CONTROVERSIAL Wedding Ideas or Nah? | Wedding Planner REACTS

Hi, and welcome to Union Podcast. My name is Jamie Wolfer, and I'm a wedding planner who absolutely loves to share how I got started and scaled my business to above 6 figures in this amazing and occasionally extremely competitive industry. In this podcast, I share the tech, tactics, mindset, and mistakes that got me to where I am today. No gatekeeping, no cloak and dagger, just full disclosure and a little humor along the way. So whether you're a planner or a solopreneur, my goal is for you to be a better business person than I ever could have been and support you on this journey. Let's dive into this week's episode. In order to be effective in the wedding industry, sometimes it's extremely important to know what are the pain points of your audience. Today we're gonna take a listen to one of my most popular YouTube videos in the audio form, 'cause every once in a while it's a good idea to step away from the video and let it hit that brain center a little different with just the audio. Know what I'm saying? So let's take a listen. Well, hello, lovely humans. Welcome back to another rousing round of controversial hot takes. Let's see what the kids are calling controversial these days when it comes to wedding planning. Hi, if you're new here, my name is Jamie Wolfer. I'm your online wedding planner. And in today's video, we're gonna do something we do like once or twice a year here. And that's where we find everyone's like controversial hot takes when it comes to their wedding. And we're gonna see if they're actually controversial or not. Coming from someone who's, you know, done this for a decade. And from someone who spends an obscene amount of time of her life on the internet. Anyways, without further ado, let's just jump right on into it. You ready? Do we need to stretch? I feel like we need to stretch. Stretch. I'm not stretching, but you should.

My husband and I did a lot of non-traditional, and I guess maybe to some people taboo things on our wedding day. So I'm going to share with you the things that we did and whether I regret them or not. First, maybe most controversial, was no extended family. We did around 60 people, and our bridal parties were very large, but we didn't do extended family. My husband has a very large extended family, and I have a pretty small one. A lot of our extended family we only see at weddings and funerals, and we just felt like we We didn't want to meet spouses for the first time at our wedding. We didn't want to be greeting people and just doing casual conversation. We just wanted our closest people. In hindsight, so many of our friends and family have been like, oh my gosh, that was amazing. I kind of want to not do extended family. And again, maybe a controversial thing to do, but I did invite extended family to our bridal shower that Matt also came to so that they could celebrate us. We could talk. They were told not— like, you do not have to get us a gift. We just want to give everyone the chance to celebrate. Send us off before we go get married in like a super, super intimate setting. At the end of the day, I've lived a lot of my life pleasing other people and doing things for other people, and this was the most important day of my life, and I wanted to do what was best for us, and that was just having our closest people there.

Okay, okay, okay. My girlfriend Kara, she's a bridal coach. I'll go ahead and link her stuff right up here if you want to, if you want to check any of her stuff out. She's so good. Like, I say bridal coach, but like, you know, you know how hard wedding planning is. You know how stressful it can be. You know how emotional it can be. And really, most time it's the emotions, the expectations, and the finances that can get in the way. It's very rarely just like the act of planning the actual event. It's all the extra stuff that comes with it. And one thing that Kara has said before, and I'm like, well, I mean, you're not wrong. She was like, you could say and basically do almost anything you want when it comes to your wedding. It's just how you say it. It's how you present it. So initially hearing the no extended family thing, I was like, oh, oh, oh, that's gonna make some people mad. Like, of course I'm always gonna be camp, like, let's figure out what works best for your wedding. Okay. But also I'm aware that there is a certain like level of cultural or etiquette expectations that certain families have, or, you know, certain cultures have, where it is understood that you're going to be doing certain things. And I do think that you are allowed to break out of those things. It's your wedding, you're paying a lot of money for it, okay? I do think that you do not have to adhere to every single cultural or traditional norm simply because your family and/or friends want you to. However, I think it's how you say it, because you're gonna get yourself in a situation with your grandmother who's like, what? Because that extended family would mean grandparents as well, so Um, technically, I mean, your immediate family is your parents and your siblings, and that's it. And possibly their spouses as well, and their children as well, etc. So I do think this is something you can do. I think it's something you can successfully navigate. I think you're not going to please everyone when it comes to wedding planning. I do think that if there are ramifications or fallout because of this, you might have more follow-up conversations, or you might have hurt feelings, because there is a sense of decorum and norm that comes with wedding planning, especially culturally or family dependent, that you will have to kind of break the mold. And so you may be paving the way for the people behind you, for those getting married behind you in your family or in your area, etc., to, to change those things and to move things around. But just bear in mind that you will, you will be breaking the mold or breaking something, you know. It's gonna take a little bit of emotional effort and emotional work on your part to be able to pull something like this off. Again, I'm here for you, support you, love this journey for you. Just bear in mind that if you say no extended family, that that could have ramifications attached. Let's be honest, wedding planning is a lot. Whether you are getting started or you're investigating getting started, or you're actually now planning weddings, you know as well as I do that it can be a very intense job with a lot of plates spinning and a lot of things to keep track of. That's why I love partnering with any sort of technology that makes me a better wedding planner. I know, I know, and I'm admitting out loud to the interwebs that I may not be the best wedding planner on the planet, but you know what makes me look really good? You know what really and truly helps me knock people's socks off?

