HOT TAKES: Unhinged Wedding Advice from TikTok

Today's video is going to be another round of TikTok hot takes. Are they unhinged or something you need to hear?

Okay, I got married 48 hours ago and these are my 6 like immediate takeaway pieces of advice.

Oh, it's the Undone by Kate gal! Did you guys see this video?

Did you see—

did you see this video? We're gonna link it up here if you haven't. Okay, but watch this video first and then— and then go see—

go watch it later.

Okay, okay, but this is the gal from the Undone by Kate viral story who Hungover wedding advice. Well, don't hire Undone by Kate. Let's start there.

If that I wish someone had said to me, and that looking back I'm like, okay, okay. Number 1, get a freaking pedicure. Get a pedicure. I don't know why I thought that I didn't need one. I am not good about getting my nails done. I, I, I'm not someone who does that regularly. So for me, I was like, if I don't have to get one, I don't want to. I had closed-toed shoes. I was like, there's no reason for me to get a pedicure. Of course you're gonna kick your shoes off. You know what I mean? I kick my shoes off. Someone's picking me up. My dogs were out. Okay, they were out and they were barking. And I get a pedicure. I don't know what I was thinking. If you think you don't need one, you do. Just get one.

Yeah, you probably will take your shoes off. Like literally so many brides take their shoes off. And you think that it sounds gross now, but you know what's more gross? Blisters. Tons of blisters because you're convinced that those Jimmy Choo shoes are automatically gonna feel wonderful on your wedding day when you didn't take the time to break them in or they're half size too small, but they were on on clearance, so you thought it'd be an adorable idea, especially for the flat lay photo for when you have your invitation there with the Jimmy Choos, um, and/or with your hanging dress with the shoes underneath it. You thought it'd be such a good idea, and then you realize that you are bleeding from your ankles, okay? And that's when you go barefoot. So do you have to get a pedicure? I mean, no one's really shining a spotlight on it, but, um, it's not a bad idea. Plus, who doesn't love a little bit of self-care?

When you're selecting your hair and makeup people, Make sure they are the vibe, okay? Make sure you like them as a person.

Yes.

Our makeup girl, Rebecca, Queen Princess Rebecca, okay? She was with us all day. Like, they will be with you all day. Like, when you're thinking about your morning getting ready with your girls, it's your girls plus your makeup people, okay? Rebecca was there all day and she is one of the girls, you know what I mean? Like, we never felt like there was a stranger in the room. Like, we were hanging out, we were gossiping, we were chatting. That was such a big win. On the flip side, we had not great vibes with our hair people, and that definitely was like a damper on the day. So be picky.

Okay, I will say that yeah, we don't want anyone harshing your vibe, but if you can find someone who adds to the overall event itself, like brings the energy, brings the excitement, fantastic. You want someone to bring a speaker that morning because let me tell you the amount of times I have seen a bridesmaid take their phone and put it in a plastic cup to amplify the sound. So many times more than my fingers and toes, which is 20. I have all of them. So of course, an ideal scenario, you want the hair and makeup artist to read the room and, you know, follow suit. But I don't mind having a quiet or more reserved hair or makeup artist because sometimes they're just like, I'm gonna let you do you, I'm gonna be here doing my job, play whatever music you want, and I will just ask all the professional questions and send you on your merry way. So I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to have a quieter hairstylist or makeup artist because I think, I think just the ability to read the room is pretty important. So that could be a great question to ask when you're hiring your beauty teams. What is your vibe? What is your preferred vibe like on a wedding morning? You know, early in the wedding day? What does that look like for you? What's your favorite kind of setup that day? Like, do you like music? Do you happen to bring a speaker? Just those kinds of things so you can kind of gauge what the vibe feels like.

Have something to help you fall asleep. Get some sort of agent, some sort of stimulant, some sort of something to help you sleep. Night of the wedding, I did not sleep at all. I went to bed at like almost 5 a.m., woke up at 8. Okay. Literally no sleep. But the following night, last night, I took something, slept for 11 hours. Okay. Really needed it. Look how puffy I am. I really needed it. You need something. Make sure you have something.

I could see that, but only if necessary. I have— I don't think I've ever had a bride tell me like, I did not sleep after the night of my wedding. But then again, we don't normally discuss the wedding night. We're moving on. Don't— we're not going there. We're moving on. Okay.

Number 4, I think, pack your bag. Okay, pack your bag. When you are like leaving for your venue and you have your stuff with you, your makeup, your sunglasses, your whatever, like all your like little things that you have with you, you're gonna have stuff with you, you know, maybe a hair tool, I don't know. Pack your bag yourself before your like ceremony starts. Like get your dress on, get You know, whatever you're doing, and then like put everything back in the bag that you brought it in so that at the end of the night, whoever's collecting everything can just grab your bag and like bring it where it needs to go. My girls were like so sweet to pack everything up for me, but I was so spread out that my stuff got like put in multiple places and I had to like track everything down the next day. And it was like, ah, that was a sentimental thing, I need to make sure I find it, blah blah blah. Save everybody the heartache and the trouble, like pack everything yourself. Before the ceremony starts. Like, truly.

I'm going to piggyback off this. Even if you are getting ready at the same space that your event is at, your ceremony, your reception, I highly recommend that you follow this advice and gather all your stuff beforehand. So many times we have bridesmaids or wedding party members scrambling around trying to put the bride's or the couple's things back into their bags so they can then take them with them to wherever they're spending the evening, onto their honeymoon, etc. So this is actually lowkey some really incredible advice because typically it'll be like 45 minutes before the event ends. Where I'll go grab a couple bridesmaids and be like, hey, do you know what the bride's stuff looks like? Can you come help me put all the stuff into the bag for her? And by help me, I mean they're doing it. It's just nicer language to say, can you help me by doing this? That's probably a better phrasing. So this is actually like low-key really good information. Bravo. Not only did you serve us an incredible story, Alex, but you were coming back with some incredible tips as well.

