116: The Backstory of My New Book, How We Could, Releasing in September

Imagine there was a simple 5-step framework to lead anybody that you ever interact with beyond drama for good. Well, you're about 2 and a half months away from getting that in my new book. Welcome everybody back to another episode of the Reality Based Leadership Podcast. I'm Alex Dorr, CEO at Reality Based Leadership, and this is a very, very special episode coming from the bottom my heart because it's all about my new book that is coming out on September 22nd. We are literally 2 and a half months away from this massive, massive milestone. And this book is so critical for leadership right now and the challenges that you're facing. And it is, as I mentioned in the intro, the 5-step framework to lead anyone, yourself and others, beyond drama in the workplace for good. It is simple. It is practical. It is loaded with case studies from my 12 years of speaking on ditching the drama and turning excuses into results in the top companies in the world in all industries. And I've boiled that down into the most practical guide that I could ever create for you and your teams to lead beyond drama. And so, that's what this episode's all about. And I wanted to start the episode by really, if you've been following our newsletter, you know that we're in preorder mode. And you know that my book's coming out on September 22nd. And it is really just an iconic milestone for reality-based leadership and what leaders are struggling with right now. And I'll get into why, but this book is really going to change the game in how to use our tools and techniques to be able to love people up and then call them up to greatness. And I'm going to come back to that mantra, but that's really the structure and the core focus of the book is how can leaders connect and support people with empathy in these challenging times, in these disruptive times, in these uncertain times, and still have a core anchor, a structure, a way to have a backbone to be able to call people up to greatness because that's what leadership really is. If we're not calling those that are around us into being a little bit better, a little bit clearer, doing the same work more joyfully, we're not actually leading. And so, that's what is coming out in the book. And for those of you following the newsletter, we've been dripping, you know, that we're about to this point throughout some videos on that newsletter. But I wanted to start with this podcast by just expressing my gratitude to you, the listener, To all of our fans out there, to those that have been supporting Reality-Based Leadership a long time, and most importantly, for those that have jumped in quick to the preorder. I am absolutely blown away by how many of my past clients and those that love Reality-Based Leadership jumped right in and started to preorder and reach out to us for their fall and their winter events. And they were, you know, we've been trying to figure out ways that we could either with a virtual keynote or an in-person workshop or session, get everybody the books. Have a new session about the new content, do a Q&A, and really spoil and reward teams that are going to take this framework and start to use the 5 steps to ditch the drama in their workplace. And so I'm just beyond grateful for that support. We can't believe how many orders are piling in and the creative events that we're putting together. And so if you haven't thought about that, as I'm bringing it up now, until I've brought this up, as some, you have some fall events or some, some winter get-togethers, or maybe even into 2027, Yeah. And you want to get a preorder for your teams, like a bulk preorder, and then figure out a really cool way to do a virtual keynote or an in-person session, reach out to us at info@realitybasedleadership.com. And I'll link this in the show notes and talk to our team. We are really doing a lot of exclusive things for the book launch because we're in that bestseller pursuit. And there's a lot of momentum there. And so we'd love to partner and get creative for what the unique circumstances are for your teams and how you're set up in your organization. And so just beyond grateful for that momentum and for the conversations I've had as the book has been in preorder for 3 or 4 months now. And we're really ramping up into these last 2 and a half months as we get into September. And so we'll put a link there for the preorder as well, if you have some smaller teams and you want to get your preorder in, there'll be links to different platforms, and the ones that you may, you might know also well. And then also, if you have 10 or more that you want to preorder and do a bulk preorder, there'll be a link there to email us, and our team will get you taken care of. And we're able to ship them to one or multiple locations if your teams are scattered. And we make that really easy, pain-free, and we take care of all of that for your teams. And so jump in on that. And— Maybe grab an exclusive keynote or workshop that we're doing. We'd love to plan something. And lastly, this podcast episode's meant to be more of a high-level overview, talking through some of the background, the ideas of the new book, which is called How We Could: The Framework to Lead Without Drama, Build Alignment in Teams, and Call Those You Lead to Greatness. And we will have some in the newsletter some weekly videos or some chapter-by-chapter videos eventually, as we get closer, that dive into some of the new ideas and some of the breakthrough tools and some of the