HOT TAKE | Do NOT Do This at Your Wedding

Wedding vendor hot takes that I may or may not disagree with. We'll find out together. Hot take, but what if we started just like not doing timelines for weddings and just like had a start time, you know? Like, so like formal photos are gonna start at this time and then the ceremony is gonna start at this time and then dinner is gonna start at this time. And we basically just live the day off of pure vibes. Honestly, I think this is where the best documentation documentary type photos can happen is if we purely live a day off of just straight vibes. I hate everything about this. Her caption says like, planner's gonna hate me for this one. Seriously though, I don't think we need to lay out every single little thing and I think it's more stressful for couples to have this giant timeline detailing their entire day rather than just living it. Okay. Hi, if you're new here, my name is Jamie Wolfer. I'm your online wedding planner. I've been planning weddings for over a decade now, and I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement. Sentiment? Sure, I'm on board with you. Okay, I hear where you're coming from. Apparently she's a wedding photographer according to her bio, little name thing, whatever. I'm so flustered that I hate this, everything about this. I think that in order to have this overall vibe of like we're just here for fun, someone's got to be running the show. In a previous video, in multiple videos, I've referred to like your wedding is like a train, you know, once it starts, you're going, you've got destinations to hit, you've got things to do, and there's got to be a conductor. There's got to be someone at the helm that's going, okay, here's what we're going to do. Here's, here's the timeline of things. Here's where, here's how fast we should be going. Here's the speed limit. And here are the sights that we'll be seeing along the way. And I think if you're a passenger on the train, it feels great, right? Especially if you're like, you know, it's a steam engine, it's a vintage locomotive, and you're weaving through the, you know, little mountain town of Durango, Colorado. We get it. It's cute. It's a moment. It's a vibe. But someone's got to plan it. So I like being the wedding planner that creates space for photographers to have this vibe, right? Like, I will create a timeline and I'm not going to tell them what they need to do within their timeline. So maybe her perspective is coming from like a, hey photographers, we should probably chill out just like a little bit. Maybe that's what— that maybe that's what it is. But coming from a planner, no, hard pass. It's with so many eyeballs paying attention to your wedding day, that with so many people to feed and entertain, and so many items that couples usually want checked off of their list, we, we don't really have the luxury of being like, ah, we'll just go ahead and wing it. If you don't have a high list of priorities and requirements that you'd like to achieve throughout your day, and/or if you have a smaller guest list— like one of the comments here, because I have it pulled up on my computer as well, uh, is, this is elopement vibes, only a few guests, family will never be ready or around if no schedule, also vendors need to know when to show up, like if they are for cocktail hour or reception entertainment. Just Can we just go based off vibes? No, bestie bear, you can go based off of vibes and I will be writing a timeline. Okay. And honestly, if you don't have a coordinator or a planner running your wedding day, which a lot of people don't because we be spending, then you need to have some sort of timeline and structure. And I do agree with the sentiment of like some couples are really overwhelmed by a very beefy, very intense timeline. That's why when I send out timelines to my couples, it's very skeletal. That's the timeline we have, the master plan. It's very skeletal. If you want something that's extra detailed, I recommend using perfectweddingtimeline.com. Instead. I'll link both of those down below as options for you. But yeah, scaling up and down, back and forth, the level of detail that you have on your timeline is very much personality-based. Even if a couple's like, well, we're just gonna wing it, like, we're just gonna go vibe today, you know, I'd be like, okay, cool, I'll write a timeline. I'll give you like a super like generic outline of what your wedding day is going to look like so you can just vibe, and then I'll send a detailed one to your photographer and the rest of the vendor team. Okay. Okay, someone else said, this is my nightmare as a photographer. This is my nightmare as a planner. As someone with ADHD, I could never do this. This only works if there's no formal portraits to be taken before the ceremony. Again, man, this comment section is cool. I never go through comments on TikTok. Um, did this on Friday for a small wedding and it was fabulous. Things ended up shifting as we went along, but everyone just went with the flow of how things fell into place organically, and it was so wonderful.

Wonderful.

