Jamie Wolfer says charging guests for missing your wedding is usually wrong unless they cancelled maliciously. The couple asking for £95 for an empty seat is probably hurt, not broke. Respond with empathy, explain why you couldn't come, maybe send a gift, and if their request feels unfair, have a respectful conversation about it.
Am I the a-hole for canceling on an old friend's wedding and not wanting to pay a fee? I had an important work visitation come up in France all week with an important client. I said, can I have their home address so I can send them a wedding gift? I'd got them dinner for two at The Shard in London. He gave it and said, by the way, as you'll be missing the food, can you send the money to cover my empty spot, which is £95 per head? Am I the a-hole if I question it, or do I just send the money and stop complaining? I would not charge a guest if they no-showed. That's just me. If it was done with malicious intent, then we can have a conversation about it, um, but that seems like a deeper issue than just a financial one. I don't think that getting that $95 back or £95 back is going to fix anything of your budget. I think that at a certain point, if you are hosting an event of this size and this magnitude, you accept the fact that a couple people may not be able to make it once they've RSVP'd, regardless of how valid you feel like their decision or their reasoning is. If you feel as though their lack of attendance is so painful or so egregious that you need to have conversation with them about it, I highly encourage you to do so. If you want to tell the person like, hey, this is messed up, man, like you're canceling really last minute and we spent a lot of money on this. But honestly, I think this comes more from like a place of hurt and a place of pain on behalf of the couple than it does from a place of like, you owe us money. At least I'd like to assume that, right? I'd like to assume that not everyone is out there in this world like trying to get money from everybody around them.