case studies to really talk about some of this new and sharpened approach to be able to use reality-based leadership to ditch the drama. And so, be watching for those. If you haven't gotten on our newsletter that comes out every other week, I'll also link that in the show notes so you're not missing that format of teaching because those will be shorter clips that you can share with teams. We'll also on the podcast have some deeper dives, maybe not all the chapters, but definitely some of the chapters that I find most relevant right now for leaders, although definitely every chapter is as you go through it. But dive deeper into the ones that are really sticking out and causing leaders to ask those deeper questions. for the challenges they're facing. And so, that's all on the way. Couldn't be more excited, couldn't be more fired up. And with that, I think let's dive into some of this new book and where we're heading. And so, first of all, I wanted to start with like the backstory briefly of why this book was really something that our leaders who've been working with for the last couple of decades starting to demand from us. Like, they were really craving this book because we have, you know, in all of our work at Reality-Based Leadership, covered a lot of ground on how to coach teams through challenging conversations, through ditching the drama, through personal accountability, through creating change readiness. We've done a lot of work on that. And we have a lot of practical tools that you and your teams have come to love because they're real life. They're in the trenches. They're in the moment when someone's stuck. We give you those techniques to quickly move people beyond drama and into helpfulness and all of those things. But as I was starting to find like what's next for those that are out there leading in a reality-based way, there was a couple things that emerged. So first, our last real deep, deep business book work was in the book No Ego, which is a fan favorite. Yeah. And a lot of that book showed, if you stick to reality-based leadership, what's the journey when it comes to how to lead change in a modern way with business readiness and how to hardwire accountability and look at employee engagement efforts and ensure they're not getting into entitlement. And we have personal accountability blended in there. And as we shaped what that could look like, one of the things that happened was we put the toolkit that we use to help our clients and help leaders to be able to execute all this. It was in the back of the book. And what ended up emerging from all those years since that book is that the toolkit was one of the most valuable things that leaders were using. And they were using a couple of those tools. And I believe the toolkit had something like 14 or 16 tools. And so that was in the back of the book, not as an afterthought, but in some ways, it started to feel like that. And it ended up being one of the most effective parts of that book. And on our website, people would buy the toolkit like crazy. They'd use the toolkit. We'd focus on the toolkit in our sessions. But it wasn't really a focal point of the book. And so as I was out speaking over the last 8 to 10 years, whenever I got stuck in a situation or there was a topic that was the, you know, we're hitting the elephant in the room, or we were really getting to the juicy part of the training that would actually make a difference and actually get at the root cause of challenges, I would always revert back to 5 or 6 of my favorite tools to anchor the group, really, you know, dissolve some of the drama and the tension and get us into, we're on the same team and next right action. And these tools were like that safe space, that place of solace, that place of confidence to know that you could go into any tough situation and help the group get clearer, more accountable, and into what they could do about it. Those tools became like the lifeline, and not only for me, but for many leaders. And because they were so important, they were so just quintessential, if I can use that word, for good leadership, they had to be focused on. So, I'd been thinking about that for a long time. And then there was this other moment as we were thinking about what's next for leaders. And we were talking with one of our writing partners that had been helping throughout Reality-Based Leadership and some of our other books. And I was thinking about how to coach people from an experience I just had in a session, how it went from like drama, stuck, completely derailed into clarity and what I call next right action. And it was like this amazing, I called it a call to greatness moment. And our writing partner goes, well, what do you mean by call to greatness? It's like, oh, you know, Maren was her name. You know, call to greatness, you know what that means. We always talk about it. And we have it in a lot of our marketing and in our blogs and videos. And it was like, no, what is that? And we're like, you know what it is. And I, and it really sparked something because I was frustrated that this person that knew our stuff well didn't know what it was. And then I also was a little frustrated I couldn't explain it easily. And so this started to get me walking with like, what is the call to greatness? What is interesting about those moments that I've been lucky enough, fortunate enough to facilitate that led to these breakthroughs? Like, what were the steps? What all happened? What was the blocks in that? Like, what were the mechanics of it? And I know this sounds