelhouse. So I appreciate you.

And Instagram.

Yes, I play on Instagram. I play on it all. And for everybody that's that's joined so far. Um, feel free, we are monitoring the stream, so, so ask questions if you have questions. Um, and then if you have not, you can follow us at @PADVAtlanta, and I will go ahead and drop that in the comment section. Um, so you can follow us on Instagram as well. Um, so yeah, so Nancy, feel free, um, to, to just talk a little bit about, about PADV some of our services. Just tell everybody, since nobody knows about what we do, tell us a little bit about what we do.

All right, well, Partnership Against Domestic Violence was the first domestic violence agency in the state of Georgia and the fifth in the nation. And so our mission is to end the crime of intimate partner violence and empower its survivors. And we do that— if y'all can see the banner— we do that both through individual services as well as community services. So we have a 24-hour hotline, we have two shelters, we do counseling in the community, we do legal advocacy if people need a temporary protective order to help them stay safe from their abuser, we can help with that. We do a lot of community education, we do it in the workplace and faith-based organizations. We have a very robust teen dating violence program, so we work a lot with youth about what is a healthy relationship and what isn't. And that's so important because the majority of women that are killed by a male partner, they met the male partner between the ages of about 15 to 23. So we're really, really seeing that if folks don't get into healthy relationships at a young age and they start experiencing the violence at a young age, they're at so much more risk for all kinds of harm and danger.

So Donald, one of the things that when we first met months ago, you said you told me the story of the young lady who really launched you down this path. Do you mind? I mean, you don't have to use her name, but do you mind kind of sharing her story?

Yeah, so her situation was like, I was like the friend, like, who you call and just tell everything. So it was like, "Oh, he just hit me." "Oh, you know, he just bruised my face." "He just put me outside." Like, it was just like, she used to always call me with like her story of what's going on. And it's like, I just like knew I couldn't get myself too involved. You feel what I'm saying? Because like, I didn't want to hurt my career or what I had going on. So it was like, I was trying to encourage her, like, "Just leave." you know, like, but it wasn't working, right? So I was like, all right, what can I do? You know, music helps me with a lot. Like, I can hear a song about my situation and it can make me feel like, okay, I'm— everything gonna be all right, right? So I made her the song. I made Do Better for her, for her. And, you know, like, and that was just it, you know. Like, I sent her a song and I started seeing a change in her. Like, she started being motivated to leave the situation. So I was Oh man, like the song was working, right? You know, a friend of mine was like, man, look, you need to put this song out and, you know, let other women who in situations like that hear it. And she left the situation, you know, she started bettering herself. Like, she still is back and forth, but I think like she's finally done with the situation. And, you know, like, I'm proud of her just to know that my music helped the situation. But like She went through a lot in that situation and she lost a lot. You know, she's a smart young girl who could have been way more in life if she didn't have this situation over and over.

So you brought up something that I want to ask Ebony about. Why is it that women and men— because men are victims of domestic violence as well— why do they stay in these situations?

Well, it's on the average, it takes them about 7 times to to finally leave. But the reason why most people tend to stay is because the lack of resources. They don't know that agency like PADV is out there. They don't know who to go to. And then when they go to their friends, their friends don't even know who they can go to. Again, so like the lack of resources, just knowing that help is out there. Finances, you know, maybe a health problem they have, you know, they may feel trapped. Maybe they have children. Yeah, so, you know, it's, you know, yeah, it's hard just to uproot children. And where are they going to go? You know, sometimes it's not safe to go to your best friend or your parents' house. And a lot of times when people think of shelters, you know, they have the negative side, and so they don't want to go to a shelter.

