A Guide for Parents to Instruct Speech Delayed Children | www.agentsofspeech.com/micro

Hello, welcome to Monday live. Every week, 9pm My time. My cat just opened my door. Anyways, let's get into it. And today or tonight, we're going to talk about the guide to actually teaching parents how to instruct their speech delay children. And most of the time when I talk about this is because parents say and tell me that, oh, I don't have the patience. I don't. I cannot do this. Or, you know, like, I. If I knew how to teach, I wouldn't find you. Or if I knew how to do this, or if I had the time to do this, then I wouldn't pay someone like myself to do the stuff that I'm doing right now. Right? So this is very targeted. This is as much as a rant as. As, you know, as much as it's educational as I make it. And there are parents out there, which, you know, to their respect. And I feel like they're correct as well. They say, oh, Ming, you're not a parent. You don't understand how I feel. You never had a child, right? You don't know what I'm going through, why you're saying this, like, yeah, I literally. You are correct if you think this. I am not a parent. I don't have a kid. I don't know what you're thinking about. I will never know unless I have a kid who is going through the same stuff as you are, which everyone is different, and I will never know. Right? But what I can do, what my job is here is to tell you to take a step, okay? Just do something about the situation and stop thinking for a second, okay? And thinking is good. You know, contemplating about what's the problem about your child? Is he going to be ever going to be, like, same as, you know, his peers or whatever. These are all very valid worries, right? But from fresh eyes, from someone like a third party like myself, someone out of the situation to look into it. What I think you should do at least, you know, is that try out strategies first. Okay. Before worrying, thinking, oh, maybe, Nick, tomorrow my child will start talking. Maybe like, oh, they'll catch up really soon. There is a chance for that. There's chance for everything. Okay? There's a. There really is. There really is. Like, nobody knows, right? Nobody really knows. And the reason why I wanted to make this whole thing was because one of my clients, if you're watching this, you know who you are, right? She wrote a post on Facebook and she said she told other parents, like, oh, I always get questions about my kid who, you know, who, how did they start talking? How long did it take? What can I learn? You know, what did it take? How did you do it? And her answer, the mother, was like, oh, look, my daughter started talking at five, you know, it took a very long time and until at 5, she finally thought, oh, maybe my daughter could speak. And fast forward, I don't know how many years. I don't want to disclose her age. She's, she's talking, she's able to, you know, take care of herself and everything. But these things don't come like, it's just, you know, like at the end of the day, you never know. Okay, I never know. You take a professional who has worked for 20 plus years, they don't know either. Okay? Sometimes professionals who are 20 plus years. And I've heard this from senior therapists, right? If they see, if they see a student, a kid who you know is obviously having trouble with talking, they might say, oh, this is like the ceiling that they've roofed already. They've hit the ceiling where their capabilities have already. Okay? And then another, a more senior therapist told me, this is what she said, if we as people who teach children think in that way, then the child is very doomed, right? Because if I think that's the limit of her or his ability, then the way how I conduct therapy will be very, very, very, very different from how, like, if I think a kid can speak, I will, like, do things in order for them to continue to improve, right? If I think a kid who has already reached their potential and the limits, the things that I would do, at least for me, would be very different, right? I would try to maintain the communication, maintain what they have and try to keep what they have. Instead of gaining, I'm trying to prevent them from losing. So what I'm saying here is that for a parent to be inside of the equation is super important because I, I don't know, other therapists might be pessimistic about your kid. Okay? And you will always be optimistic, I guess. Even if there are things that, you know, get in your way and you feel like you cannot do it, you're not the one to do it. You don't have enough professional skills. You don't, you don't have, whatever. All these things don't matter, okay? These don't matter. I really think so. As long as you do your own research, you think about, you try strategies that may or may not work, and you keep on iterating, you find people who can help you and so on and so forth. And that's why I'm trying my best to do here, okay? Parents are the most important out of everything I can. You know, your child can, like, fly. You know, they can read, they can write, they can talk inside the clinic room. But when they get home with you, which spends most of, like, they spend the most time with you, right. If they can't do it with you, then what's the point? Okay. At the end of the day, that's what you want, right? Your child to talk to you. Okay, let's dive into. Since