Wendy Day, a music entrepreneur for 25 years, talks about keeping relationships alive while building a career in the industry. She schedules dates on a calendar, tells partners upfront what to expect, and says clear communication and time-blocking matter most. Early-career artists may have to choose between a relationship and their business.
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Hi guys, welcome back. Wendy Day here. Okay, today let's talk about relationships. And you hear me say all the time how important relationships are in the music business, but this time I'm talking about the other kind of relationships. I'm talking about girlfriends, boyfriends, baby's mom, baby's dad, mothers, fathers, family, people that you love. Um, and it's very difficult when you're starting any business to show attention to the people around you, your family, your loved ones. Um, and the music business is no different. And because so many people don't know coming into the music business what it takes to succeed, the growth time is substantial in the music business. Um, for those of you that are studying to find out how it works and you're going to take what you've learned and apply it and build a career in the music business, the curve of time will be substantially shorter than those of you who are learning through trial and error. Um, trial and error can take a decade or better. You'll hear a lot of people that aren't successful yet, that are still building their careers, say, oh, I've been in the music industry 10 years, 15 years, I've been making music 20 years. Um, and if you don't really know what you're doing, that's very realistic. So, um, in terms of relationships those kind of relationships, loving relationships. It's going to be really hard for you to sustain any kind of loving relationship if 100% of your effort is going towards building your career or making music. I've heard many, many, many times people say— people, not the artist, the people that are your loved ones— say that they always take second place to your true love, which is making music, whether it's songwriting or rapping or, um, being in the studio or, you know, whatever, producing, making beats, whatever it is that you are doing. And I almost said what you're addicted to because it's a little bit like an addiction, isn't it? Um, but it's very difficult to start any business. It's like growing a child. It's like having a, having a baby. It's like growing a child. It's, you know, it's, it's time-consuming. It's incredibly time-consuming. You know, even at the place where my business is 25 years in, I still spend anywhere from 16 to 20 hours a day working because I enjoy it. I'm very much a workaholic. Perhaps it's avoidance behavior. I haven't gone through years of therapy to, to suss this out, but basically I love what I do, and it's very difficult to sustain a relationship and have balance when you're so driven as a workaholic. I happen to be in a relationship with a man who has a similar— I don't want to call it a problem because for us it's not a problem, but has a similar affliction. And he loves to work too. So, you know, when we make time for each other, we're actually scheduling time like on a calendar in order to spend time together, and neither of us seem to have a problem with that. It, it works for us. That doesn't mean it's going to work for you. When you enter into a new relationship and you are— you're an artist at the, at the beginning of your career, you're absolutely going to have to communicate with your loved one and explain what it is. You know, it's like being in a relationship with a doctor who's always on call. You can't control when you get these brainstorms of creativity and need to be in the studio. You can't control when you are just starting to get on and you've got an investor or a record label. You can't control when you're gonna have to record. You're going to need to record more music than ever in this, you know, the music business the way it is today. So you're going to have to communicate greatly with your loved ones to let them know, hey, this is what it is. And if you're in a relationship where there's a child involved, it becomes even more difficult because that child not only is demanding of your time but extremely deserving of your time. You know, it's just my opinion, but when you have a child, it's like you have to give up part of yourself in order to dedicate to that child, to help build a productive human being, right? Somebody that is well-balanced, well-adjusted, feels loved, you know, gets your time. A baby doesn't understand, you know, I have a record coming out, or I have to go into the studio. And those of you that know me have heard me say many times I don't know how I would have built my company with children. I don't think that I could have done it. So I really admire those of you men and women that have children in the music business. I just— it's amazing to me that you have the time to do it all because I know how time-consuming this is. So the more experienced you are in the music business, the easier it gets. The more knowledgeable you are about the music industry, the easier it will be, because then you will be devoting 100% of your time to building your career instead of a large percentage of your time to figuring it out. This is not an industry that you can look in at and say, oh, this is how it works, and see clearly how it works. 99% of you don't understand how this works, and you've been probably watching my videos for 10 months now. To learn the music business. It's just, it's an industry that is very difficult to learn and it changes very often. So learn as much as you can, be as communicative with the people around you as you can, be sensitive to their feelings. Remember, it's normal to spend time with people that you care about. It's not abnormal. So they're not asking for something, which is your time, They're not asking for something that they aren't deserving of. So relationships, they're very challenging in the music business. And if you can just communicate with your loved ones what it's going to be and how it's going to be up front so that you're not misleading them— you know how when you're in a new relationship you just want to be with the other person all the time? Well, when that sets the tone and then you start spending all of your time in the studio, after a while it sends the message that they are no longer important to you, whether you mean to send that message or not. So just be communicative up front. Let them know that you're an artist, you're a songwriter, you're a DJ, you're a producer. Your, your business is going to take you away from them for large chunks of time. And as long as they're cool with that, then, you know, like I said, I found, I found somebody in my life that, that works with, you know, the relationship I had before this one. It worked, you know, he was very understanding of my career. The relationships that I've had, you know, prior to my company being successful didn't work because it always came to a point where I had to choose between the relationship or my company. And unfortunately, I chose my company because that's my heart. I hadn't met somebody prior to that that— oh God, and if they're watching this, I've really offended them— but I hadn't chosen somebody you know, before 2000 that was worth me giving up part of my company to, to be with. And that's just the reality. And I'm sorry if that offends anybody, and I'm sure it did, but it's, you know, it's the, it's the nature of relationships. And I'm very upfront and very open in my relationships and explaining my schedule and how it works. And then I'm also, on the other hand, very good now at balance. I'm very good at, at scheduling time for me and scheduling time for my relationship. But then, you know, my company's 25 years old, so it's kind of easy to say that. It's— that wasn't the case in the first 10 years. Okay guys, thanks for understanding about relationships. I hope this helps you in building your relationships. And remember, if you have kids, they come first. Okay guys, take care.