So like what you were saying about, uh, children, like, that'd be the number one thing. Like, we got a kid to get together. I don't want to take my child away from their father, you know. Like, I hear that a lot, you know. Like, I hear that a lot. And then like financial is like big. It's like, I don't know where I'mma go, I don't have no money. And, and like you said about going to other people, like majority of the people that people go to when they in domestic situations, they don't take it serious. Like, they be like, oh, just go work it out, uh, y'all can figure it out, like everything going to be okay, it's probably a mistake. And they don't really understand Like, because I got a friend of mine right now, like, it took her for her to lose everything and, you know, and almost have her life taken for her to realize, like, man, I gotta get away from this, you feel what I'm saying? Like, and now she's fighting to get her child back from this dude, you know, because he didn't make— like, she, she had like had to go to a crazy house because they like, they felt like she was losing her mind. So now he has her child, and now she's like without her child right now. And then, you know, like, it's just crazy, like, how these men just manipulate, you know. And I was like, when, when she came to me the first time, I had an apartment and I was staying there, but my lease was almost up. So when my lease was up, I was about to move, but she came to me right when my lease was about to be up. So I was like, look, I'll renew my lease, you and your son can have my apartment, you feel what I'm saying? I'll just pay it until you figure out what you're doing. And she ended up going back again, you know, like, and it put me in a bind because like I'm paying, like I'm still having to pay for this like apartment, right? Like I just gave to her, you feel what I'm saying? That I wasn't even gonna stay in no more because I couldn't afford it back then, you know. So it's just like, and And I talk to her now, like, and she like in the process of trying to get visitation for her own son because of an abusive dude who manipulated her and tricked her out of her life.

Everything that you have said is so common. You just, you explained just so much of the craziness of domestic violence. And I always say domestic violence makes no sense because it makes no sense to hurt someone you love. And it makes no sense to live with someone that's hurting you.. But when you understand the dynamics, then it starts to make sense. And everything that you described is so common. So batterers will, will be very verbally abusive and very emotionally abusive. You're crazy. I'm the only man that would ever put up with your craziness. It's true, right? It's about power and control. And thank you. You better thank God that you got me and that I will put up with your craziness and give you a place to live. They'll use the children against them. And that whole, that whole crazy, often when the, if the victim calls the police, They'll say to the policeman, she's just crazy, she's not taking her meds, just let me deal with it, dude, and we'll get it worked out. And so the intervention that needs to happen may not happen. And that fear of losing their children, that's another reason that victims stay. And I just want to say one more thing about why people stay. When a, when a victim leaves a domestic violence situation, or after having left the situation, that's when she is at greatest she's at risk for being killed. And the batterer will tell her that, "Go ahead and leave me. I know where you go. I know your family. I'll track you down. I'll go to your family. I'll kill you and I'll kill your parents and I'll kill the children." And the reality is that happens. And she's seen this person be incredibly abusive. She may have seen him be abusive to the family pet. That happens a lot. I've heard of women that their abuser will kill the family pet and say, "You see what I just said?" to that dog, that's what I'm going to do. You leave me.

And, and then, and it's crazy because that, that be majority of what it is, like fear of losing their life at the end of leaving the situation. It's like, he know where my mom stays, he, he knows where my cousin stays. Like, he know— like, I had a girl, like, probably like a week ago called me and was like, I want to leave, but he know where my mom at. Like, when I go to my mom house, he just pops up and makes me come back with him. And like, he just made, you know, like, so it's just like, how do you help? Like, it's so many people. Like, when I dropped this song, it was so many people that came to me. Like, my brain almost burst. Like, you feel me? Like, I had like one girl, she lost her eye. Like, I had another girl, she— her house got shot up, like, by men. Like, crazy. Like, it's just like, I didn't know it was that deep, you know. Like, when I made the song, like, I knew what domestic violence was because I seen my aunt go through it, you know. I seen women go through it growing up. Like, my first girlfriend came from a domestic violence situation. Like, I was there, the dude was beating her up, and I was like, man, watch out, bro. And I fought, you feel me? Like, you ain't gonna beat her up in front of me. And then me and her ended up dating, you feel me? Like, it was just like, I seen it so much in And it's just like, man, like, I didn't know it was— I didn't know people take it that far to like, you can't leave the house and you got like, you gotta wear this, or you feel me? Like, it's deeper than people really think it is. And it's just, it's crazy.