we've got all this out of the way, and this is why I'm talking about this, okay. Is that I want you to believe that you can do it. Right? And you coming to me, coming to any therapist, whatever, I don't care if you seek help from me. Right. Seek help from someone else. Ultimately, it needs to be that you need to continue the strategies at home in order for your child to continue to improve. Okay. It's just doing homework, right? There's no point, like, let's say you're learning instrument, you're learning piano. Yeah. You can play a song under the guidance of a teacher when you get home, when you're, like, really performing, you can't do it, then what's the point? Right? Let's talk about the guide. Okay? So when we're talking about. Ask instructing your kid. Okay? If your child right now is having problems with, you know, not eating the food you want them to eat, you know, crying whenever they. They're trying to, you know, you're trying to tell them to do something, they cry. They kind of hit you. Not kind of like literally hit you. They talk about. They talk about different stuff. Right. When you're trying to talk to them, they don't focus what parents say or they're too lazy to talk about. And I see a lot of comments about the cats, by the way. Thanks. They're really the highlight of the house. So anyways, we're going to talk about what you can do as a parent, literally most of the time. Parents, this is what they always say. Oh, parents will always be parents in children's eyes. There's no reason why, you know, I cannot teach my own child. That's what parents say. Because if I do it, then, you know, literally the relationship will be different. And it's true. Some children will tell me, I just want, like, mom to be mom. Right? Whenever mom talks, the child will hit the mom. Whenever the dad tries to teach, he'll cry all they know out of their, like, inside of the mind is that right now all the, like, dad and mom is a provider, dad and mom is someone who gives me stuff, dad and mom who feeds me, but not someone who teaches me. Right? So what can you do in the situation? Okay, first of all, you have to change that narrative in your head, okay? If you think that this will never change, then you're probably wrong. Okay? Second of all, if you think that he's not gonna like, whatever you teach, whatever you say, then you are actually having that mindset going in. You're gonna do things that will continue that. That cycle, you know, continue that cycle. So what you can do is to basically think about why. Okay, so someone says he refuses to learn and play, right? So why does he do that? Why is it that whenever you try something, they don't listen, they don't care, they try to run away, they try to, like, cry, they try to get out of the situation. They rather do something else. They look away, they don't look at you. No matter how many times you tell them, you call them, they call their name, you ask for their attention, they don't give it to you, okay? And the simple reason is that you don't have anything for them. Okay, I've said this like maybe 10,000 times, okay? Some people who have, like, some parents who have gone through the micro course, like, if you haven't, you should go check it out as agentsofspeech.com micro. And basically they tell me that, hey, it's all good advice, but there's nothing concrete I can do. I. And the next day they come over and tell me that, oh, my kid just. I can't get them to pay attention to me, hey, it's not about what you do. It really isn't about what you do, it's how you do it. I can tell you a bunch of therapy techniques that I can do at home, right? I can tell you, oh, you got to tell a story, you know, you got to teach them how to play, like symbolic play, you know, I can tell you, like, what you can do, right? But the how is the most important. Okay, you put, you know, I can tell my students to do something and they will do it. Whilst the parents ask the parent, the parents ask the children to do something. It's totally different. So it's not about the what, it's how you do it. Everyone knows that. You know, you gotta teach children more vocabs, teach them more sentence structures, teach them how to be sociable and play with other children and play with toys and Also, you know, greet people, whatever, but. But the how is the most important, right? Okay, the how is the most important, all right? And it starts off with you having something to give your kid instead of thinking, my kid or your kid must talk or must look at people or it's normal for them to look and treat and greet people. You don't take that for granted. You need to think about what you can give them, okay? And you might say, oh, I feed them already, I give them a lot, I give them shelter, all that kind of stuff, right? But at the same time, you're not taking the perspective or a kid or maybe this cat here. You're not taking perspective of this cat either, right? You know, I would think that he should be like this. This she. This cat should be well behaved, should be everything she should be. You know, she should listen to me when I call her, she'll answer me. And when I pick her up like this, she'll stay still. And it's a miracle that she's staying still right now. Usually she's already very angry, but I guess, you know, she knows she's on camera. I guess so. The thing is, I'm talking about it's