What else?

Oh, if there's someone that you really want to take a photo with, like for example, I today, I really wish that I just like had a photo of me and my mom. You know what I mean? I wish that there was just like a picture of me and my mom that I could look at. I— we didn't take one somehow in like the— like we just got lost in the sauce of it all. Surely my photographer has that, you know what I mean? Like the photo exists. But if there's someone that you really want to have a picture with, like just take one on your phone. Have someone take a selfie of you guys. Like just get one so that the next day you can like send it to your mom and be like, look how cute we are. You know what I mean? I like am kind of regretting that.

This is one of the biggest regrets people have for doing an unplugged wedding. Is like I don't have any photos to look at the next day, and hashtags are pretty much dead. They're pretty much dead. Okay, some people are really trying to you know keep them on life support. All right, but the rest of the wedding industry is pretty much signing off as DNR. You will go through wedding withdrawals. So this is I think where you know part of the reason behind having a content creator following around on your wedding day is so you can get photos and videos back in a faster timeline than you would from professional photographers and videographers. But you will. Honestly have like a black hole vacuum of just what just happened. We want to relive this day, but we have no photos to show for it at all whatsoever. So I think if you still want to have an unplugged event or an unplugged ceremony, assign a wedding party member to take some photos for you. Okay? Someone who's just like, they make really cute Instagram posts and, you know, their photos are always so cutesy on their stories. So at least they have a bit of an eye, just something. A little bit of je ne sais quoi to their photo skills. Have them snap a few photos for you. Just tell someone ahead of time, "Hey, can you can you be the designated photo person?" I feel like there's always one in a friend group who's so good at remembering to take photos, right? Ask them, and then you'll have something to look at the next day. It's not going to be your photographer's quality, of course not, and we wouldn't even dream to say that it would be close. But it gives you something to look at.

I'm gonna have to do a whole separate video of like everything that went wrong because all kinds of things went wrong. No one knows anything went wrong. You know what I mean? I'm the only one. The fact that things went wrong, that's just kind of like a secret between me and me. You know what I mean? I'm the only one who knows. And so I had to make like the conscious decision, which this is my advice. In the wedding, I had to make the decision to be like, okay, this is going wrong. I have 2 options. A, I try to fix it. I communicate that this isn't what I wanted. I communicate that I'm upset. Or B, I let it lie and I spend no mental time or like physical time thinking about that during my wedding.

Yep.

I went with option B. I think that this was the move, okay? Oftentimes it's like too late to fix anything. It's like you're already here, it's already happening. So it's like you are just making the decision to spend time stressing about it or to not. I just like had to choose to not. I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna let this go. I'm just, hopefully we can fix this in post-op, you know? But like I'm just gonna not think about it and I'm not gonna spend time at my wedding thinking about that. I'm just gonna keep it rolling, you know? So I feel like I made the right decision 'cause it would be so much worse for me to be like, hey, can we fix this? And for them to be like, no. And then you have to like live with like, knowing myself, I just, I—

Okay, she's totally right. Do you know that something goes wrong at every single wedding? And I know you don't wanna hear that. I know you don't wanna hear me say that, but something goes wrong at every single wedding. It does not go according to plan. And I am a pretty darn good planner, okay? And something goes wrong. A vendor misunderstands something. There's a miscommunication in the email. Something gets left at home. The ring bearer does not walk in a straight line. In fact, they want to walk backwards, or they're crying. Like, there's, uh, there's so many moving parts on a wedding day that honestly something will go wrong. And probably something you've planned out, or something you've, you know, dreamed about, or a detail that feels really important to you— most people aren't gonna know. And I use this advice like, well, like further in advance of the wedding when it's like, oh, I really want to DIY my signs, or I really want to make these favors from scratch, or I think it'd be really cool to have these on the tabletops or to do a photo booth, your guests don't know what your full plan was. If you choose to not do a photo booth, they won't be missing anything. The only one that knows is you and possibly your fiancé if they're into the wedding planning details alongside you. You are the only one that knows your wedding to this level of intimacy. You're the only one. Your guests, your family, your friends have no list to compare it to. They don't know what the plan was unless it's absolutely glaring and needs to be addressed in the moment. I love this concept of like, okay, Let's just fix it in post-op.

Last thing, I think we're at 5, 6, I lost count. I forgot. I stopped counting. I got multiple of my lip gloss. I had, I had like a lip that my makeup artist did, and then I had like a tinted balm that I put on right before I went down the aisle to make the color last a little bit longer. And then I had 2, I bought 2 of my lip gloss, which was, I just had like the one of the Rhode lip things in like the pink color to like keep keep my color lasting. I put one in my brother's pocket and one in my boyfriend's pocket, my husband's pocket, and that was a lifesaver because I was always near one of them. I have no pockets. I was always near one of them and I would just be like, hey, give me my lip gloss, and they would give it to me. That was— do that. That was a huge unlock. Lips never dry and you're talking all night long. I mean, my voice is like shot. You're talking all night long, you're singing, you're dancing, whatever. You need your lip gloss. Okay? And you don't have a pocket in your gown, or maybe you do. I did not have a pocket in my gown, but I feel like that was— okay, I'm gonna have more, but those are my like immediate things. I definitely will have more.