nerdy, but I started to think, what were those steps? And it came down to, after all of this reflecting, into a 5-step model that became the Call to Greatness framework in my new book, How We Could. And so I'll get into that, but that's the backdrop. And as we're, you know, looking at this, as I was researching this and thinking through this, it really became this clear point of the difference between empathy and sympathy as a leader, and where a lot of leaders were stuck. And I call it like being too soft when they need to be firm and hold standards, and then being too firm And holding standards and being like rough and harsh when they needed to be softer. It was trying to strike this balance of like loving people up, validating someone's experience and their frustration, and then calling people up to greatness, which is what, you know, you and many of our followers and listeners have learned to love, is that call to greatness, that turn excuses into results part of reality-based leadership. That's really been our hallmark. And I was looking at what is that balance to be sharper and more intentional with it. And can you pull it off? And that's what really became the through line for this, this book. And what I saw is that so much of what I was seeing out there is it seemed to be this over-rotation on empathy. And clients asking us, like, I love what you guys say and how to hold people accountable and call people up and coach them, you know, through the Call to Greatness. But if I hold people accountable, maybe I'll probably lose people. Like, if I start to hold the line, am I going to lose people? And we'd always say, you're going to lose someone. Like, the same workplace can't please a high accountable and a low accountable at the same time. You just want to make sure you're losing the right someone. Meaning, if a lot of your coaching is coddling and not issuing the call to greatness and enabling lower standards and colluding and leaving people believing they're the innocent victims, That's going to tick off your high accountables who want you to hold the standards, coach, and call people to greatness. But if you're not doing that, you'll end up losing your best people instead of coaching and clarifying those that are struggling how to step up or lovingly transition out. And seeing this pattern, it was like, what dawned on me is if you don't issue the call to greatness as a leader, which is outlined in this book, It's actually probably sympathy and not real empathy. And I'll get into why that is, but it really, when you mix this walking the fine line of empathy and sympathy, the tools of no ego being in the back of the book and almost as an afterthought on accident and not featured enough. And then you really hit on that. My final breakthrough here is with the tools, I found with groups that if you're not using the tools, Then you're not ditching the drama. Now, all of our coaching tools from, from the back of the No Ego book, the toolkit, they're visible. They get things out beyond ego so we can see them clearly. We're not just talking about them and talking past each other. We're now looking at the problem, reflecting together, and reflecting on reality so we can then impact it. And if this wasn't happening, even with some of our top-performing clients, The drama was starting to sneak back in. They might say, "Oh, I use some of your reality-based quotes, and if someone's you know venting or complaining, we throw it throw out one of our favorite lines from the book at them." But if you weren't actually walking through the practical tools, it was almost going to come across harsh, or it wasn't going to be good at ditching the drama. So mix all of these three things. This is all what was was missing is that sweet spot, that coaching model, that 5-step approach to be able to get someone past drama. So that's where it really hits as you start to get into this book and what seemed to be, I guess, missing or not complete as I was writing this. And so with that, like, who is this book written for? It again has that leadership focus. But again, if you've been following us for a while, or even if you're new here, leaders don't manage people. They manage the energy of people. And I truly believe that the leader becomes the one in the room that manages energy away from why we can't or why we shouldn't have to or why this is a bad situation into how we could, into what would great look like and how can we get there in the short-term, midterm, long-term with our choices and with our action steps. And so, this book is for leaders, but the framework helps anyone Take an unpreferred reality or drama or where they're stuck for themselves and others and go through 5 steps fueled by the tools to get into next right action. So, the book is actually for everyone. Anyone that's aspiring to be a leader, anyone who thinks that it can be easier in their workplace, like it doesn't have to be drama all the time or the same challenges can be done in joy, not misery. That's who this book is for. And then the book gives them a way to step into that informal or formal leadership time and time again when it's not there. And that's what How We Could is for and the framework is for, which makes it really exciting because a lot of groups are buying it for their leaders to start. But now it has been, we want to get this to everyone because even someone that's not the formal leader that's noticing that someone's in drama and stuck and complaining and arguing with reality, they can use some of the techniques and tools in the