VIRAL TIKTOK No Planner, BIG Problems | Wedding Planner REACTS

I came across this video recently, and we got to talk about it. We got to talk about it. Okay. Hi, if you're new here, my name is Jamie Wolfer. I'm your online wedding planner, and in today's video, we're going to talk about no planner, big problem. Okay, big problemo. And why some of your vendors, your venue and/or photographer and/or other vendors, may or may not work with you if you don't have one. So without further ado, let's just jump right on into it. Here is the video in question.

Something that is so crazy that nobody tells you about wedding planning is that Some vendors will not work with you if you don't have a planner. Like, does that make sense? I feel like no. I'm willing to give you my money and you don't want my money if I don't have a wedding planner? Mind you, wedding planners are like $10,000 to $20,000. Where am I getting that money? Anyway, I'm just so frustrated because I got shot down by a photographer that I really liked because we don't have a planner. Not the first one to do that too. So I love wedding planning, is my favorite thing ever. Let me know if you ran into this problem too, because this is really frustrating.

Okay, I feel really— oh, my heart goes out to this bride, to this couple, because it's— it can be a really frustrating experience as a couple trying to plan a wedding. And you're like, I found it, I found my photographer, it's gonna be great. You go to book them, they're like, oh yeah, you can't— you can't book us unless you book somebody else first. And you're like, what? And they're like, like, what? And then you're like, what? And they're like, yeah, no, I get it, it sucks. I totally understand where you're coming from. Now, if you'll allow me to— if you'll allow me to elucidate on this just a little bit. One, I'm always an advocate of hiring who you can hire with the money that you have and/or want to spend on your wedding day. I think you could have a very successful wedding day without a wedding planner, coming from a wedding planner, okay? So like, that's the camp, that's the hill that I will die on. I also firmly believe that you can have a better wedding day if you have a wedding planner. I know that. I know that. I've seen it. I've experienced it. I've worked it. Like, I know the amount of fires that I put out. I know the amount of stories that I'm never gonna even tell you all about because I know the amount of things that can go haywire on a wedding day. And I am aware of what we bring to the table. I'm also aware that we're not in everyone's budget, so I can be aware of both sides of this duality. That's why I create budget content online. But if you want to ask for my services, like in person, probably not as budget-friendly. Okay, both things can be true at the same time. Okay, what we're talking about here is we're talking about different tiers or echelons of weddings, echelons of different vendors. You will have wedding venues that are first starting out and they're like, bring in whoever you want, okay? Look at our pretty venue, do you want to get married here? We'd love to have photos from your album and we'd love to have you come and take pictures and get married here and it's going to be great. And then they do a couple weddings where they don't have a lot of rules, a lot of boundaries, and some of them are great and some of them are not. Some of them are stressful, and some of them, um, stuff gets left behind, and some of them people get really drunk because they didn't have a licensed bartender serving the alcohol. And then you run into issues where someone ran into a post in the parking lot, or you're just concerned about the level of inebriation of people leaving the building, um, or you get situations where The vendors are looking super, super frazzled because there's no one directing their day because no one at the end of the day wrote a timeline. Yeah, the venue starts to see patterns of things where they go, hmm, maybe we should firm this up just a little bit. Okay, maybe we should have like preferred vendors. Maybe we should require that all of your vendors are licensed and insured. You know, just as like a little modicum, like just a little step up, just a little cutesy moment where we're like, hey, we're just going to make sure it's not your cousin. Okay, which is funny because I definitely have cousins that are in the wedding industry. They do a great job, but they are still also licensed and insured. Uh, we're just gonna do a little bit more. When you start to see those rules and those regulations— laws, codes— when they're not laws, but you know what I mean— at venues, you start to realize they've seen some things and they no longer want to serve that echelon of weddings. They no longer want to serve a wedding where anyone can bring in food for a potluck because it blew a fuse once