Zarak Fatah traces how childhood bullying and racism shaped false beliefs that sabotage adult relationships and careers. He argues that confronting these wounds through therapy, coaching, and self-inquiry is the only way to break the pattern and build an authentic life.
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Today I want to share something with you that's a bit of an uncomfortable conversation, especially for the men out there, but necessary because the money you want, the relationship you desire, the freedom you dream of having is on the other side of this. Now what I'm talking about is your healing. Now healing can be a difficult conversation for people to have because most want to avoid what it is that they want to heal from. And what I want to share in this video is what my healing, healing journey has been like. Because I feel that many of you are going to resonate with what I have to share. Because I didn't realize how much there was I needed to heal until I start to dig in. So to give you a bit of context, it was when I turned 40 and I realized that there were some patterns in my life that just kept repeating themselves in my relationship, in my finances, and in my career that I could not notice that I'm the common denominator in all these situations. And even though I, I knew how to make money, I dated beautiful women, and I had many successful businesses, something was missing and that there was a pain and an emptiness inside. And that's what needed to be healed. So the first step of healing begins with you acknowledging and realizing something is off and you're responsible for it. Rather than blaming other people, blaming life circumstances, can you look in the mirror and take ownership for your behavior and for your habits and for what needs to shift? Because when you can take ownership and realize that you are the cause of your pain and suffering and what happened to you, happened to you, and it's how you deal with what happened that now determines what your future is going to be like. When you get to that point, that's when you're ready to begin your healing journey. So for me, I realized that there were changes I need to make in my life because I was repeating patterns that I didn't know how to end. And I decided to sign up for my first personal development course. Now I had never done anything like this before. And it helped me to realize how me being bullied as a child, getting picked on, dealing with racism, and my parents constant fighting had created deep wounds within me that I was completely unconscious to. And I'm gonna bet, matter of fact, I know that the wounds that you need to heal, unless you've already started doing your inner work and self reflection, you're actually unconscious too. Because these wounds, they happened between the age of 0 to 6, when you were a young boy or young girl, things happened in your life that your Young mind didn't know how to process it, didn't know how to differentiate from what was happening around you and what was happening to you and what was happening because of you. See, as young children we're very egotistical in the sense that we think everything that's happening is happening because of us. Everything's our fault, we're the cause of everything. Because we don't know any better. Our prefrontal cortex hasn't developed yet for us to be able to differentiate the difference. Now because of these incidences that happen at a young age, they imprint certain beliefs on us. I'm not lovable, I'm not good enough. I need to perform, I need to look attractive, I need to make mommy and daddy happy by, you know, being funny or being great dancer, whatever it may be. We develop these beliefs at a young age and then naturally through cognitive bias, we look to find reasons to validate these beliefs that we have now. These experiences create beliefs based on our thoughts about these beliefs. They create emotions. Those emotions create a certain energy within us. And if those experiences, those beliefs are validated through life that I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy or then you start to behave a certain way, you start to develop a certain perception as to how you see the world. So then people are mean, I don't deserve money, I'm not attractive enough. I need to. People, please. There are many different behaviors we develop as a result of these experiences that we've had as a child. Now, these behaviors will often cause us to create something called the false self. And the false self is the person we think we need to be in order to compensate for who we don't think we are. So I'll say that again, the false self is who we think we need to be to compensate for who we don't think we are. And that could look like being the fit guy, being the good looking girl who's always sexy, being the funny guy, being the high performer who makes lots of money. Because if I have the cars and the clothes and the watches, then people will love me, right? And I'm sure some of this may sound familiar to you. Now that false self you create, that is the identity you project in the world. So your beliefs create your behavior, your behavior creates your personality and your personality creates your reality. So now you're seeing the world through the lens of that six year old child who was hurt, who was neglected, who was abused, who is spoiled, whatever it may be. And that is what's shaped your reality as an Adult. Now, this false self that you've become, just like me, successful entrepreneur, traveling the world, dating beautiful women. Everything was fine as I lived unconsciously in that identity, not realizing that I wasn't being my true authentic self. It was fine until I realized that that guy I had created was actually the person in my way of finding true love, was in my way of having a fulfilling career