borderline selfish to think that children or animals, pets, whatever that you know are under your care will listen to you, okay? You must have something to offer to them, okay? Especially to those who are speech delayed or on the spectrum who don't understand language and don't understand why they have to social with you, okay? Parents always get caught up when they think, oh, I want them to listen to me, I want them to look. Isn't it normal for them to look? No, it's not normal, okay? If your child is delayed already, all the other stuff that you should take for granted is you shouldn't, okay? So how you do it is basically whenever they refuse to do anything, oops, sorry, press the wrong button. Is that you need to use a reward. I've said this millions of times. It might sound as a soft advice to you. It's as concrete as it can. In the beginning. You must have something that they want. You must have something that they want to fight for and therefore want to change the behavior with you. Okay, let me give you an analogy, right? Let's say my boss, okay? I have a boss. Maybe I have a boss, right? My boss will give me a salary all the time. And I'm a security guard. I just sit there. I sit there and I get the same salary every day. What is my motivation to work more? Nothing, right? Nothing. I will be playing games, I'll be eating on the job, whatever. But if I have an incentive to do a better job, to do something out of my comfort zone, then I will do it. And the same for a kid. If talking or speaking like, you know, like, or using words or using language is easy, your child would have done it already, okay? And you don't need to think about, oh, if my kid will catch up or not, okay? That's out of your control, first of all, because you never know if it's like a mild delay, a severe delay, or a whole other disorder you cannot control that you don't know. Maybe, like, maybe, maybe, maybe they all catch up and all things are fine in like two or three months, right? Maybe 5%. I don't know what the percentage is. Maybe 90. Who knows, right? But all, like, why you're watching here is because you are scared. You're worried, okay? So why not take the chance to implement strategies to make sure that you know exactly what your child's true ability is? And how you do that is have something that they want to reward them? And a lot of therapists aren't going to like this word to borderline bribe them, right? To tell them, like, you want this. You want this thing here, like, follow me, imitate me, like, show me what you know, okay? If you don't do that, you will never know what your child knows, okay? Because most of the time, they get what they want anyways with you, okay? So let's talk about, like, why. Why they. They start to, like, ignore you. They refuse to do whatever with you, okay? And most of all, it's learned behavior, okay? Your child, if you know you, they've been to a therapist who they're, like, having, like, good relationship, good bond with. Most of the time, if the therapist says anything, they're gonna follow, okay? I have this student, I have a few, okay, who exclusively only listen to me and. Which is bad in my books, right? Because most of the time when I do therapy, the parent is there, and I want the parent to try what I try. And then slowly they will listen to parents as much as they listen to me. But sometimes it doesn't work that way. And it's because it's a learned behavior from the kid to not listen to you and ignore you and like, to give you that kind of unfair treatment. And if you don't mind me saying this, sometimes it feels like they're bullying you, right? Like you're trying to be a good parent and everything. And all you get is Just like hitting, screaming and ignoring and everything. So what you have to do is to change that story, change that narrative with, like, you and your kid. How can you. Like, is it impossible a stranger like myself or another therapist or another teacher, whoever has a better relationship in terms of, like, them listening to you? Not in terms of love or anything. Obviously, you know, the love and attachment will never go away. But what I'm talking about is under instructional command. That's very important. Okay? Let's say the next day I bring this cat, this cat on here that you can't see right now, outside to the street. I cannot control her yet. I'm still teaching her how to do it, okay? It's impossible. I will not take a cat or anyone without instructional command outside on the street because there's too much variables. And same for your kid, especially if he or she is on the spectrum. I have had this student who is a little older, a mature student, right, who ran into a zoo fence to, like, to save a fish or something or to feed something inside a zoo, okay? Can you imagine that? Like, and I'm sure if I were there, I would have been able to stop her and at least, you know, actually to do the right thing, which is call the. Call the guards and do it and ask them to do it, right? So you need to have your child under instructional command, okay? And how you do it is to have rewards. And only rewards isn't going to help. Isn't really going to help, right? You have to be very consistent. You have to stick to your word and to the dots. I had a consultation with a parent not so long, I think, a few days ago, and she told me that when the child was with the dad, she