HORRID Vendor Behavior | Wedding Planner REACTS

Well, hello, lovely humans, and welcome to Engage, a wedding planning podcast for the modern-day couple. I'm your host, Jamie Wolfer, and I truly believe that wedding planning does not need to be complicated or time-consuming. I kind of picture these episodes like jumping on a quick phone call with your wedding planner. You get your answers and you go on your merry way, because sometimes not all of us have an hour to dedicate to listening to super long podcasts or super long intros. So without further ado, let's just jump right on into it. Today's episode is actually an audio recording of one of my most popular YouTube videos. I don't know about you, but sometimes I just need to sit down and be able to process through the audio without the distraction of a video. So we decided to take this sweet little nugget and turn it into a podcast for you. I hope you find this helpful, my friends. Wedding planner pet peeves with other wedding vendors. Oh, these grind my gears.

There's something I see on the wedding timeline quite often, and it's always something we talk through and almost always gets changed. And that is when the couples are trying to like really force the toast or the speeches Like during dinner, just try to speed up the evening. Maybe we have a tight timeline, maybe there's not too much dancing time. So they go, okay, once we start dinner, we're gonna open up, we're gonna get the best man on the mic and he's gonna start talking. So there's a few things here.

First and foremost, let me make this really clear. This is Dom. I love him. He is hilarious. I've worked a wedding with him and he is 100% the same person he is online as he is in person. One and the same. He's fantastic. No issue with DJs. The issue I have here is more, um, couple pushed Catering adjacent, okay? But we'll get into my thoughts and details in just a second.

One, everybody knows public speaking is hard, right? And if the best man, the maid of honor are kind of shy and they're not comfortable, they're nervous about the speech, you have to have the room quiet and focused. And if dinner is still happening, whether it's plated or buffet, if it's a buffet, there's gonna be tables getting up and going to the buffet while the best man's giving his toast. You can imagine how hard that is because they're not just gonna be— they're not quiet, Chairs are getting pushed out, they're walking across, and if it's a plated meal, they're gonna be walking out like— and if I'm at this side of the table and there's somebody on the other side of the table getting their meal and I'm trying to watch the best man or maid of honor over there, and they're like, oh no, I had the chicken, she had the beef, can I get some more water? Cling, clang, cling, clang. So I always say at least get the plates down, like let the staff get all the food out, and then by then the bride and groom will have eaten, the best man, maid of honor will have eaten, because you guys get fed early. And then you can go into it for sure. Don't try to have that person give a heartfelt speech while food service is still happening. It just is too much of a distraction.

So this is coming from a DJ who literally watches the look on your guests' faces and helps to manage and/or host the toasts and speeches on your behalf. They organize who stands up when, where they stand. They usually hopefully tell them how to hold a microphone. So a DJ knows this intimately. Here's my bone to pick though when it's catering adjacent, because it's one thing if the couple's like, hey, We want to get these done as soon as possible. And then we can have a little educational moment like this where we let them know— the couple, because they've never really done this before— that that's not a good way to do this. I would actually take a step further beyond what Dom says here and say do not start toasts until the last table has had their plate in front of them for 5, 10, maybe even 15 minutes. Because what will typically happen is a majority of people— not all of them, but a majority of people— will stop eating To hear toasts. They will feel awkward. They'll be like, oh, I probably, I probably shouldn't be eating right now.

I should—

we guys, we gotta listen.

We gotta listen.

We gotta pay attention. And they will stop what they're doing in most cases in a seated situation like that to pay attention to the toasts and speeches. That's just proper decorum in most weddings. My bone to pick here is when catering interferes with the toasts. Okay? Okay. So if we are having toasts being given at the beginning before dinner even happens and catering starts dismissing tables, That's when I go, no, no, no, no, we're not. We're not doing that. We are. We're not doing that. Or tables are being dismissed and a DJ kicks off toasts. No, no, we're not doing that. No, thank you. Or we're partway through dinner and the DJ kicks off toasts. I'm so glad there are DJs out there like Dom who are like very clearly educating their audience. You should absolutely go follow him. It's the Wedding Duo, him and his wife. He's a DJ. She's a wedding planner. They're fantastic. I adore them. But the one interruption of speeches that angers me above all else is when catering staff starts busing tables During a toast. I'm gonna give you a tiny bit of a story time, okay? This wedding all in all was absolutely fantastic other than the fact that we had to call the paramedics. Other than that and, and the snafu with the catering. Actually, this wedding had quite a few things that went wrong with it, but the couple was smiling and had a great time and they were very glad that I was there to help them navigate some of these things, okay?