And that's why it's so important to talk about it. And it's so important to let people know that it is serious. And if you are being a victim, if someone's controlling you, if someone's jealous all the time, accusing you of being with somebody else, if you walk down the street and you look at somebody and you get accused of, oh, you want to go with him, don't you? If someone's calling you names or someone's putting you down or someone's telling you that you're no good, that's abuse. And if you're in that kind of situation and the violence hasn't started yet, the physical abuse, run out of that situation before that physical abuse happens. Because I promise you, if that's going on now, that physical violence is going to happen.

To explain to a lot of people that they don't have to be hitting you for it to be abusive right away. You like, I know a lot of beautiful women who like, I talk to them and their self-esteem is completely low, and I just be like, you don't see yourself? Like, you so beautiful, like, what are you talking about? You're like, um, all right. And I'd be like, why are you like that? And they'd be like, oh, he just always called me ugly, or he tell me I'm that, or you like, you feel what I'm saying? So it just be like, these women, like, these men get with women, they lower them down to where they feel like another man would never want them.

And so they can totally—

so now you got complete control over the situation, cuz now you don't even feel attractive to any man that you meet, you know, like, and it's just, it's, it's sad, like. So it was like, this was like very important to me to give to my fans and the people out there who just scared to come for advice. Because even if they find out, like, oh, you looking for help, or you, you know, like, and it turns into something else. So like, even when my homegirl called me like a week ago and was talking to me, she was like, all right, I gotta delete our calls, I gotta delete the text. Like, you know, it's just like, how do you seek information secretly.

Yeah, so I think a couple of things, and then I have a question for Wendy Day, is thing number one, I think, is you got to call our crisis line. It's 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Even if you don't need the shelter, the crisis line is just a place where our advocates can kind of help talk you through other resources that may be available. You may not need to come in the shelter, you may have an outlet to get out of the situation, but if you are in need of shelter, we have two. We're located in Georgia, we have one in Fulton County and one in Gwinnett. And if you're not located in Georgia, we have a vast resource and we can get you connected to, um, to shelters all across the country if that's what we need to do. But the crisis line number is 404-873-1766, um, and I just, I put that in the comment section, so please scroll up.

Yeah, I'll drop it in there. Uh, 404-873- 1-7-1-7-6-6.

Nancy always has to remind me of the crisis line number because I typically, I am notorious for forgetting it or transposing a couple numbers.

And like Jennifer said, you don't have to give your name, you don't have to say where you're calling from, you don't have to say that you want to come into the shelter. If you're just like, I don't know what the hell is going on in my house, and it's not right and I need to talk to somebody about it, you can just call and talk to us about it. We can tell you support groups that we have in the community. We can hook you up with counseling. You talked about the kids, and domestic violence is, is awful for children, and it affects them, and they're, they're more likely to have mental health issues. They're more likely to do poorly in school. They're more likely to themselves act out violently, to be inappropriate sexually, to to use drugs, substances. So if you want to call and say, I'm really worried about what's going on with my kids and I need some help with that. Maybe you've left the situation, but you're struggling. Do I stay away? I'm hurting financially. He's asking me to come back. What should I do? For any reason, call and we'll talk to you about it.

I had somebody—

hold on.

No, you look, because I got a question for Ebony while you look. We've kind of hinted around the other forms of domestic violence. But we've, but we've talked specifically about the physical. What are the other forms of domestic violence that people can look out for?

Okay, so of course you have the physical. You know, a lot of times when we think of domestic violence, that's the main piece that we see is the physical aspect. However, you have the finance part where, you know, controlling, um, how much money you make, or maybe going to your job And sometimes people lose their jobs because their abusers may go up there every day. And then you have that emotional piece where, you know, they— the name-calling. And a lot of times people say, oh, physical is worse than the others. However, I don't agree with that. When it comes to physical, say for example a black eye, it might take 2 weeks to heal. However, on the emotional piece, you have intense support groups, counseling, and that can stick with you forever. So those are different forms, and again, one form is not worse than the other.