I'll be implementing more of this moving forward. You're a photographer? Yeah, you're a photographer. This is giving the same vibes as like that one interview I did with Dave forever ago, Dave McQueen with Amari Productions, where I was like, yeah, I mean, I get that you have a goal that you need to do, but like I have to go check in with the chef to make sure the temperature of the food is correct. And he's like, I've never, I've never thought about that. Yeah, photographers aren't going to worry about the temperature of your food. Photographers aren't going to worry about, you know, making sure you get enough time on the dance floor because most of them are gone by that point. And if you as a couple has communicated to the wedding planner coordinator that you want to spend time on the dance floor and you have a photographer— I literally had a photographer like this once who, like, she spent an extra 30-45 minutes on portrait session because the couple was so excited about it that cocktail hour went longer. So she was going based off vibes when she was with them in the moment. Cocktail hour went longer, we ran out of water, it was already a dry wedding that started late, and it was super hot outside. I'm saying this because, like, it's gonna kind of wear away at people's, um, fortitude to want to stay at an event. And then this was also event that had like 45 minutes worth of speeches. So when the photographer was like, well, they just, they really wanted it, I wanted to be like, yeah, they also wanted food that was hot, they wanted their guests to stay, and they wanted X amount of time on the dance floor, and now we can't have any of those things. So I love this perspective for you. I will not be implementing this ever. Okay, last one. I'm so Type B, this sounds like a dream. Okay, I am not. I hate it. All right, let's hope this next one redeems the situation because—

so one of the biggest things I wish I could go back and tell my former self as a wedding photographer is to not structure your packages as 6, 8, 10, 12-hour packages. And here's why. First reason, because when you do this, you are completely cheapening what you offer people and what you actually do for people by this like little hourly rate that kind of feels like it's giving like retail worker that works for an hourly wage, when, when in reality you work way more than like 8 hours for them on a wedding day. All the backend work you do, where is that represented? Where is that communicated in the value? Right? And then on top of that, there's also the fact of 8 to 10 hours sometimes just feels like splitting hairs. It's like, should we go with the 8-hour or the 10-hour? It's like, this is such a silly question. Just have them book you for a whole day. Cause you don't want to be in a place where you get to a wedding and I've done this before where you shoot a wedding for 8 hours and then the client isn't done with their day and they have this beautiful send-off plan, but the 8 hours is up. So you gotta leave at 8 hours.

And it—

for what? So I can go home and just like chill on my couch? Why don't I just stay, make more money for booking them for the whole day, and then I get the full story of their day because I was there for a holistic amount of time for a full course meal of an experience with me instead of just, oh, you get 8 hours and nothing else. This is why I highly recommend a full day package or a half day package if it's like a really small micro wedding or a multi-day or weekend package. These are holistic experiences. Experiences that feel so much more full and rich than just saying, hey, you get this many hours with me and not a moment more. And by the way, I think you'll get paid more this way. Your clients won't be stressed about timeline this way. And you can still give a time limit and say, hey, like 10 hours or 11 hours is what I believe a full day will need to capture your full day. And if I have to stay for an extra 15, 20, even 30 minutes, I will, because you've got me for the day. But I just feel like the entire photography industry— and I used to be this person— blindly accepts the 6, 8, 10, 12-hour package structure, and I would love to see that structure go because I don't think it's actually a good way to structure or offer your packages.