Okay.

Uh, I should probably address the paramedic thing. The dad, I believe, had a health condition and passed out and they couldn't get him to reawaken very quickly. So the paramedics and firefighters showed up, tended to him, but the couple was in the middle of their portrait session, so I had to run and go find them on the property to bring them back over to check in on the groom's dad, who ended up being just fine. But it definitely was one of those scares where I was like, the couple's going to want to be here. This is not something that I'm going to hide from them because that's not wise. We had already had catering issues with the catering manager. She had been, um, saying one thing and doing another, and we'd caught her in a couple of dishonest moments— okay, let's call them lies— in some of the pre-event communication via email. To the point where I went, my spidey senses are a wee bit alerted. Okay, we're just— we're a bit concerned. It's actually this wedding that led me to realize that some locations will have multiple events per day on site. This was a hotel in the middle of the desert in California and gorgeous. The landscape, the scenery, the heat was also— it was, it was a lot. All of it was a lot. So I knew going into this event that we would probably have a few issues with management and/or catering, especially if catering is attached to the venue in a capacity like this. So we ran into a few issues. I won't go too deep into the storytime on this. But we get to serve dinner, and we have someone with celiac. The bride's mom has celiac, and if you don't know what that is, that's not just like oh I don't I don't like gluten or oh gluten makes my tummy hurt. It is majorly debilitating if anyone with celiac disease has even a whiff of gluten. So we had to be very specific about the mother's plate. This was a plated meal. They were being individually served, and when the mother's plate came out, it was not the meal that she ticked off on her RSVP that she checked off on the list, which ensued a whole lot of chaos. Us trying to find the event captain, trying to find our main contact at the hotel. Come to find out they made the entire meal gluten. Gluten-free. We just had a mini tiny scare. So I'm saying all this to set the scene. We've already had the paramedics called. We've already had plenty of issues, and it's time finally for the toast. I let everyone know where they're supposed to stand. DJ cues them. They start coming up and sharing their thoughts and feelings, and sure as heck, the service staff starts to come out and completely clear the tables. I have my lunch right here. I mean, it's just like a matter of like everywhere. Everywhere. And I can't get them to stop. I'm like waving my hands, but it's an army of service staff that's going around clearing these tables. And so I'm going to look for the head gal that we've been talking to. I forget what her title was. She wasn't the event captain. She might've just been the wedding coordinator, but she had like a venue management title to her. So it was more than just a coordinator. Well, on paper it was more than just a coordinator. I can't find anyone to make this stop. The groom finally stands up to make his toast, to make his speech, and literally turns to the service staff and goes, hey, can we stop clearing tables please? Oh my God. Thank you so much. If a groom has to tell you to stop clearing tables, this is what I mean when I say pet peeves. I just— why? How did you think that this was okay? How did we think that this is appropriate? This is not new. This is not your first time doing this. This is not your first event that you're doing today. You have events all across the property. This is why I'm also a big proponent of putting a welcome sign, especially if you're at a place like a hotel or a place that could occasionally be confusing because guests didn't know where to go. They had no clue where to go because there was way too much happening on that property at one time and also made parking very difficult. Anyways, anyways, if and/or when you are having toasts, speeches, etc., make sure no one's clanking. Okay? Because there's only so much that people want to put up with. Sitting here listening to a podcast is all fine and dandy, right? But sometimes you need an actual person to be asking some of these questions to. And you may be sitting there going, you know what, Jamie, actually, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I would love to be able to ask you these questions. Guess what? You need to join the master plan. You've heard me talk about it, but do you know why I love it so much? You get over ten lessons that walk you through planning your wedding with videos and spreadsheets and other detailed resources along the way. Join me and my virtual clients over in the master plan and get all your wedding planning questions answered. Literally thousands of couples have gone on this journey with me, and I'd love for you to be next. Check it out at wolferandco.com/ tmp. That's wolferandco.com/ tmp. Listen, wedding budgets suck. They're just like the actual worst. And the hardest part for me is that weddings are not cookie cutter. They're not one size fits all. And I think it's important to make sure that you're budgeting according to your priorities. Build a budget that works with your vision and you'll be on the path to planning a wedding that you really want. So if you want my recommendations for making your perfect budget for you and your partner, head on over to weddingpriorities.com. You fell in love by chance?

Not yet. Nope.