outside of the nightlife industry and who could save his money responsibly. All of these sabotaging behaviors are rooted in my false self and who I thought I needed to be. You know, and there's a quote I love, it says, I am who I think you think I am. I am who I think you think I am. Which means that my self worth, my confidence, who I believe myself to be is over there with you. So in who you perceive me to be allows me to develop my identity. And this is how most people live. The reason I'm sharing this with you is because if you have patterns, if you're trying to find love, but you keep dating the same person over and over again, if you're trying to make money, but you keep blowing your money on dumb shit or you can't excel in your career because you're lacking the self esteem or confidence, if you are overweight or you're obsessed with the gym, any of these behaviors that are excessive, that are sabotaging your joy and happiness, are rooted in the wounds that you need to resolve. Okay? And I share this message with love and compassion because I'm not saying I'm fully healed and I've, you know, overcome all of my wounds. But I can tell you that I've confronted some dark parts of my childhood, my parents, marriage. I've confronted beliefs about myself in my shadows that I was unconscious to for most of my life, realizing that I wasn't free because I was stuck inside of an identity of someone who I didn't want to be anymore. And most people will stay in the familiar, even though it's uncomfortable. And the truth is, is most people will stay trapped in that familiar false self identity rather than take a step back and say, wait a minute, I don't want this life anymore. I don't want those friends anymore. I don't want this job anymore. And be willing to take a step outside of that identity to create a new reality. And this is a work that's needed to be done if you truly want to live a life that's authentic, that's empowering, and is truly alive. Because the reality is, is the suffering you experience in life is a discrepancy between where you are and where you want to be. And if you are living an inauthentic, false self life and you know it's not who you are, and you know that there's a different version of. Of you, a different life that you aspire to have, that distance is the root cause of your suffering. So if you want to heal, you have to ask yourself, what are the patterns? What are the behaviors that are sabotaging your joy and happiness? What is a belief you have about the behaviors that are holding you back? What are the obstacles, the blockages, Any of that? You have to be willing to look at it. You have to be willing to shine a light, light into your shadows, to look into your own darkness. And it will require you to go back and revisit some painful moments in your life. Some of these experiences that have traumatized you, you may not even be consciously aware of. This is why you may need to work with a therapist, a coach, hypnotherapy, plant medicine. Your subconscious, your mind has buried painful moments so deep to protect you. But the truth is, just because it's very deep doesn't mean you're free from it. It requires courage, it requires commitment, and it requires support. To be able to look at those experiences that created the trauma, to have the conversations with whoever may have inflicted it upon you, and to have love, compassion, and patience for yourself, knowing that it wasn't your fault, you didn't deserve it. And most importantly, everything that's happened to you has been for you to grow and to evolve. And I know that could be a tough pill to swallow. But the truth is that the things that happen to you have helped shape who you are today. And if you love who you are and who you've become, then you have to trust and accept that what you went through is what's created this amazing human you are today. And if you're still stuck in a dark place and you don't love who you are yet, then invite you to trust that you are a work in progress and that you will come out of this stronger, wiser, and a better version of yourself. Life can be difficult. It can be challenging. And this is the purpose of our soul's journey. To be here. To learn from our experiences, to heal from our wounds, and to grow and to evolve. And your parents? Our parents have done the best that they could. And the truth is, is sometimes our parents have made some poor choices. And this is why it's up to us to acknowledge our wounds to heal, to learn from our mistakes and our parents mistakes so that we don't pass on that trauma to our children, to our loved ones. And this is why during this time in human history, with more personal development tools available than ever before, the deep inner work, the healing is needed because this is how we're going to heal ourselves. This is how we're going to heal the next generation, to make sure we don't pass on the same trauma and the wounds that we've dealt with. And ultimately, this is how we're going to collectively heal the planet. I hope what I've shared has brought some value to you. I hope you have some clarity around the healing process and my story resonated with you in some way. If you'd like to learn more, if I could be of service in any way, this is the work that I do that I absolutely love. Helping humans to heal, to overcome the pain from their past so you can tap into their true potential in life. If you'd like to reach out to learn more, my contact information is down below. And if you enjoyed this video and you feel that was valuable and you know somebody who could benefit from learning about the process of healing, like or share or comment. And don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel as I'll be putting out more videos like this, sharing my knowledge and wisdom with all of you. Thank you for watching.