This is not me turning this entire episode into hating on photographers, but what? Okay, again, sentiment, totally understand where you're coming from. I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it. Okay, this would be reformatting and restructuring the entire industry, and it's not gonna happen. So this is cute, like, I get the sentiment, and if you want to price package yourself in that way, that's fine. Most couples are still going to come to you and say, how many hours can we have you for? Why? Because this is how we've done it for a really long time. So if you want to turn the Titanic, it's going to take some time and communication. If you want to turn your own little personal Titanic, that's also going to take time and communication, which I think you can still do if— because I feel like he's making a couple arguments here. One, we are more than just the amount of hours you see us on your wedding day. Of course. Well, I don't think most couples assume that like you just show up and take photos and then all of a sudden they're presented. I think enough couples in this day and age like know that there's a little bit more effort to that. If they don't know that and they are assuming it's all about nickeling and diming or checking in and checking out for an hourly rate, then you can have an educational opportunity with them to let them know, no, there's a lot more to this because there is that perspective of an hourly rate when it comes to photography in general. So for me as a planner, I don't love this because my clients need a little bit of structure to cling on to, especially if they've never done this before. They need a little bit of a rudder, a little bit of direction to go like, okay, how can I compare this unlimited photographer you know, to a photographer that's $8 hours, but the unlimited photographer is like $3,000 more, you're still going to have to have a conversation experience with them to say like, here is why we don't do hourly structures. Also, what am I going to be doing at home sitting on my couch? Yes, yes, absolutely. 100%, without a shadow of a doubt. Yes. I do time limits on my wedding days. I'm not there for an unlimited amount of time. I have another planner friend who can have easily like a 14, 16-hour day for weddings. You know what? I love that for her. I love that she wants to do that and she communicates that well to her clients and they have a great experience and her guests have a great experience. Like, that's great. Uh, I don't have that level of desire or energy. I want to get my job done in a concise, neat amount of time and make sure my hourly rate is a rate that makes sense for my level of experience. And if we need to have a about it, or if my clients are uncomfortable paying that hourly rate for our day of services, that's okay. I just won't be the planner that's there for 16 hours. It's not my deal. It's not what I want to do. It's not what I want to charge. And yes, I could charge thousands upon thousands of dollars to pull off what he's saying here as a planner equivalent. That would put me into a different echelon of weddings. One thing we've really been focusing on the last few months is talking about the echelons of weddings and, and where you land on those. And we have luxury, and we have mid-tier, and we've got the low-end. Please use that term with a big fat grain of salt because low-end really is basically like entry-level to professional weddings. And then underneath that, we've got the DIY weddings, the scrappy weddings, the weddings where you won't be able to hire a planner or a professional caterer or maybe even a photographer, but they still count as a wedding. So my guess is his industry, his niche, his tier is a little bit more on the high end of things where people don't have to count every single dollar that they're spending on their event, and they have this a little bit more of this freedom where they want that luxury experience. Yes, please, I would love to have a photographer just be present for the day. But you're still gonna have this issue that you run into of communicating, like, boundaries. Like, I will never forget the first time I had a couple ask me to split up my hours for a wedding day. They wanted me to show up— or this was early in my career, as most of my mistakes and/or teachable moments were— where I was pregnant with my son. I had already traveled. It was 3 hours away from home. I paid for a hotel out of pocket. They wanted me to split my hours. They wanted me to show up to their venue this was when I had a 10-hour package, to receive their rentals and set them up and then go back to my hotel, which by the way, I wouldn't be able to go back to 'cause at that point I would've had to check out, go back to my hotel, spend 2 hours and then come back and spend my remaining 8 hours at their event. And I was like, no, that's not gonna work for me. And at that point I put the term consecutive in front of the term hours. Everything— all this is going to be educational. It's going to be a conversational experience for your clients. So yeah, early on I had to figure out what those boundaries looked like. And I do think that if you have an unlimited wedding day, it's going to be hard to point to something outside of yourself to be like, yeah, I'm not yours for the entire day. It's going to be really difficult to put up boundaries if you don't have some sort of structure to it. Here's the amount of hours we are available. We won't start before 6 a.m. No, we will not be there for your first bridesmaid getting her hair and makeup done. What? Because then, then it's more opinion-based. Well, you don't really need us there that early. Like, that's, that's not, that's not fun photos for you. And what if the couple goes, no, it really is. We really want before and afters of everyone in our wedding party is getting their hair and makeup done. Like, that's important to us. And you're like, well, crud, I don't have an external structure to point to anymore. So I have feelings about this one, and I don't like it. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't care for it. So I do understand vibes. Like we do with the first one, if you want to just like create experience. But even as you're talking about staying for an additional 15, 20, 30 minutes, do that anyways. Be the kind of planner or photographer that you are so confident in your pricing and book the kind of couples that you love to spend time with so very much that if a— if an issue arises where you have to stay for an additional 30 minutes, that grace is just poured all over it. And you're like, okay, I can do that, not a problem, that like I'll do that, I'll be here, it's not a big deal. You can also educate them and say, hey, we've run into this issue, I'm gonna need to stay a little bit longer, this one's on me, but if it goes beyond 30 minutes, we'll, we'll need to discuss like that looks like. Cool, great. Boundaries are beautiful, and boundaries provide structure for a really healthy working relationship. It's all in how you say it. But this whole vibe of like, I just want to do away— I just want to charge like $10,000 to be there at someone's day, and I just want them to spend so much money that I know they're not worried about how much money they spend, that I could tell them that I can do whatever I want to do on their wedding day— that may not be his spirit, but I'm not, I'm not liking this. If you would like to reformat that where you are there for as many hours or as few hours as you want and charge whatever you want, that's great. I'm going to tell you that your clients are still going to be breaking that down into an hourly rate. Okay? They're still going to do that. And especially without clear communication and boundaries. Anyways, can we find one that I might agree with, please? Why are they all— why are they all photographers? Planners, I need you to come give hot takes that I'm going to disagree with online. Thank you.