Okay, sorry, gotta stop you there. So sometimes you get a custom color or a very specific or very expensive color from your makeup artist, and sometimes they will leave you a tube, like a little like sample tube of that color for you to reapply throughout the day. If you have the means to purchase more than one, absolutely, girlfriend, go do that. Okay. I probably would not put it in a guy's pocket. And while this particular bride was aware of wanting to do touch-ups, most brides are like so out of it and not even paying attention that they almost need someone to remind them to reapply. Usually that's me at an event after they eat. I'll go up and be like, hey, let me check your teeth real fast. Okay. No, you're good. Do you want to reapply your lips? And they're like, yes, absolutely. Or this could be a maid of honor. This could be someone in the wedding party in general, but someone who's proactive about it instead of the bride asking for it as a more like a reactive person in this scenario. Obviously she was on top of it. She was thinking about it. And I know what you're thinking. I know what you're thinking. It's lip color. It's not that big of a deal. Well, to some of us it is.

Okay?

To some of us it is. And we want that look for the whole night. We paid a lot of money for this makeup look. We don't want to have nudie little lips. Okay? Okay. Anyways, Alexander May, it's good to see you. It's good to see you alive and whole and well after your dress fiasco. Okay, but don't worry, there's more where that came from. Next video.

These are just a few of my absolutely nots when it comes to my wedding. If any of these things are your vision or you did them and they were amazing, I love that. I love that for you. They're still not for me.

Let's just start off with I love her hair and she's spunky. Okay, let's see if we agree with these. Are they unhinged or something unpopular that you need to hear?

Number one, talking to me, the bride, about your weight loss journey for my wedding. Absolutely not. Of course I want all of my guests to feel hot, stunning, sexy, gorgeous. That being said, I don't want to hear about the ten pounds that you think that you have to lose to feel that way. If you want to do that, that is literally fine. Don't attribute that journey to my wedding day. Don't burden me with that. I don't want to hear about it.

Number two, babies. Okay. Is this a common problem? She's totally allowed to have this. I do think it's a little unhinged to. Have that be your number one of your absolutely nots for your wedding. So unless you have like a family member who's, who's really prone to talking about their weight loss or talking about their body, and you are like, I am not in a space to hold that or receive that or listen to that conversation, I'm on my own weight loss journey and I, and I don't care, I don't care, that's fine. But this is a very hyper-specific, so I, I'm gonna go with unhinged on that one.

Okay. Number 2, babies. No kids allowed at my wedding. And this one's controversial because it actually has nothing to do with like the flow of the wedding day or interruptions or anything. No, no, no. I just don't want a baby to take attention away That's the truth.

That's it.

That's the cold hard God's honest truth. And I don't know what to tell you. Every time I've ever been to a wedding where there's a baby, I'm obsessed with that baby. Like anytime that there's a child, I like want to dance with that child. I want to like— I'm admiring the child and I'm, I'm not going to have that.

What? What? What? It's slightly giving— I know this is not her intent, but it's slightly giving, I'm going to put my bridesmaids in ugly dresses so I look better. I, I don't, I don't understand this. No children at a wedding Sure, childfree weddings. It's going to be constantly a controversial thing. That's not what I'm addressing right now. But to go as far to say you can't have a baby if someone is exclusively breastfeeding their child, that's the child's only source of nutrition. So if you are making that rule, first of all, you can't really make that rule with children under two. It's very, very frowned upon. And if you do that, you're definitely get some people looking at you like, "I'm sorry, what? No." Okay, that's the etiquette that we run into in most of the cultures and weddings that we've worked with. You can't say no. To a nursing child. But to say that, to say no to potentially babies and nursing children, because you don't want the cuteness to detract from you, it's very unhinged. It's going in that bucket. It's go. It's going in that bucket. It's not like hey, I don't want them ruining my ceremony because they're loud. It's like I don't want anyone looking cuter than me. I will. Well, you are entitled to that. And we are entitled to question your judgment.

I'm not doing a private walk around the corner to tap on the shoulder and turn around, and it's just you guys and the photographer first look.

I can't do it.

The thought of it sends a chill down my spine.

I love how these look in photos, and I wish I saw this for us, but I just cannot envision it being comfortable or fun for us. We're just not those people.

Hell, I feel like it would be so awkward. I can't explain it. I can't. I can't. But I do want to do a first look because I know that it will help with the flow of. The day. Like, has anyone ever done a cocktail hour before the ceremony and like I'll come out and see like a whole group of people? I don't know. I don't know. Either I'm gonna do something unique or I'm not doing it at all. I can't do it. And those are my top 3 out of 300 absolutely nuts for my 2027 wedding. Here comes the ride.

Yeah, this is, this is a little bit more on the unhinged end of things simply because it sounds like it's There probably isn't going to be an accommodation that works if you are so uncomfortable with the thought of just the two of you seeing each other with just your photographers. And I'm not saying that, you know, snidely. Like, if if that truly does cause you discomfort and you cannot imagine doing that, just wait till you walk down the aisle. Figure out how to orchestrate like a cocktail hour ahead of the program starting. Other people potentially seeing you and then getting you away from those people because they're going to be well wishers and they're going to be like, oh my gosh, we just love to see. We're so excited. You look gorgeous. This This is incredible, right? That, that is harder to orchestrate. It's really hard to get couples away from their guests. We run into this after the ceremony. Every time a couple walks down the aisle, I'm like, okay, go hide, go run, run, like go hide. I'll get you appetizers. What do you want to drink? Okay, you want the signature drink? Absolutely, I'll get that for you. You want apps too? Okay, cool, perfect. Go hide, okay? And just go enjoy a moment. You just got married. Congratulations. Okay, I'll be right back. Because if they are anywhere near the guests coming out, They will be stuck shaking hands and kissing babies. Well, if babies are allowed, because no cuteness beyond my face. Okay, um, so shaking hands and not kissing babies, kissing non-existent babies. Okay, so then you're just stuck conversationally, and then you feel indebted like you have to talk to everybody. So if we can get you off into a quiet space, we can pull you back out for family photos that usually happen typically almost immediately after the ceremony, after giving you 5, maybe 10 minutes to breathe, etc., without any interruption, and get all of the guests over to the cocktail hour space so they're not interfering with the wedding program, the overall event timeline. Well, most of those were unhinged. Okay, let's— what is this?