book to get that person called back up to greatness, to love them up and call them up in a respectful way. And that's really exciting because it can scale. This is for everyone. And so, it doesn't matter— executive, frontline leaders, new leaders, or just influencers in organizations— this book will really change the game and help you recapture that 2.5 hours per day per person that gets stuck in drama. So, let's go into some of the what is the main focal point of how we could. And it's the Call to Greatness framework. This would be our 5-step coaching model, as I mentioned, to get someone from stuck to next right action. And so, let's go through the 5 steps. First of all, the part that it begins with is loving people up before you call people up to greatness. Now, by the way, key point in the book, You have no right to coach or call someone up to greatness if you haven't loved them up first. Now, on the macro, that means, have I gotten to know this person? Have I— do I understand some of their dreams and hopes in their career? Do I know a bit about their family or things going on in their life? Have we built that core relationship? And a joke that I realized, maybe not a joke is the word, but something I realized is we had at Reality Based Leadership assumed that was an obvious. We had assumed before you would try any of our techniques, tools, you know, quick tips to coach someone beyond drama, you would have first built a relationship. But we had noticed that many people had liked some of our content from keynotes and workshops and been like, oh, that's really good. I can use that against someone, and went out and immediately used a pretty firmer part of our philosophy on someone in their next meeting. But they didn't have the relationship. And so it landed flat, or it was a backfire, or it made the person even mad. And so that first macro step is, have I built a little bit of a relationship and a foundation with this person? We had assumed y'all had been doing that and then realized sometimes it wasn't happening. And so that's the key on the macro for loving someone up. But on the micro, which I focus about more, focus in more on this book, is have I validated? your experience? Have I validated the feelings you're feeling that, yeah, this is frustrating, you didn't get the information you needed? Or yeah, that's super annoying when we have to rework something we thought was already done and taken care of. That's really annoying. It's that validating your experience, loving you up. And when that's done well and authentically, I talk a lot about in, in one of the early chapters It doesn't have to take as long as we think empathy needs to take. A lot of these venting sessions that take 45 minutes, multiple sessions, it really— we got to think about, does it need to take that long to truly empathize and feel for someone's situation and what they're going through? And so, the chapter early on talks a ton about that, how to validate someone's experience and how do you know when you're close to doing enough of it to then be ready for the call to greatness. So, that's step 1. Step 2 is now that we validated your experience, let's clean up our thinking about the problem. And this is where often, for those of you that have followed our work, that people get into stories, judgments, assignments of motive. They jump to conclusions. They get into, you know, because of this, that means that, and it's usually negative. And this is looking at, have we gotten a little bit closer to neutral in our thinking and down to the facts? Clean up our thinking. Now, step 3, before we get into any action, what's your part in this unpreferred reality, this situation? Have you been contributing to where it's at, which is in most cases for coaching in our situations is not good. It's in drama. So, what's your part in this? What's your part in the mess? How have you contributed to this? And there's some tools for that if needed. Now, once we have our part in it, step 4 is, what's your role in the solution? As you're trying to attack this or support this or help here, you got a lot of energy, but is it in the right role for what the situation merits? And some of the most frustrated people I see out there are trying to take next right action and solve things from the wrong role for what the situation requires them to play, and they're getting really frustrated. So, we dive into that and some tools to facilitate that realization of here's the role you can play, quit fighting for this role, get back into our lane, and then what can we do from there to help get closer to a better place in the situation? And then lastly, with all of that clarity, step 5 is given that, take next right action. And in step 5, there's oftentimes where people hide out behind next right action. They've now identified the problem, they see their part, they know their role, and then they hide out behind that and hope someone else takes action and fixes it. This last step ensures people move in boldly and confidently to what they could do from their space of influence to impact something given the circumstances, given risks ahead, or given challenges that they're concerned about, how they could still move forward. And these pathways at step 5 have 3 tools as well to help you do that depending on the situation. So those are the 5 steps: validate the experience or feelings, clean up thinking, find your part in it, know your role in the solution, take next right action. And then from that clarity, you boldly trust that, that next step to go forward