would be more calm and she wouldn't ask so much. But with the mom, she would ask so much and cry and scream and everything. When she couldn't press the button at the traffic light, you know, the one the pedestrian goes, and you press it and you can cross the road faster. She wants to keep on pressing it, but the dad doesn't allow her, and she's okay with it. But the mom cannot control her at the. Basically at the crossroads, right? So what I'm saying is not like what you're doing is how you do it. And when someone can do it, you think about why your child will listen to them rather than you, okay? You have to be very consistent. You have to have rewards. You have to be very consistent. Very, very consistent, okay? In ABA terms, in applied behavioral therapy or analysis, whatever you call it, you call it being contingent. Right. You need to be someone of your own words. When you say something, you mean it. When you say no ice cream, it means no ice cream. Right? When you say, after you do this, you will have this, it means that. Okay? Especially those on the spectrum. Yeah. If you give them that kind of reassurance that you will give them certain, like, rewards after a certain behavior, it will be very, very, very, very, very, very easy. Very easy to really have their behavior in check. But if you always, like, like, don't mind me saying this, like, dilly dally, like, be very inconsistent with your actions and you give in because you feel like, oh, I, you know, they, oh, that's all they want or whatever, then it's obvious that they will take advantage of it. And it's. It's obviously like, not your fault because you want, you know, like, if. If your child was typically developing, that'd be fine, I think. Right? But it's not. It really isn't. Right? Now, the children who are, like, speech delayed, you cannot reason with them because their language isn't there yet. So all they know how to do is to scream and shout in order to bargain and negotiate with you. Okay? And recent, like, just today, someone posted in the. In the group that you're watching this video right now on Facebook. She says she doesn't even know why the kid is crying or screaming, and she can't even control. Okay? So at the end of the day, the first two is to reward, have something of, like, real, real value to the kid. Okay? We're not talking about, like, just some old biscuit. We're talking about chips, man. We're talking about, like, chocolate. We're talking about the iPad. We're talking about cars and spinning tops and all those kind of good stuff, right? If you have that, it's easy to keep them in check. Okay? Second of all, you have to be consistent of what you're doing. Consistent. And the third point for today is to know why. What's going on with the kid. Why is he protesting? Why is he trying to cry? Why is he trying to scream? You have to know why in order to deal with it. And when you know why, you can provide a better solution for them, which is talking. At the end of the day, you want them to talk to express themselves. But if you don't know why, you cannot give the right words for them to express, and therefore, you cannot give the correct consequence. Okay, let me give you an example. If your child is screaming to get out of a situation, let's say, you know, you've been making him sit for a long time and try to play and talk to him and you're thinking about why obviously he wants to get away, right? So when you do that, when your child tries to get away and he's crying and stuff, you have to teach him another way, which is number one, finishing the task at hand. No matter like, doesn't matter. If it's a task that's too hard, then make it as easy as you can make him finish it and he can go. And second point is that you need to teach him the words for going, which is I want to go, let me go, I'll finish, I can go now. You know these whatever language, whatever is natural to you. Okay, So I can see some questions coming in. I will just briefly, as fast as I can go through it and continue with my rant here. Okay. So I'm sorry if I'm going to get your name pronounced incorrectly. I'm so sorry. So Renner Real. I'm sorry. Okay. I have a five year colleague, he's non verbal. How to encourage him to talk. I've sent many speech therapists, sent them to independent school, encourage them talk. Nothing can help much. Okay. So for this one, there are very, very, a lot of, there's loads of different reasons why your child might be non verbal. Okay. But for now I would say that, you know, you need to understand that talking, speaking might not be the first thing you need to address. Okay. There are loads of different things that you need to think about before teaching him how to talk. Okay? Is it because I'm just saying what does the speech therapist say for your kid? Right? Is it a motor problem, is it a sensory problem, is it a language problem, is it whatever problem? Or does your child right now he still pulls your hand, he still throws a tantrum whenever he wants something. You have to teach him a proper way to initiate communication with you. And what I mean by that is using a gesture, right? Looking at you. Okay. You using pecs even. Okay. For non verbal children, parents get very, very like not even just parents, but teachers actually some therapists will think, oh, if I use like some form of non verbal communication like tools, it