I got a couple more things to do. You fell in love by chance, but you're here today by choice. You're choosing each other.

You've chosen to be with someone who—

When DJs are not— okay, this is okay. I recognize that these are very hyper-specific pet peeves. Okay. I just need you to hear this. I just need you to hear this. There is one end of the spectrum where couples have pretty high expectations for when and how a song is going to be played. Please play it from this second to this second. Okay? You can't start it before this and it can't go past this point. Or we want the doors to open when the song swells. And this is musical theater in its finest. Okay? We need this moment. There's that end of the spectrum. Okay? There's also the end of the spectrum where it's like, hey, don't play it when you're not supposed to play it. Okay? Those are, those are all issues that can happen with sound. Here's the biggest reason that I think DJs are super important and why selecting the right DJ is of the utmost importance. They control the sound of your entire event amplified. They're the ones that can blast music at the wrong time. They're the ones that can say something obscene over the speakers. They're the one that can distract everybody from their dinner conversation with constant announcing of the next table or saying jokes over the microphone. A DJ affects the entire space of your event, the whole thing. Florals are right in front of you, right? The food is immediately in front of you, right? Lighting that affects the entire space ambiance, right? But unless it's completely turned off or 5,000 Kelvin, Carl, it's not going to affect the event as strongly as the hearing portion of the event. This one vendor has the ability to set the entire tone for your whole wedding. I understand this is a very dramatic and intense language. The reason that I'm saying it like this is because, one, we've seen a bunch of terrible things. I think I'm going to have to do like a wedding DJ horror story. But 2, it's also very much avoidable. It would absolutely behoove you to speak with previous customers, previous couples that enjoyed their experience, see what they said. Also get reviews from vendors. The power of word of mouth when it comes to vendor researching is of the utmost importance, especially in the world of AI photography edits. Couples have to make sure they are doing their absolute due diligence sourcing vendors that are actually good at their craft, because unfortunately this is not a regulated field. It's just not. I'm not saying vendors are out there to scam you. I'm just saying make sure your money is going towards someone who's going to be worth every single penny. But 100%, a bad DJ is a pet peeve. It's a pet peeve. I hate it so much. I was just telling a bride yesterday about a DJ that wore a fedora and sang over all the songs with a very intense vibrato. And I was like, what is— what is happening? Like Justin Bieber, baby. I was like, I can't. Please hire the right DJs.

When you're working as a vendor, you're a part of a vendor team, and that's important. Team sport.

I think that our clients may hold certain vendors in higher regard in their eyes, but for us on the back end, all of us are equal, 100%, and we need to work together to make the experience the best that it possibly can for our clients. So like there may be a client that's like, I put all of this part of my budget towards photography or, uh, the venue or my florist.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

And they may hold that particular vendor in higher regard, but that doesn't mean as a vendor you get to swing your dick around.

It, it's so true cuz at the end of the day, you know who your boss is? The couple.

Mm-hmm.

It's the couple. So you gotta remember that, um, you're not, you're not in charge. I don't care if you're the planner, you're in charge of the day, but you're, you're not in charge of the day.

Right.

The couple is in charge of the day.

Mm-hmm.

You know, they're your boss and you wanna work well for them with everyone that they hired, the team that they assembled.