And I think, Nancy, you hit it home because you talked about the fact that if it's not physical yet, like, that's your— like, if you're seeing any of the other forms, whether it's mental or emotional or financial, the eventuality comes where he will or she will hit you and it will become physical. Because Nancy, you always talk about domestic violence being about power and control. Can you kind of explain that for us a little bit?

Some people will say, oh, you know, she has such low self-esteem going into it. If she would just feel better about herself, she wouldn't allow him to do that to her. Or it happens because there's drugs involved or there's alcohol involved. Or you know what, she just likes She's lost her job and she's really stressed out, so that's why she's yelling at and punching her boyfriend. But domestic violence is not about any of those things. It's about power and control. It's about me believing that I need to have complete power and control over you, and I will use whatever method I can to gain that. And like you said, it's like, I will, I will break you down so low. I mean, we talk all the time about, and we do We do have a few men enter our shelter, but it's mainly women. Stats say that about 85% of victims are women, 15% are men. So we have women come into the shelter and literally they've lost themselves. They don't have any sense anymore of, of who they are and their worth and their value and what they think and what they believe and what they want to do in the world. And so it's little by little finding those pieces of themselves and putting themselves back together. Right, and eventually going, hey, I'm not a stupid idiot. I don't know, can we curse out here? I just got every, I figure, but just about every victim I've ever talked to said, I thought my name was bitch because that's what I got called all the time. That's all I heard out of his mouth. And start, hey, hey, I'm a decent, strong, important person, and really finding themselves again. Again, because like you said, they've just been so broken down by that.

So as a girl, when I posted it on my page, a girl DM'd me and she said, I have a question. How can you give yourself a normal life after being in domestic violence relationship for so many years? Like, it feels like you're protected by being with the person who abuse you, but at the same time you lose yourself, your self-esteem. How can you possibly recover from that? Steps can you take?

Wow.

Help. Seek help. You can't do this on your own. You know, at the end of the day, domestic violence is not an individual issue, it's a community issue. So therefore, we need to come together and fix this and help people that need, um, so counseling, support groups. You know, um, I facilitate a lot of support groups in Gwinnett and Fulton County, and You know, it's just, I see how one person can help another just by sitting in that room and listening. And the reason why I say that, because you might have one person that have been out of the situation for 5 years, and then you have another person that's kind of fresh out of this situation, and that person looks at that, that other person and say, okay, you know what, she did this, he did this. Yes, it was 5 years ago, but look at her now. Now she sees that she's that powerful individual woman. She doesn't see herself as that bitch as she used to. So help, seek help, support groups, counseling. And again, our services are free, and you don't have to come to PADV. Um, there's like 46 other shelters in Georgia, so just seek help.

And you know what, I think remind yourself how incredibly strong and courageous you are. When I hear the I hear the stories of what people have been through, I would be on the floor in a huddle sobbing, crying, not able to function at all. And I hear what people have been through and they're still, they're getting up and they're taking care of their children and they're taking steps forward. It's true. And they're getting stronger and braver every day. Give yourself credit for the strength that you've shown just to make it through and make it out of that situation. And every little thing that you accomplish, If you managed to make a nice dinner tonight, say, wow, I did a great job making dinner tonight. And you managed to get your boss at work says, you know, you did a great job on that project. Damn, I'm good at my job. Look at how good I am. Give yourself credit for what you've accomplished because your batter told you that everything you did was bad and awful.

My thing, like a lot of women that I talk to and I try to tell them this, like you got to start learning to to see the signs of when somebody is becoming aggressive or abusive. And before you deal with a man, you gotta watch like what he does, how he treats his friends around him. Like if you around a dude and he treat his homeboys, talk to them any kind of way, or when he around his mom, he don't respect her, you know, or he talked to his little nieces and nephews any kind of way, like you gotta look at all of this, like and how he treats people besides you while you're dating him, right when you meet him, because these are signs that'll show you, all right, he don't got no respect for his friends. He don't even— he talked to his mom any kind of way. If a man don't respect his mom, it's not a good sign.