will hinder my child to talk in the future. Actually no. When you use what we call aac, right, Alternative augmentative communication devices such as like using pictures, using sign language, using like iPad and whatever, that actually deals with a lot of the communication needs that a child has and also builds up their pre linguistic skills. Okay. And obviously some Some therapists will do not believe in this type of like thinking, especially if they're from the behavioral therapy side. But still. Okay. If he's still non verbal I would encourage you to to use some sort of gesture like pecs, like picture exchange communication system. That's the whole the name for it. It's just getting crazy names nowadays. So I would say that you need to use that and see if he can actually like tell you functionally what he wants. Okay. If it is, then it's a speech problem. If it's not, then it's a language problem. Or maybe both speech and language. Okay. I'm sure that you have seen so many speech therapists that you know the distinguish between speech and language. Okay. And we do talk about it a lot inside the micro course. If you want to you can try out. If it doesn't work, then you can just email me for a refund. Doesn't matter. Okay. So. Hey Joanna, how are you? Long time no talk. Hope everything is fine. In New York, Sunny says when you feel time, she don't hit us. When he hurt himself. Yeah. So you cannot let that happen. Okay. That's the fourth point of actually what I'm trying to talk about here. Okay. The first is reward. Second is being consistent. Third of all is knowing why and like why the tantrum is happening. Whatever. So Sunny, my question to you is, do you know why he throws tantrums? Right. And the last and last point for today is number four is to prevent. We have talked about this over and over in some of the YouTube videos and some of the lives and some of the questions that we answer. Right? And surely we talk about it a lot in the micro course and also in the full introduction course we talk about preventing a behavior before they're able to do it. And the reason why I say this is because in the environment or the ability to do a behavior affects how many times, how likely is the behavior going to happen over and over again. Okay, let's say I am an alcoholic, right? If I live in a house with alcohol, I'm going to drink it. I don't care. I'm going to drink that. Let's say I am right? Let's say that this house has no alcohol. Being an alcoholic, like my, like not like myself, right. But like, like alcohol, right? Like a alcoholic, right? So a house without alcohol means that drinking will never happen. And therefore it eliminates that behavior. And any behavior that isn't being performed over and over again will start to decrease. It will start to decrease slowly. It will go extinct. That's human nature. But the other side is correct as well. If a behavior is able to be repeated over and over again, it will happen. It will happen over and over again. And because that's the act of doing it means that they are able to do it and they're allowed to do it, and they somehow fulfill a reason behind doing it. Okay, so if a child throws a tantrum in front of you, they get into mode that they think, oh, I can throw a tantrum in front of my mom or in front of my dad, I can hit myself in front of my helper, my family, and I can get away with it. So therefore, they will do it. And the more they do it, the more it will continue. So always seek out why they're doing it, and before they can do it, prevent it. And then when you prevent it and they're still like they're not doing it, reward them. It all works together. They're always like, I'm gonna. I cannot tell you all these things over on the live call. Specifically, I don't know what's happening at home. So what I can do only is to, you know, the best is that you, you look inside the course and you understand, like all the stuff I want to tell you over and takes like more than like two hours to go through everything and for you to think about how to apply on your kid. Because it's impossible for me to see all children all the time. It's impossible, right? Even if you came to like you, you went to a therapist. The therapist cannot treat the problems at home for you. It's not a DIY solution. I can like. No, no, I mean done for you solution. It's always a DIY thing because the behavior is happening on you. Okay? Not anyone. Okay? So let's continue for some. Well, this is a long one. It says so Eng Ling says, my boy is 6. He has a lot of vocab, so he couldn't use it to become sentences, except those he likes. For example, mama, I want ice cream, please. Okay, Mama, I want paper, please. But sometimes with other you call mama instead of teacher. It would more echolalia. Okay? Repeat what I say. No, no sex drawing. Okay? Okay. So first of all, I want to tell you, Mama, I want ice cream is not a huge sentence. Like, you say that. It's a five word length, right? But hey, can he even switch his mama for the teacher? Therefore his mama isn't consistent, isn't directed at you, right? You know what I'm saying? Like, and I want is something is a big no no to me. Like, yeah, sometimes we do need to teach like, I want whatever. But it only adds a sentence length. Let's say that like, okay, I was actually making a new like today. Like, I'm sorry if you're inside the group and