There’s Really No Such Thing As Work Life Balance | Wedding Planning Q&A

Hi and welcome to Union Podcast. My name is Jamie Wolfer and I'm a wedding planner who absolutely loves to share how I got started and scale my business to above six figures in this amazing and occasionally extremely competitive industry. In this podcast, I share the tech, tactics, mindset, and mistakes that got me to where I am today. No gatekeeping, no cloak and dagger, just full disclosure and a little humor along the way. So whether you're a planner or a solopreneur, my goal is for you to be a better business person than I ever could have been and support you on this journey.

I.

Let's dive into this week's episode. Today's episode is one of my favorite things in the entire world, and that is a live Q and A from one of our union mastermind calls.

I know you're gonna love it.

Take a listen.

I love that your mom assisted you on weddings, and I think I will have to do that too, since everyone tells me it's a liability to only have myself and I can't afford to hire an assistant right now.

Preach.

But my question is, how did you direct her in the right direction of assisting you when, slash, if she didn't have any experience? I'm wanting to hire my mother in law for my first year, but nervous about how I direct her and obviously don't want her to mess things up. Okay. So I'm not going to be a great help with this specifically, at least not with my experience with my mom. My mom's the one that taught me how to run events. She's the one that I got everything from. So she. I've shared this backstory before, but my dad was a senior pastor most of my life, and he would always. This would drive my mother nuts. He'd be like, hey, we've got 30 people coming over for lunch today after church. And she'd be like, great. Okay, that's fine. That's totally fine. And she would just whip up these environments where, like, she would run around with a Q tip and like vanilla, like not an essential oil, but like a vanilla scented oil and rub it on the lamps so everything just kind of smelled warm and vanilla. Y like, rub it on the light bulbs. That's the level of hostessing that my mom does. She had like a drink station that we could just set up like that. She would lay out all the bowls and put, like, what belonged in the bowls. So, you know, myself or my older sister, my younger brother could just go dump it in right before people got there. She just. She's seamless okay. So when it came to running events, I didn't have to tell her much. So that was fantastic. However, I have had to train other people right when they're like, I want to be a wedding planner, like, great, you can intern for free. Oh wait, you don't know what you're doing. So I have to teach you a lot of things.

Things.

So I think sharing with as much openness as you can, I think there is going to be a little bit of a factor here that it's your mother in law, right. And if you ever have to redirect her behavior or redirect what she's doing, it might get a little bit awkward. So I would rip off that band aid early personally, just like, hey, there might be times where like we, we might need to move into a different direction and I might need to kind of like tell you what to do. But she'll, she'll probably assume that going into this and the reason you're gravitating towards her is she probably vaguely kind of gets it right. But if you use it as a teaching opportunity and anytime where you're like, hey, next time if we could do it like this, that would be awesome. However, you do need to feel confident enough and brave enough to talk to.

Your mother in law like that.

So what I found worked really well for myself and training other people is I would model it first, like, here's what I'm going to do and I tried to explain what I'm doing so next time they could repeat that activity almost exactly the way that I did or you know, in their own way, with their own flair. And, and I would only give them things as they started learning. So in the beginning they got the groom and the groomsmen lined up and I got the bride, the bridesmaids lined up and I would walkie them to cue the dj, right. And I would give very specific instructions. And not, not nitpicky or micromanaging, just hey, here's what I need you to go do. And then if there was ever any sort of like, let's say they put the table number in the wrong location, I would go by and be like, oh, hey. Actually all these need to be facing the door. So the second people come in, they, they can see the table numbers really easily and it'll ensure a lot more of a smooth process to get people to their seats. The person didn't do anything wrong, they just didn't know any better. So give bit by bit, right, like, and explain as you go. We're not micromanaging. We're just explaining expectations and then debrief at the end of the event. This is. I cannot impress this upon you enough. This is absolutely essential at the end of every single event. And Rebecca can vouch for this. I've done it with her. I did it with my mom, done it with all of my assistants. We hang out in the parking lot or wherever is safe. Right? Don't. Don't hang out a dark, scary parking lot if it's not safe. We'd be like, okay, what? Well, and what could we have done better? And using that process of reflection, it made it like a safe place for me to be like that DJ was who. We did not see that coming. Okay, next time we need to watch the DJ to see if he's drinking. You know, most of the time, it wasn't things that were our fault, but it just made us more mindful of what changes we could do moving forward. So it wasn't like a let's talk about all the things you did wrong, right? No, we just created an environment of, okay, what do we like, what do we not want to do again, and what do we want to learn from this for next time? And it just created a culture of having a conversation about things that didn't go well and it was fine. And we found that again, most of the time, it wasn't us doing our job poorly. It was other people surprising the heck out of us. You know, a drunk guest or a drunk DJ or a bossy photographer or, you know, the timeline kind of sliding off the rails because people aren't moving fast enough. So create a culture of having a conversation about things not going well. Train as you go, give bite sized pieces. But you will probably need to be bold enough to share with your mother in law beforehand. Like, hey, there might be a time where I have to be like, hey, I got to do this, or hey, I have to take this from you, or I might have to correct you. How do we feel about that? And just kind of set that up at a time. All right, So I think it's a great idea. I love working with best friends. I love working with parents. I love working with spouses if they're down. My husband would so not be down. He would be. I love him so much. He's my favorite human. But I would not want to run a wedding day with him. No, ma'.