You're paying a wedding vendor for their services. You have every single right to use your voice and speak up whenever things are not going in the way that you expected, or if you have questions, or if things are not going in the way that the contract outlines that they should go. You have every single right. No vendor should ever make you feel bad for asking questions, or I'm going to use the word calling them out. There's probably a better word. But you can do that. If you're working with a photographer and they're past their wedding deadline that they've lined out that they should be delivering the photos, say something. If you're working with any vendor and their contract says that they are gonna do this, this, and this in this way, and they're not doing that, say something. You are spending too much money to sit and have side conversations about vendors when you should be having the conversation with the vendor. Don't wait until the very end. As things are coming up, have those conversations. You have every right to do so.

Mm. Okay. Agree. Agree. But also, this is coming from, you know— oh gosh, I just feel for all of my little introverted brides out there that are like, I don't want to, I don't know how to, I don't know how to communicate this. Like, I don't want to have to go after my vendors. And I know what she's referring to. In Facebook groups, if I had a nickel for every time I saw a couple be like, hey, our photos were due like at the 6-week mark after our wedding, or the 8-week mark, or the 12-week mark, what do we do? How do we contact them? What's, what's the whole point? And this, this post, I'm sure this video from this content creator, this wedding photographer— again, I'm not, I don't have it out for photographers, okay? Just for some reason we don't have a bunch of opinionated planners coming across my FYP. We have these couples coming in these Facebook groups and, and just say like, what do I do? What's, what's the, what's the plan? Where do we go from here? And I get it and it's hard. It's, it's awkward. And then typically, usually, there will be a flood of commentary from people being like, you know, it's really— it's busy season for them, you know, give them a little bit more time. Or, I would never set my time frame to be that short, you know, that tells me they must be new, you know. Or, don't be worried, my photographer took X amount of time and we still got our photos and it was great. And then other people will be like, you should totally go after them, you should send them a letter from your attorney, you should make sure they know the full extent of where you can take this legally, and you should let them know fiercely and firmly in an email and a certified letter. That's how you let them know. That's how you make them respond to you. And again, I'm not intending to like call out photographers specifically. There are other posts about clients or couples that are getting married that are like, hey, my vendor's not doing what we asked them to do. What do I do? How do I approach this? I think what they're looking to do in a situation like this is they're looking for conversational pieces that they can use to implement, right, with their vendors to say, hey, clarifying moment. I thought this This is not happening. What's the remedy? Did I miss something? Is this a part of a package that I didn't have? And this is all based off the foundational idea that everyone is going to be comfortable speaking up for themselves. So I love this photographer. I love what she's saying. She's trying to empower couples to be like, yeah, you have the right to do this. And I totally agree. You may not be comfortable to do this, and people pleasers are gonna like throw up a little bit in their mouth, like trying to figure out how to have these kinds of conversations. So let's run through a couple of examples of what could happen. Maybe you thought you booked a service or you have it in writing that you booked a service and you're trying to figure out why that service is not being implemented and you want to give your vendor the benefit of the doubt. If you are already the type of personality that you have it written up in your head automatically as I'm saying this, then this is not for you. You don't need this next little segment of conversation, right? But if you were in a situation where you're like, no, we paid for this or we talked about this, I know we talked about this and you want to still keep the relationship as copacetic as possible, right? We're not looking to back out of the relationship. We're not looking to involve an attorney. Then we need some key phrasing to use. I was under the impression, or, you know, in an email exchange a while back, which denotes like, hey, this was written down, or in our conversation in a recent meeting, we talked about this. I left thinking that this was going to happen and now