until the next unpreferred reality. Then what happens? Dang, we're stuck again. We found out some new things. There's some new information. We're in an unpreferred reality. Given that, validate your experience, clean up thinking, back through it again. And this becomes the foundation, the truth, the fundamentals we can follow at all levels to take care of any drama that comes our way. So, that's the idea of the framework. Now, when do you use it? I already kind of hit on that. I call it whenever people are facing an unpreferred work reality. Now, notice my language. We've worked a ton on that even since the pandemic. As leaders, you set the tone. Where you go, so goes your team with your language, with your body language, with your tone, with your buy-in, with your alignment. And so, at the start of this framework is when I face a challenge, it's not a nightmare, it's not a disaster, it's not The end of the world. It's not a big freakout. It is, that is currently, that's an unpreferred reality, or that is definitely not ideal, or wow, yep, that isn't what we expected. That's an unpreferred reality. Now, when we're not in an unpreferred reality, I've been talking to a lot of my clients. When people are in flow state, when things are going pretty smooth, when it feels like people are clear and they know what to do, There's not really much room and need for leadership. Just enjoy the orchestra. You don't have much to do. Like, you've got your team locked in. Like, this is a beautiful thing. Just enjoy it. Try not to overinterfere. But know that the workplace is designed and the world is designed in about 5 minutes to shoot someone on your team or yourself an unpreferred reality, a disruption to your day, something you thought was off your list that's now back on your list, a list you were working on and now you're pulled into this list over here. These are unpreferred realities. And when most people face these unpreferred realities, they wish for a different one and argue with the unpreferred reality, or they want a perfect utopia or a different future where these challenges don't come up. And that's a waste of energy. And so, this framework helps us get right into between that unpreferred reality and a different future, our space for impact. And it gives us the step to make sure we step boldly into that space of impact and next right action. to improve the situation. Or sometimes you'll notice is no action is also a next right action where we got to wait and see, where we listen a bit more, where we don't get busy, busy, busy doing the wrong thing or going into what I call next wrong action. And so that's when to use it is basically whenever something doesn't feel like flow state, stress, drama, arguing with reality, that's a good time to think about the Call to Greatness framework that we outline in this book. Now, where can you use this? Again, hopefully, you're feeling it, but it's, it's, it's in our own self-reflection. When we're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, anxious, really great way to find our own clarity and make sure we're contributing from the right role with accountability for what the situation merits. So we're adding the most value. That's a powerful way to start. And then for anyone else that comes to us— colleague, Someone that even leads us or that we lead, all those situations, managing up, managing down. You can use it to manage the energy and help everyone involved find clarity. So, those one-on-ones, it can be really good in team meetings when we're stuck. And some of the tools are better for group facilitation, and some of the other tools are a little bit better for one-on-one reflection. And you'll see that in the book, but it really can be used in all those settings. It is, it becomes almost a mental process that you're able to have like a radar of where someone's stuck. And the way I've been describing it is almost like when, if you've ever gotten a full-body massage or like a back massage and someone's going around and it just, you know, they're starting the massage and then eventually like in the middle of your back, it just gets caught on this knot. And that not needs to be released. And so let's say the person's had their experience validated and, you know, they're, that they're frustrated or they're stuck. They've cleaned up their thinking so they're not in judgment, assignments, emotive drama, big stories about what, you know, speculation. They're clean on the facts, clear on what's happening. They've shared their feelings. They're feeling their feelings. And now they're, they see their part in it. Like, yeah, you know, I could have reached out, but I chose not to. And I assumed there's a little bit of accountability there. They know their role, or let's say from there, the thing they're struggling with is their role. They're like, why wasn't I consulted on this decision? And they should ask the people closest to the work. But the reality is, for this situation, they didn't. Maybe it was decided externally, or there was a shift in the market or a new regulation. So they're frustrated that they weren't consulted or they weren't the decision maker on this new idea. And they're in the position for the organization where they need to execute it and mitigate the risks to make it least disruptive to their patients or customers. Like, let's say the role is the problem. Well, it's like that masseuse just caught that knot, and the tool that's needed, they're almost there. We just got to loosen up, free them up from that knot around their role and