Wedding Planner Tips for Micro Wedding Venues, Late Payments, and Difficult Vendors | Wedding Q&A

Hi and welcome to Union Podcast. My name is Jamie Wolfer and I'm a wedding planner who absolutely loves to share how I got started and scaled my business to above 6 figures in this amazing and occasionally extremely competitive industry. In this podcast, I share the tech, tactics, mindset, and mistakes that got me to where I am today. No gatekeeping, no cloak and dagger, just full disclosure and a little humor along the way. So whether you're a planner or a solopreneur, my goal is for you to be a better business person than I ever could have been and support you on this journey. Let's dive into this week's episode. In order to be effective in the wedding industry, sometimes it's extremely important to know what are the pain points of your audience. Today we're going to take a listen to one of my most popular YouTube videos in the audio form, because every once in a while it's a good idea to step away from the video and let it hit that brain center a little different with just the audio. Know what I'm saying? So let's take a listen. Wedding day regrets from real brides, 2026 edition. And should you lose sleep over these same exact things?

I got married a few months ago, and these are all the things I wish I could change, all the things that went wrong on my wedding day. I'll also make a video about everything that went right and everything that I'm so, so glad that I did, but this is everything that went wrong. Most of these have to do with not really sticking up for myself, which sounds crazy, but I thought before the wedding I had been very clear about everything that I wanted, and one of those things was to have all my pictures done before the ceremony so that I could enjoy cocktail hour. And cocktail hour was something that I was just looking forward to. My my entire engagement. My favorite part of other weddings is cocktail hour. So I was like, oh my gosh, like being at my own wedding during cocktail hour and kind of just like being able to go around and socialize, like that's my thing. And so I was so, so, so excited for cocktail hour before the ceremony. I think I had finished getting ready around like 1, and then the ceremony started at 5. So we had 4 hours, and all we had to do was the first look and to take a ton of pictures. So I was like, fantastic, we're gonna get all the pictures done, and then I can enjoy, you know, the short-lived cocktail hour and feel like I have so much to do after the ceremony. So we start taking some pictures. I don't know what happened. I feel like there was just time where we were waiting around and the photographer was talking to the videographer, and then like we're all just standing in there talking. And maybe I thought, oh, she's taking pictures of the guys, or she's taking pictures of something else. Like, I, I don't think I realized why we weren't getting so many shots done before the ceremony, but I had made it very clear, like, I want everything done before the ceremony so afterward you can just just get a drink, relax, enjoy. But they had other ideas. So basically the ceremony comes along, after the ceremony it's like, oh, we have to take pictures now. And I was like, well, like, what, what were we doing before the ceremony? Like, why, why didn't we get it done then? But I didn't realize how many pictures we had to do post-ceremony. It was the entire like full bridal party shots, it was all the individual shots with me and the bridesmaids, and then it was like most of our like wedding portraits.

Okay, so like I'm gonna pause here. Before we get any further, yeah, I mean, we typically do a lot of photos post-ceremony. That's why we like having cocktail hour after ceremony, because that's when you do large family photos, small family photos, your whole wedding party altogether if you've not done a first look or you haven't done that ahead of time, and an additional, or if not your first, portrait session, which is the photo moments of you two as a couple. And each of those chunks takes about 20 minutes, which conveniently is the entirety of cocktail hour if you are having just an hour specifically. So arguably, if they're doing a first look, then they they should be able to get a portrait session done beforehand, and they should be able to get wedding party photos done beforehand. But you'd still have to do family photography, like extended family, immediate family, etc., unless you want to try to get them there ahead of time. I don't usually recommend doing that because— only because it's just more people to wrangle, and it's more time that you have to be paying attention to your cell phone. It depends on the amount of family members that you have there. It also depends very, very deeply on how attentive and time not time blind your family is. Like, are they gonna show up if you give them an early start time? Are they gonna be there? So there's like a couple cultural and/or familial things you're going to want to keep in mind if you're trying to encourage people to come early. Anyways, that's just my two cents so far. Um, but if all you had to do was a first look and then a portrait session, you should have done wedding party photos ahead of time as well. It is still a little hard to like sneak family photos in the front end, so there are still some photos that you will need to do during cocktail hour.

Most of the time.

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It was the entire like full bridal party shots. It was all the individual shots with me and the bridesmaids, and then it was like most of our like wedding portraits with the two of us. So we ended up doing that, and then by the time we went inside and I got my dress bustled, my wedding coordinator goes, oh, okay, like now you have 10 minutes to enjoy cocktail hour, like 10 minutes left of cocktail hour, enjoy. And in that moment, my heart just— it sunk, and I felt like crying. I was just so confused, like, why that had happened, because leading up to this wedding, I'm just picturing myself in cocktail hour for a full hour, getting to talk to everybody, getting to see people I hadn't seen in years. I was also trying to, like, not let it ruin the day. So moral of that story—

okay, okay, wait, wait, no, hold on, what's the moral of the story? Tell me the moral.