it's not. Can you explain that? Or can you walk me through that discrepancy? Did I miss something? Or is there something we need to add on to make this official? So that's taking it from like, hey, we said this, but I didn't see any sort of like writing confirmation or proposal confirmation or contract confirmation of something that I know that was spoken about in writing or in person. So what do we need to do to make this happen? There's a good little phrase. Or, hey, we noticed that this is in our contract, but it's not being implemented right now. We know this is in our proposal, but we're not seeing that. Can you explain to us why that service isn't being offered, why that service isn't being rendered? And notice here that I'm giving the vendor an opportunity to provide an explanation. And this is where you have to put on your Ghostbusters goggles and be like, how much of this is them blowing smoke and how much of this is, you know, valid reasoning. You have to be the one to navigate that. Obviously I'm not there in that conversation with you, but presenting it as, here's what we thought, can you explain the difference to us? Here's what we thought, can you explain why we don't see this happening? Here's what we thought, we didn't put it in confirmation or writing, it could be on us, what are our steps moving forward? And these are all before the wedding day, right? We've done previous videos on like brides having regrets where you kind of feel really stuck on your wedding day. Another thing that you can do in a scenario like that is have someone who is more outspoken, a little bit more emboldened in their nature, who is willing to step up and advocate for you on your behalf. Because you shouldn't feel steamrolled by your vendors. Um, and whether that's because of their strong personality or your, uh, for lack of a better term, inability to like stand up and say stuff like this— wedding planning doesn't make you a new person. So I do understand where she's coming from, but this is not going to reinvent the wheel of who you are emotionally. It's not going to reinvent your chemical makeup. It's not going to change how you interact with people. So bringing in someone alongside you to say, hey, can you make sure this gets done? Because I know that you will handle it because I know that you will speak up for me should anything happen. And oftentimes that can be a coordinator or a planner. And then if there's disappointment afterwards, this is— this happens with great frequency because it's not the best day of your life and, and things do go wrong at every single wedding day. But what do you do? What do you do when you're left with feelings of like inadequacy afterwards? What do you do when you want to call out a vendor? Or what do you do when you just want to vent? What do you do in these scenarios? One, you decide for yourself if you actually want to pursue this conversation. Is it worth financial compensation for the situation that went down? Two, are you the person to have that conversation? Is your fiancé the person that could have it for you so you can just be like, hey, just, just go for it? Like, in certain situations, I'll just— I would rather send my husband in than be the person to have the conversation because he will handle business and he will handle it in a very articulate but very emotionless way that I, even a decade plus into our marriage, cannot emulate sometimes. I'm like, wow, he's just— look at that, he's doing that, he's not even crying while he's talking. Like, that's impressive. Meanwhile, there's me that sometimes when I get mad, I cry, which like I feel like undermines all of my authority. I've never done that at a wedding, at least to a vendor. But like in arguments, like with people I love, I'll be like, I'm so mad and you can't tell right now because there are tears coming from my eyes, but no, these are angry Angry, aggressive saltwater falling from my face. It's not sad. It is sad. I'm sad. Sending in someone else on your behalf to have this conversation could be one option. Trying to see if, you know, maybe just venting it to a Facebook group is the recourse that you actually want from this. Listen, I just need to get out of here. I just need to say this. I just need to get it off my chest. I'm just done. Or if you're the one that decides to spearhead this, um, going through your contract and looking for facts that you can kind of pull up and say, this was promised here, this was promised here, we were owed this, we paid for this, we didn't have this expectation met, we didn't have this part of the proposal met. Please tell us the steps you will be taking to see this remedied. But I think what it boils down to here with this sentiment, this idea, is please use this as an empowering moment. You are paying a lot of money to have this wedding day happen. I don't care what tier or what echelon you fall