I'm the daughter of one of the top wedding planners in New York City, and here are my unhinged wedding opinions.

Yes!

I will not be contained, I will not be stopped, and I will not be taking notes. And when I say top wedding planner, I mean it. My mom planned the very first wedding in the New York Public Library.

What?

My mom has done international weddings, celebrity weddings. Her weddings have been in major publications. First opinion: Spend your money on the food. Don't skimp on it. No one is going to remember the thickness of the cardstock of your escort card, but they will remember that horrible, unseasoned chicken. Feed your guests.

This is so important. I think people opt out of serving full meals and they'll do dessert only or appetizers only as a budget decision because they can't feed all their people. I think there are a lot of creative ways that you can feed large groups of people. We talked about— we've talked about so many of them here on this channel. Drop catering. You can do a pasta bar because anything that's carb or starch-based is going to be a lot less expensive. The protein is really where things kind of get a lot more expensive, or the skill level that goes into the cooking overall, you're going to pay a premium for that. So I think that there's a lot of options. So I would rather see someone do a pasta bar and keep it within the price range that they need for catering than do heavy appetizers only, even though some apps are so good. It's just a whole different vibe to the event, and it just takes a little bit more creativity and a little bit more research to figure out how to make that work for your event and your budget.

Number 2, and I can't believe I have to say this, but have a rain plan. Stop spending your money on Etsy witches to get a good weather day. I have never seen the power of manifestation beat a nor'easter.

Ah, you're my new— Laura, Laura, you're my new favorite person. Not only are you yelling at me, but you just said Etsy witches. Okay, I didn't know those were a thing. Did you know that? You learn something new every day. No, you absolutely need a rain plan, especially if you're in a rain-prone area. I mean, I could see a place like Southern California, we don't have tons of rainfall. Here in Central Texas, we have way more rainfall than we did there. It tends to be pretty seasonal though, at least in my experience of living here for 6 years. It's a little bit more predictable, the rainier seasons. And I'm sure it's a mixed bag with different places, you know, around the country or, you know, obviously around the world. I don't know every location. All right. I don't know the weather for every location. I know you're surprised to hear that information, but I don't. But if you don't have a rain plan and it is looking like rain a couple of weeks out from your event, you do need to come up with one. You can't really just cross your fingers and hope for the best. I mean, you can, you can. Who am I to tell you what to do? I'm just, I'm just a lady on the internet, but you got to have a little bit of preparation. Even if that means bulk buying umbrellas, even if that means having a bunch of towels on hand if it rains before the ceremony starts so you can clean off the seats so not everyone looks like they wet themselves because they did, but not with themselves, just with the chairs. That was such a good explanation. Let's move on.

This one's going to upset people. Your amazing, wonderful hairstylist that cuts your hair 9 times out of 10 is not going to be the best wedding hairstylist for you. Styling your hair for life is different than being a wedding hairstylist. 2 very different skill sets. It's like hiring a baby photographer to do sports photography. A lot of the time, not all the time, but a lot of the time, they charge more, they take longer than they said they would, and the style falls halfway through cocktails. Get a wedding hairstylist.

What you'll find, I think, in my experience, is most hairstylists will be like, hey, no, you don't want me for an updo. And I think what she's not clarifying here is specifically an updo, because I think a lot of hairstylists can pull off simpler hair looks. Hairstylists are incredible. I am not at all trying to demean their work or what they do by using casual language. But I do believe that there is a skill set for wedding hair where it needs to last a lot longer, where those who do hair— I was gonna say more casually, that's not what I mean— but like do everyday lifestyle hair, it doesn't matter if their client is gonna go sweat for the next 12 hours and jump around aggressively on the dance floor. That doesn't matter. That's not a factor here. Because if they're doing that, they're on their own. We didn't plan for that. We didn't design for that. We didn't do the hair for that. So you do need to have that focus, which having a baby photographer go film a sports event is hysterical in my opinion. She's not wrong. She's not wrong because it's a lot more fast-paced. There's a lot more details you need to pay attention to. And it's not just a cutie little sleeping baby if babies are, if babies are even allowed, because we cannot have the cuteness robbing our vibes.

Number 4, get a videographer. It's like the number one thing people regret. If you can't afford a videographer, at least have somebody film like on a smartphone, the ceremony, the toasts, and the first dance.

Number 5, she's just yelling at us. Laura, I love your energy. I'm gonna need a little bit more coffee to deal with you though. Videographer is one of the most commonly regretted things where people are just like, I wish I, I wish I would have, I wish I would have. And I very rarely hear people say I regret hiring one. It is a huge added expense. In fact, last night we were talking about this in the Master Plan, which is the online wedding planning course where I teach you how to plan your wedding. I do live calls once a month where I answer your questions, and one of the questions was, hey, what do you think about like, you know, renting a camcorder? And what is it, the Weekender, I think it's called. I, I did reach out to them to see if they wanted to collab, and I think, I think it just got lost in their inbox or whatever. But it's this company where you can rent a camcorder, they send it to you, you send it back with your footage on it, and they edit and put together a video for you. I also mentioned the Camp Snap camera. Have you seen those? They like have retro filters that you can put on them. I am pretty sure they have an option to film it without any filters on it at all whatsoever. Um, because there's an element of having it filmed, I do think the camcorder needs to be kind of fun and kind of cool for your guests to want to interact with it, as opposed to just Phones, and then maybe you assign a few people like she suggested. But having movement, having video from your wedding day, especially in such a heavily video-focused day and age, I think provides an extra layer to your event that is really special and you can't replicate with photos. You also can't replicate photos with video. They're oftentimes viewed as almost interchangeable, and in my opinion, they're not.