That story, like, even though you communicate something, like, you have to make sure it actually pans out day of. Like, I really kind of just trust the experts, go with the flow, like don't be a bridezilla. Like that, that was my mindset going into it. And then afterward I was like, you know what, maybe I should have been like a little bit more of a bridezilla or just stuck up for what I was planning and what I had communicated pre-wedding.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, hi, if you're new here, my name is Jamie Wolfer. I'm your online wedding planner. I'm here to help you plan easy and stress less because you deserve to have a stress-free wedding day. She had all of the safeguards in place to make sure that she didn't have to be responsible for this on her wedding day. And this does not make you a bridezilla. I was thinking, you know, like maybe photography and videography, like they didn't get a timeline ahead of time, maybe there wasn't a coordinator in the situation. But then hearing that there was both a photographer and a videographer and a coordinator all collectively working together and all of them missed the mark on this is really, really, really disheartening. And so this idea of trust the experts, I mean, obviously she did air quotes in that moment, like she should have been able to and they didn't adhere to what she wanted and what she felt like she communicated very, very clearly ahead of time. And that really breaks my heart, cuz I was like, oh, there must not have been a coordinator. And I kept watching and I was like, oh, there, there was most definitely a coordinator. The coordinator just didn't, didn't accommodate for those things. And that's heartbreaking. And I don't think standing up for yourself on your wedding day in a situation like this is considered being a bridezilla. And I think, uh, we got to kind of do away with that terminology. Sticking up for yourself is, is not, is not being a horrible person. Adhering to things that you've already requested of your vendors does not make you a horrible person. It is very difficult to do so, though, on a wedding day because it feels like a fever dream. It feels like the wedding day is kind of happening to you and coming at you, and it's really hard to process and communicate as the day is going. So this is, this is 100% not on the bride. This is on the coordinator. This is on the photographer. This is on the videographer, especially if the bride communicated early on like, this is really important to me. This is my favorite part of a wedding and I want to be there. If I was her coordinator, one, This would've been one of the highlight questions, one of the biggest priorities that I would've talked to her about in the very beginning is like, what's your favorite part about a wedding? What's most important to you? We do this in our initial sales call, like at the very, very top of planning together. I'm like, I just wanna know your vibe. Like I wanna know what you're about. Tell me about this. Tell me everything you love about weddings. Tell me what you're excited about, about your wedding. Um, and then that would stick out to me and I would use active listening to repeat that back. Okay, so it sounds to me like because you love cocktail hour so much, we need to absolutely prioritize getting you to cocktail hour, which means we need to have a really good timeline. We need to have a really, really, really well-written timeline so we can get a lot of this done ahead of time. And if we can't get family photos done ahead of time, that's great, but I would incorporate the photo timeline in my timeline to send that out to her photography and videography teams. So there isn't really a lot of question here. I would also make sure that we're focusing on our hair and makeup team, that there's enough of them. A lot of times, uh, couples, when they're trying to be more affordable with things and they still want professional hair and makeup, they'll only book one artist, maybe two, and it's not usually enough for the sheer amount of people that are getting their hair and makeup done. So that can make the morning run a lot slower or take a lot longer than we initially anticipated. So that's one thing that I really like to prioritize. If you are getting this done, let's make sure we're lining up our timeline really neatly. Let's make sure we're starting at a substantial enough time to make sure everyone's done with their hair and makeup in time. But like she said, she was done at 1. Why we didn't do bridesmaid photos beforehand, I don't know. Like, that's— none of this is making sense to me. She has every right to look at this and be like, I'm so bummed by this. This did not go the way I anticipated. This did not go the way I communicated. It's one thing to be like, I didn't say it out loud and it was in my head and I'm so bummed that I didn't advocate for myself. It's another thing to be like, hey, I did and they didn't hear me. That's not a regret. How is she supposed to know? Like everyone's standing around talking and she thought, I've already communicated this. It's gonna be fine. We've got time. And another thing I would have done if I was her coordinator and furthermore, is if I saw a look of disappointment on my couple's face about cocktail hour, I would have been like— I mean, I ideally would have remembered this, but if, let's say, let's say for example that there could have been some sort of miscommunication, or a couple changes their mind on the wedding day, which is perfectly fine and totally happens, and they say, hey, we actually really want to be a part of cocktail hour a little bit longer, is there anything that we can do to like extend the experience, etc.? And I'd be like, bet, hold on, let me just go talk to whoever we need to talk to to make this happen. And usually that'd be the chef, that'd be the and whoever is in charge of the meal, whoever's in charge of the temperature of your food, I'd go check in with them and be like, hey, they actually want to spend a little bit more time in cocktail hour that we didn't have allotted for. We're going to extend cocktail hour by 15 minutes. Are you okay if we push the meal by 15? Why is this important? Because nobody wants cold chicken or a hot salad. We want to make sure that food comes out at the proper temperature and it's ready to go. Most catering staffs are okay with like a 15-minute flex time, but that to the couple that extra 15 minutes of mingling with the people that they love, giving them 25, maybe even 30 if we're pushing it just a little bit, giving them 25 minutes instead of 10 minutes is going to change their entire wedding day experience. So there's a lot of this, uh, being a wedding coordinator or planner. It's not just making sure you run a good timeline or write a good timeline, it's making sure you can actually read people. So you should be able to interpret when your bride has a look of sheer terror on her face. You should have enough wherewithal to look at her and be like, You're disappointed. You're expecting something. What's going on? Because a lot of times couples in this situation, again, the wedding's happening to them. A lot of people aren't great at speaking up for what they want sometimes, especially in a high-paced, high-intensity, and high-anxiety environment. So we as planners, we as coordinators, it is upon us to look at their faces and go, are you good? Cause you look like, you look like you're either about to cry or vom or pass out or something. Like there is a little, like, respectfully, I love your face. I love it so much, but like, I just want to make sure you're okay. Just kidding, I would never tell a bride that she looks like she's about to vomit. Okay, I might think it, but I would never say that part out loud.