Timelinegenius.com.

You guys, when I tell you that this simple tech will take all of your answers and you, you just type them in there and generate out the most gorgeous, most detailed, most professional looking timelines, this is gonna knock your socks off. And but you don't take my word for it. We actually have an offer for you through Timeline Genius where you get 2 weeks for free if you go to theunionpodcast.com/timeline. Check it out today. Not only do you get these professional looking timelines, by the way, but you can individualize the one that you send the photographer to the caterer, to the wedding party, and send out text reminders for when all those groomsmen are late so they don't have an excuse anymore. You can literally send them a text and have it set up beforehand. Go ahead, go to unionpodcast.com/timeline and thank me later. I'm only mildly embarrassed to admit that in the beginning I printed out every single piece of paper, every single contract. I took handwritten notes and created a binder for every single one of my wedding planning clients. Now, in theory, that sounds really cool, and I thought I would look really cool showing up to these meetings with these binders that are full of all of these contracts with handwritten notes. But let me tell you the chaos that ensued when I tried to stay organized on my own and got over 5 events at a time. It was a nightmare. Enter HoneyBook. Hi, I'm Jamie Wolfer. I am telling you guys, HoneyBook was literally exactly how my brain was processing wedding planning, but just in digital form. It's so easy to go in there and make any sort of customizations that you want, from adjusting your contracts to adjusting your packages, maintaining conversations back and forth that not only pop up in the app on the website, but also in your inbox as well. It's a great way to stay organized. So get out of the paper and get onto the digital. Head to wolferandco.com/hb and use code UNION at checkout to get the best deal. Weird switch up.

Up, but we said yes to kids. We allowed all of our closest friends and family to bring their children because it was a destination wedding, it was on a weekday, there was only 60 people. We know each of their kids and have such a big relationship with them that it was just like an easy yes for us. I didn't regret it in any way. I loved having each of their kids there. It was not a nuisance, a hassle. They didn't get in the way. Some of them did choose to leave them at home, which was totally their discretion.

Yeah, I do love this. I do, I do. I love kids at a wedding. But also, like, y'all know, as I'm filming this, I'm pregnant with my fifth kid, so I, I have no issues with kids. In In fact, I've seen more issues with adults at weddings than I ever have with children, ever. In fact, all of the issues barring one or two have been with adults. So, you know, can't ban them unless you want to get rid of the entire extended family because they might be rife with issues. You know what I'm saying? So I do love when you're— especially if you're hosting something that's far away from the families, I do love when children are included or involved or invited, etc. Or if you hire a sitter, you know, there's a couple of things that you can do as a workaround. I also fully love a night out without my children.

This is one of my favorites, but instead of bridesmaid and groomsmen walking together down the aisle, I paired bridesmaids with bridesmaids and groomsmen with groomsmen. So my 3 maids of honor walked together holding hands down the aisle, or my 2 brothers were together, and they were all paired by friend groups, like people that they're really close with. My grandmas walked together. We loved it.

Okay, interesting choice. Could, could come with more emotional ramifications when you're trying to like, well, would they walk better with this person or this person? This sounds cute. This sounds sweet, and if it's easy for you to put together, do it. Like, it's not, it's not that big of a deal. Um, but also, 3 maids of honor, that's a, that's a lot. That's a lot of maids of honor. Um, which, I'm not casting judgment, that's a lot to be walking side by side down an aisle together. To have it like 3 people wide comfortably is quite large. It's quite wide. Uh, so something to keep in mind, or just have them walk in individually. Like, it doesn't have to be— you don't have to pair people up to have them. It's actually not a rule anywhere that you have to have more than one person walk down the aisle at any given time. You can totally have a singular person walk if that's what you want to do. Um, also, if you want to limit the time for your processional, if you have groomsmen, you can have them coming in from the side, um, to kick off the start of the ceremony. So it doesn't even have to be like a proper song. They can just walk in, like mob on in together, and then bridesmaids kind of pacing themselves individually down the, the aisle, should you choose to. But it doesn't have to— don't feel like you have to pair people up. In fact, I would almost prefer that you didn't, but then again, it's not my wedding day. Like, I don't care, I'll support you in whatever you want to do. But if you're looking for my preference on it, like, don't, don't— why are we pairing them up? And 3 people wide is— it can be a lot.