that arguing for the wrong role for what the situation merits. And so, once you have this framework, you've got a habit of practicing it, your radar goes off that it's like, which— where's the knot at in their back? Yeah. And metaphorically, you're just saying, oh, we need to do a deeper dive reflection on the tool in the book about knowing their role. And I have in the book a perfect walkthrough. It's like a decision table that helps people find their role and put their energy where it matters. So then you release that. Now they're on their way to next right action. And the good news is, if that is a continuous snag point, You can coach on it with the tool. So you're not going at them like you're playing the wrong role. And you try and school them on that. You're just saying, let's reflect through this tool together, as colleagues, as thought partners, to see where we're stuck. And the tool just reveals it and where to put their input and energy next. So it takes away that whole awkward coaching dynamic that so many leaders, you know, shy away from, or, you know, they need a lot of charisma to get into. And it really creates it as an easy conversation using the framework to guide you and get you to where you want to be and where they want to be, which is clarity and not in drama. So, that's the idea of, you know, where to use it and how to start thinking about using it. Now, the biggest thing might be why is this such relieving work and been such a fill in for even those that have been practicing reality-based leadership for a long time? Like, why is it completing the puzzle? And that was the coolest thing is, as I had some people read this in advance, a select group, and they said, well, why is this different than some of the other work? I remember maybe 100 pages in, someone that is very seasoned in ditching the drama, been around our stuff for 15 years, was like, oh my gosh, Alex, like, we need to jump on the phone. We got to talk about this. Is because one of the elements that I also saw was leaders would get really excited about, after our keynotes and workshops, one of our tools or techniques or our quotes. For example, one that I can link here is called the SBAR. For those that aren't familiar that are listening here, this is when someone says, hey, do you have a minute? And it often pulls away your time and gets into a bunch of drama. Speculation that, hey, do you have a minute? Turns into 25 to 45 minutes and people are like, please don't do anything. I just wanted you to know. So now I feel better. The tool we recommend, probably the first one that we always teach at Reality-Based Leadership, is the SBAR. So, when someone says, hey, do you have a minute? You say, I do. But have you thought through the SBAR tool? Takes like 2 minutes. You take what you're struggling with and what you're frustrated about and what you're trying to figure out. Put it into the situation. That's the S, one sentence. The background, but it's got to be relevant to strategy. It's usually another sentence tied to your strategy, so you're working on the right things. Your analysis or your assessment, that's the data, the facts. Who have you reached out to? How are we supposed to handle this? What's best practice? This is expertise, not just opinions and gut feelings. And then the R is what are your recommendations? Where the person with the problem offers ideas for how we could proceed towards the goal of having it, you know, fixed, solved, or in a better place. They offer 2 to 5 recommendations. And as a leader, your job becomes so easy because you don't jump into fix. You don't just give the answers like a slot machine, which reinforces that they have to come to you for all the answers. You say, wow, great reflection there, way to use the tool, and great Insights, go with number 3. Sounds like a great idea. Can I count on you? And the tool keeps the work at the level it's supposed to be at. It brings the best out of the people, and you get to see a quick glance into their minds and how they problem solve so you can coach. So, this tool ditches all 5 sources of drama. It transforms cultures almost instantly if they apply it and use it consistently. And so, that tool gets people really hyped up. I'm talking after one of my keynotes or workshops, someone will go out for break. We'll have a 15-minute break and they'll use it because inevitably in their inbox or someone calls them in break, there's drama. And they try and talk people through the SBAR or they get into it, even if it's messy and it's, you know, like riding a bicycle, they're not very good at it. They're almost falling. They're like, I just barely knew what I was doing, used that tool and this 3-year drama Triangle I've been in got a little clearer after that call. That's how fast that tool works. So my point is, what I saw is many people would take that tool, and that's the only thing they would run with, and they'd get some success with their teams early on. And then after 6, 8, 12 months, it might get a little stale, or teams would start to like look for something else to, you know, get into drama. Or I often joke that the ego, it morphs like a Pokémon. into the next level. And it's like, oh, don't make me put that into an SBAR. I just want to talk through this. And so it might not land as effectively anymore. And so then they would struggle to go on to the next one, next tool, or they would use it like whack-a-mole. It's like, hey, someone's venting, whack-a-mole with the SBAR. Or, hey, someone's resisting change, whack-a-mole with this