Mm-hmm. I've worked with, um, famous DJs. I've worked with, um, magazine, magazine editorial featured photographers. I've worked with TV famous bakers. I've worked with all of them. And I can tell you that it doesn't matter what they're paid. It doesn't matter how famous they are. If they suck as people, they're terrible to work with. Is that a mean thing to say? No, no, it's not. If they suck, they're not fun to work with. Okay. I like to treat other vendors like my coworkers for the day. And listen, a couple is not the only people that could give good recommendations. On a wedding day. And this is not my full intent for being nice to vendors, but it certainly is a perk. I try to treat every single one of the vendors as if they're a potential customer as well, because here's the deal. If a photographer likes you, they might recommend you for the next client. If the venue thinks you're amazing, you might make it on their preferred vendors list. Again, this is not the whole intent for why we're kind to people. It's just an unintentional benefit. Okay? But I could go on and on listing the amount of angry, upset, or irate, or just downright mean vendors that I've worked with. Hair and makeup artists, photographer, videographer, DJ, chef. Oh, do not piss off a chef on somebody's wedding day, especially if they've got a very tall hat. There's just— I don't understand. If you get to the point where you're in the wedding industry and you are so crabby that you can't be expected to hold a normal conversation with somebody, I don't care. You should probably go. If you are being aggressive to your coworkers, right? Like, we're all in this together. We're a team. Rah, rah, let's go. And you have to be sassy to everybody around you. Can y'all have children? We use the word sassy a lot. And you are just downright rude. I don't know how you keep getting employed. I just don't. I've had a DJ look me dead in the eyes and say, I'm not doing what you're asking me to do because I don't want to. Not to mention all the drunk ones. I've had photographers completely ignore my timeline because of their art, which again, I want to make space and time for. But if I give you the timeline ahead of time and you make no notes, or commentary or let me know that you need more time than I've allotted for you, then to me it just seems like you're not being a team player. I've had a videographer make other vendors cry. Yep. Literally kept stepping in front of the photographer's camera to get his shot. Man did not give 2 farts. Okay. Did not care. I've had chefs be so particular about the timeline I've been yelled at. I've had venue owners get super aggressive about the decibel level within which the DJ was playing. And I was like, this is not loud. And to be fair, this was in a rural residential area. So I get that they were trying to be really mindful. Of how loud the music got for their neighbors, but at the same time, this was not the first event that I had worked at this location. So I don't know if they were starting to buckle down, but I will tell you one thing: they were being real rude about it. Real rude. It is an absolute pet peeve of mine when one vendor acts like the show is theirs and the day is theirs. This also goes for other wedding planners. I ooh, um. I hate the wedding planner complex. I hate it so much. If you and I are working together, I want you feel seen and heard, and I want you feel celebrated. I am not going to look down on you. I am not going to poo poo on your ideas. I'm not going to yuck someone else's yum. I am not going to look down on the other vendors. I am not going to treat them differently because of how they are paid or what they charge. I am not going to do any of that. So I just think that we are in this as a team and other vendors should act accordingly. So that's the methodology that I take when I'm planning and working with my couples is I want to make sure their vendors aren't a-holes. Okay? Because it's going to make their day less fun and it's going to make my day more difficult. If you have vendors that are chill, that are nice, it's not just about price point because you'll probably find multiple in the price point that you're looking at. If you find vendors that are kind and good to work with, they're going to create a great energy on your wedding day, and I will die on this hill.

There are things that take your wedding from classy to trashy real quick, and as a wedding planner, I've seen it all. So I'll tell you some of the things that will make me pause and go, oof, this isn't going to be a good look. The first thing is anything that's asking cash or money from your They've already paid enough to come and celebrate you. They've taken time from work, they've gotten transportation, they've purchased a new outfit, they brought you a gift. Now you're gonna have a dollar dance and ask them to pay to dance with you? If you're willing to dance, you should be dancing with your guests anyway. Do not do it.

Hey, another ick that I personally have that I hope I don't cross is making extremely polarizing and potentially culturally offensive statements online. I have been doing this in this space for about eight and a half years now. I have accidentally said things that I didn't realize were culturally offensive, and I love to try to be a person that learns from situations like this because I only know so many things. I'll never forget. I've mentioned this comment multiple times before. I'll never forget one person that says, "Well, she's clearly never been to a Nigerian wedding," and I was like, "You're right. I actually have not." The reason I say this is weddings are very different in different locations. In fact, the bride that was talking to yesterday was talking about how guests in the Italian culture that she's a part of or knows of will show up with like a thousand dollars to give the couple. And for everything that goes wrong from the event, they'll like dock $100 off what they're going to give the couple at the end of the evening if they didn't like the food, if the DJ was too annoying. I don't know if this is true or if this is just Italian wedding lore. Okay, I've seen The Godfather, but that's about the depth of my experience with intensely Italian weddings. But I do know that a lot of cultures celebrate bringing money to the wedding specifically. So I think that statements like this— I don't think she realizes how, how offensive it could be. That gives me the ick when, when vendors come online and they just make broad sweeping statements because we're saying This takes your event from classy to trashy. You mean to tell me that in Chinese culture it's trashy to bring money? You mean in Chinese culture it's trashy to do the lion dance and put money through the mouth of the lion? You mean to tell me that's taking it from classy to trashy? Because I can tell you one thing that literally gave my body full chills and actually caused me to cry was watching a groom jump into the head of a lion at his Chinese wedding and start dancing around with it. I was so moved by this cultural experience that I think it's really bold and audacious to say that that is trashy. Because that's very culturally relevant. And I actually want to put a pin in that because it doesn't actually have to be culturally relevant for you to want to do it. It doesn't have to be. If you would like to do it, that does not make you trashy. So I do not care for when vendors come online and make very divisive statements because they don't know. And you know what? Actually, maybe this is great marketing. Maybe this is her way of saying, I don't want to work with anybody who does this. That's great. But this is yucking someone else's yum. And I think had we toned down the commentary on this a little bit or the phrasing that we used, to define this, it would have been a little bit more palatable. But the fact that we were saying it takes it from classy to trashy doesn't sit well with me.