I already mentioned this one, but getting married on a weekday— I loved it, I'm so glad we got married on a weekday. But in hindsight, I do feel like a responsibility of people literally asking to have time off to come to our wedding. And everyone that came was like, oh my gosh, non-negotiable, don't even think about it. But there's something that like aches my heart about that. I don't know why I'm in the sun so much.

Okay, this is— yes, if you get married on weekday, there will inherently, for a lot of you, come a little bit of guilt of like, oh shoot, I'm asking people to take time off of work and it's a destination wedding and they're having to travel and their kids are invited should they want to bring them, right? And so they're like, wow, this is adding up really quickly and I'm missing out on income. Sure, but I'm also in camp let your yes be yes and your no be no. Okay, so if someone is going to say yes to come to your wedding, then that means that their yes is a yes. And if they have issues giving out yeses when they don't mean it, that sounds like something that they to process through and not something that you need to internalize and worry about everybody in your life going through. So yes, let their yes be yes. And yes, understand that there's probably going to be some emotional ramifications and maybe even some verbal feedback from family members or friends should you choose to make that sort of move, or should you choose to get married on a weekday or out of town or both combined. But at the end of the day, it's your love story and it's your budget. So, um, give grace for people to say no, give grace for people to have opinions on it, and then stick to your guns and put up boundaries where you need to.

I did also have a playlist that I made for the DJ of what I wanted to be played and what not to play. No regrets on that, even if you think it takes away from the fun, because everyone was like, "That was the best playlist I've ever heard." That's super cute.

Okay, only do this, like, only do this if you super want to. Only, only, only do this if you super want to. If your DJ is asking you specifically to provide a playlist for them, that's— I don't want that, okay? I want them to fulfill the role. That'd be like me as your coordinator being like, "Can you provide me a timeline?" No, that's what you hired me for. That's what I'm supposed to be doing. That's my job. That's for me, not for you to worry about. Now, if you provide me with a timeline, I can say, this looks great. Here's what I'm thinking. Here's some adjustments that we're gonna make. I'm not going to get after you, get mad at you because you put something together and you're being a little proactive baddie. I love that for both of us in this situation. As long as you can hear and understand that like, I am also going to be providing a timeline and I can add in a little bit more. So if you wanna create a playlist for your DJ, go, Go off, do it. Just understand that there could be like a little bit of professional feedback they might want to give you and/or it's a little bit of like they might move some of the songs around and not play it in the order that you necessarily had it set up in. So don't go super ham on this if you are hiring a professional DJ, because it is their job. However, don't feel like you can't have input on this one. Okay.

I did first looks with whoever I wanted. I did them with my grandparents. I did them with my brothers and my dad because those were moments that I wanted to remember forever. However so many people say you black out and you don't remember everything, I wanted to remember those interactions and have special conversations with them. I don't care how much it fed into the timeline or whatever it looked like.

I do think that's really cute. I do love this. Uh, I, as the person who does write the timeline, um, you know, as a little helpski— also, by the way, if you need a timeline, go to perfectweddingtimeline.com, okay? We've partnered with this incredible software to help you come up with literally the perfect Wedding timeline. I agree. I think carving out intentional moments to spend with those that you love and to capture photos that you really want are important. I think that having a professional take a look at that timeline and like make sure we're creating space for that throughout the day is going to be the most ideal so we don't have to sacrifice anything else. But that's why we do what we do, so you can have the space to do what you want to do.

We went super casual with the food. We did a pizza truck and everyone loved it. I hate on a wedding day being so hungry and then having to eat like a super fancy meal. That's just us. We like really plain, really simple stuff.

Okay, pizza is not plain. Pizza is superior in food groups. I love pizza. I love pizza so much. Okay, I love it so much. I do think that when you are serving pizza for your wedding, especially because she said pizza truck for food, um, this is something I always talk about, and anytime someone brings up pizzas, I'm like, hey, just bear in mind, if you have too many selections, you may get people that are standing in line waiting for that selection to pop back up and snacking on the pizzas as they're standing there waiting. So you kind of have this element, especially if it's like wood-fired or something really— it's so fun, it's so fun, and I love pizza. But you could have people kind of clogging up the line waiting for the pizza that they want to arrive. So limit the options that you are giving to your guests, which limits then the options that the food truck or the, the wood-fired pizza service is creating. And then you don't have these like quagmires of people who really want pineapple on their pizza, which I don't understand. I don't get it, okay? And my husband and all of my children love it, and I don't get it. And I, I I am alone in my own household, okay? It just doesn't make sense, okay? And the last time I brought this up, I said fruit doesn't belong on pizza, and people like, wait till she finds out what tomato is. I know what tomatoes are, okay? But they read as savory. I'm not asking what their scientific name is. They read and taste as savory, okay? They don't read or taste as sweet. I'm done, okay? So if you're gonna do pizzas, that's fine. Just don't do too many, and then make sure that your pizza service is capable of fulfilling those. So ideally having a slight backlog of them to just fill in whenever one goes free. Moving on before someone gets mad at me for the delineation between types of fruit.

