Jamie Wolfer answers questions about altering a mother's wedding dress and styling the groom. Extensive structural changes often cost more than buying a new dress, but you can use a piece of the original as a sentimental insert. For tailors, check online reviews, ask your dry cleaner, or search wedding Facebook groups.
Questions this episode answers
Ask if the desired changes are feasible given the dress’s boning, fabric, and seam construction; inquire about how much fabric is left for widening; request a timeline and cost estimate; confirm how they will communicate fit adjustments (e.g., pinning, fittings); and discuss any sentimental elements you want preserved.
Consider subtle texture or pattern on the groom’s shirt, a different tie color (e.g., charcoal ties for the groomsmen and a black tie for the groom), a larger or more distinctive boutonnière, or dress the groomsmen in charcoal while the groom remains in true black.
Chapters
Well, hello, lovely humans, and welcome to Engage, a wedding planning podcast for the modern-day couple. I'm your host, Jamie Wolfer, and I truly believe that wedding planning does not need to be complicated or time-consuming. I kind of picture these episodes like jumping on a quick phone call with your wedding planner. You get your answers and you go on your merry way, because sometimes not all of us have an hour to dedicate to listening to super long podcasts or super long intros. So without further ado, let's just jump right on into it. Today's episode is actually an audio recording of one of my most popular YouTube videos. I don't know about you, but sometimes I just need to sit down and be able process through the audio without the distraction of a video, so we decided to take this sweet little nugget and turn it into a podcast for you. I hope you find this helpful, my friends. My mom has been so generous as to offer me to wear her wedding dress on my wedding day and is fine with me altering it, altering it in any way I choose. The only thing is that I want to make quite a few alterations to it, and I don't know how to even go about that. I was also wondering if it would be even more Yeah, I was also wondering if it would even be cost-effective to wear my mom's dress if I want to make many alterations— widening shoulders, adjusting A-line original dress to more of a fit-to-flare look, possibly adding some more dazzle, etc. I'm also terrified to have someone alter it and then I dislike the changes. Any thoughts? This sounds like a lot, right? I told— I would feel everything that you're feeling right now because that's quite a few things going on. In my opinion, if I felt like it was that much, we wanted to adjust the entire shape structure of the dress, I would think that it would make more sense to possibly get a new and/or used dress that is much closer to what you're looking at. I would also recommend, if you are— if you really want to like kind of, uh, toe this line, then go take that to a seamstress or an alteration specialist. We just dropped the alteration um, guide into the chat. We— Katie did, but I'll claim part ownership of that. Um, I would recommend taking someone like that, explaining to them what you want, and asking if it's even feasible, because they need to see the boning, the fabric, the seams. They need to see how much fabric is left over. There might not be enough to widen it at the shoulders. So to me, it sounds like there's a lot going on here, but of course this is not my personal expertise. So I think it would make a lot more sense to discuss this with someone who knows better than I do. Um, but in my opinion, it makes the most sense to probably get a new dress and then maybe take a piece of your mom's dress and sew it on the inside of yours, because that way you could leave it. Let's say if you choose to have kids, you have a daughter who wants to wear a dress one day and like decides to wear this, that's still adorable. But I do agree, it's like to have someone alter it and then be like, oh no, I don't even like it, that would be so sad. So I see where you're coming from. That would be my two thoughts. Take someone if you really are like still on the fence about it, but if you just want someone to tell you to not do it, don't do it. Sitting here listening to a podcast is all fine and dandy, right? But sometimes you need an actual person to be asking some of these questions to. And you may be sitting there going, you know what, Jamie, actually, yeah, that, that makes a lot of sense. I would love to be able to ask you these questions. Guess what? You need to join the Master Plan. You've heard me talk about it, but do you know why I love it so much? You get over 10 lessons that walk you through planning your wedding with videos and spreadsheets and other detailed resources. Along the way. Join me and my virtual clients over in the Master Plan and get all your wedding planning questions answered. Literally thousands of couples have gone on this journey with me, and I'd love for you to be next. Check it out at wolferandco.com TMP. That's wolferandco.com TMP. Listen, wedding budgets suck. They're just like the actual worst. And the hardest part for me is that weddings are not cookie cutter. They're not one size fits all. And I think it's important to make sure that you're budgeting according to your priorities. Build a budget that works with your vision, and you'll be on the path planning a wedding that you really want. So if you want my recommendations for making your perfect budget for you and your partner, head on over to weddingpriorities.com. What do I need to know before my alterations appointment? I've had a few dresses altered— dresses altered before, like for prom, but I never felt like the tailor understood what I wanted. The final dress always seemed off and didn't quite fit right despite trying my best. I'm sure part of the problem is I'm not communicating properly. My wedding is coming up in less than 6 months and I'm really nervous about the alterations. I don't want to end up with a dress that I'm unhappy with. What questions should I ask the tailor? Are there any special terms or phrases should I know— I should know? I bought the dress from David's