Can we talk about the garter toss? Like, it's— it never feels appropriate. Everybody feels like they should be looking the other way, covering their kids' eyes. Please stop doing the garter toss.

I, I don't care either way. If you want to do it, I'm not going to shame you. I don't think it makes your event, again, trashy. I think it can be done in a tasteful way. I've seen a couple do it and be very silly, and the groom put the garter on a football and had all the guys go long and It was hilarious. This was also the same wedding, if you remember, if you've heard about this, where they gave out awards for like best dressed, most improved, best humor. I just was— this event was just chock-full of so many great details. Have I done a storytime on this wedding?

I don't know if I have.

I'm gonna hold please. Okay, so my issue is less with her not liking it and more with how she's phrasing it on the internet.

Okay, I'm probably gonna make some people mad with this one, but an overly themed wedding. It's one thing to have a vibe. You want it to feel country, you want it to, to feel farm, okay, great. But if everywhere I look there are little like tractors and it's just overly themed, it brings it from whoop whoop real quick. Oh, just so you guys know, whoop whoop is technical in the wedding field.

She— yeah, I, I, again, I don't disagree with where she's coming from. I probably wouldn't be on the internet saying this, and I've had weddings that I've worked that I do not like the design of. I don't like it. I don't care for it. Does that come out of my mouth? No. Because does it matter? Also no. When we as vendors get so protective over how our portfolio works that we stop serving the clients in front of us, like That breaks my heart. That makes me a little bit sad. Does that mean that wedding's going to be on the front page of my website? Probably not. But am I going to support them and set out their DIYs? Absolutely. Am I going to go drag their choices on the internet afterwards? Absolutely not. Again, I don't think that's what she's doing. I just think if we call it going from classy to trashy, this is very opinion-based, but I think it's going to be polarizing. And I think that this— if I was a couple getting married and I saw that my planner was making such strong statements online That would not sit well with me even if I agreed with the statements.

And then last, an overly intoxicated wedding party. Bride, groom, anyone that's of importance that's overly intoxicated, it'll take the wedding from classy to trashy.

Mm, I wouldn't use the term— I wouldn't use the term trashy. People are known to imbibe and sometimes drunk people are hilarious and I take this from someone who deals with a lot of drunk people. Like a lot. And they're not always trashy. There are sloppy drunks. There are sloppy drunks. There are trashy drunks. Of course, not everyone can handle their alcohol, or not everyone should drink alcohol. But I don't think someone letting loose and enjoying themselves for an evening makes the entire wedding trashy. Can drunk people be trashy? Sure can. Sure can. Does that mean all are? Nope. And I do think that having the couple be drunk is less than ideal because I want them to remember this day because they paid a lot of money for it and we're all working really hard and I just want them to remember it. But I also want them to remember it the way they want to remember it. I'm not their mama. I don't need to control their consumption, and I'm definitely not going to call them trash if they got a little too tipsy on their wedding day. So those are my pet peeves. Those, those grind my gears. The sounds of dishes clinking during toasts or toasts being kicked off at the wrong time. DJs absolutely screwing things up because they control the auditory experience of every single hearing guest in attendance. Mean vendors. Vendors who do not work well as a team player. And then vendors who bash couples.

Online.

It's one thing to vent, it's another thing to bash culturally important and/or aesthetic choices. So that's what we have for today's video, guys. Thank you so much for watching. If you liked the video, jump on down there and like the video. If you have wedding pet peeves yourself, I don't care if you're a planner or not, I don't care if you work in the industry or not, what's something about the wedding industry that just gives you the ick? Okay, unload on the comments. And until next week, bye guys! If you are struggling with wedding planning and you have questions and you just need someone to listen and to chat with, come join us in the Master community over at themasterplanwed.com. I would love to have you in there. Thanks so much for listening. If you haven't done so already, subscribe, jump on over to wherever you're listening to this podcast and leave a 5-star review so we can let the podcast people know that Jamie knows what she's talking about sometimes. And until next time, bye guys!