This was kind of on the same, like, level as that, but it was after dinner. We kind of got taken over to do the cake cutting, and I had made it very clear, like, pre-wedding that I wanted to do the cake cutting outside in front of this fireplace that I had paid all this money to have all these flowers around the fireplace to have, like, a beautiful backdrop top for the cake cutting photos. Post-dinner, when they brought us over, the cake was just inside against a wall, and I was pretty confused because I had, you know, said like, oh, we're doing the cake cutting outside, and I had had a whole conversation with the coordinator about it, and, um, maybe with the photographer. I think I had talked to the photographer about it too. But when they just ushered me over to the inside wall instead of like the outdoor fireplace flower area, I just like, okay, I'm going to go with the flow. I have everyone in the entire wedding staring at me in that moment, and I felt like it would be kind of awkward to be like, oh no, like, stop production, like, we're moving it outside, like I said. Like, I was just too embarrassed to stick up for myself. I don't know, I was like trying to be so happy and always smiling and just like whatever. So I didn't say anything, and we took a couple pictures in front at this plain wall instead of the fireplace and then, you know, went outside for dancing. And then immediately after, I was like, oh, what did I— what did I do? Like, I think that was pretty upsetting and I regret that. Um, so again, moral of the story: whatever you told them that you wanted to do, stick up for yourself and kind of see it through because you trust them, but also like they kind of just maybe they're not thinking about it. They probably have weddings like every weekend. They can't remember exactly what your wedding was supposed to be. So, you know, it's not like they don't care, but it's just like they probably— all the weddings blur together and all the bride's wishes blur together. So something to keep in mind.

Nope, nope, nope, nope. I do not receive that. I reject that. I reject that mentality. I reject that line of thinking. Coordinators are not cheap. They're not cheap. Finding someone under $1,000 who has a little bit of experience in the industry is nigh on impossible. So for, for us to be spending $1,000 on someone to coordinate your wedding day and they forget details— I mean, stuff like this happens. Let's, let's bring this back in for just a sec because like, I just, I feel like this— I just want to hold this bride's little sweet little face. This makes me so sad for her. Having the cake be inside instead of outside, that could be one of those things that kind of slipped through the cracks. This kind of gives the same energy to me as when a couple really wants a song to start at a specific moment. This— the song thing is like an exaggerated version of this, so it's not exactly the same thing, okay? It's not like for like. But let's say you want the song to start at 57 seconds and the doors to open at a minute and 2 seconds. Like, when we get that precise with things, that can be really difficult to pull off. That's very much like production, right? Like, we need a lot of people knowing exactly when to go timing the moment, walkie-talkies, multiple people at the doors. It's possible, but that just requires a lot of precision and oftentimes would require, you know, uh, practice. Whether that's, you know, me playing music on my phone as the planner at the rehearsal or running through it with the DJ earlier, it just like— that requires a lot of fine-tuning. That, that's, that's orchestration. This, the cake not going outside, it could be that was really hot. It could be that it was like, oh no, the buttercream is gonna melt, it's warmer than we anticipated, there are bugs. Bugs are a huge problem when it comes sweets. So oftentimes if we have something that's outside and it's really, really, really hot, we'll request that the cake is dropped off later, or the catering service will move it out for us later. There's a couple like moving parts to this, but it could be as simple as like, hey, we just couldn't put it outside because it was way hotter than we anticipated. This is the kind of thing though that again, it takes a coordinator who has an element of that awareness to look at a couple's face and be like, wait, she's disappointed. What's going on? I need to jump in. I need to support.

I need to talk to her.

I need to figure out what's going And so she's like, hey, I thought we're going to do this cake cutting outside. I do think would be ideal if you could address this conversation beforehand. But again, a wedding day is kind of like a freight train. Once it gets going, it's really hard to stop and remember every single specific detail for a lot of people involved. So let's give this coordinator grace on that. Maybe the coordinator didn't remember this ahead of time, but then saw on the bride's face like, uh-oh, and then use that as an opportunity to explain to the bride, yeah, we couldn't do that earlier. Do you want us to try to move it right now? It's going to probably take us about 10, 15 minutes to reset, but we can get you back on the dance floor. It's all about actively managing the issue in front of you. So I do think that there could have been a little bit of solution here. I also don't know how large the cake was though, so like I wouldn't move anything myself, especially if it's like a giant, like 4-tier situation. I'd just be like, no, it's, it's gotta be, it is what it is. Or it could be a simple mistake of the cake decorator didn't know where to put it, or the delivery people didn't know where to put it, and they didn't find the coordinator and it got set down on the wrong table. So this one feels a little bit more like it could happen. It could happen to anybody. This is a detail that can fall through the cracks. It does. It's absolutely heartbreaking when you spend extra money to have an area that's curated and intentionally designed that ends up not being used. That sucks, and I'm so sorry, but this one appears a little bit more likely with a little bit less of an easy recourse, um, if the cake is cumbersome or difficult to move. But again, she would not have been a bridezilla to point that out. That's not her fault. Her coordinator should have remembered that. Her photographer may or may not have known. That's less of their purview you, the cake decorator, they might not have known. This could just be a matter of miscommunication, but this is a detail that probably should have been, should have been at least acknowledged, addressed, and discussed.

And then another thing, if you plan on, you know, having cake, having other desserts, we have these little dessert shooters for everyone. No one in my entire wedding ever saw a dessert shooter. They were like, you had what? Like, I was like, I didn't see that everywhere. I didn't see it. They didn't see it. I may as well have not had it. But, um, um, we spent money on it. I picked out the different flavors. I went to a taste testing, and then I don't know if they were ever put out or if they were just put out in like a back corner somewhere that like no one could see, and there was like no announcement for it. Um, so then the last thing that went wrong is I didn't have my photographer for the entire wedding. Um, I was gonna have her leave after we did like this moment where we were on a we were raised in the air, and then she was going to leave after. At least that's what I had thought that I had communicated. I asked my videographer, I was like, where's, where's my photographer? She goes, oh, she, she already left. And I was like, I— again, like, everyone's staring at you at almost every moment, so you can't really like react. I felt like I had to— oh, okay, like, smile, keep going. Cuz what are you going to do, like, stop production, call her, bring her back? Like, at— like, no. I feel like I did a good job of not reacting negatively ever, but I kind of just bottled that all up. And, um, it was just in the days after the wedding that I kind of processed, like, okay, the things that went wrong. And I kind of just, like, dealt with that later. But also, a lot of things went right. So I will make a video of everything that I'm so glad I did, everything that that went unexpectedly so well, and I'm just so grateful happened. I have a lot of good advice on that front as well. But the moral of this story is basically stick up for yourself. And I know it's going to be hard to like make sure things are going to plan on your own wedding day because you're also just trying to enjoy, but it's worth it to just, you know, even though it's a little bit uncomfortable, advocate for yourself.