We didn't have any hard liquor because we both don't drink much. My husband will have a beer, like a Negroni here and there, but it's just not something we value. And we were like, why would we— we paid for our wedding, so why would we spend hundreds— not hundreds— why would we spend thousands of dollars on alcohol that we aren't gonna drink or don't value in our life? No one was mad about it either.

Okay, she's so cute. She's so cute. Okay, also you'll run into situations where a venue will not allow hard alcohol. So if you can, if you can make some sort of beveragino unlimited, great. And by beveragino, I mean something, something alcoholic. If you're doing a dry wedding, obviously you're not gonna have unlimited alcoholic beverages. But you should have unlimited water, tea, lemonade, possibly sodas. You know, you've got options. Or if you're gonna be really controversial, only serve Diet Coke and Red Bull. Who remembers that one?

Yikes, that one was wild.

But skipping hard alcohol not only makes a lot of sense for couples who don't drink it, but also makes sense for venues that don't allow it or charge more for it or for those who don't want to spend that much money on booze in general. Because once you break from the like beer and wine only and possibly beer and wine and signature drinks only into a full bar or a hosted, a full hosted bar, we're talking multiple kinds of hard alcohol, multiple kind of mixers. The amount of ingredients that you need to pull off when you introduce hard alcohol really ratchets up really quickly. So I'm a big supporter of, if you do want to serve an unlimited amount of booze on your wedding day, stick to beer and wine, okay? Possibly a signature drink or two, but most assuredly do not feel the pressure to have an entire hosted bar with all the hard alcohols.

We gave anyone the opportunity to do a speech in our family or in our bridal party that they wanted to, and we assigned them a day. So at the bridal brunch, at the rehearsal dinner, on the wedding day, and we had speeches all throughout, and it was so magical. I would I will never forget that and I highly recommend it.

Okay, so cute. Okay, so cute. She had me going there for a second. I was like, wait, you just, you just open mic'd the entire thing? No. Okay, until then she said we like had them throughout the weekend, which I did see in the text, but I wasn't sure what she was saying in the text until it came out of her mouth. Okay, I like this. I like this. It's fun, it's unique. It's taking a traditional aspect of an event and turning it on its head and infusing it in your own personal way. As people don't feel obligated to give speeches at every single turn. So obviously if bridesmaids are all talking one day, maybe there's one bridesmaid who's like, no fam, not me, not today, not tomorrow, never, thank you. Um, but I think this is a unique way of kind of really representing you guys and creating space to honor those around you. And it sounds like you created a really intentional weekend with your loved ones, and I love this for you. Um, the whole like just open mic vibe Immediately, immediately, little bit of a yellow, orangey, borderline red flag. But if it's structured like this, I'm okay with it.

I also did a first dance with my mom just because I felt like so much the day your dad gets to do so much with you as a bride, and I wanted to honor her, and I love that so much. I have pictures of all of these things, so I'll share them if you guys want a part 2 because I have like 15 more things that we did. Let me know if you want a part 2, but the moral of the story is your wedding day is your wedding day. There are no rules. Do what you want. Think about people in consideration, but at the end of the day, it is up to you and what you and your partner want more than anything. And I don't regret a single one of them.

Okay, you are so cute. I also really, really— had I known that this was an option, I would have loved to do a first dance with my mom. My mom is one of my favorite humans on the planet, and I would have loved to have an opportunity just to honor her in that way. And I didn't get to, um, mostly because it wasn't really a thing when I got married. And so I just think I love this about the wedding industry and how much it's grown and changed over the last decade since I've been a part of it, to see things like creativity and intention come out. I do want to kind of touch on what she said at the end there, this little bit of like, uh, you know, at the end of the day it's your wedding day, which I do agree. I think that you should make the choices that you want to make for your wedding day and then host an event that your guests are happy and excited to be a part of. Here's what I mean by that. Don't let all of the opinions and influencing on the front end of things while you're booking things, while you're booking vendors, venue, picking out what food you want to serve, if you're going 4-course or you're going, you know, wood-fired pizza, it doesn't matter. Pick what you want and then make sure you're serving your guests with intention and with purpose on your wedding day. So I want to make sure there's enough food. I want to make sure the timeline goes really, really well. I want to make sure you don't have too many speeches. Because yes, you can choose to have, you know, 10, 12, 15 different speeches, but what I like here is that they spaced them throughout the day so the attention span of the guests didn't wane too much and then they didn't lose the buzz of the wedding. Or yes, she created her own playlist because she knows her family members and friends really well and was able to cultivate that, but also it served them on the dance floor because it created a really fun dancing environment. So not this spirit of like, we're going to play whatever we want to play on our wedding day and you don't have to dance. You can just deal with it. It's like, well, yeah, but also if you don't serve your guests' basic needs of food, uh, something to drink, shelter from the elements, um, and entertainment— because yeah, I would classify that as one of their basic needs on a wedding day— if you don't serve those, they'll probably leave early. And then what do we spend all this money for anyways? Okay, so we have to be good hosts. But, but I think you can still use all this power on the front end of things to create an event that you feel really passionate and really excited about. And then when you show up with love and intention and excitement on your wedding your guests see that and feel that and are excited to be a part of it. Any hoots? That was really loud. I'm so sorry.