you know that I'm supposed to finish a new course on sentence building by February. I didn't know that was so much work. Okay. I'm trying my best. I'm sorry. And I'm sure that it's going to come in March today. To answer your question, Engling, basically, I was just making a slide today about like, I want, right? Let's say, mama, I want ice cream, please. That whole sentence length versus your child just says ice cream. What is the difference in meaning? There's none. It's the same thing. Like, mama, I want ice cream. And when your kid just says, ice cream, the meaning is the same. They want ice cream. They want it from you. They're asking it from you. And that's all. Okay. You didn't add any meaning. They didn't add any specific words that changes the dynamic of the conversation. None at all. None. Okay, so why. I would say that at this moment, your biggest concern is to deal with the accolade and the specific words that come over his mouth. That needs to be correct. Like one word level. He needs to be correct all the time. Like, mama, teacher, ice cream, you know? And I want him to be able to say, like, eat ice cream, not just I want, because he, like, your. Your. Your son. I bet at 6, he cannot say, mama wants something else. Mama wants milk. Or you can say like, I eat ice cream, but I want ice cream. I want something. Please is what we call a carrier phrase. Okay? And this is only increasing in length. It doesn't add any meaning to it. All right, so what you need to do now is to teach more vocab, okay? Teach more vocab. Teach more gestures, which we talk in the micro course. You might go in and you think, oh, this is all my kid can do all of this. He's talking in sentences already. His sentence is only five words in length. And he like, I want something. Please is a carrier phrase. It's not even a sentence. It's a phrase. Okay? So you need to teach more words, guys. Okay? I don't know how many times I've repeated this over and over. It might be that you're new here. It's fine. That's why we're doing these lives, right? And it'll Be much better if you can go through the micro course and we can have an educated, more educated, like, question and answer time. Right? So obviously, when we talk about, like, building sentences, we want each of the blocks to mean something. Okay? So for example, if, like, I want ice cream, please. Obviously he can just deal with, like, ice cream, right? So for instance, if he says ice cream, can you do something crazier like you eat the ice cream, right. Or pour the ice cream or scoop the ice cream to somewhere else. He needs to be specific about what he wants. The only reason why I am right now, I'm talking to you over live in long sentences is because I have to be very specific. And that's why human beings learned how to talk in longer sentences. Or else I'll be just talking in one word all the time. Okay? Right. If you have someone that you're very close to, you don't rarely talk in full sentences with them. Right. If you're at the table and then you want the toothpick, like me and my wife, I asked for a toothpick or a tissue. I just say tissue or toothpick. I don't say, I want a toothpick, please. You know, I don't go like that. So you need to think about what is natural, what makes sense. Are you shooting for a sentence length? Are you shooting for that they understand the sentence structure or not? Okay, so. Oh, sorry, I totally missed the questions. So how to increase his focus on academic rewards. Rewards and reward. The fact that he's concentrating, that's as much as I can say. Okay, you need to be having a good should, basically, if he's still in school. I bet he's not. Because during the COVID time and he's like, during, like, like us right now, like zoom or whatever, you have to reward whenever he is paying attention. That's just the gist of it. You cannot tell them. You cannot explain to them, oh, look, if you don't focus, you're kind of. Your grades were bad, and when you're bad, you need to. You cannot go on to the next level with your friends. And, you know, and ultimately you won't get into university, you won't have a good job. They don't care about that kind of stuff. It's too far away for them, especially if they're speech delayed. It's impossible for you to rationalize and tell them what. What kind of consequences there will be. Okay, so the increased focus is to. There's only two ways, number one, to make it fun for them. Okay? Fun for them, as in, like, the whole activity is fun. The classroom is fun, whatever, which is not out of your control, obviously. Right. And also to have rewards, which just makes it interesting. Like, every time I do something, I get rewarded. Oh, that's cool. Every time he pays attention, you get rewarded. And number two is to make it easy, which is never easy in academics. So stick to rewards. Okay, so let's keep on going. So, Tope, I think. Correct me if I'm getting it totally wrong again. Sorry, Tope. So how to get a child to stop hitting their head when they don't get what they want and what makes the child do that? Okay, so it's obviously frustration release, right? And some form of protest. So you have to keep your reaction in check first. And whenever they, you know, you need to think about why you're not giving your child what they want. If it's something out of your control, then don't let them hit themselves