Woof woof woof. Okay, the photographer probably had an hourly situation where they were done their hours were up, um, and they were not able to stay there for the chair moment because the timeline had gotten a little bit off track, which is perfectly normal. It happens at events. The photographer, in my opinion, should have checked out with the coordinator and/or the bride. I do feel like the bride did a really good job communicating what she wanted. The bride did a fantastic job, and I'm so sad because like she went above and beyond to be super communicative. So if you're watching this and you're like, oh my gosh, like What else could she have done? Nothing. Nothing. The photographer's already gone at that point. You're not going to call her back or him back. You're not going to call the photographer back and be like, hey, you didn't stay for this one specific moment, especially if you signed an hourly contract with them. It's not that feasible to just be like, yeah, come on back, come on back. You missed this specific shot. Life happens, stuff happens. Wedding day freight train, things are moving. It gets really difficult. But in my opinion, the photographer should have checked out with the coordinator or the couple themselves. The boss on the wedding day is the couple, okay? That's who we need to talk to. That's— we need to say, hey, my shift is up, my hours are done, and give your couple the opportunity to say, hey, wait, we want this one more shot. And you say, oh, our time's up. And then the couple can communicate, hey, we'll pay you more to have this one specific shot done, like, this is that important to us.

So it's just a—

it's a sheer lack of communication, in my opinion, a lack of remembering things that are important to the couple, which I just this makes me really sad. I think collectively a lot of, a lot of things slipped through the cracks on this particular event. Um, and two, giving the couple an opportunity to give feedback in the moment, like creating pockets of time where you check in with them intentionally. Is there anything you need? Is there anything you want? Or from the photographer's perspective, check out with the coordinator. The coordinator can say something along the lines of, okay, have you captured all the things you need to capture? Okay, your time is up. Or to go let the couple know, hey, the photographer is leaving And so the couple has an opportunity to speak up, to say something. So it's just, um, these things are a little bit more nuanced and I think it takes time in the industry to know them. And so part of this feels a little bit like this coordinator is new. Part of this feels a little bit like this coordinator is, you know, figuring their way out and, and, and that's okay. And that's understandable. My guess is this coordinator still put a lot of fires out on the wedding day. There's a lot of impact that they had. So it's not to say that they were terrible at their jobs, but these are the things that take time to develop. And this is why if you are hiring a planner or a coordinator and you look at the price tag and you're like, what on earth is this about? It's nuance. It's nuance. It's emotional intelligence. It's experience. It's I've seen this before. It's I'm gonna make sure this doesn't happen to you on your wedding day. It's a lot of that. It's a lot of that.

Things I regret from my 2024 wedding: I would have budgeted more for a photographer. I paid, I think, like $4,000 for my photographer, and that included like a video of the ceremony. Don't get me I loved my photographer. I'm saying nothing bad about my photographer. My photos were great. However, I just wish I spent a little bit more time and more of my budget, to be honest, searching for a photographer that fit my long-term visions for my wedding photos. I wish I had gotten more front-facing photos of myself and my husband. Um, I wish I had done more time for bridal portraits. I feel like my husband got a lot.

I feel like I didn't really—

I maybe had like 2 or 3. I wish I had more of an inspo list that I showed my photographer and directed them more on like what I wanted. But again, I don't think if you find the right photographer for you, like, you're not gonna have to direct them. You're not going to have to give them like a super detailed inspo list. I think that that just comes along with with spending more time and energy into finding your perfect fit for your photographer and not just looking for somebody in your budget, if that makes sense. That's definitely one of my ultimate biggest regrets.

Okay, so she's a wedding content creator, which, um, love. That's great. I, I— one, you regret not spending more than $4K on a photographer. That's, that is a substantial photographer. That's someone who has been in the industry for a while. Price point directly correlates with experience. And so like when I hear that number, I'm like, oh, this person has to have been in the industry for at least 4 years, you know what I mean? Like, there's, there's some sort of level to this where I'm like, oh no, they're not brand new, this is not their first time doing this. I also think we are over-romanticizing, and this might come across a little bit like I'm speaking out of both sides of my mouth, but I do think the relationship between you and your photographer is important. I think you need your photographer to bring out the best in you so you can smile and feel confident and comfortable in front of the camera. I also don't think it's unicorns and rainbows when you find this photographer. I don't think that finding the right photographer photographer means that you won't have to have a shot list. I don't think it means that you won't have to communicate those things. I think, again, a wedding day is a freight train, and once it gets started, everything's happening. And it's, you know, I think even those who are experienced can look at a gallery afterwards and be like, oh, how do I not have more front-facing photos of the bride? That's so weird. I didn't understand that. That's, that's interesting. Oh no, of course we don't have the photographer's perspective in this scenario, but no, it's, it's not going to be magic and rainbows and moonbeams and Skittles. You know, it's going to be the best that it can be. And this is why I try really hard to not use the terminology of the best day of your life, because I disagree with that. I think it's one of the best days of your life. And I think that once you're in the industry afterwards, which it sounds like this bride then came into the industry afterwards, usually if you're in it beforehand, you have like, you know, you know exactly what you want.