because they had too many Crock-Pots plugged in, whatever it happens to be, or because too many things are of them on their wedding day because there isn't someone there to serve that and to, to fill that need and to fill that void, which is what a planner or a day-of coordinator would do in this particular capacity. Of course, I'm not there to manage 82 million crockpots. That's not my job. But what I am saying is when you're in the industry for a while, you come in so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed thinking, this is going to be great. I'm going to help all these budget couples host these incredible events. And then you realize that a lot of people just don't know what they're doing, and that's okay. They're not supposed to. They've never done this before, but it does fall on you as the venue or as the various other vendors. Another thing we've talked about here on this channel is if you don't have a coordinator, bear in mind, I'm not encouraging you to go to these vendors as like, well, you're my coordinator now. But I have said your timeline responsibilities will fall onto your photographer and your DJ. Those will be the two vendors that will be the most responsible for running your wedding day because the chef's not coming out of the kitchen. To try to figure out what you're doing and try to figure out the pacing of things. They're not going to come find you when you're doing your first look. It's going to be on the photographer who's managing the time and looking at their watch regularly, trying to make sure that they have you back in time so the rest of the evening can kick off. This is not what a photographer typically does. Uh, in fact, we did a video recently where we talked about if you want candid photos, you have to create space for photographers to be able to do that. And if they're watching their clock, you know, they're, they're not going to be in a position to really lead or guide you through, uh, situations where you can just smile and they can just take the photos because they're doing more than one job. The point of a wedding planner is to— well, we do a lot of things. If you, if you hire someone and you work with them long-term, likely they're going to save you a lot of money. Likely they're going to save you a lot of stress. Likely they're going to save you a lot of time. One of the three, two of the three, all three of the three. You know, wedding planners are still employed because they perform a service that is very much needed and/or wanted in certain tiers of wedding planning. So we get that lower echelon and then we kind of move up a little bit where it's like, hey, This is where we have a little bit of requirements. Some of the vendors have more requirements. Usually it's the venue that leads the charge on that. And then you move up a little bit more where it's like, hey, you can only work with these vendors that we have, or we don't really have accommodations or availability for budgets under $50K. And then you reach like the six-figure style weddings and they're just— they're all planned slightly differently. Now, all of them for the most part involve a couple, an officiant, a group of people witnessing that event, some sort of cocktail hour afterwards, and some sort of meal to follow, usually with meal music. It's the basic mechanics of a wedding. They are all still weddings. They're just different tiers. Also, another video— I've referred to this in the past, probably more in person than I have in a video— there's like, um, speedboat weddings, and then there's like cruise ship weddings. Sorry, there's like speedboat, and then there's yachts, and then there's cruise ships. Okay, so they're— the more intricate your event gets, or the bigger your event gets, or the bigger the budget gets, the more you need a captain and a crew to kind of figure this out. Okay, but also like, I'm very aware that I had a pontoon boat wedding. They're just different styles, different echelons of weddings, and none of the marriages are invalidated because the amount of money that you spend on it. However, the further up you move in the echelons, the more particular you're going to find certain vendors get because they no longer want to leave things to chance. They no longer want to plan for the worst and hope for the best. They want to do their craft with intention and specificity. So if you are looking a dream photographer and you're like, I would love to work with you, and they say, I, I can't. And especially with this bride saying, like, this is not the first time I've heard this, it's not the second time I've heard this. Why do so many vendors— why are so many photographers saying we're not going to work with you unless you have a planner? Because your photographer will end up managing your wedding day schedule on top of trying to take photos, and that's a lot for your photographer to manage. It's