into, $1,000 is a lot of money, $10,000 is a lot of money, $100,000 is stupid money, okay? Like, it's just like that, that's— that, that crosses a threshold. You are allowed to have an opinion. Whether you are good at flexing that opinion or not, you are entitled to it. So if you have moments where you feel like a vendor is not meeting the requirements that they have verbally promised or written, you are 100% totally allowed and expected to speak your mind on those things. Of course, if you find yourself in a situation or a scenario where you are running into these issues and you really need like a more curated response, please come join me in the Master I literally do live monthly calls with the couples in the master plan all the time, and these are very real scenarios that we run into. Photographers not communicating the way that we thought they would. We now have lost confidence in our caterer because they're not responding to emails, or they said they'd do this and there's been a bit of a bait and switch. We don't know if the miscommunication is ours, and sometimes you're just looking for a professional to give you the terminology that you can apply to this scenario, apply to the situation. And so I highly encourage you come join me there because in the live calls, like, I can give this kind of feedback. Of course, as we're sitting here, you know, I'm, I'm sitting in a room talking to a camera by myself. So there's only so much I can give if it's not a back and forth conversation. So if you find yourself needing more hands-on help, more tangible responses, I highly encourage you come join me there. So what's the wrap-up? What's the moral of the story? Believe it or not, not all vendors agree. Shocker. Uh, not all planners offer the same services. Not all photographers are going to agree about how to price and what pricing structure looks like. Some vendors might pop on the internet with ideas and I'll be like, no, that's dumb. That's dumb. I don't like that. I don't like anything about that. And what I think the big takeaway for you is like the personality of your planner matters. So if that photographer talking about like, I just really— I just don't want to box myself into a 6 or 10 hour package, like I just want to be there for my clients, because the, the sentiment behind it, gorgeous, love it. I love that. I want all of my photographers, all of my vendors have that sentiment showing up. So if that resonates with you, you're going to want to book a photographer that's like, I will be there for all the key important moments. Here's what I see those key important moments to be. Do you agree. Yes. Okay, then I'll be there for all of those. You don't have to worry about when I'm going to show up, and you don't have to worry about when I'm going to leave. If that is something that speaks to you and you feel good about and you're excited about working with a photographer like that, fantastic. If the first photographer of, I just want vibes, like, I just don't, I don't, I don't want my couples to be bogged down with like super intricate timelines— if that speaks to you, good, that's fantastic. Hopefully this conversation that we've created here in today's video is just to provide another perspective from a different professional of like Yes, I agree. And also, we need these things for a specific reason. So finding vendors whose personality you like, whose packages make sense to you, and whose approach resonates with you is going to be really important. And honestly, sometimes you just want to pay somebody to get the job done, and you don't want to make sure your personalities match like you matched on Bumble or something, you know what I mean? Like, you, you're like, I don't, I don't need— I just need them to serve tacos. I just need them to show up and serve bomb tacos. I don't really You don't care. Good. More power to you. Just make sure that you like their methodology, you're okay with their contract, and you don't have a lot of questions about it and that they follow through on the things that they're supposed to do. So even in scenarios where it's not besties for the resties, just make sure that there is enough going on here that you don't hate the sound of their voice and that you feel heard and you feel seen. And if you don't, that you feel empowered enough to make some changes. Anywhoodles, that's all we have for today's video, guys. Thank you so much for watching Vendor Hot Take. Takes. I disagreed with every single one of them on some level. They're all wonderful creators in their own right. They're fantastic. I'm sure they take bomb photos too. Again, I'm not trying to ostracize photographers. If you like the video, jump on down there, hit the like button. Unless you're a photographer, you may not like me anymore. Subscribe to this channel for more tips and tricks for the modern-day bride. And until next week, bye guys!