When You Need A Wedding Day Bodyguard | Wedding Q&A

Well, hello lovely humans and welcome to Engage, a wedding planning podcast for the modern day couple. I'm your host, Jamie Wolfer, and I truly believe that wedding planning does not need to be complicated or time consuming. I kind of picture these episodes like jumping on a quick phone call with your wedding planner. You get your answers and you go on your merry way. Because sometimes not all of us have an hour to dedicate to listening to super long podcasts or super long intros. So without further ado, let's just jump right on into it. Today's episode is going to admittedly be a little bit all over the place. You see, every single month I sit down with the people over in the master plan course and answer your questions in lifetime. So if you find yourself struggling and really need to sit down and speak with a real life wedding planner, I would love to be a part of your wedding planning journey. Join us over in the master plan today to get your questions answered. Until then, take a listen. All right. I'm struggling to manage the ceremony and reception because my fiance is not the greatest fan of my parents treatment of me. It's not quite 11 o' clock news, but bad. Not super far from that. While he supports my decision to both have a relationship with them and my decision to have them at the wedding, he, it's a tense, fraught support any wrecks for how to limit face interaction and visibility with them and him during the events. Oh, this is so hard because he's like being your fierce protector, right? And he's like, you should probably put boundaries up there. And you're like, I can't, it's my parents. And he's like, that makes me angry for you, but it's coming out as anger at you.

Right.

Maybe not intensely, but you're probably perceiving that like, oh, this, this makes him angry. But I, I still want to maintain this, but I don't want to make him mad.

Right.

That's kind of the general feeling that we're getting here. Okay, first of all, I have dealt with that with my husband and a grandmother who passed. That was hard where I was like, I still need to respect her because she's my grandmother, but she was. Yep. Not 11 o' clock news bad. No, no, we're even close. But. But enough where we're like, wow, we. That's why I know the boundaries. Building of the bricks.

Right.

Because we're just like, it got at the point where like, I think we need to be done. Yeah. I think we've, we've crossed this. Enough. We've said no enough. And it. The. The words lost all meaning to you. So I have watched my husband get frustrated with me because of me wanting to maintain that relationship. So I. I know what that general sensation feels like. However, I don't know it as deeply as and as intimately as parents. So as far as limiting face interaction and visibility, my main concerns are toasts.

Right?