tool, which I would say is negative brainstorming. That's one of our main tools for change. They would whack it with a mallet, you know, like it's the game, the arcade game, whack-a-mole. And that's where it was effective and it could work. But there was reports that sometimes leaders were using reality-based leadership in a harsh way. And what's interesting about that, without getting too nerdy, is both of those tools are actually in step 5 of the Call to Greatness framework. Those are really good next right action tools in step 5. But if you don't love people up, clean up thinking, find their part in it, clarify roles if needed. That tool can feel like you're jumping from 0 to 5. And while it can work for some, it can be seen as way too fast and not, you know, first loving me up and going too fast to the call to greatness. This is why some of the tools were seen as harsh if you weren't careful. And so this is where The framework, the 5 steps, are going to help leaders when that happens, which is a common thing that could happen after some initial success, where the philosophy gets over-rotated and maybe a little bit harsh. Or I even had one leader say one of his colleagues had used the SBAR to death, so to speak, used one of our tools to death, where it became that no one could talk to him Unless there was an SBAR, and then it was so bad in that case that people stopped coming to the person, which shouldn't happen anyway. And they thought all the problems were solved, but the problems were still there. And that was a little bit because we got over-rotated in that case with the SBAR. And so, all of this framework is going to help fill in those, those last gaps where that was happening. This will help strike that balance. Not too much call to greatness, not too harsh. Just enough of that, that, how do I want to say it, that, that, that sweet spot, enough of that sweet spot. And so, how to do this? The last thing I wanted to say is, is some of the how of the Call to Greatness. What was really exciting about doing the research and diving deep into how to put this all together is that the Call to Greatness framework, most of these situations you'll use it in are touch and go. You will get fast with your teams to understand it's about the human condition, that someone's struggling. You will validate their experience. You'll be able to love them up and then call them up, and they'll be thankful for helping them find clarity and get into next right action, take accountability, all that good stuff. Most of those, I call them touch-and-go moments. That's how it happens. 5, 10 minutes, great coaching, connect, Authentic. You're there for people. They're on their way. It's beautiful stuff. That'll be 95% of these. What I learned personally when writing this book, which was really powerful, is that some calls to greatness aren't just 5 to 10 minutes. They might be 5 to 10 months. They might be 5 to 10 years. Some might be 40 years. Some could take a lifetime. Some— Calls to greatness you'll be involved in, in your life, the person will never come around to being able to have their experience validated, clean up their thinking on the problem or what really happened, find their part and take accountability for their part in the mess, know their role in figuring it out, and then taking next right action. Unfortunately, some may never get there, but the most empathetic and loving thing you can do Is still with intention, look at where they might be at, hold that space, and again, love them up and say, oh, I see you're still maybe stuck at cleanup thinking. And if the situation feels right, and if you have the energy for it, and if it— especially I always say, if it's in your responsibility as a leader, the dynamics are different. Some of you might be thinking, well, I can't wait to use something like this on grandma or a family member. That's a different situation because I often say you're not given resources in your organization and asked to get a return on investment to deliver value in family relationships. So it's different. So the call to greatness elements still work, but sometimes you might not do it because it's not the same dynamic. Is just being intentional with that. And in the 3-ish years of writing this book, It was some of the most exciting years of my life, but we also, my family went through some really, really hard things during those 3 years, probably the hardest of our lives. And what I realized is what I was going through that was tough, if I didn't have this 5-step framework going through that, I honestly don't know if I would've been able to make it out of all of that. And so, this was an interesting, cool, transformative element for me is the book got sharper As I went through those hard things, and I had to live the framework myself. And, and that now it's going on 4 years. Call to greatness experience is with someone I really care about, and we're still in it. And I've learned that when you stay in the call to greatness, you know, I thought at one point we were getting through this challenge we were in with this, this situation. We're into next right action, going to fix what was wrong, make amends. We're going on. And then out of nowhere, it just turned back to like, why are we even in this situation? the first place. And this is crazy. And I was like, oh my gosh, I thought we were at next right action. It was so promising. We're back to, we got to validate the experience. And we're far off from cleanup thinking. And so, you don't get mad about that. Unfortunately, it was back