first. As. As we always say, prevention always key. Don't let them hit. Don't let them hold their hands. Put them down. Right? Know when it's going to happen. Don't let that. Don't let it happen. When they don't hit the heads, reward them with something other than what they don't want and what. What they want in the first place. Let's say they want an ice cream, right? The moment there's, I want ice cream. And the moment you say no, you obviously always say, oh, that's very good. Very nice. Very, very calm. I'll let you watch something on the YouTube, like our iPad. This is like, some parents will think or some, like, teachers will think, oh, this is distraction. No, it's not. It's rewarding the behavior for staying calm after I say no. So instantly when you say, I want ice cream, right? The kids said, I want ice cream, Mom, I want ice cream. And you say, no, I. And then they're like, before they even get angry and hit their head, you put their hand down and say, good boy. Nice. Staying calm. Here you go. Watch an iPad. Like, watch for a few seconds. Come on, let's watch it together. Right? So you have to, like, keep on doing it. Keep on doing it. And slowly. When they cannot hit their heads, cannot hit themselves, cannot. Like, every time, they get rewarded for being calm slowly and not, like, instantly, right? Slowly over a span of, like, I don't know, one to two months, they will be less angry. For sure. For sure. Okay, so Tope, please update me about what. What's going on in the in the members group. Yeah. So Flora Bell, I think she says, I have a six year old kid. She's non verbal use language on home. She can describe what she wants. Sometimes say baby W. Ma. I know what kind of name. She's not consistent. Look at that's what she do. This is. Okay, this is quite a lot of information. But at the same time sometimes these questions are like, sorry, but I have to tell you guys, sometimes these questions are like my car is broken, how do I fix it? Right? There's not enough information so I cannot. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Okay. It might be that I don't know. If I say more, I really think that it will make you even more worried than you should be and which is bad. Okay, so give me more context. So given that she can sometimes say baby wow and ma, meaning that she can actually talk. So if she used sign language on her own, what kind of sign languages does she do and does she speak in the whole sentence changes six with a sign language, right? Does she go I, you know, I go, oh, so that's Hong Kong. That's. That's Hong Kong sign language. I want to go to somewhere. I don't know. So can she do a whole sentence? Is it that her language is intact or like at least functional? Okay, if it's like single words, then can, can you like then I would ask how much can she imitate in terms of speech, right? Can she do like a single vowel like ah, like E? Like what? How much can she imitate in terms of speech? Why is it that she's not talking when she can say baby wow and ma, right? You need to get down to the bottom of it and know the reason why she cannot do it. Okay. You need to know how much she can talk. Is it only add vowels? Is it at a word that she can imitate? You need to skew to away from the sign language and towards what her true ability is in terms of speech. Obviously speech to her is difficult and sign language is easy. So that's why that's, that's, that's a comfort zone. Right? But still I don't have enough information. I don't know how much she can imitate. Can she imitate sounds? Can she imitate words? You know, does she sign in the whole sentence? You know, these are the things that I'm thinking about and I'm looking for. But that's as much I as I can tell you, man. I mean Flora Bell, you need to know how much your child can actually imitate you. And if it's just a sound, like if it's not even a word, you need to know what kind of sound she can make in order to know what to treat. Yeah. So that's all I can offer right now. Okay, so this live is to talk about like a guide to like being instructional command. Right? There's only four points I want to talk about today. Sorry I didn't write it down because today's rather busy, the first day of the month, right? So first of all, have a reward. Second of all, be always be consistent about your words. When you say something, do it. When you say no, then it's no. Okay, Number three. Okay, I actually forgot what I was going to say. Like rewards or inconsistency and then I don't remember. So you can go back to what I said. But I do remember that for you to ask your child to listen to you, right? You should always prevent any bad things from happening. Any tantrums, any bad behavior you can foresee, okay? Anything that would trigger him inside the house, you should prevent it and get rid of it. Okay? And if you haven't really need to go and agents of Speech.com micro go check out those video lessons. I cannot do everything on this live. Okay? I really cannot. I really can't go through everything. And there are loads of questions and loads of behaviors and language problems that can be solved with very simple strategies that, that you need to do first. And then when it doesn't work, we need to think about how to upgrade it when your child starts to talk. How do we upgrade it when they're talking real sentences, not like I want something or very