No one cares about programs or favors. Easy budget cut. I mean, if you have the money, go do it, have fun. If you're gonna do a favor, make it food.

Useless. No one cares about your favors. I've talked about this since the day I started this. Do you know how many favors I collect after almost every single event that does favors? Lots of them. So at least make sure it's something you like. I remember one wedding— I know I showed the footage on this, gosh, years ago when I first started, uh, this gal did little succulents, little potted succulents for her favors, and they were not cheap. Like individual terracotta pots with individual succulents in them. Like she purchased those. This Gosh, I mean, this was over 10 years ago because she just posted a 10-year anniversary, and I was like, what? When did that happen? That's wild. But I went home with so many succulents, you guys. And if you know me, if you follow me at all on any of my personal channels, you know I love plants, okay? I love them. And trust me, I, I see when you comment that my pothos needs to be watered, and usually it's because I forgot about it and then watered it right before I filmed. So, so she's fine. She's doing great. She's thriving. She's doing her best covering the, the marker on the wall from my 3-year-old that I still haven't painted over. So I love plants, so I was not sad to go home with plant favors, but I was sad that my bride spent hundreds of dollars for me to go home with plant favors. Gosh, how many tangents did I just go on? Enough. So if you're going to do favors, make it edible or make it consumable in some manner. So like matches, I think, are really making a huge comeback, and those are great. Those are a fantastic option to have. And then some people do little alcohol bottles, but of course only if There's no babies. You can't. You shouldn't do alcohol if there are babies. Okay, we can't have babies drinking out here. Cookie bar, cookie and milk bar, candy bar where you can like bag it up and take it home with you. Plenty of options. But if it's consumable, people will be a lot more excited about it.

Number I don't remember. Stop picking vendors based off of their follower counts. Pick a vendor based off of their portfolio, resume, and their interview. Their follower account does not equate to how good they actually are. Honestly, the best vendors that like we know don't have a social media presence. You want to know why? Because they're booked and busy and don't.

This is so valid. What is his name? There is a wedding photographer that we have interviewed. Literally, he has no posts on Instagram at all whatsoever, and he is fully booked year after year. And so I think that— I mean, like, look at me. I've got what, 165, almost 170,000 followers here? I'm terrible at weddings. No, just kidding. Just kidding. But we get so obsessed with having followers because it, to us, it looks like social proof. They must be good at this. If they have this follower count, so therefore I should book them.

That's not the case.

First of all, I'm pretty sure you can still buy followers, right? Is that still a thing? Definitely was a thing back in the day. So, um, I know of vendors that purchase followers to pad their number to make sure they looked better, um, and they looked like they knew what they were doing. The social proof, the following count does not equate being a good business owner, being good at your job, being good at your craft, being on time, delivering a really good gallery, providing an attention to detail type experience, bringing the energy as a hair and makeup artist. The followers don't define that, right? We do need to see more from them in general. So I also, on the flip side of that, I don't think you should necessarily discount someone because they have less than 1,000 followers. I mean, if we're looking at 100 or 200, it might mean that they're new to the industry. We're not ignoring that entirely, but we are fully aware that Like, this feels newer, and that's okay. We're okay with that. But if you take a look at their portfolio and you take a look at their galleries and you take a look at their testimonials and you go, wait a minute, this person is on it. They're not chasing the algorithm. They're pouring their all into their business. And there's a big difference.

Number 22 and a half. Stop making your wedding parties pay an arm and a leg. You're making them drop thousands of dollars for the trip to Nashville, then another thousand for the dress, the suit, the alterations. They have to travel so they have to pay for airfare, hotel, and take days off of work. Another $500 for hair and makeup? Are you serious? And you expect a gift? No! These are your friends, not your indentured servants. You're getting married, you're not a deity that they're making offerings to.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. It's one thing if you're— not me, feeling slightly defensive about this— my bridesmaids took me to Vegas. Because I'd never— I literally spent one night in Vegas before, and it was not even like a Vegas-type experience. So they booked us out a weekend in Vegas, which, if you know me, I'm not very Vegas-y, okay? I'm not. I'm definitely lay-by-the-poolside girl, uh, but I'm not— I'm not— I'm a good book girl. I'm a great conversation girl. Uh, I love a good glass of wine and a gob ton of cheese for sure, but the typical Vegas haunts aren't necessarily my scene. But I am so glad they did. It was such a fantastic experience, and it got me to try a couple new things that Super fun. They led the charge on that. I did not deem that. I did not request that. They led the charge. They had the internal discussions. They were okay with it. What we're talking about here and what she's referring to is when brides go, hey, can we go out of state? And the wedding party's not making that decision. There is a big difference between who is spearheading the idea. So if the wedding party's coming up with it, I think it's important to have conversations and be like, hey, is everyone okay with this price point? Because we're all in different walks of life. Like, what I could afford now for a batch weekend is definitely not what I could have afforded 10 years ago. It's just not. So I think it's important to have frank conversations around this and have allowances for people who cannot pitch in and make changes accordingly. So I do think that if the couple is going, let's have a rager, let's go do this, let's fly here, let's go do that. Yeah, that might—

that's—

this is not unhinged. This is something you might need to hear. But that goes for stuff like hair and makeup. If you're requiring that they get their hair and makeup done, it is more appropriate typically to pay for those services to be rendered than if you are just giving them the option. You have the option, the bridesmaid pays. If they don't want to do it, they can do their own hair and makeup if they're comfortable doing that and saving hundreds of dollars. Yes, absolutely.

