Timing It Right: Rehearsal Dinner Plans, Family Drama at the Wedding, and Pre-Wedding Thank-You Note Etiquette | Wedding Q&A

Well, hello, lovely humans, and welcome to Engage, a wedding planning podcast for the modern-day couple. I'm your host, Jamie Wolfer, and I truly believe that wedding planning does not need to be complicated or time-consuming. I kind of picture these episodes like jumping on a quick phone call with your wedding planner. You get your answers and you go on your merry way, because sometimes not all of us have an hour to dedicate to listening to super long podcasts or super long intros. So without further ado, let's just jump right on into it. Today's episode is going to admittedly be a little bit all over the place. You see, every single month I sit down with all of the I was gonna say constituents, they're not constituents, the people over in the Master Plan course and answer your questions in lifetime. So if you find yourself struggling and really need to sit down and speak with a real-life wedding planner, I would love to be a part of your wedding planning journey. Join us over in the Master Plan today to get your questions answered. Until then, take a listen. Rachel wants to know, what is the etiquette when receiving gifts off of your wedding registry? Wedding— what Wedding registry. Should we wait until after the wedding to begin sending out thank you cards, or should we be sending out thank you cards as we receive gifts? You can wait, but I'd say send them now. Just send it. It's one less thing to do afterwards, and it's so much easier to do a couple at a time than it is to do like 75. Not that you're gonna get 75, that's just— it's easier to send them as you receive them. So yes, etiquette says that you can do that. Sitting here listening to a podcast is all fine and dandy, right? But sometimes you need an actual person to be asking some of these questions to, and You may be sitting there going, you know what, Jamie, actually, yeah, that, that makes a lot of sense. I would love to be able to ask you these questions. Guess what? You need to join the Master Plan. You've heard me talk about it, but do you know why I love it so much? You get over 10 lessons that walk you through planning your wedding with videos and spreadsheets and other detailed resources along the way. Join me and my virtual clients over in the Master Plan and get all your wedding planning questions answered. Literally thousands of couples have gone on this journey with me, and I'd love for you to be next. Check it out at wolferandco.com TMP. That's wolferandco.com TMP. Listen, wedding budgets suck. They're just like the actual worst. And the hardest part for me is that weddings are not cookie cutter. They're not one size fits all. And I think it's important to make sure that you're budgeting according to your priorities. Build a budget that works with your vision and you'll be on the path to planning a wedding that you really want. So if you want my recommendations for making your perfect budget for you and your partner, head on over to weddingpriorities.com. Oh, this one is a doozy. Okay, buckle up folks, we got a paragraph, which I, I love when you guys do this. So if you ever need to give context to your story or to your question, do it. Okay, I know that I need to invite my mother because otherwise I would feel too guilty and I don't want to hurt her, but she has a lot of mental health issues and also is the black sheep in the family. I'm really anxious about her getting emotional and fighting with other family members, and to top it off I'm not sure if the seating will be adequate for her due to her— due to size. I'm incredibly anxious about everything. Is there a way for me to keep her away from her ex-husband, my dad, and her sister, my very involved godmother, while also keeping her at a respectable space in proximity to me as my mother? Also, is there anything I can do to ensure that her seat is sturdy enough for her? I don't want to embarrass her with a different seat style, but I also don't want it to break and have an embarrassing scene for her. I don't know what to do. Sarah, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. This is a really difficult position to be in, and it sounds like you're doing your best to be really honoring of your mom. And I think that that's really admirable. And I don't know if anyone has said this, but I'm really proud of you. I'm really proud of you for trying to navigate this with grace and intention. And I'm so sorry that you're in a position like this. Is there anyone outside of you that can help you navigate this? Do you have a sibling or a cousin who understands where you're coming from and can provide your mom the same amount of compassion but can also step in should they need to, um, should something arise. Um, in order to— the table situation. So typically, I'm, I'm just going to use my hands here. Typically we have the sweetheart table. I'm going to make sure I'm actually in frame because I know with Google I, I, I appear very tiny on my screen. You might be seeing a bigger version of me, but mine's like this. So let's say this is your sweetheart or your head table. Typically you have a couple tables dotted close to you with a dance floor directly in front of the table. Okay. Um, directly in front of your table. So there's space between you and the immediate guests. That's ideal. That's what you want in this scenario. And then usually it's divided in half with one side and then the other side. Here's what you can do though. You can put the people that your, your mom has trouble with on one side and your mom on the opposite side. So let's say there's 4 tables— 1, 2, 3, 4. Um, you could put some family over here and your mom at 3, or your mom at 4, whatever it happens to be. And then just place them strategically so they're not staring at each other across the, um, dance floor. That's how you would handle that particular scenario. Um, as far as the seat is concerned, I would talk to the rental company and see what the weight limit is. What are they rated for? So that way you have a very proactive thing that you can do. It's very factually based, um, because we haven't had it— we've never had that be an issue regardless of a guest size. So hopefully, um, hopefully that helps. Hopefully that, that gives you something to go off of. Okay, I can contact the rental company, I can see what they say. So then, you know, you have that as an assurance there, because honestly, that— you've got enough to handle this situation. They are probably rated and hopefully will be sufficient. And if it's not sufficient, then I do think that perhaps, perhaps it might be a good idea to have a conversation with your mom and let her know that a different chair will be provided if need be. I would also then take it one step further, if you feel comfortable and you feel like you can communicate this to those two family members, your dad and your godmother. Hey, I gotta let you know, I'm really anxious about this. Really stressed. I'm gonna invite you into this just, just because I love you and I, I want— I need your help. Um, please, please do not engage even if she tries to. And I understand this is gonna be uncomfortable for everybody. I'm doing the best I can to accommodate that. I feel— I feel called to invite her. I feel like that's the honoring thing to do. Um, so I just ask you to, as the sane people in this situation— obviously I can't speak to the entire sameness of your mom, but if that is a phrase that works for you, then use it. To please, please come alongside me in this. And that way I just don't feel like I'm— it's me standing between both parties just trying to hold you guys apart, and you guys just kind of committing to just not engaging. That would be wonderful. Just, just for one day, just for a couple hours. Thank you. So if you do feel like you can have that conversation, I encourage you to have that. And again, I'm so sorry. Do you have an outline or any suggestions for rehearsal dinner timeline? I'm really lost in this area of wedding planning, and this is the most DIY aspect of my wedding. So only if you want to do something formal would be speeches. So because some people do speeches/toasts at the rehearsal dinner, so this is sometimes where the most traditionally the father of the groom would give a speech, or the parents of the groom, because they typically pay for it. So this is— we're going off a very like very traditional, some might say antiquated, version of what this event would look like. Honestly, you just go in and you eat and then you leave. If you want to have a couple things that you do, and we've never done a timeline for rehearsal because there's at least rehearsal dinner because there's not much to do. We're talking about the rehearsal specifically. I do break that down in an entire module in the course for how you're supposed to go through it. You want to have the speeches, then I would recommend eating dinner first, letting the speeches happen then. And sometimes couples will give out gifts to, um, their wedding party at this moment as well, so you can pass those out. So that could be like getting ready bag for bridesmaids, you know, if it's a bracelet, a little trinket or something that you want them to wear the next day, that, that's when you would handle that. If you are struggling with wedding planning and you have questions and you just need someone to listen and to chat with, come join us in the Master Plan community over at themasterplanwed.com. I would love to have you in there. Thanks so much for listening. If you haven't done so already, subscribe, jump on over to wherever you're listening to this podcast and leave a 5-star review so we can let the podcast people know that Jamie knows what she's talking about sometimes. And until next time, bye. Bye guys!