Here are some things I will or won't be doing as a 2026 bride. Honestly, didn't think a lot of these things were controversial. Untraditional, maybe. Actually had quite a few comments from friends and family members complaining about some of these things that I'm going to do or not going to do. So I started creating a list. I have more than most, or at the very least more than I was expecting to have. I have 21.

Oh, hehe. Also, I will say if you have a lot of people complaining about it, that means you're letting— inviting a lot of people into your wedding planning process you don't necessarily need to. So if you find like a certain amount of people are kind of getting a little complaining but vast majority of them aren't, you'd be like, okay, cool, it's not that controversial, it's not that— it's not that big of a deal. But if you've invited so many people into and/or allowed them to know all these details about your wedding day, you're like, everybody thinks this is so controversial, that means you're probably talking about it too much, one, and/or two, maybe there's a reason. Yeah. In, but it could be one of those two options. Okay, but just like, don't invite people into your space if you don't want them to provide opinions on it.

Okay, that's been fun. Now before we get into it, two quick things. I feel like both of these should go without saying. Obviously I'm saying them, so I think a lot of people lack brain cells. Number one, I have seen a lot of soon-to-be brides or recently married brides post this same type of video, and the comments on their videos are insane. I can't tell you how many comments I've seen on videos like this saying, "Oh my God, that's so over the top." "Oh my God, that's so unnecessary." "Oh my God, that's so selfish." Abso-fucking-lutely it's selfish. It's my wedding. Unless you're paying for it, your opinion is irrelevant. Unless it's your wedding, your opinion is irrelevant. You can do what you wanna do on your day, babe. Don't be commenting on what I'm gonna do on mine. So keep your little troll alter ego under the bridge for this one.

Oh shoot, I'm reacting to this. Does that mean my troll alter ego is coming out? I do think that if you put content on the internet, you might be inviting feedback to that content. Uh, I'm aware of it. You could check out my comment section anytime, anytime you want to, and for the most part, people down there are super, super gracious. But I do have a number of people tell me I talk too fast. It— listen, it's not changing. It hasn't changed, okay? You can slow down the speed of the video. I don't know. But I put videos on the internet and so I'm gonna invite some feedback. So time to put on my troll hat. Where is it? I don't have it. Oh well, just pretend it's there and, uh, we'll keep going.

If you are invited to someone's wedding and you don't like the rules being asked of you or just what they're doing for their day, don't go. It is literally that simple. Please remember, if you do go, you are a guest. Guest at their wedding. So if the bride and groom ask for no kids, don't text them and ask if you can bring your kids. If they say no plus ones, don't text them and ask if you can bring a plus one. If they're serving barbecue and you don't like barbecue, don't text them and ask if they can provide other options. Number 2, if you are a bride and did or didn't do these things at your wedding, or you're going to do or not do these things at your wedding, I'm happy for you, babe. No judgment. I want you to have the day you want. This is just what I want to do and it's what's making me happy. So now that that's out of the way, let's get into it. Like I said, I made a list on my computer of 21 things that I will or won't be doing at my wedding. I'm not going to do all 21. I'll probably do 5 or 6. Number 1, I will not be using a wedding venue. I think wedding venues are the biggest scam and waste of money. Like, what do you mean I'm paying $10,000 just for the venue for 4 hours? 4 hours. That is so dumb. I don't love a venue enough to make those prices worth it. It's just about us getting married, not where I got married.