request orientated like always asking for stuff when like they only talk when they ask, then it's already not good enough. Right? How do we get over it is to have some sort of language facilitation to some have some sort of techniques for them to like talk when you withhold something, when you like play with them, build a routine, okay? But the thing is you have to learn some stuff. And the micro course gives you a lot of format in that. Okay? So with that said, thank you. I have rambled a whole lot in this live. I am very sorry. And it's literally only because that, you know, the DMS are like the direct messages. The PMs are going more and more inside, you know, it's increasing. I cannot answer all of you guys. I'm so sorry. Okay? It's just the sheer volume is really, I cannot deal with it anymore. I'm very grateful for it, for it. But please put your questions inside the group there. I will be much easier to talk about it. And Daniel says hello. Search structure will be in the micro course to some extent. Yes. There's, there's going to be one video about it that we're going to update soon, but there's a whole other course about it because it's such a huge topic. If this was easy, then, you know, you don't need to spend like thousands of dollars to go to therapy and, you know, learn for yourself or whatever. But the thing is, okay, sentence structure. You need to make sure that your child can use one word consistently and correctly all the time. If not, then you might be, you know, I'm saying that you might be thinking too far ahead for a kid. Okay. How to join a micro course. Oh, just click on the link. It's agentsofspeech.com micro. Okay. And I'm telling you Eng ling that some of the stuff, you will think that, oh, it's too easy for my kid, but I'm telling you to look inside the method. Okay. See what I'm trying to say about how you should interact with your kid. Okay. And that will make a whole, like, new difference, like totally different. All right? And actually, to answer this question, this sentence structure, we already have it. We already have a video lesson inside the full course, but not inside the micro course yet. We're still updating. Takes quite a long time. So just hang on for a bit. It's only me. Okay, so that's all for now. Thank you. Please put your questions inside the comment section. And I'm so sorry if I cannot get to you personally via, you know, private message or direct message or emails. Right? I still, you know, it's just a lot more parents are asking for help and I'm very grateful for it. I know that you need help right now. You feel lost. But asking a group, searching a group, and there are loads of parents who have asked the same thing as you. Join the micro course if you can. If you cannot, then, you know, watch the YouTube videos and see what, you know what I'm saying. Try to implement it and then ask inside the group again and then try to like, iterate and do that kind of stuff. Okay? And before we leave, we're going to answer one last question. Okay? So Wei Chuan, why did my Turo kick his head when he's angry? Is he on the spectrum? Hey, again, no one can tell you whether he is on the spectrum. Or not from what you just told me in one sentence. Okay? If I said he was, then I would be very unprofessional. Okay? That's first. Second of all is unethical. Okay? Third of all, no one knows. And whoever tells you that he's on the spectrum based on what you just said, he's lying. Okay? Or she's lying. So why does your child hit his head when he is angry? That's a question that you have to answer yourself. Okay? What caused him to be angry? Maybe hitting his head, meaning that he cannot talk. That's why. That's the way of his expressing his needs. Right. But you have to see what the context, what the situation is and then think about why. And maybe you can tell me more about the context next time. Okay? You can put it in the comment section and we can have a discussion. But based on this question, I don't know. All right? Why is he angry? Does he speak? Yeah. Does he have other tendencies that are on the spectrum, like lack of eye contact? Right. Does he respond to his name? These things you haven't told me, right? Can he use appropriate ways to get your attention? Yeah, like tapping you, like coming up to you. You didn't tell me these either, okay? But it's okay. It's not your fault. But at the same time, what I'm trying to say is to get a better answer, you need to have a better question. And to have a better question, you have to first go through a lot of the. You know, go inside the group and search and read what other parents are saying. Go to the YouTube videos and watch more videos, not only from me, from a lot of different channels out there. More and more SLPs are on YouTube and they're all saying good stuff. Just learn from them. And then think about what applies to your kid and then ask me. You're gonna get a much better answer from me. Or from any other SLP for that matter, but definitely for me, okay? Because I've been answering questions for a long time. All right, so that's it, guys. Remember, please do put your questions down below. And if you haven't, try the micro course. If it doesn't fit you or you think it's not good enough, just send me an email. I'll refund you. Okay, that's all for tonight. I'll see you next week on Monday, same time, 9pm See you guys.