hard to be artsy and intentional but also pay attention to the time and also wrangle your wedding party members and also get your family ready for photos and also get you lined up for grand entrance. Like, there's so many elements that will fall onto your photographer's shoulders, or can fall into your photographer's shoulders, that they are now saying, we're no longer doing that. So if that removes us from this echelon of, of weddings, so be it. We are going to move up to here where typically a planner is already associated with this style of event, with this budget of event, etc. We are now going to protect our craft. We are now going to protect what we do and the product we deliver. You want to know why these photos are so good? These photos are so good because someone else is watching the timeline. These photos are so good because we had enough time to go play, to go explore, to go walk on the beach, to go climb up this mountain for 5 seconds to get that incredible shot. Because someone else was talking to your chef, because someone else was monitoring where your guests were, because someone else was managing the bartender running out to get more ice because they happened to run out earlier because it was a warmer than usual day. There's someone else discussing with the DJ the pronunciation of everybody's last name. There's someone else handling those details to the photographer. Can do exactly what you hired them to do. So when you run into situations like this where there is a required vendor or a preferred vendor, or when vendors have requirements of other vendors, right? So the venue says you can't bring in any food service other than a full catering service. They've seen messes left behind by less than full catering services. Doesn't mean everybody that's less than full catering service would leave a mess. They've just seen it enough and they no longer want to clean that up. So they're going to make sure that they put those boundaries and those rules in place to protect them accordingly. These photographers who are now making these statements have coordinated enough weddings to go, I can't do both. I can't do both. And you will find photographers in your price range that do not require a coordinator. This is simply a boundary that they are putting up and saying, we're not doing that. We're not doing that because then we can't do what we're good at and we're not good at planning a wedding and we're not good at coordinating a wedding. And so we need to let our clients know that, like, we basically— we can't work an event if we're going to be planning it. Or coordinating it at the same time. So that's probably why. And I think we're seeing a lot more. I think there was another video that went viral about this, and I haven't seen that specifically. I just saw this one. I was like, oh man, like, I just— one, my heart aches for this bride. Two, I want to make sure you know, as, as students of this channel, that you know you don't have to book those. That's not the only option. There are other options out there and available to you, um, but that there's reasoning behind it. There is, like, for me, my echelon, like, for me, when it comes to planning, like, I am now in a different tier of overall wedding budgets. If someone came to me wanting me to work with them at a $20,000 wedding budget, I would say, I am so proud of you. That is a killer budget. That is so good. Please don't spend your money on me. Please don't. Please, please, please don't. I've been doing this for a decade, so I'm, I'm going to be more expensive than someone who's been doing this for 2 years. So if you want, I actually do have a list of wedding planners that I train personally to start up their wedding businesses and do this with intention. So if you are looking for a coordinator. Actually, literally, I do. I have this. Check them out right here. We are building them out across the 50 states and internationally as well. There are only a handful outside of the US, to be fair, but we're working on it. But I would be the first person to tell you I have left that echelon. I left it quite a while ago. I've been doing this for too long to still charge those numbers, and I've seen too many things and I've DIY'd too much stuff that I can't— I no longer want to work at that pace, at that price point. And my skill set is pretty dang good. And so we're going to kind of move up to this level. So that's what we're seeing. It's a natural progression of vendors who've been in the space for an extended period of time or who simply say, I no longer want to be doing that. I don't want to do that. Of course, this just sounds like one wedding planner online with a super strong opinion. So I did get some videos from a photographer's perspective or from photographers' perspectives that I feel like is really important to help kind of shed light on this specifically.