Love it. Let's carry this energy with us as we go through the rest of this video, because it's coming across a little abrasive, which is fine. It's your content. You're allowed to do whatever you want. But remember, imaginary troll hat. So in her defense, though, I do agree with what she's saying. It's something that I call the venue trap, where you sign on for a venue that's like $7,000, $8,000, $10,000, $12,000, $15,000, $20,000 just for the venue alone. And then all of a sudden you have to use their preferred vendors or required vendors. Uh, you can't use anyone that's not licensed or insured, which I do think is a really good thing. But you, you kind of like get boxed into a couple of things financially, um, or budget-wise that you weren't prepared for. So I do understand where she's coming from by being like, I'm not paying $10 grand for just like a wedding venue. I love this. I love this for you. We're already stepping off on the right foot. Congratulations. I'm keeping my hat on just in case though.

Number 2, I will not be paying for a florist. I think this is another waste of money and scam. Not to say that florists are not talented, 100% are. You definitely have to have a very creative mind to execute what they need to. With that being said, I still think the prices are ridiculous. Again, I understand you're paying for the flowers as well as someone's time. I just, I can't get behind the pricing. It's so stupid. I'm paying $6,000 for flowers that will die in a day, I'm good.

This is the beauty of weddings is you don't have to pay for it and you could totally DIY it. And actually, if you don't know what you should or want to actually be doing— I just said actually twice in a row, thrice now— um, there's a floral quiz right here that you can take that will guide you through. My team and I put it together that will guide you through like what you— what the options are for your wedding day and what honestly would suit you best. Is it hiring a florist? Is it DIYing it? Is it getting a kit and putting it together yourself afterwards? Or is it just like—

what—

we've got a whole spectrum of different different florals or different levels of DIY that you can do for your wedding day. And so I do recommend checking out the floral quiz if you're, if you're on this boat. Uh, I also only did florals for one wedding once ever, ever. Uh, and there's a reason. The reason is I made no money. I made no money, y'all. This was in like 2015 or 2016, and the couple had already hired a wedding coordinator, and I was like, yay, go you! But they'd heard about my services and were like, hey, would you be willing to do florals? And I was I was like, yeah, bestie babe, I could do that, no problem. Did like next to no research. All I know is that I pulled off my florals for like $220, $250 from Costco, okay? And I was like, oh, I could do that again, bet. And so I did. Well, sort of. I gave him a quote of like $1,200 or $1,400 because I was like, oh, I'm gonna keep this as affordable as possible. They're gonna be like, she's so good, she's so cheap, it's gonna be great. Okay, I'm— the story time's not gonna take forever, I promise. Anywho, dolls, long story short, I ended up spending probably $800 $800 on supplies. And by supplies, I mean like any sort of supplies I needed for the event and the florals. Might have been $900. And remember, this is like close to 10 years ago, okay? And then I paid an assistant who was a professional florist who was worth her weight in gold. If you've been around for a minute, or if you're involved in the Master Plan, or if you ever send us a customer service email, it's going to be Rebecca that replies to you, okay? So Rebecca's been with me for 10 years now. She's great. paid her for her time. She probably only charged me like $150. She should have charged me more. At the end of the day, I walked away with like $150 of profit. I'm not even kidding. Like, I made no money off of this. So in order to— and that's, that's 2-3 days worth of work, y'all. That was not like, oh, I just threw them together. It was the sheer variety, the amount of florals that I needed to pull off the vision, which obviously come in big bunches. It doesn't just come in singular stems, so you're buying them like a certain amount of them at a time. And then it just— it was so astronomically expensive. It was such an eye-opening experience for me that I realized, oh my goodness, florals are so expensive. Just buying them, the raw materials, can get really, really out of hand really quickly. So I don't think florists are a scam. If you don't want to pay the money, don't pay the money. That's why we have the quiz. I will literally walk you through how to DIY florals. I've got videos about that here on this channel. I don't care. I'm not calling florists scam artists because they're really good at what they do. And I'm also super aware of how much the wholesale cost of bunches of florals can be.

So—

Mm, you don't have to, but we're not calling them a scam, but you don't have to pay for it. But also, if you do, like, please understand. And this was again, 10 years ago, almost $1,000 in just the floral materials alone. If you calculated out the amount of hours that I worked on this event, I probably made like $3 an hour. I'm not even kidding. So much time and so much effort and so little money.

Number 3, I will not be getting my hair or makeup professionally done the day of my wedding. I do not wear makeup in my daily life or do my hair in my daily life. This is me, no makeup, and this is my natural hair. I don't do those things in my daily life, so I don't want to pay someone to do something I don't already do myself. I do not like myself with makeup on, so I will do a very simple makeup routine on myself so that I can still feel a little more put together. But still like myself.