Number 500, if you care about aesthetics, you need a budget lighting. People skimp on lighting all the time, and that is a big mistake. Again, if you care about aesthetics, cut your floral budget down and get some gobos and pin spotting. No one's gonna notice that you had to import out-of-season tulips. Buy local in-season flowers and then get lighting. That's what makes your wedding go from pretty to wow. Changes the room.

Okay, uh, I think I might disagree with her on this one. Listen, if you're in the luxury wedding planning space, lighting is everything. Gobos are everything. They're literally like, or pin spots. It's like a— some of them are magnetic, they're battery powered, they're magnetic, and you like attach them to something on the ceiling and it pin spots over, um, your cake table, over your sweetheart table, over something you want to have like a hyper-specific focal point, almost like a spotlight on a stage does. Um, gobo lights— I just don't work a lot of events that have these, so I can't say that they're absolutely necessary because I see plenty of really, really well done events, very aesthetic events That don't include those kinds of lighting. However, I'm going to piggyback off of this a little bit and kind of like hijack the conversation for myself and say, I do think lighting is important. I would say candles on your tables are far more important than a gobo light or a pin spot. I don't care about those. I mean, if you want to do them, yes, let's celebrate that. Okay, sure. But I also think that having a warm ambiance around the table is far more important than having an extra spotlight on your cake. If you want to call attention to that, great. I also think that the, the tone of the lighting, the overall lighting in the space, can it be dimmed for dancing? Because let me tell you, you definitely don't want a pin spot on you when you're breaking down on the dance floor because you don't want anyone seeing your moves. If it's super bright on the dance floor, people are going to be far less inclined to get down with their bad selves. If it's a little bit moodier, if there's some fun lights coming from The DJ stand. If there's, you know, we're able to turn down the overhead lights and just keep the outer perimeter lights on to create a different vibe. Yes, that is very important. I just don't think her specific options that she listed are as— I don't think they're important at all, personally. I don't care about gobolights. I don't care about pin spots. That might be indicative of the weddings that I tend to work. I don't care. But I do care about lighting because that affects the ambiance.

Number 3,000! Childfree weddings are perfectly fine. Weddings with children are perfectly fine. It's a preference. Stop being weird about it.

Unless the babies are cute, and then we're gonna be weird about it, okay? I don't want anyone looking at babies. Don't look at them, look at me. In fact, can you take your baby out? They are stealing my thunder, okay? They're in here looking too cute, like a cutie little snack, and I can't have that. I can't have that. I can't have anyone looking at anything cute. Are you gonna rate your your guests? Hey, you're cute. You gotta you gotta go.

You gotta go.

Or you gotta be in the back of the room. Or actually, we're gonna turn down the lighting so no one sees you. Okay. But 100%, she's right. Like, stop being weird. If you want to do it, do it. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. It doesn't matter. It's gonna be a perpetual argument, and none of us care. I mean, we care about you. We do. We care about you. We care about your event. But like, don't get up in arms in either direction. It doesn't matter. Unless it's because they're cute, and then it's just weird. But also, you could still say no, and people might look at you funny.

And lastly, when you get your bustle installed, make sure the ties are cotton, not satin, and they're color coordinated or numbered. Cotton has friction, it will actually hold.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, step further, step further. What I'm gonna say, what I'm gonna say, if you watch my videos, if we're talking about a bustle, what do you need to do? Okay, yes, we want color-coded. Cotton is brilliant. Um, oftentimes they'll do like clear buttons, and you're like, I can't, I can't see those, I can't see those. So you could take every precaution and try to have Some steps where like, um, it's color-coded on the stitching but the button's still clear, but at least you can see. So this hoop goes on this button because they match each other. What's the step that I need you to take at your final fitting when your seamstress or your alteration specialist or the bridal salon that you're purchasing this from— what do you need to do when the bustling is happening? Take a video.

Okay.

I want you to grab your phone. Not you, not you. Your maid of honor, your mom, someone who's with you, and film it like Like this. I need to see the whole picture. We're not going up close to look at every single, every single strand. I do— I need the whole thing. I need to see the whole thing. We need it done horizontally. And make sure you film the actual bustling process. And then you take that and you store it on a drive, okay? You store it in a cloud, I don't care. You put it in a group chat, I don't care. You send it to your maid of honor, you send it to your mom, you send it to whoever might be with you when you're bustling before you come back in for your grand entrance or before your first dance. So they can watch it and go, "Oh, that's right," because you think you're gonna remember and you don't. Okay, let's wrap this up, shall we?

Okay.

Oh, and have accessible bathrooms. What do you mean you don't have bathrooms during cocktail hour? What are you doing?

I know people can hold it, but if you're asking them to, we are draining that attention span battery. Okay, because if they're thinking about how badly they have to teepee, then they're not going to be thinking about getting down on the dance floor with you later, no matter what the lighting looks like. If they are full-on distracted. Because they have to go potty. It's just, you have to take care of basic elements for your wedding guests. You have to feed them. You have to make sure they're in a temperature-controlled environment, or at least there's shade for them to get to. I shouldn't say you have to make sure they're in a temperature-controlled environment. When I say that, I mean like take caution in having them in the boiling sun for 45 minutes. Maybe umbrellas, you're okay with those. Cold water bottles. Maybe shortening your ceremony if you know it's gonna be blazing hot that day. If it's freezing cold outside, provide blankets, pashminas, a fire pit for a mother-in-law to stare into. For hours on end. If you know, you know. Because if people's basic needs aren't met, if their bodies are not comfortable, if they're hot, if they're cold, if they're hungry, if they have to go to the bathroom, or if they're bored, their attention span battery, their energy battery drains throughout the entirety of your event. So when you want them ready to go on the dance floor, it's going to take a lot for them to get ready to get back out there. So that's where you see guests leaving early is if you're not feeding them well, if they're hot, if they're cold, if they're miserable, if there are long lines to the bathroom, If the food takes forever to get served, this is where it kind of does fall apart a little bit. There is one more video. What are we sitting at? Forty. I'm sitting at forty-five minutes of filming. Should we do one more? We should. Let's just do one more. Let's do one more. It's the same. It's the same gal. Oh yes, Laura. Let's hang out for like five more minutes. Okay, okay. The comment says, "Okay, but why are you yelling?" I I feel like this is just her. Like I'm known for talking fast. She's known for amplified noise.