Nobody see that video from over the weekend where the bride got rejected by the photographer because she was not planning to work with a wedding planner and the photographer requires it in order to like work with her. So right off the bat, like in my soul, I know that would feel to me like snobby and hurtful. So I'm like, that's valid. Um, but from a vendor perspective, I'd love to illuminate 3 things for you. First of all, some weddings are speedboats, some weddings are cruise ships. And if you're hearing from a photographer that like maybe based on the scale, the scope, your expectations, like the coordination that's gonna take to pull this thing off, then maybe what they're telling you is like, you need a captain and a crew, and this is outside of the purview of just a photographer team.

She's the one I heard this from. Okay. I keep using this. I've used it in like multiple video references. So Kristen from Petal and Glass Photo, first of all, your aesthetic is so cute. I just want, can I have a house tour please?

And thank you.

It's giving Nancy Meyers in Tears. Okay. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, I love it so much. I love, I love the pattern work in the background. Just, I need a house tour, please and thank you. Okay, so she's the one that used the reference. Okay, speedboat versus cruise ship or whatever.

In order to make what you're hoping for a reality. Second, what maybe you're not seeing that is true about editorial photographers' portfolios is like the scaffolding under that. The unseen labor of a team. A whole planning team, and they're creating the space and the timeline for us to thrive, taking literally everything else off our plate except for photography so that we can really give it our all, all day long. And they're creating an aesthetic atmosphere that makes photography a literal breeze. I think that's important to see luxury photographers through that lens. I feel like the bride was receiving this as more like, my wedding isn't good enough, it's not going to be aesthetic enough. So is that part of it for some photographers? Probably. Hiring a photographer is hiring a chef. And if you are hiring a gourmet chef and you want their signature dish, then they're going to expect to be using gourmet ingredients. Great news is that the vast majority of photographers do not require a planner, but if you do have it in your budget to hire a planner, like planners help you get the most value out of all of your vendor teams. So it's a really worthwhile investment and something that like, if you do have some budget flexibility, it's something good to consider.

Oh, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Angel Baby Nugget. She's so spot on. And I think she handles— I've seen a few of her videos now because, you know, you interact with a singular video, then all of a sudden your entire algorithm is them. I do think a lot of what she's saying is, is so spot on. Um, if you have the room for it, do it. Most photographers don't require it. You're probably looking in a luxury tier of wedding photographers that make this a requirement, in the same way that you'd be looking at a higher-end wedding venue if they have an in-house or required caterer, you're stepping up the echelon. There's still stuff that exists here. Remember, I had literally a party barge wedding. We were 50 red Solo cups away from one. Okay. Like, we just were— we didn't have money. This is not judgment, but it is to hopefully educate you a little bit and how this system works. So if you keep getting numbers where you're like, that's illogical, I'm not doing that, I'm not paying for that, I can't afford to have a planner, I don't understand. Or if you're saying stuff like, it's a $20,000 planner, I can't afford that. You're up here, friends. Like, you are in a completely different sphere than you might be intending to look at or be prepared to pay for, whether you want to, whether you're physically capable of it. It doesn't matter. You're here. These still exist. The opportunity to build out a wedding at a different price point. And again, wedding means a couple getting married in front of an officiant with witnesses, usually probably more than 50, because anything under 50 I would consider a micro wedding. That has a cocktail hour to follow and then a dinner, usually with dancing to follow as well. So like the structure of an actual wedding, not just the marriage, not just the process of saying something. It is possible down here. And that's what this whole channel is about. That's what we love to do, is what I love to do in the master plan is teach people how to plan their weddings at the budget that they can afford or they want to spend. So just keep in mind, if you find yourself hitting things, hitting situations like this where you're like, wow, that venue is super cheap, but then all of a sudden we have to use all these vendors that are really expensive, you're up here. Okay. Or if you're running into photographers that are like, you know, $7,000, $8,000, $10,000 photographers and their work is incredible, but they say stuff like, oh, we don't work with someone who doesn't have a planner. You're up here. If you are looking at wedding planners that are $20,000, you're up here. There are options below that and you can still have an incredible event experience, a beautiful event experience at any echelon. Okay, we should make sure that your budget and your expectations align. Okay, last but not least, I do want to share this one photographer's perspective. I think it's really helpful to add this to like round out the conversation.

Okay, this one might ruffle a few feathers also, but, um, I think it needs to be said. Your wedding photographer is not your wedding planner, is not your wedding coordinator. Um, I know a lot of photographers, especially in the high-end luxury, ultra-luxury space, who refuse to even take on wedding couples that don't have a planner or coordinator. A lot who won't even take them without a full-service planner. And I love weddings. I, I've helped many a friend plan their weddings. I've played the coordinator for many friends and couples. I've helped decorate, but that's not what I'm here for. You're not paying me to keep track of your timeline all day, to help decorate if it's not done when I get there. I'm happy to help out, emergencies come up, things happen, but when you expect your photographer to also play coordinator, it's taking away from what you actually paid and hired us to do, which is capturing your memories, watching out for every little detail and little moment that happens. We're missing out on things when we have to play coordinator too. So That's one of my biggest pieces of advice. If you want your wedding day to run smoothly, if you want a stress-free wedding day, hire the planner, hire the coordinator. It's going to make the biggest difference in the way your day runs.