You've, you've seen some things.

Okay. You're like, I am not doing that. I am doing that. I will be doing this. I will not be doing that. You have enough experience to really cultivate exactly what you want your wedding experience to look like. In a situation like this, I have a similar one where I planned my wedding, went, that was insane, I loved every bit of that, and then went on to start my career. And like 2 months later I had my first clients booked. So I get the perspective of a vendor who didn't know beforehand and now knows, like super knows. You're not supposed to have a long-term vision of what you want from your photos.

That's not—

no, there's no vision board for this. Like we're not supposed to know that, okay? And so I think there is an element of this that comes from being a vendor and now a professional in this field where you're like, oh, oh, I didn't— I thought I knew and I didn't know. And then missing the forward-facing photos, like if that struck you and that's something you want to write down, I highly recommend doing that. But I mean, who could have predicted that like the photographer wouldn't take enough photos like this? They're all like this, you know? So just understand that your photographer is not a miracle worker. You will not find the perfect person, and adding more money money to it does not mean that they're going to be mind readers. So you don't know what you don't know. Adding more money to the situation doesn't necessarily mean the photographer automatically knows more. Um, yeah, this, this one, this one I'm like mid on, you know, like I just, I see where she's coming from. Some of the things she's saying is totally normal and understandable. The other things that she's saying is, I don't think that increasing the overall budget for photography would fix this. And last but most certainly not least, Wedding day regrets as a June 2024 bride. Okay, regrets are a little bit timeless, so let's go.

Married 2 weeks ago, I'm on my honeymoon right now, and my wedding, I would say, is like an almost perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect day. However, everything comes with a few regrets, so let's go over my wedding day regrets so you guys don't make the same mistakes that I did. I think literally every single day of our honeymoon, my husband and I have said how much we wish we could relive our wedding day. Like, we would do it a thousand times over if we could. It genuinely was like a near-perfect day. There were so many things that could have gone wrong but didn't. They went so smoothly, so well from our perspectives. Again though, however, with everything comes a little bit of regret, a few things we wish we would have done differently. So let's get into them. First one, a little embarrassing honestly. We did not put anyone specifically in charge of holding on to our marriage license and our vow books and a few other very sentimental small things. Um, those did get thrown away during the cleanup process. Our families and our wedding party are so kind and they told us they didn't want us to have to do a single thing cleanup-wise after the wedding. Had 2 Airbnbs on the property and then a third one that my husband and I were staying in. We got ready in the 2, and then that's where the bridal party and the groomsmen stayed. And then my husband and I stayed just a little bit out of the way, but we were all on the premises. But they didn't want us to have to deal with any cleanup the morning after the wedding. So told us they would tackle it. And I'm an idiot, I put all of those important details in a shoebox for our photographers. I was just thinking about our photographers. I gave them that shoebox box. I didn't think anything of it. I was like, whatever, I don't need to get like a fancy box for this or anything. And it had like our marriage license with our vow books in there. I had like a necklace in there from ALV Juice that was so cute. And then after we signed our marriage license, my husband told one of his groomsmen to like go put it in a very specific spot. I think he said back in the details box. Same with our vow books, just because we wanted to be able to hold on to those things. They did get thrown away. I don't know how, and I'm not— it's no one's fault. Everyone was just trying to help. It was a mad rush to get checked out of the Airbnbs, get everything cleaned up because those things looked like a tornado ran through them. But yeah, our marriage license and our law books did get thrown away. So technically my husband and I are just playing house right now. We're not actually legally married, and we won't be legally married for a couple more weeks until we can get a new marriage license and have our officiant sign it, all that good shit. But, um, yeah, make sure you put someone specifically in charge. It seems extremely obvious, and maybe it is for everyone else except for my husband and I, Make sure someone is specifically in charge of holding on to those things and putting them in a very secure spot and knowing exactly where they are. Uh!

Duh-duh-duh-wool!

When in doubt make guttural noises to express your thoughts feelings and opinions. Boo Bear no! This is not okay— Okay why didn't no one open the box? Why did someone throw away shoes? What if there had been shoes in there like why did no one open the box? I don't understand. She's trying to be so gracious for her family members and friends are like, no, you know, they just were— they were hustling to try to clean up, which I do understand. I get it, I get it. But like, there was a necklace, there were vows, there was the— a legally binding document. Like, why did nobody open the box?

I don't get it.

I don't understand. I'm not letting her friends and family off the hook. Just kidding, I am. I don't even know them. It's not that big of a deal. They will end up getting married. But like, what? Okay, so just make sure that there is sufficient— I don't even know what suggestion to make for this one. Okay, so, uh, no idea.

I Badoop, badoop.

Let me just recenter myself for just a moment, which by the way, while I'm doing that, go down there and subscribe.

Okay?

Because if you want to make sure that you can plan your wedding as stress-free as possible, you should probably have some professional input. And I am most of the time a professional, but I do have lots of input. When it comes to your marriage license, sign it with your officiant and send it home with them.

Okay?