Bridal. Should I go with their tailor or find another? If so, how do you find a good tailor? Great questions. Totally understand where you're coming from. That is, getting alterations always feels really scary. Um, I was really fortunate in our regard where my mom had been going to this one tailor for years, and so we knew and he had this little like hole-in-the-wall place. Yeah, I was just gonna say, Katarina, I totally rate— do not go to David's Bridal for alterations, just my two cents. Some people have great luck with them, uh, um, it's more of like a churn and burn style alterations— altercations. Katarina says they're more like altercations. It's not gonna be great quality, and a seamstress or a tailor Um, the best ones that I've seen are more like hole in the wall, you know what I'm talking about? Uh, so which you can obviously take that with a grain of salt. I would, um, start looking online for reviews. I would maybe go to a local dry cleaners and see if they have any tailors that they recommend for high-end clothing. That could be a really good solution for that. Go into Facebook groups. Ours is huge. I highly recommend you check it out. I think we're what, 90,000 people in there? That's insane. That makes me a little bit uncomfortable. That's a lot of people. So if you want, you could jump in there because we're more, um, national and global. However, if you want to find a local group to you, that could also be a really good idea because then you're going to talk to brides who've actually had their dresses altered. So that's my favorite. I prefer Facebook groups over Google all day, every day, and I will die on that hill. So that would be my suggestion for finding someone. I would say do not go with David's Bridal. I— if you want to familiarize yourself with different alteration options, I would recommend taking a look at that alterations guide. Uh, but as far as terms, and I, I really do truly feel it's not that you weren't, um, sharing what you wanted properly with the previous tailor and/or tailors. If— because any experience that I've had with a tailor, I was like, can we just do a little pinch here, a a little, uh, here, you know. I feel like this is a little loose right here, and it wasn't proper terminology, but they understood what I was saying. And I feel like most people aren't going to have proper terminology when they go to a tailor or seamstress. So those are my suggestions for that. May 2025 bride, almost there, yay! I've got 13 bridesmaids and my fiancé has 7 groomsmen. I've already had most ladies let me know that they've purchased their dresses. I sent them links to places like Kennedy Blue, Birdie Grey, Anna Zazi. One was found on Amazon and it was a perfect match to my swatch. Question: My fiancé loves the look of suits in the movie Reservoir Dogs— black suit, white shirt, skinny black tie— and wants his men to look the same, but he also wants to wear an all-black suit. How can I find a way to make him stand out from his groomsmen? Note: bridesmaids are wearing dusty blue dress, maid of honor will have more pastel peacock teal. Okay, um, I'm assuming when you say all-black suit, do you mean black? Sorry, I just thought A+ surplus incorporated said unedited Jamie is my fave because they have the attention span of a goldfish. Um, it's Lexi. Oh, hi Lexi. Okay, so when you say black, all black suit, I'm assuming that you mean black jacket and black pants, correct? Um, if not, because some people also synonymously use that term for a black shirt as well.
Yes, it's an all-black suit.
Um, but white shirt, all black suit, white shirt. So we want to see how we can make him stand out, but everyone's wearing the same thing. Is that correct?
Yes.
Okay, so what you can do is you can do, um, either a subtle pattern play, texture on his button-up shirt, but that's gonna not really show up really strongly. You could also do something different with potentially the color of the tie, but if he wants everyone to match, again, that's going to be really hard. The third option would be a boutonnière. Um, that could be, but all those would be really subtle. Is he looking for a bigger change, a bigger difference?
Um, I don't think so. I think he just likes the look of it and just wants that.
Yeah, it's, it's good.
I mean, I love it. I think it's a great choice. Um, but what I had suggested to him, and he's sort of on the fence of it, was doing them, the guys, more in charcoal and then him in a much darker black. Um, because I thought maybe the charcoal would look a little bit better with the dusty blue.
I could see that. I could see how that would look really nice, and I actually like that color palette a lot. But obviously, as I'm hearing from you, it doesn't sound like he has a ton of opinions when it comes to this. He just kind of wants them all to have that look. But if he is committed to the all black, I would just mention or consider accessorizing slightly differently. Um, that could make him stand out a little bit. And also, does he want to stand out? Um, he does.
But he always gets self-conscious about it, and I'm like, you shouldn't. I don't know, he, he has an interesting opinion on himself.
Oh, sweet guy. Okay, well, hopefully some of those options will stand out. You can make subtle adjustments to the shirt, the tie. Maybe the guys wear charcoal ties and he wears a black one, so you wouldn't really tell a huge difference unless they're all standing together. That actually might be a really nice just subtle change and then make his boutonniere a little bit bigger and/or have bigger flowers on it or whatever. Um, and just those few things I think wouldn't be a really classy way to just kind of shift it a little. If you are struggling with wedding planning and you have questions and you just need someone to listen and to chat with, come join us in the Master Plan Community over at themasterplanwed.com. I would love to have you in there. Thanks so much for listening. If you haven't done so already, subscribe, jump on over to wherever you're listening to this podcast and leave a 5-star review so we can let the podcast people know that Jamie she knows what she's talking about sometimes. And until next time, bye guys!