Okay, also speaking of bestie babe, you're stunning. Your lash extensions are lashing. Your hair is glorious. I would pay good money to have my hair look like this when I woke up. Never in my life, never in my life. And I got good hair, I love my hair actually, I do. And I do love a good face of makeup. So this is definitely, we come from a different vibe and different perspective. If this is, you don't pay for it to be done, but also respectfully, you rolling outta bed something like that— I mean, there might be a little filter on this, to be fair— but if that's what your hair looks like organically, I can see why you don't feel the need to do anything to it. The rest of us with our troll hats might want to or need to spend a little bit of time polishing the troll.

Number 4: We will not be having a bar at our wedding. This one is by far the most controversial I've had so far with friends and family. It's ruffled quite a few feathers because Apparently people don't want to go unless they're getting drunk on someone else's dime. I looked into this because I always thought a bar would be fun to have at my wedding. For a bar that wasn't an open bar, it had beer, wine, seltzers, and two signature cocktails, one for me and one for my fiancé. The price was actually disgusting. Could we pay for it? Absolutely. Are we going to? Absolutely not. I just don't think it's worth it that I would be paying for my guests to get fucked up. Now we're still going to buy a big thing of beer and probably some seltzers, but we will be having no hard liquor. I just don't feel the need to be dealing with drunk people, especially with both of our families who can't hold their alcohol. Not the day for that.

Mm, okay, okay. If you have alcohol, then you have a bar. Just— it might just be like a linguistic thing. Realistic difference here. You, you are, you are having a bar. You're just not hiring a professional bartending service to host and/or serve your bar, which then you're paying for them to do the shopping for you, most likely, unless some of them will allow you to do it on their own. You're also paying for all the staffing, you're paying for the bar, you're paying for the barware that comes with it. So yeah, like, I get it. I, I also did a DIY version of a bar, and we did beer and wine only, and we paid a server to serve it for the evening. We also had a venue that would allow us to do that, right? We didn't have to pay for a professional service to come in. Um, yeah, if you look at a number and you're like, oh, I could pay that, that's fine. But I also think there's quite a big difference between the idea of like, if you can't have fun without alcohol, then you can't come to my wedding, and, um, hey, FYI, this event is going to look and feel different than other events that you've attended. And if people are like, hey, I don't know if I like that, well, again, are you inviting too many people into your wedding planning space and inviting too many options or opportunities for opinions? Uh, and it's okay for them to say, you know, I don't know if I like that. I don't know if I— I don't know how they're saying it. Okay, whatever. Let's put a pin in that, cuz if we go down that rabbit hole, we're going to get stuck. But you are actually still having a bar, you're just not hiring a bar service for it, and that's okay.

Number 5: even though we will be having a fairly simple wedding, that does not mean I will be okay with our guests arriving like you're a dad in Hawaii. I don't need to see your Tommy Bahama shirt with your Tevas, bitch. I don't need to be seeing your toes. We will be be asking for semi-formal attire. Not black tie, but not business casual. You're at a wedding, I want you to dress nicely.

Okay, okay, okay, wait, wait. You're taking them on a date to Chili's, but you don't want to see their toes. Okay, Chili's might not be the right reference. Olive Garden. Olive Garden. I don't think Olive Garden has hard alcohol. Okay, you're taking them to a place that's got wheels on the chairs, but you wanna make sure they're nicer than business casual. We are setting up an event where we're like, you're not allowed to complain, okay? We're serving beer out of a cooler or a trough, 'cause we're not hiring a bartending service, so we're not gonna give you an elevated luxurious experience. You're just getting whatever you get alcohol-wise. And then we're also gonna have the request of like, closed-toed shoes only, which, Tevas I get, Hawaiian shirts I get, like, I understand it, but we're expecting slightly more luxury dressing without like a luxury offering. This is where the duality of this gets me a little bit, okay? I also wanted guests to look nice for my event. It's not like I don't understand where you're coming from, and honestly, like, I'm so glad she's out here sharing her stuff. I'm so glad that I got my troll hat on and we can talk about it. Um, I do think it's okay to say like, I don't want cargo shorts at my wedding, I don't want cargo pants I don't want the word slides to be used to describe anyone's footwear at my wedding. But to have this element of like, um, if you can't have fun without alcohol and we're just gonna be serving seltzers, not through a bar system, it just— Which also, if you have family members that you're concerned about their level of consumption, you need to have some sort of like stopper for them where you're like, someone's got to be able to cut them off. So it needs to be behind a bar where someone else needs to be serving. It, but we want you to dress nice and then you can just serve yourself alcohol. I love a good juxtaposition. Okay, we had a black tie optional wedding where the bride wanted to serve dinner out of food trucks. Like, the, the playfulness of that was great. I— it's not— now it sounds like I'm speaking out of both sides of my mouth. I hope you understand where I'm coming from with this. Um, perhaps it's just the spirit of this conversation that I'm like, if you have a very fancy black tie optional style event and then late night bites coming from a a food truck, because let's be honest, at 11:00 at night, like, the heels are off anyways. We want something a little bit greasy anyways. So I love that as an option. I do love that play, that juxtaposition, that duality. But let's make sure that we are not having traditional expectations for our guest attire if we're not going to be providing traditional expectations for the guest experience. I hope y'all understand where I'm coming from. It doesn't just sound like I'm just like making stuff up at this point, which it could be. Okay, we're on the last one though.