And request that they will take it home. Have this conversation ahead of time. So where you can just be like, hey, once we sign it, can you send it in for us? Will you be responsible for doing that? We will make sure everything's taken care of. We'll even put a stamp on the outside of it if it requires one. But we just want to make sure that the one legally binding document that we have from our wedding day goes home with someone, you know, whether it's a professional, whether it's a family member or friend. Frankly, that's not the part that I care about the most. I don't care who is doing the officiating for you. I just care that is one singular task for one singular person to be in charge of. We had a situation with a wedding forever, forever, forever ago, and I've talked about this before, where the officiant was drunk and he was filling out the paperwork live on the spot at the wedding and asked one of our lead planners like, hey, where are we? What city is this in? And so the lead planner opened up her phone and it was on the weather app because we were watching the weather that day. And said, oh, this is— it says, it says here, we're here. Okay, and so that's what the drunk officiant put on the legally binding document, uh, except, except, except, um, that was the unincorporated area. That wasn't the legal title of the area where they got married. So they had to redo their marriage license, and, and, uh, they, they tried to blame that on us. And we went, I mean, listen, probably should have been filled out beforehand by someone who was sober. We are so sorry that happened. We will do our best to not give any commentary on legally binding documentation moving forward. We also do our best to not be the ones to handle it because, again, legally binding, super important as planners, as we've seen with some of the other scenarios that we have here. If something falls through the cracks, I would rather the cake be in the wrong spot than the marriage license be thrown in the trash. And then once we know this information, like, why are we not digging through the trash? I don't know. Okay, I'm sure she's so sweet. I'm sure her family members and friends are— we're just— they're doing their best, and I'm just ripping them apart on the internet. But like, why didn't you open the box?

Box.

And the other things, I'm like, yeah, no, if they're not gonna open a box, then why— it's a shoebox, why would they not open a bag? I mean, maybe my recommendation to you is like, don't use a shoebox to transport things. Like, I don't know. That makes perfect sense though, but a clear bin would at least show what's inside of it. There it is, let's do that. Let's do clear bins. If we have important documents or, you know, necklaces that we don't want thrown away, or flat lay details for photography, put it in a clear box so you can see what it is really neatly, um, and then put a label on it, what it is, and what it's going to be used for. Okay, next.

Number 2, not having more time for the reception. Our venue had a lot of rules, and it was the best venue ever. It was stunning. It was a perfect place to have our wedding. But that being said, it was at a winery, so we had a specific package where we had a specific allotted amount of time for the bar, and we had to have the lights off, music off at 10 PM sharp unless we wanted to pay like an absurd amount of money to extend the reception, which we didn't. Honestly, I just wish we we had more time because our reception was so fun. I wish we could have kept it going for like another hour. That being said, my husband and I are kind of like extroverted introverts. We love partying, but then when the clock struck 10, we were ready to go to bed. But our guests actually stayed at the venue just like chatting. I think the last people left at like 10:45. So it's nice that our venue was chill about that, but definitely wish we had a little bit more time for the dancing part because I think people weren't really ready to leave yet.

Okay, what is with me and my responses today?

Thoughts on this.

One, good timeline. Having a good timeline and giving yourself plenty of time on the dance floor is chef's kiss. If you do not have a professional writing your timeline, or even if you do, I highly recommend checking out perfectweddingtimeline.com because it literally helps you to craft the perfect wedding timeline. Uses all of the know-how of a bunch of wedding planners and puts it into an algorithm to help you figure out what the ideal timeline would be for your wedding day. I find that the perfect amount of time on the dance floor for most of the weddings that we work in the culture and with the budgets that we work is about 2 to 2.5 hours on the dance floor. Anything longer than that, people kind of start flagging a little bit. Like, you know, it just like, it just, that is, that is the perfect amount of time. Two, 10 PM is a normal cutoff time, especially when it's a vineyard. It's usually a little bit more rural, and oftentimes there are residential areas around them, so they have a hard cutoff time where you can't go any further unless it's inside. So a lot of venues do have, um, reduced amplified noise or like a noise cutoff time of 10:00 PM. We had one that was 8:00 PM. That was wild. I was like, it's still light out and we're tearing down. What is happening? I don't understand. That one threw me for a loop. So 10:00 PM is a perfectly, perfectly understandable timeline to cut that off. So if you were concerned about that, make sure you have a good enough timeline where you start dancing earlier, which means everything in the day from the time the train starts at the beginning of the day, we want to make sure that we've given a proper amount of time and given the proper amount of space for all of those vendors to get their crafts done, right? To get you to that finish line, to get you to that dance floor. And then lastly, I don't care if your guests leave wanting more. That's perfect in my opinion, especially when the couple was like, yeah, I mean, we were done anyways, but like everyone else wanted more. That's because you created— like, bestie, that's the best compliment for your event. You created such an insanely fun event that people were like, I just wanted to experience more of it. I just wanted I just wanted to be with these people longer. I just wanted to be on that dance floor longer. That means your DJ was great. That means your food was amazing. That means the vibes were immaculate. If we leave your guests wanting more, zero issues with that. That's the best case scenario. I love everything about this story for you. I love everything about this journey. So don't let that be a regret of yours.

Okay?

I'm not worried about it. If your guests want more, I'm— that's the— that's the highest compliment that a planner, a DJ, a venue, a caterer, any of us could ask for is if your guests say we wanted more. So if that happens to you, pat yourself on the back because that is literally what we're all striving for.

3 is not planning out extremely specifically how we were going to do our last dance and our exit. I really wanted to do a last dance with my husband. I thought that was going to be really sweet, sentimental time for us to just be out on the dance floor, the two of us, kind of have those last moments together to really soak up the day, just be really present together. We also didn't really plan out our exit, so those two things were going to happen at the same time. We were going to have our guests line up to do like a sparkler exit with our getaway car. And while they were doing that, because we thought that would take a little while because we had 200 people, we were gonna do our last dance and it was gonna be like 3 to 4 minutes. However, we didn't really plan out exactly how we were gonna do all those things. Venue wasn't huge, so we were like, yeah, we'll just kind of like figure out a spot that looks nice, have everyone line up, but bada boom. What ended up happening is there was a really, really pretty pathway with trees that we wanted our guests to line up in, but because there were so many people, the first section of guests lined up in the tree pathway, and then they had to extend out onto the dance floor because that was where the pathway led to. Guests were like all the way from the pathway to the dance floor, if that makes sense. And so my husband and I were like, we wanted this to be a private moment, but the music was already playing. And so we were like, wait, let's go over here to the side. But then we were like, this is so awkward, so let's just go back out on the dance floor. It was a little bit chaotic, I will say. I wish we would have done that differently and planned it out a little bit more. But honestly, the pictures are cute. No one really cared and the music switch over from our last dance to our exit song was a little bit weird. So it was kind of quiet while we were like walking down the sparklers. That whole thing was just kind of like a hiccup in the day. It wasn't a big deal at all. The pictures were cute, which is honestly all I care about. The getaway was super cute. It was really fun. And then everyone just got back out on the dance floor again. Just wish I would have planned out that logistically a little bit better.