Bless her, bless her, bless her for saying this. It's really hard. It's hard. It's hard when expectations and reality do not meet comfortably. It's hard when a lot of the weddings you see online are gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous weddings, and you only see a still from it, and then you don't know the budget behind it, you don't know the vendor team behind it. I love the photographers term, the scaffolding that, that is put in place to create the opportunities for a photographer to get creative, to, to, to get really into it and to go explore and know that there's a planner, you know, that's got their back that can make that happen. I understand that a planner is not financially in the cards for everybody, which is literally why I made this channel. That's why we started this, because I was like, how can I help couples who can't afford me? And this literally, I just thought it was going to be something I could send my couples a resource for. That's how this started. Was all the couples who would look at my costs and be like, we can't afford any of the long-term planning. We'll just hire you for a day of coordination. And I was like, cool, I'll just make videos for them to watch to help them out. And little did I know, we're now sitting at over 150,000 of you, which is wild, especially given the fact that like my turnover rate for subscribership naturally is going to be a lot higher than other channels because what I do is like very finite in someone's life as opposed to what an influencer does or a content creator does. So the fact that we are even seeing seeing these numbers. The fact that I got that silver play button is insane to me, but it also tells me that there's a whole slew of couples out there getting married that don't have professional support. That's why we started this. That's also why we started the master plan, if you want to go check that out. If you want— it's the cheapest professional planning support you can get anywhere. I've literally distilled down what I do with my actual clients into an online course, and then I'm there for live monthly calls to like answer your questions as they pop up, because they do. I understand that there is budgetary limitations for a lot of people, and you don't know what a wedding costs, you don't know what went into it. And the entry into the wedding planning space, um, into the stratosphere of wedding planning, can be really brutal a lot of times for a lot of people. And so my hope is that you subscribe, I hope is that you stick around, um, and that I can continue to help you out and educate you throughout this process, because you deserve to have a stress-free wedding day. You deserve that. And you deserve to have vendors that are capable and fully able to lean into their role of who they need to be and who you've hired them to be on your wedding day. The best possible result for that is to hire a professional vendor for every single category. Financially, that's not gonna be in the cards for all of you. I get it. But please note, I said to ensure the smoothest possible results. There will be bumps and issues with every single wedding day. Anyways, I feel like I'm now just heading into the ramblesville. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel like you are not liking the numbers you're receiving back or not liking the parameters or not understanding them, either feel free to ask questions. Can you please explain to me why you won't work with us if we don't have a planner? Um, because just— I, I just want to know for my own sake. I really enjoy your work and this makes me really sad. And offer them an opportunity to talk to you about it, or offer them an opportunity to educate you a little bit more about their role and what they do. But if you find yourself in a space where you just keep getting discouraged by the quotes you're getting back or by the responses you're getting, try a different echelon. Notice that I'm mostly going down on this one, right? So oftentimes you might be jumping into a wedding planning scenario where you're like, oh, we're gonna get this kind of thing, and then you you start looking at the numbers, you're like, oh yeah, this kind of thing. Then you look at some more numbers, like, okay, what if we went like here? And then maybe you reach the point that I did where you go, you know, party barges are cute. Okay, I love a good pontoon boat, you know, on the pontoon, just— it's cute. And that could be our wedding theme song. It'd be great. It'd be so fun. So just know that moving the echelon that you're in is not a downgrade. You're still getting the wedding experience. You're just finding different vendors and different, uh, options, opportunities, DIYs if you will, to fill in those gaps. But if you run into a photographer who says, I can't, I won't, please don't make me do this, is because they need to create time and space to do their art for you appropriately. So that's what we have for today's video, guys. Thank you so much for watching. If you like the video, jump on down there, like the video, and subscribe to this channel for more tips and tricks for the modern-day bride. And until next week, bye guys!