Because I shall not be contained on my unhinged wedding opinions. I am the daughter of one of the top wedding planners in New York City, and I have been her free labor since I was 3 years old. I have wedding thoughts. Number 1, what do you mean your backyard August afternoon wedding is a black-tie event? That's serial killer behavior. What did your family and friends do to deserve that? That is a festive attire event. Come on.

Heard, heard, heard, heard. If you are also, also, also, also, if you're gonna require black tie, then you need to deliver a black tie experience. I said what I said. I said what I said. I think it needs to be really good food. I think it needs to be really good beverages. I think it needs to have that like black tie element. While I do love a good juxtaposition, I did have a gal who did a black tie wedding and then had an ice cream truck. To come later on in the evening as an additional form of dessert. I loved seeing her groom in his like fancy suit jacket and her in her second dress like outside by the ice cream truck and the guests in all of their gorgeous attire like trundling outside to get their ice cream. Yes, but you have already provided a black tie experience. Asking guests to wear a full tuxedo with the cummerbund, which is just, you know, like asking for sweat around your belly button. Nobody really likes that. Doing that outside in your backyard in the heat of August That's a lot. That's a lot to ask. That's a lot to ask. So if you're not providing a black tie experience, I recommend hesitating before requiring black tie attire. Also because most of it's just really hot. Most of the dresses are long and the tuxedos are hot and it's, it's, it's just, it's not fun.

It's not fun.

Number 2, you stop telling your guests to wear a certain color at the reception. This is a wedding, not a dictatorship. Don't get me wrong, I love a theme wedding or, you know, a dress code. But telling all of your guests that you have to wear beige is a level of control that needs to be studied. Chill out.

The ever controversial, I'm giving my guests a color palette to work with. Now, a palette is one thing; a specific color is another. Do you know how many people cannot pull off beige?

A lot.

A lot of people can't do it. So that's probably that's probably that's probably a big fat no, especially because your wedding will be ripped apart on the internet because it looks like everyone's in your wedding is wearing white. White. Okay, I think all black weddings are gorgeous. Um, I think all white weddings are really fun too. I think when you're like, everyone needs to wear teal or lavender or periwinkle, that's where I go, okay, uh, let's rethink that. Okay, just, just maybe give them a color range. But, but beige, beige is a little rough. Beige is a little rough.

Number 3, I hate when the wedding toasts are read off of a cell phone. It gives not Print the speech out. It takes five seconds. On top of which, when you're reading the speech off of a cell phone, the light from the cell phone is shining on your face and ruining all the photos and videos. You look like a goober. Also, do you know how many times like the groomsmen thought it would be funny to call the best man like during his toast while he's reading the toast off of the cell phone? Don't do it.

She's not wrong.

They do.

Or even worse, even worse than the phone call because you obviously now at least with iPhones like the the phone call doesn't take up the whole screen. It'll just be up at the top. So you could still theoretically continue. Uh, reading your speech or referring to your speech on your phone. But if they know that your texts actually show like the pretext, like that, like the first part of the message, if the groomsmen know this information, they will text you the most unhinged bull you know what, okay? That will be such a distraction that I might, I might have just given the groomsmen or even the bridesmaids, yeah, other people in the wedding some ideas, okay? Don't do Don't do that, okay? Someone's worked really hard to write this speech and to be present and to share it on someone's special day, and we just don't need certain emojis popping up distracting the best man, okay? Because he's already not great at this. Let's be so for real, he's not great at public speaking, but he's doing his best. So keep those emojis to yourself. I do think that a lot of people are gonna read off their phones. That can be problematic, especially if they don't have a charger. That's why I, as a wedding planner, travel with chargers. Both for Android and iPhones, so anyone can just charge their phone, especially if they need to give a speech. I've had this happen once where the maid of honor, the sister of the bride, she's like, my phone is dying. Actually, this is the same wedding as the succulent wedding. Oh my goodness, it's like a long time ago. Where she's like, my phone is dying and my speech is on it and I don't know what to do. And I was like, boom, give me your phone. And I found an extension cord and I brought it out and I took my charger that I had with me and I plugged her phone in and it was all okay. She didn't have to have it plugged in for the actual speech, it was just charged enough and then she plugged it back in afterwards so she could have access to it later. Anyways, let's go.

Number 5, I know the antique barn is really pretty, but your wedding is in August and the barn can't do AC. No one's gonna see how pretty the barn is due to how much sweat is going to be stinging their eyeballs. Antique barn wedding can work under certain weather conditions, not August in New York.

Not August, but anywhere, anywhere. Do you know what's funny? You know what's funny? It's the wedding with this, the terracotta succulent plants, and the bridesmaid's phone, um, the maid of honor's phone running out of charge was in an antique barn. Okay, to be fair, it actually was fine because the barn provided shade and we didn't have anything inside of the barn until— sorry, the barn provided shade for dinner time for where the sun was setting, and we didn't have anything inside of the barn until dancing later on the evening. And it was very drafty and it was near Near the coast. So it actually worked out okay. I just think it's funny. It was a great wedding. I loved that wedding. That was one of the first weddings where I like heavily designed it. Oh, so good.