And last one for the video. Just because you want our family, to either one of us, does not guarantee you an invite to our wedding. This applies to friends as well. If we have not spoken in the last 6 months, you probably won't be receiving an invite. It's genuinely nothing personal. I just don't feel the need to have people there who aren't an active part of mine or my fiancé's life. I also feel this way with plus ones. This one has made people mad. If you are invited to our ceremony, you will not be allowed to bring a plus one unless your invite specifically states you can. Not every Everyone will be given a plus one. If you are one of my friends or family members that has a long-term partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, absolutely you can bring them. But my wedding is not your chance for a first date. I don't need strangers watching me get married. Now, when we send our invites out in like January, by the time our wedding rolls around, if you end up having a significant other that you've been dating for a good period of time, I will be asking that you text me and ask if they can come. I have not met them, the answer is no. I don't need to be meeting new people the day of my wedding. We also have one giant friend group, so I don't think it's necessary for you to have a plus one because you'll be able to sit with your friends. But there's my first 6 out of 21. If you want a part 2, let me know.

Wait, didn't she say at the very beginning, like, don't text the couple if you want to add a plus one? And at the end she's like, but if you find somebody and you want to invite them, then you can add a plus one. I don't— girl, you're so cute, you're so cute. I just don't understand what you're saying. Okay, also significant amount of time from January. When is your event? Because you're only supposed to be sending out invitations like 6 to 8 weeks in advance, 12 weeks tops for your invitations. Your save the dates, 6 months, possibly 12 months if you're doing a long distance and/or destination style wedding, or you've got a lot of people who are coming in from out of the country, okay? But 6 months is the standard for save the dates, and I feel like we hear those numbers and couples get like all squirrely and make up the rules from there. 6 months is a standard for save the dates, um, and then 3 months at maximum is the standard for invitations. Most of them are sent 6 to 8, possibly 10 weeks in advance. So there's, in my opinion, very little likelihood that someone's going to develop a substantial enough, um, relationship in the 6 2 weeks from your invitation sent date to your wedding date that would require or provide space or opportunity for a plus one. So my guess is you're sending them too early, probably. Because I— I mean, hey, love at first sight exists. I do, I do believe in that. I think that that can be the case, but the likelihood of you meeting a whole lot of new people or your bestie's new boyfriend, uh, you know, 14 weeks before your event is a little bit slimmer. You're probably not going to be tossing on plus one at that point, so my guess is your invitations are going out too early. But don't worry, text her, but don't text her. Okay, I— it sounds like I'm dragging her. Okay, I do appreciate that she's got boundaries and she knows what she wants, and I love that for her. Just as a word of caution from someone who's dealt with a lot of etiquette and a lot of families and a lot of expectations, uh, that Yeah, some of this spirit can be a little bit like, like we said in the very beginning with Kara, like you, you can, you can say a lot of things. It all depends on how you say it and how you handle these conversations with your loved ones. And if you say, hey, we're limiting plus ones, we're not adding them, like we're just trying to be really financially savvy and really intentional with the guests that we curate. I just think there's a general spirit perhaps between the first creator and then the second about, um, the general, uh, demeanor within which they discuss their wedding day. But this is It's her day and she's allowed to do any of this that she wants to. I'm just fully aware that it's how you say it and how you present it to family members and the amount of people you invite into the conversation that could affect your experience with those decisions. And I want you to feel confident and feel assured when you make these decisions that you have the ability to put up boundaries and you have the ability to put up stopgaps and you have the ability to say, no, we won't be doing that. Yes, we will be doing that. This in a way that maintains your boundary and makes sure that you are not absolutely positively drained and done with humans by the time it comes to your wedding day. Okay, that's it. That's all I gotta say. Okay, so that's all we have for today's video, guys. Thank you so much for watching. If you like the video, jump on down there, like the video, and subscribe to this channel for more tips and tricks for the modern-day bride. And until next week, bye guys! That's all we have for this week's episode, guys. If you enjoyed you enjoyed it, do me a favor, screenshot that episode and share it on socials. Tag me in it. I would love to see. Wolfer and Co on Instagram. Let me know if you're enjoying it. You can also let me know if you didn't enjoy it, but I'm probably not going to reshare that one. I hope you guys enjoy this week's episode and we'll see in the next one. Bye!