It's not a good sign.

It's a red flag.

Yeah, like, so you gotta look for all of the red flags before you decide to lay down or date anybody. Like, that's what I try to tell women. Like, just evaluate who you're getting into something with, because people can hide, but they can't— you can't— they can't camouflage. Like, they can hide certain things, but they can't camouflage who they really are. Like, when you're around the person, you can really tell who they are, but you just gotta be open to see it and not disguised by the illusion that they create, right?

A lot of women will say that at the very beginning of the relationship it was just, it was so wonderful and he called me all the time and he brought me flowers and he took me on these beautiful vacations and that just feels like, oh, here's this dream man that's so attentive, but he's too attentive.

Yeah.

And calling you all the time turns into, why the hell didn't you answer the phone when I called you this time?

And I tell females, like, when a man is doing, going so hard at the beginning, like he's reeling you in. Like, like, no man just does all of that just perfectly, like, you feel what I'm saying? Like, it's not— it's not that perfect of a situation. Like, if you meet a man and it's just like, oh, he's the dream man, it's no such thing. Like, every person has something that they have to work on. Every person has a piece of them that needs to grow, like something that's not perfect. And if you meet somebody and they're perfect, something wrong.

And you don't want to be his whole world. You want him to have his own. You want to be a part of his world, but you want him to have friends and interests and things going on. Because if you're his whole world, eventually he's going to hold you accountable for everything that happens in his world, and that is not going to be good.

You're the fault for everything.

So I have a question. Um, if you are If you're not the victim and it's a friend of yours, right? I have a friend who's a victim of domestic violence who I think is in an unhealthy relationship. What should I do? How can I support that friend?

Talk to your friend, but talk to your friend alone. You know, just make sure it's a safe space and go ahead and start talking about those warning signs, those red flags, and see what he or she says, and then provide them with the information for resources.

That's—

I'm not going to say it's the only thing you can do, but that's, that's the major key, is give them the resource. Because a lot of, a lot of times people don't seek help because they don't know help is out there. So talk to them, make sure they're alone, make sure it's not in their home, um, just make sure it's safe. And if you do give them any type of materials Just make sure the materials is— how can I say it? Just make sure it's not something says domestic violence, call this number. We have like little nail cards, so give them like a nail card or a nail file just in case, you know, their abuser find the card. You don't want to make their situation worse, so don't go around giving them pamphlets that says domestic violence. Does that make sense?

It makes perfect sense.

And you know, it's really, really hard to care about someone who's in a domestic violence situation because you want to fix it and you want to make it okay, and you absolutely can't. Because being in that situation, they've lost power and control. So the only way they're going to be able to get out of it is to grab that power and control back. So as much as you want to say, leave, leave now, you're crazy to stay, Wendy Day, that's not going to help because you're taking away their power and control as well, and you're not going to feel like a safe person to talk to. Because if I'm not ready to leave and you told me I was an idiot for not leaving, then the next time he hits me, I'm not going to come back and talk to you. So, and it—

but it hurts.

It hurts like crazy to see them in that relationship.

And my— the biggest thing with my friend, and it was like he made me the enemy. Oh, so it was like he made it to where, okay, I know he's trying to help you, I know he care. I— so now—

and it was your fault of the relationship.

So now, now I don't want you to talk to him, and now he's the problem. And now, oh, because I'm doing this to you, blame him. You feel what I'm saying? So it's like I became the guy like, oh, he the reason that we like this, he the reason because you keep trying to go to him and talk to him. And you know, so like being that friend that's in the middle of the situation trying to help, it can also turn on you and, and, and put you in harm's way too also, you feel what I'm saying? Because like, what if the attacker or the abuser say, oh, you want to help? Like, I'mma beat you up too, or I'mma, I'mma hurt you or kill you. Like, it just— so it's just like, try to— like, I don't know if people can call in for people if they ready, if And people scared to call in?