If a parent has a microphone and family photos, is it so tense that you don't think family photos are feasible? Is it so tense that you don't think that that's a good idea? Those would be my concerns. In addition to that, family tables are usually pretty close to the couple, so you might want to be strategic about where they're placed. And then I would. If it were me and my husband, I would say, can we just for today, one day, I promise I will limit interactions. I promise I will try to keep it very, very minimal. But for one day, can you not be mad at me for it? Okay. And we can talk about boundaries later. And you can tell me what you'd like to see, you know, and tell me how you'd like to support me in this relationship and tell me how you'd like to defend me. Like, I sense that you have emotions around this, and I want to respect that. However, these are my parents. And for today, for this day and maybe the rehearsal before, right. If you're doing a brunch afterwards, can you just. For this weekend, we just be happy and just ignore the tension that's there. That might not be the right phrasing for your fiance. You might want to workshop that a little bit. But can you give me this day? I promise I will give you the least amount of interaction as possible. And then in addition to that, you need to let professionals and the people around, you know, here's my goal. Here's what I'm trying to do. So that would be wedding party members. You don't need to tell all of them, hey, everybody. My husband can't stand. My parents don't do that. But enough where it's like, hey, maid of honor. Hey, best man. Private, intimate conversation. I'm trusting you with this information. This is really difficult. Can you help us? Can you kind of safeguard us? If you see my parents interacting with us, can you come in and say, like, hey, I gotta steal her for the dance floor? Something like that? Can you be on guard, on watch for that photographer? Hey, photographer. This is. This portion of the family photos is gonna be real wicked awkward. Wicked awkward. So if you can Just like, blaze through that and, you know, maybe we don't take a picture with just him and I and my parents. Whatever that looks like for you, whatever the most comfortable option that is for you. Talk that through with professionals. We have seen this before. I once had a bride and the mother of the bride not speaking with the grandparents of the bride, but the grandparents had purchased the kids cake. And so the aunts were like, all angry. And they really wanted the grandparents and the bride and the mom to all be in a photo together. And none of them are speaking to one another. So luckily the couple had told me about this beforehand. They're like, hey, there's this tense situation. We're concerned about it. So what happened? I was able to intercept and talk to the ants. I saw them kind of tittering off to the side and I was like, hey, ladies, I totally understand. And I listened to all of their woes. And that way they were unloading on me and not the couple and not the mother of the bride. They had a professional go to where I was like, got it. Thank you so much. We will be sure to make sure this photograph happens. Yes, I have it on my list. Yes, the photographer does. And then we got them together for the photo, they took it, and they walked off. So having professionals in your corner is really, really, really helpful, and I would highly recommend it. I know it feels vulnerable to share that with them, but we've seen it. And if you feel safe enough to find somebody to share that with, I would highly recommend that sitting here listening to a podcast is all fine and dandy, right? But sometimes you need an actual person to be asking some of these questions to, and you may be sitting there going, you know what, Jamie? Actually, yeah, that. That makes a lot of sense. I would love to be able to ask you these questions. Guess what? You need to join the master plan. You've heard me talk about it, but do you know why I love it so much? You get over 10 lessons that walk you through planning your wedding with videos, inspirational spreadsheets, and other detailed resources along the way. Join me and my virtual clients over in the master plan and get all your wedding planning questions answered. Literally thousands of couples have gone on this journey with me, and I'd love for you to be next. Check it out@wolferenco.com tmp that's wolferenco.com tmp Listen, wedding budgets suck. They're just like the actual worst. And the hardest part for me is that weddings are not cookie cutter. They're not one size fits All. And I think it's important to make sure that you're budgeting according to your priorities. Build a budget that works with your vision, and you'll be on the path to planning a wedding that you really want. So if you want my recommendations for making your perfect budget for you and your partner, head on over to Wedding priorities. Com. When someone asks you family, friends, colleagues, how is wedding planning going? But you do not want to share that. Share or tell them too much due to not wanting their opinions. How do I respectfully answer their prying questions? This is a great question, Jamie. I love this. Especially when they're like, tell me more. Tell me. And you're like, no, thank you so much. Pick a catchphrase and you cling onto that puppy. You hold on to that like, this is all I'm going to say over and over again. Or pick a handful of things. No, I. Man, I'm so excited that you're excited about it. Yeah, we kind of want to keep things, like, on the hush hush and, like, kind of surprise people with it day of. I'm really. I'm excited about it and I can't wait for you to see it. But I don't want to give way too many details yet. That may not be the truth. Okay. So don't use that if that doesn't work for you or. Yeah, it's going well. Really. So how are the florals going? Good. Yeah, Good. And keep it minimal. And ideally, at a certain point, they're going to understand that you're like, I'm not getting anywhere with this conversation. Just keep your answer short. And if it does get to the point where you're like, I'm done, you can say, hey, actually, wedding plan is feeling, like a little bit much right now. Can we talk about something else? Just redirect that conversation. So. So just find whatever catchphrase works for you. Answer as few or as many questions as you want to with as few words as possible, and then redirect whenever you can. And if you find someone that's not respecting that and not respecting you being like, hey, I don't really want to talk about it, you can go as far to say, yeah, we've actually been getting a lot of outside opinions, so I just kind of stopped talking about it for a little bit, if that's all right with you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Total gracious honesty. Be kind about it. But I'm gonna tell you the truth. Yeah, I'm. I'm over there and I don't want to have this conversation with you. And if you guys have any other suggestions or if you guys have placed boundaries with family members that keep asking these questions, drop that in the chat. Let's see if we can help her out because this is a lot, right? Especially when they are nosy as heck. Oh, we've got some, some stuff going on in the chat. Let me jump over to this real quick. Oh, Miranda asked Emily, do you have any security or family members that could almost step in as security to turn them away if your father and stepmother. Stepmother, stepmother did show up? I had some. I have similar concerns with my fiance's ex wife. We want him to send a form. We want to send a formal invitation to his son. However, him living with his mother, we have to consider the possibility of her being malicious. We've spoken to some of our groomsmen about the situation in case, heaven forbid, she was to show up. Best of luck. All right. I'm a bride that does not get along well with the groom's family. They do not care for me because they feel like I took their son and grandchildren away from them. Oh. We end up having to push the wedding back because things got so bad due to it. We finally have a new wedding date of November 15, 2025. What advice do you have for pushing a wedding back? And horror in laws, I'm gonna say for this, specifically one. Thank you for sharing. This is it. Kiara, that is a gorgeous spelling, if that is how that's pronounced. I think what Miranda's talking about is a really, really good option here. We need to have you surrounded by body buffers. Like, we need to have you have people around you that can protect you should anything arise, should you get cornered. And I also use the same exact advice for couples who really want to dance. So it doesn't always have to be like a overly negative reason. Obviously, in this case, it's. It's not great, right? It's not great that we are having to implement this. But if your friends, if your wedding party members, if your cousin, if your mom, if your aunt sees you being cornered in a situation like this, being cornered by a family member that you're like, I don't get along with them like, they're here, but I don't. I really wish they weren't, but I kind of feel like they have to be make sure that they are on the lookout for you. Ideally, these are sober people where it's enough people that they can always have eyes on you. Okay. So that would be my suggestion for this as far as pushing a wedding back. It's read through your contracts, see what vendors are willing to move with you. I would hope that you're not going lose out on too many deposits, especially if they're willing to move ahead and it's so much further ahead. I think that should be good. If you've given them enough notice. That would be my suggestion there and then. Honestly, this is a real cheesy. But, like, talking this through with a third party with you and your fiance would be really helpful. And whether that's therapy, whether it's someone through a church that you go to, whether it's a mentor, finding someone to process this out loud with could be extremely helpful, especially because there's kids involved and, like, you are coming into the situation as a bonus mom.

Right.

And loving on these tiny little humans. Like, what?

They're my kids.

They're your kids. So they're mad because you guys are finally getting married.

They're mad because we moved to Georgia with my parents. We're. We're a young couple. We're 22. We had kids young. So we've been together almost six years. So they're mad that we moved to Georgia.

Oh, my goodness. They're mad about a move. Oh, that makes things so much worse. I am so sorry. I thought it was like this. You came in, you were new, and. No, no, you've been around for a long time. Oh, I am so sorry. Yeah, I put up boundaries. I'd have body bouncers. This is like a very. I mean, they're allowed to have their emotions.

Right.

I don't agree with the. The length of them.

Right.

With how far they've gone with this. You moved for family, and their family wasn't chosen. Shocker. I wonder why. Their behavior is showing a lot of reasons why you wouldn't want to be near them. So if. If I were in your shoes, I would have body buffers. I'd have people looking out for me in case they decide to corner. Because it sounds like if they got that aggressive after you've been around for six years. Yeah. You're going to want some people in your corner in a situation like this. If you are struggling with wedding planning and you have questions and you just need someone to listen and to chat with, come join us in the master plan community over@themasterplanwed.com I would love to have you in there. Thanks so much for listening, if you haven't done so already. Thank you. Subscribe. Jump on over to wherever you're listening to this podcast. And leave a five star review so we can let the podcast people know that Jamie knows what she's talking about sometimes. And until next time, bye, guys.