Okay. Okay.

Yep.

This is— this is one of those flex on-the-fly decisions that you're going to have to make. I don't know if a coordinator was involved or a planner was involved long term in this because they probably could have been like, oh, we have so many guests. Yeah, they're not, they're not going to fit here, you know? And if you want a private last dance, it doesn't work if it's outside. It doesn't work unless the guests are super, super far away in the parking lot, in another location. Like, it will not be private if you don't have walls around you or if everyone has not traversed at least a quarter mile from the premises. So if this is something you want to do, both a send-off and a private last dance, just bear in mind that it's not feasible if the people are right there. Like, just right there. The tree line thing sounds like so cute. A planner probably would have looked at that and been like, "This is not going to be enough." Like, I love this for you, but it's not going to be enough. The fact that the guests were close enough that there was an awkward pause between the beginning of their, like, run down the sparklers and their final song coming on means they were right there next to the dance floor. So like, there's— I don't know how I would have nuanced that any differently other than being like, "Well, just so you know, it's not going to be private because everyone's right here." Or I would've lined people up further away and then just not done it during the tree-lined thing, you know, or kept back a couple of sparklers and the wedding party. Mm, look at me as I'm coming up with things on the fly. Remember when we talked about experience? This is another thing that we could've been like, okay, if you're really committed to this photo, let's get the wedding party together and have you walk through that, the tree-lined area specifically with additional or extra sparklers, or use some of them ahead of time to get the photo that you want to get the moment that you want, right, to capture that, but also not impact the guest experience and not impact your actual experience on the wedding day. So that, that, mm-hmm, that's what I, that's what I would have done.

This is getting so long. For not having someone grab desserts from us from our dessert bar, we had the most insane basically charcuterie board of desserts. It was huge, it was amazing. My mother-in-law orchestrated the whole thing. She did such an amazing job, literally every dessert you can imagine. However, my husband and I saw it before it got torn into by all guests, but they devoured that shit so fast we literally didn't even get a single bite. There was a little bit left over at our after-the-wedding brunch the next day, but not very much. So I kind of wish somebody had like grabbed a plate of a bunch of desserts and put it in our Airbnb for after the wedding. Someone did that with the taco truck. They put tacos in the fridge of our Airbnb for my husband and I after the wedding, and that was quite possibly the best thing ever.

Mm, love this. I love this so much. This would have been a great call for a coordinator if they were there, but also it could be one of those things that because it just gets lost in the shuffle. If you are a baker watching this, if you're— and also please notice that they said dessert table with a myriad of dessert options. If you want your guests to descend upon your desserts like a pack of raving hungry locusts, give them variety. If you want to make sure that the money you're spending on desserts actually is consumed— like, not the money, but the dessert meat, you follow the bouncing ball on that one, right? Then you want to make sure that you're giving them enough variety that they can have fun with it, that there are different flavor options. Like, I for one am not a huge fan of sweets. I just am not. But if something is lemon flavored or berry flavored, you can bet your bottom dollar I'm gonna try it. But if it's like super vanilla-y or like really chocolatey, it's not that I don't like those flavors, I just won't be inclined to try them. So the more options you have on a dessert table, the more people will try them. So if you are a dessert baker, if you are a caterer, etc., and you have those extra little boxes lying around, when you have it set up, show the planner this little extra box to be like, hey, we brought this if you like once guests start kind of getting into the dessert table, coming over and setting some aside, we would love that. We want to make sure that they, they get a chance to sample some of this. This is nuanced. This is like a little bit more white glove. Like, I do hear where the, the bride's coming from on this one, you know. Who does, who does this fall to if someone's not paying attention to it? This is a little bit more of that extra detail. So I don't think it's going to be a huge regret for a lot of people, especially when there's some left over the next day. Like, she got to try them. So I hope this is not keeping her up at night, and I highly doubt it is based on her overall vibes. I think, I think she's surviving okay. But I do think that if this is something that you want to do, or if you're a coordinator, or if you're a baker, etc., that you could use this as an opportunity to go the extra mile, just like a little extra, little extra touch. And last but not least for her, lastly, number 5, not filming any TikToks.

I had so many TikToks in my notes app that I wanted to film on the day of the wedding, but I, when I tell you, I put my phone down at 9 AM and I literally did not see that thing until the night when I went to bed. I'm not even kidding, I didn't pick up my phone once. I don't really regret this because I was so hyper-present in the day of the wedding and it was such a good day. Also, looking back, I'm like, dang, I only get married once and I will never get to film any of those wedding TikToks now. But that's a very small thing. Again, my wedding was near perfect. Just don't make some of those same mistakes that I did.