Am.

So I think that's a great place to start.

I'm only mildly embarrassed to admit that in the beginning, I printed out every Single piece of paper, every single contract. I took handwritten notes and created a binder for every single one of my wedding planning clients. Now, in theory, that sounds really cool and I thought I would look really cool showing up to these meetings with these binders that are full of all of these contracts with handwritten notes. But let me tell you, the chaos that ensued when I tried to stay organized on my own and got over five events at a time. It was a nightmare. Enter Honeybook. I am telling you guys, Honeybook was literally exactly how my brain was processing wedding planning, but just in digital form. It's so easy to go in there and make any sort of customizations that you want. From adjusting your contracts to adjusting your packages, maintaining conversations back and forth that not only pop up in the app on the website, but also in your inbox as well. It's a great way to stay organized. So get out of the paper and.

Get onto the Digital.

Head to wolfrenco.com HB and use code Union at checkout to get the best deal. We interrupt this podcast because there is something extremely special that I want to share with you guys. I don't know about you, but for the last who knows how many years I have been using a frankensteined, googled, copied and pasted contract. And while that is extremely embarrassing to admit to all of our listeners, I know that there are people out there who feel the same as I do. And there were a couple things that kept me from actually getting an attorney drafted contract. Actually, no. There was one thing. It was so expensive and it seemed so out of reach. That's when I learned about Legally Set. You see, Coonby with Legally Set has created industry specific contracts for people like you and me working in the wedding industry. They're easy to customize, they're drafted by an actual attorney and not googled. Can you imagine that? And last but not least, they are so extremely affordable. So if you were like me and maybe using a less than appropriate and or legal contract, it's time to step up your game. You have no more excuses. Head over to theunionpodcast.com legally set to check them out. Use code union for 20% off your contracts.

Oh, and now you're finally planning your business.

I. Yeah, it's taken. It's. I've been through hell and back to get here, but I'm ready.

Yeah. Okay, so talk to me. Where are you at with the process?

I'm not very far, but there is a bridal expo and I have created like a single sheet Resume that I want to hand out so that I can see if I can be taken on as an assistant. I haven't actually done an event at all yet. I've just been taking the classes, watching the videos, learning, and I'm so scared.

But what part scary?

I guess just doing my very first event or booking my very first client.

Yeah, that. What is what feels scary? Like you're gonna forget something or like the timeline's not gonna go well and you're like, no, but you're unlocking new fears. Thank you.

Yeah, I just, I don't know if I'm afraid I'm gonna screw up or they're not gonna, you know, like me, I guess.

Well, I will say to the, the screwing up thing, you're probably not going to in any sort of ethic capacity, like the likelihood of someone's patrolling. Okay. They got to make sure the neighborhood is very safe. You're probably not gonna screw up in any sort of colossal capacity, especially because you're educating yourself beforehand. You're here, like you're trying and you're learning. So the likelihood of you doing anything colossal is very, very, very, very, very, very slim. Now, as far as people liking you or not liking you, they won't book you if they don't feel confident in you.

Right.

So I can say with full confidence, I've only had two disgruntled clients in the past and both of them were because I didn't end up working their wedding day and they were frustrated I had someone else working in. So we haven't had a whole myriad of disgruntled people. They just. The only ones that were upset were because I didn't end up working their day and we had someone else run it.

Yeah.

So it's really hard to tick off clients. Once they book you, they end up probably pretty much loving you.

I did have a question about. Hold on. I'm going to this expo on Sunday and I want to get my feet wet and get experience and work an event. I don't know though if I'm supposed to be a freelance assistant or if I should be charging them for my services.