They can, you know what, they, they can, people can call and say, I'm really worried about my friend, but they can't call and say, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get a place in your shelter for my friend. Yeah, because that friend has to call and say, this is what I'm like. If the friend is willing and, you know, like they just need somebody to take that first step for them to find, they could, they could, if the friends there with them, they could make the initial call and then put the friend on the phone.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. Exactly, because most people be scared to make that first step alone. So it might take that person that you got with you to— all right, I call the number, I'm right here with you, you gonna talk to them. And they, you know, like, it always takes that extra support system. Absolutely.

So something else that we often talk about are the myths associated with domestic domestic violence. Can you guys just take a second and talk about those?

Uh, well, one myth that pops up in my head is that it only happened to women who have low self-esteem. That is not true. Um, however, being in a relationship when someone kind of downplays you, that will have a negative effect on your self-esteem. Um, so that's a myth. Another myth that It only happens to women. Again, that's not true. We do have, we do see men, we do provide services to men as well.

I think that it only happens to a certain group of people, people of a certain race or ethnic background or educational level or economic level. Complete and total lie. It happens in all races, nationalities, people people of faith, people not of faith, college professors, different ages, the rich, the very poor. I think you see it more in people that are struggling financially because they don't, they don't have a credit card that they can go halfway across the country and charge a hotel room for, so they don't have as many resources. But as far as it, as it not occurring, again, people with certain money, people of certain race, absolutely a lie.

Yeah, I've seen it happen to the strongest women. I've seen it happen to men too. Like, yeah, it, it can happen to anybody. That's why when I did the Do Better video, I didn't just single it out like women, you know. I put women, I put different ethnic backgrounds, you know, like I put drug abuse, I put, you know, like I, I wanted to touch— same sex relations, sex relations.

I always say it would be great if it was just this group right here, because then we could put all our energy into just that group right there.

But unfortunately, it's more than that.

One of our fastest growing programs is teen dating violence. Can we have just a quick conversation about what teen dating violence is? And I'm sure you have fans that are parents. Um, so, so what are some signs that parents should look out for as it relates to teen dating violence?

Um, so now technology is huge and everybody wants to FaceTime. So, uh, a warning sign that a parent can look out is if their child is constantly on the phone, maybe FaceTime with someone. Um, a person can say, you know, hey, FaceTime me when you get when you get home, FaceTiming when you go to your friend's house, and that's just another way of monitoring their whereabouts. Maybe you've seen a change in their attitude or their, their social life, you know, maybe it was the girl that always hung around her friends and now she's just hanging with her boyfriend. That's the isolation piece that we see. So it's a lot of red flags, warning signs, but I do know it's definitely It's really good to talk to your children about healthy relationships. And so for our teen dating violence program, we go around to different high schools and middle schools and we talk about what a healthy relationship looks like, the warning signs, the red flags. And then again, you have to keep in mind, domestic violence is a cycle. So for example, if a little girl grows up in a household and she sees her father abuse her mother, that becomes her normal.

It's okay.

Right. So then when she gets— right. So then when she gets older and start forming her own relationship with a man, hit her, she's like, it's okay, you know, I see my father do it, it's normal. No, it's not okay. And then we have to be careful the way that we talk to children because it starts at a very young age. And I remember, for example, you know, my parents would say, um, when I was in high school— not high school, elementary if I would come home and a boy hit me, they would say, oh, he just like— he likes you, that's why he's hitting you. But we have to be careful because we're telling our children that it is okay for a young boy to hit you, it's normal.

He—

right. So we have to, we have to be mindful of what we say to our children and talk about healthy relationship, talk about red flags and warning signs, what's healthy, what's not not healthy.