Okay, that makes a great case for a content creator. Okay, and I've talked about this before. If I were to do it all over again now that content creators are a thing— oh, oh You bet I would have hired one. I make content for a living. Of course I would have hired a content creator to come alongside us and make these things and carve out the time for us to do that. And this was— she was a 2024 bride, so I feel like they were up and coming, but they weren't as popular. Like, people knew they existed. I think they're becoming a lot more prevalent in the last few years, so I do get where she's coming from on this one. But this is probably not gonna be high up on a lot of people's lists. If it is, create a time for it, put it in your timeline, bring in a professional, like, make sure it's written down. Which brings us to the very short, very brief, but educational portion of this video. If you want to make sure that you are minimizing your wedding regrets, one, please bear in mind it's not the best day of your life. One of, but not the best day of your life. And so entering into this day with that perspective hopefully should give you a more peaceful perspective over the entire thing. We cannot have all of our hopes and expectations and dreams lie on one day when humans are running it. Things are gonna happen, all right? So foundational perspective: not the best day, we're just gonna do the best that we can. Two, give yourself plenty of time to plan and make decisions. You know, the first bride, I think she did a great amount of advocating for herself. The second bride didn't know what she wanted to advocate for until her event was over. And then the third bride, uh, as lighthearted and well-spirited as she is, there's a couple nuanced opportunities that she didn't know were opportunities until her wedding day. So this is a great case for like, make sure you take your time, you do your research. Segue into the next point: make sure you get professional input. Wedding planners are expensive. I get it, I'm one of them. I understand we are not the cheapest vendor that you're going to get for your wedding day, and with good reason, especially those of us that have been in the industry. And we know the nuance. We know the white glove details, and we know those extra steps that you can take to really curate an impeccable wedding experience for someone. If you're planning this without any sort of professional guidance, input, uh, resources, and all you're turning to is TikTok and Pinterest and hoping to squish together enough information to try to make this work, like, yes, that's inherently going to be very stressful. So I highly recommend where— whether it's me here on this channel, or whether it's finding a specific TikTok creator that is a professional in this industry you have to go through a little bit of education first. You've never done this before, you're not supposed to know what you're doing. But in order to figure that out, you need to go to trusted resources or someone who's been doing this for a while, who you feel like you gel with and you understand. I mean, you're here already, so I would hope that that would be me. But if not, I highly encourage you to find another wedding planning journal or a book or content creator or professional, or even hire a local planner for an hour of their time. They can minimize so much stress for you, um, The Master Plan. If you want to come join me over there, that's— I created a course. I hate calling it a course, it sounds like so ugh, but I created a program where I walk you through everything you need for your wedding day, everything, how to plan it. It's the literally the least expensive professional wedding planning service you can get anywhere. So you have to kind of learn how this goes to then be able to decide what you want to do and what you don't want to do. And once you discover those things, write it down. Whether you communicate it on a phone call, follow it up with an email, whether you, uh, talk about it with a vendor at a being followed up with an email, put it in some sort of documentation that you can refer back to, that they can refer back to. I'm not looking to add more administrative work to your plate. I just want you to make sure that you feel like, okay, if this is like a top 5 priority for me, is it written down anywhere? Is it written in like the body of a 7-paragraph chunk of words, or is it like specifically denoted in bullet points somewhere? Is it somewhere that we can easily refer to? Is it something that I can easily bring up before the wedding day again. And so this is where I think if you were going through the education process— which again, I gotta come up with better terminology for this because no one wants to go through an education process for their wedding planning, but spare me the awkward titling of it— if you are, you should ideally be working through your priorities and work through a list of things that are important to you that you can physically write down and then either digitally hand that to your other wedding vendors, or at least have that for reference for yourself so you can advocate as go. And lastly, wedding planning is not going to make you a new person. If you're not the kind of person to cause a stink or to make commentary if your steak shows up, uh, with the wrong cook— like say you wanted mid-rare and it's well done— if you're not the kind of person to make a statement or say, hey, this is not what I wanted, can I get this redone? You're not automatically going to be that person on your wedding day. It's not going to happen. You're also not going to become crafty. You're also not going to become artistic. You're also not going to become, um, all of a sudden the most extroverted person in the world. You're still going to be the same human, and that's good, and that's wonderful. Just please recognize what you already love, what you're already good at, and then either bring in professionals or family members and friends to fill in the gaps of what you would like to see done. So maybe that first bride could have had a maid of honor or someone in her wedding party that knew of those details, um, that could advocate for her a little bit more clearly because she knows that she wouldn't be able to stand up against situations like this, or if situations like this arose. I do think the coordinator and the photographer could have done a little bit more here. But if the bride's like, hey, I, I know that I'm not good at this, I know that I don't like doing this, and I know I don't like speaking up and like making stink— which, by the way, it's not making a stink, okay? If you're paying $50 for a piece of steak and it's not cooked the right way, it's not making a stink to say, hey, this is not what I anticipated. But if that's still not your personality, it's not your vibe, It's not going to automatically be that on your wedding day. It's not the best day of your life, it's one of them. Give yourself time and grace and space to make decisions. Get educated through a platform that is coming from a professional, not just like a collection of TikToks. Even though this is a collection of TikToks, at least I'm giving commentary on it, right?

Eh.

Be organized, seek professional input, write things down, and know yourself. You got this. You're gonna plan an amazing wedding day. So that's what we have for today's video, guys. Thank you so much for watching. If you like video, be sure to jump on down there, hit the like button, and subscribe to this channel for more tips and tricks for the modern-day bride. Especially if you're like, hey, I don't have a professional I can talk to. Hi! Hey, let it be me. Okay, and until next week— it's giving pick-me energy.

Bye, guys!

That's all we have for this week's episode, guys. If you enjoyed it, do me a favor, screenshot that episode and share it on social tag me in it. I would love to see. @WolferandCo on Instagram. Let me know if you're enjoying it. You can also let me know if you didn't enjoy it, but I'm probably not going to reshare that one. I hope you guys enjoy this week's episode, and we'll see you in the next one.