It's up to you. I know a lot of people have worked an event for free or their first few events for free. So I don't see as much of harm of offering to intern or shadow someone for free if they are planning on like, if they're like, yeah, we're going to have you work a 10 hour day. You're lucky if you get a meal that's Where I'm like, okay, that's. That feels a little bit more intense. So if you're shadowing or interning for a handful of events, I think it's fine to do free. The only reason or only time I don't want you working for free is with your first clients.

Yeah, that one's harder.

And honestly, working for someone else is just more of a confidence boost than it is an absolute necessity. And you might learn what you like to do and you might learn what you do not want to do moving forward. The first wedding I worked with someone else, I was like, I will not be doing half of these things. No, thank you. Absolutely not. They gave me a clipboard. I kept putting it down places. I'm like, I am not a clipboard person. This is not a good idea. They had an emergency kit that was like a giant duffel bag that I had to wear the entire time. And I was like, my shoulder's cramping. So you just might learn a bunch of crazy stuff that you want to do and that you won't want to do. So, okay, yes, work for free if you feel like it. But also figure out what a compensation opportunity could be if you work enough events. Will that. Could there be a paid position for you, even if it's freelance, you know, a couple events a year or whatever.

Okay, good. I think I'm going to really like design.

Yes.

I'm really drawn to design. Oh, yeah. I've got my. I've got my website started.

Okay.

I've got my Pinterest started. I need to get my Instagram going. I've started working on my proposal, but I haven't finalized it yet.

Okay. Yeah.

You got time for that? I. I'm trying to. I'm just trying to get it all together, but it gets really stressful at times. I have three.

Yeah. And then you kind of want to run away for. Oh, yes, I totally get it. And you kind of want to run away and pretend like nothing's happening.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Handle that. They are. Okay. So my oldest is going to be six in May.

Okay.

And then my daughter is the middle child and she just turned 4. And then I have a 17 month old.

Oh, tiny.

Yeah.

And do they go to school?

The oldest kindergarten? No, they don't go to daycare. I've been a stay at home mom for a long time. Okay. And this is, this is what I want to do. I want to. You know, I've not started my career because I had a baby and then a baby and then a Baby. Yeah. You know, so I've been, I've been just like watching you and kind of learning in the background for a few years and then I was like, okay, I'm going to do it. Gonna take this tax money. I'm gonna start the master plan. But yeah, I don't know how to balance it sometimes.

Well, so balance kind of implies like a permanent state of being. And I actually, like, I don't really think there is a proper work life balance. I think there's gonna, there's seasons. There's gonna be seasons of hustle, and there's gonna be seasons of drought, and there's gonna be seasons where your kids need you more and there's going to be seasons where you feel like you are doing it all to 120%. You're exhausted, which is probably where you're at right now because you're just getting things started and it feels almost insurmountable. Right?

Yeah.

This is just a season. This is not a permanent state of being. It will not continue to feel like this. The way that we made it work was if my kids would nap. Like, because when I started my business, my older two were already in school and my son would go down for naps. And so that's when I would make phone calls, I'd send out emails, but I wouldn't hold meetings with clients until after 5pm when my husband got home, which was convenient because most of my clients had jobs.

Yeah, Right.

So I would always just be like, oh, yeah, we can. We'll totally meet via Zoom. So you guys can be in your pajamas and all cozy and we'll get some wedding planning done. And that made it a lot more feasible for me. So. Not driving.

Right.

I'm not. I could get dinner prepped and then just go run off to the call like, like I'm doing right now. I had dinner already for my husband and he could just like feed the kids. So it's just about finding a pattern and a rhythm that work for you, but it will not continue to feel like 180 miles per hour. Like, this is just a season.

It's so stressful.

It is. It's a lot. And then if you could find times where you're like, you know, if the kids are distracted by TV show, you spend 15 minutes doing emails. You just find pockets where you can get your work done as guilt free as possible. But then also recognize that there will be times that like, you feel like you might be dropping the ball with the kids a little bit because you have to focus a little bit more on business or, you know, maritally, it might get hard. Or with other relationships in your life, it might get hard. Because this is something that takes nights and weekends, you know?

Yeah.

That's all we have for this week's episode, guys. If you enjoyed it, do me a favor, screenshot that episode and share it on socials. Tag me in it. I would love to see Wolfer and Co on on Instagram. Let me know if you're enjoying it. You can also let me know if you didn't enjoy it, but I'm probably.

Not going to re share that one.

I hope you guys enjoy this week's episode and we'll see you in the next one.