Wow. I know, you know, I have a little boy at home, um, and it's okay for him to roughhouse with me, right? It's all right to fight and roughhouse with Daddy, but when it comes to hitting Mom, it's like, whoa, hey, you know, that's unacceptable. Like, you can't— you know, because, you know, since I started working here, one of my biggest fears is like, man, am I raising a son? And since I'm raising a little boy, is I just don't want him to be a batterer. There's some other things we can fix, like do other things, but don't abuse women. And so I typically go a little bit more overboard when it's like, hey, play with Daddy, fight with Daddy, jump on me, but don't put your hands on Mommy. Like, that's taking it too far.

Well, and it's so much about what kids see. It's like you said, Wendy Day, look at this guy and check out how he acts. Acts with other people. So if kids, if little boys see their dads having conversations with mom and planning together and working together, and you know, when mom's upset, dad goes over and gives her a hug and says, what's— you're modeling appropriate behavior between male and females, and that's what that kid's going to learn, and then that's how they're going to act when they start interacting.

But that's what people don't understand, like, kids pick up a lot of those so much at a young age. Like, at that young age, they're like— that's when they're soaking everything. And then once they hit that teen age, it's like, okay, everything that I've learned when I was little, this is where I'm trying it out, you know? Like, from, from, like, I say, 10 to 18, they try everything that they learned when they was 2, 3, 4, 5, 5, 6, 7, 8. Like, everything they learn through there, they're trying to get out. Like, so it's like, you just gotta be careful, like, what you do in front of your kids, what little signs that you see, and you don't stop then, you know. Like, my little boy, like, he, he, like, he rough, you know. So, like, I have to get on him, like, hey, you can't be rough with those girls like you're rough with your brother, or like, you, your cousins. You can't be like that. So it's just like stopping it early, you know, because it— like, it— like she said, it becomes, oh, it's just normal. Yeah, I'm just, you know, like, that's— I grew up doing it, you know. So you just gotta stop things that you see early.

Yeah, man. Well, I know, I know you're super busy. I don't want to keep you too long. I feel like this conversation can go on forever. Um, I will ask, uh, just Nancy, Ebony, just each one of you guys to just kind of give one nugget, one thing that you want anybody that's watching this to take away. What's the one thing you want people to know?

Okay, so what I want you to take away is if you're in a relationship right now and you're being abused and you're feeling torn down and hopeless and that it will never get better, it absolutely can get better. I've seen people at their lowest low, and I've seen them going back to being proud and happy and strong and celebrating their life. So if you're feeling like hopeless, call our hotline 404-873-1766. It's one step at a time. Take that first step. It will get better. You will find yourself again.

My one takeaway is you're not alone and help is out there. You don't have to reach out to PABV. There's other agencies out there in Georgia, but help is out there. So just make sure you get get in contact with a DV agency and get help.

Now that I've got like more information like on what to give these women when they come to me, I think we can help a lot more people, you know. Like, and I get a lot, like, like Do Better still growing every day. Like, it's not like— it's still streaming millions of plays. So it's just like more women are coming aboard and realizing their worth. Like, I never knew a song could make women feel like, why am I in this situation? Like, I had— I get a lot of women that say like, your song made me leave.

Wow.

You know, so like, if a song— like, if my song is doing that, and now like the women who my song didn't make leave but is getting to them, like, at least I can give them the information and the knowledge to be like, okay, I'm out.

Yeah, man.

You you know, like, so I thank everybody for y'all time. I thank you for the information, you know, and I definitely will pass it along.

Yeah, man. My hope is that we can do this again. I don't know when, but we'll kind of coordinate.

No, we definitely will definitely keep it going, like, because, like, as the fan base grows and people realize, okay, like, okay, like, he really went and sat down and—

yeah.

My kids started school today and I like, I had to rearrange a whole lot of things, you know, because I wanted to do this. Yeah, you know, so like, I definitely want to do this again. We can do it as we like. People see me serious. I'm gonna leave this live up so women can go back and watch it, you know, like, because, right, like, it's Monday, a lot of people started school today.

Yeah.