to, we're at step 2 again, cleaning up thinking, what's the real problem here? And figuring out what's each person's part in it. And that's actually, I feel and I've learned, is true empathy is I still Keep the call to greatness alive. I don't say, well, that's a lost cause, that's undoable. It's there. It's just some take what it takes. They take the time they take. You, you cannot rush a call to greatness. You keep offering it. Our job is to have a little bit of urgency with it, with discernment. But some of these, especially the bigger the situation, they take a while. But the true leader knows that. And has the patience there. And that's what I'm trying to practice, although not perfectly. I screw this up, but only daily. But that was one of the biggest things I learned about how to actually execute and support people through this framework. And the touch-and-goes you'll love, you'll get so good at them and people will love you for it. They will in fact love the relief of you taking them through this, these 5 steps with the tools and the touch-and-goes that they will start to do it without you. And that is where I call it the shadow of a leader, where you're not even around and your leadership has scaled because whenever they're in an unpreferred reality, they want to storm over to you or pick up the phone or come to your area, or they want to get you on, you know, a virtual call and they want to vent to you and they want to get it all out. Before doing so, they'll validate their own experience. They will feel their feelings, which is a great thing, superhuman. They will take a moment to clean up their thinking. And say, what do I know for sure? What are the facts here? Where am I getting judgy? Where am I assigning motive? What are my real feelings here? And then they'll find their part in it instead of blaming other people's circumstances. Everyone else is the problem. I'm doomed. Everyone's out to get me. They'll say, well, I guess when I had a hunch we were a little bit behind there, I could have reached out with a phone call instead of just sending a text and then using that as my excuse to say I tried. I could have been a little bit more proactive. Feel the I's in there? Find my part in it. Not blaming myself, not taking everything on me, not over-functioning. It's what's my part in it? Shared accountability. And then what's my role in the solution? And I'll talk about this deeper, deeper, deeper because that's probably the most important part I see people stuck is I won't fight to be consulted when I wasn't consulted. I'll know my role in decision-making or— Best part, I'll get really good at just being a good person to be informed of changes, of decisions. I'll play this role of, wow, good to know. And now I'm going to use my expertise to make this work. I'm going to be a good player there when the team needs it. That's knowing my role in this problem in front of us. And then lastly, I will trust and take next right action from the clarity of the framework. And they, your teams, will start doing that. Before they come to you. And so, when they do come to you, it'll really be at the level that you need to be there with them. And you can coach and work together there. And so, so much of the drama gets taken care of at the level it should, and everyone elevates up to the real level we need them to evolve to in these new times in the workplace. And that's what I want to finish with is I really feel like this is the framework of the modern times. I was always told if the jobs are feeling undoable, The uncertainty is too much. The stress is too much. It feels like everything's getting too big and too crazy. It's like if the job's feeling undoable, I had a mentor that said to me, Alex, it probably is undoable for you, especially given your current skill set, your current approach, and your current level of willingness. I guarantee this particular reality is undoable. And if I was going to bet my, you know, Bet all my cards on a new approach, how we could— the framework to lead without drama, build alignment in teams, and call those you lead to greatness would be that approach. 5 easy steps for whenever someone's stuck. With love, we get them into the call to greatness until the next unpreferred reality. This is how we enjoy work again and level up and deliver the results that are needed out there for our patients, our customers, our clients. that they really need is how we level up to that. It's the new approach that we can use. And so I can't wait for you to start to dive into this book. If you haven't preordered, again, I'll try not to ask you too much, but we are in that mode. I promise it'll transform your teams. It'll create great conversations, and it'll really get you to sharpen your reality-based approach. And so get in on the preorder, reach out to us at info@realitybasedleadership.com. We have some really cool partnerships again we're doing, so we can maybe feature a keynote with myself alongside the book and do a Q&A fireside chat, really get your teams loved up. And we got discussion guides and bonus chapter and some cool things with that. And I really appreciate, again, listening in, following our stuff, using reality-based leadership, just building on this momentum and continuing, as you always have, to love people up and call people up to greatness. We got big work to do out there, and it's right in front of us. But it might take a new modern approach. And that's coming in September 22nd. It's on its way. We'll talk to you on the next one. Thanks for joining the podcast.