Number 6, have dessert. Like, okay, maybe you guys don't like dessert. That's fine. But your guests probably want something sweet. Like, oh my God, you're so different. You didn't have like a wedding cake. You had a cheesecake, meaning you had like wheels of cheese stacked on top of another to make it look like a wedding cake. Like, that's cute. Do it. you, but then like have some freaking ice cream for your guests. Go buy a bunch of sheet cakes from Costco and have that served. People took off of work and flew in to be there for your wedding. Like, think about their experience.

Okay, I know I get some flack for being a cake hater, but I totally agree. Like, you do need to address that people want sweets, okay? You have to address that. You have to be aware of that. I would love a cake made of wheels of cheese. Are you kidding? Are you kidding? Your girl makes her own I love cheese. Cheese is incredible. But I, I do think that if perchance I only had cheese as a dessert option for guests at an event, there would be, there would be issues. Okay, most importantly, my husband. My husband has the biggest sweet tooth. He loves— give him carbs with icing on top, happy as a clam. Okay, so you gotta have dessert.

Okay, you gotta Number 8, 7. I love the trend where the bride tells the bridesmaids like buy a navy dress, not this specific navy dress, because then that allows the bridesmaids to like find a dress that they actually like in their budget and it turns out really great. Like have your bridesmaids like send a picture of like you know their dress that they're thinking about to make sure that like they all go. But the one the best one that I saw was the bride told the bridesmaids get a metallic. So we had bridesmaids in like sequins, beading, a very structured silver fabric dress. It looked so freaking chic. It was awesome. I wish I had photos.

Okay, I do love this. I do love this with a caveat.

With caveat.

Organizing mismatched dresses. And by mismatch, I mean you could tell everyone navy, but navy means different things to different companies. So you could get someone who's a little bit more cobalt. You can get someone who's a little bit more midnight. So are you okay with that range of photos? Even if you try to put safeguards in place where you're like, okay, send me a photo before you purchase it, okay, just to confirm that we're like on the— like in the right palette range, you still could get a skewed color through the photo, through the lighting in the photo, like where the, the gown is, where they're taking this picture. You could run into issues with this. I personally did mismatch blush pink dresses for my wedding, uh, very millennial coded, okay? It was blush pink and navy blue. Blue. Okay, but even some of the blues, okay, were cobalty, and some of them were a little like gray midnighty, and I was okay with that. I didn't have super high expectations for everyone getting the perfect color, but I did say to bridesmaids— and we actually had like a folder on Google Drive where they would upload their photos— and say, hey, if you could just run it by me, I just want to make sure it's not too like orangey. Okay, not too orangey and not too beigey, just in case. And guess what? Everyone nailed it. But it was an extra step of admin for me. All right, we're almost We're almost— we're almost done. Thanks for being here. Thank you so much. If you haven't done so already, will you jump on down there and subscribe? Because I know you're watching these and I know you like hanging out with me. So just subscribe. Kick up your feet. Stay a while, she says 45 minutes into a video. That's rich. Okay.

Lastly, why are you getting bow ties if you don't know how to tie a bow tie? Like, what? The amount of, like, grooms' parties who insist, like, no, no, no, we need to have real bow ties, but then Don't learn how to tie one. What are you doing? That's living on a prayer right there, assuming that someone's gonna just do it for you. I find that to just be very interesting behavior. I'm going to insist that I have this one thing, but then I'm not gonna learn how to do it. Like audacity!

Geez, so right. Okay, and then usually they look at me and they're like, "Hey wedding planner, you do this a lot. Do you know how to tie bow ties?" Not well. Okay, I actually now that I'm saying that, I should probably. Dust up on that skill just a wee bit. However, that's on you, broski, because usually I'm not where you're getting ready, okay? Because sometimes you're getting ready off-site, sometimes you're getting ready with the dudes, sometimes you're already dressed up or should be already dressed up by the time you reach where I've—

wherever I am.

So I think this is a little bit more on perhaps the brides, okay? Because the brides go, no, we want bow ties and we're not doing those clip-on bow ties. Our event is much classier than that, okay?

We are—

we're having an August backyard wedding with black ties and sweaty belly cummerbunds. So they're going to be real bow ties. Okay. Do you know if anyone knows how to tie them? Because if not, your groomsmen are going to spend 45 minutes finding the right combination of words on YouTube videos that will help them to understand how to tie a bow tie. So at least check in with them beforehand and say, hey, does— do at least a third of you know how to do this? And then you can like figure it out amongst yourselves. Or is this like a— is this—

is this—

is this a bad idea? Because I'm gonna, I'm gonna fill you in right now, it's probably a bad idea. And no, I don't love clip-ons either, but let's be so for real and so practical. Nobody wants a sweaty belly button and nobody wants to spend 45 minutes tying a little scrap of fabric to their throat. They just don't. And I love bow ties, but we have to make sure they know how to actually tie them. Okay, so that's what we have for today's video, guys. Thank you so much for watching. Some of these were a little unhinged, but I found myself agreeing with most of them. How about you? What is one unhinged thing About weddings that you're like, I will die on this hill. And if it's, I'm not inviting babies because they're too cute, I'm gonna have to hard pass disagree with you. Okay, but I, but I, but I also love babies. Okay, I love them so much. That's what we have for today's video, guys. Thank you so much for watching. If you like the video, jump on down and like the video and subscribe to this channel, even though I already told you to like 5 minutes ago. You should have done already, right? For more tips and tricks for the modern-day bride. Until next week, bye guys!