So I'm gonna leave it up to give people time to go out through or come in later on tonight and watch it, you know, and be able to get information from it. And then the people that I did get DMs from, like, I'll go back and send them the number. Yeah, even if you guys save it under Pizza Hut, like, there you go, you know, like, you know, even if you got to save it under your doctor's name or, you know, whatever, like, I'm gonna give the number out, you you know, save it, you know, like, and you know, it's crazy thing is because we have business cards and on one side it's our, it's our crisis line number and on the other side it says PEDV Nails.

This way if, if an abuser sees it, oh, that's just a nail salon, right?

Yeah, exactly.

You know, so that's, you know, it's just the little things, man. And so our, the next time we do this, we'll make sure we do it at like 5 o'clock so we get a different group.

Yeah, exactly. So yeah, so we going to be at a time where everybody's home and, you know, got a chance to shield. And then see too, like, I'm going to put it— Wendy's recording it and we're going to put it on my YouTube channel, you know, and we'll spread the information and we'll save a lot of lives.

Amen.

I appreciate you, brother.

All right, thank you so much.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

And thank you guys for watching. Um, like I said, PADV Atlanta is all of our social media handles, @PADVAtlanta on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Um, you can DM us if you have any questions or if you need anything, or you can call our crisis line number. It's pinned in the comment section, but it is 404-873-1766. So call us if you need anything. DM us if you have questions. More than happy to get you whatever you need.

One more question. Yes. If you were in an abusive relationship and you left the situation, but the abuser is still harassing you, like text calls, like, uh, bricks outside your window, threats. Like, what, what is your next step? Like, what do you do? Like, do you call the police? Do you, you know, like, can you, can you, can you get like a, like, what, what's restraining order?

Like, so you probably in that situation want to get a temporary protective order. And what you do is you go to the county where the abuser lives and you tell them you want to get temporary protective order. If it's Fulton or Gwinnett, we've got staff that will walk you through the process. And so that can, it can give you custody of the children, it can give you residence of the house, it can say that your abuser can't come within a certain distance of you. And if the abuser does violate the temporary protective order, then he can get arrested for doing that. Now what you need to remember is that that's only one piece of protection. So even with the temporary protective order, if your abuser knows where you go and how you go every day, and gets behind you walking down the street and has a gun, that temporary protective order is not going to keep you safe. But it can help. It can be an important part of the safety plan to increase your safety. And, and if he's got a job that he wants to keep, if he's got things that's important to him, and you have a temporary protective order, he's going to understand, if I violate this, I'm going to jail, so I need to back off.

And I'm wondering this too, like, is it something that like train women to protect themselves? Like, is it like— that's what I be thinking. Like, why isn't there some, like, you know, like a class where women can learn how to defend themselves, or like even firearms or whatever? Like, you know, training.

Yeah, you know, we don't— if somebody wants to take that step, that's certainly their decision. We don't advocate for that. A couple of reasons. If you own a firearm, there's always a possibility that that can be used against you, even if you know how to use it well. And again, abuse is not only physical.

So say like once you're out and you still have this fear, you know, like—

right. And I, I think that's something that if you're out of the situation and you're looking at what else can I do to make myself feel safer, I think that's an individual decision that people will have to make. Do I want to learn some physical protection techniques What are the things that I need to add to my life now that will give me a better sense of safety? And I think it's really individual.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, I had a little— somebody else I know just had this situation recently and they just popped in like, oh, I forgot this one, you know. There'd be so many, but we'll definitely come back and visit.

I'm rolling the CD as long as you're rolling the CD. I just know, I think Nancy has some sunburn.

Yeah, no, no, we good now.

It's a great question.

Now we're good.

It's a good question.

All right, so thank you again, brother. I appreciate you. Uh, thank y'all for watching. If there's anything that we can do for you, please feel free to DM us and, um, or call our crisis line and we'll get you squared away. Thanks, everybody.

All right, thank y'all. Ludo!

There is like a women's self-defense program run by a jiu-jitsu guy in Athens.

That was awesome!

It was great.

There was actually somebody who said she called the crime line and said, uh, they said that we said that we were