Be Realistic with Speech Delayed Children?

Hey. Hello. Welcome to our Monday live. Just a quick live today has. I have been a little bit more busy with creating more courses and also just packing up stuff at home, as you can see at the back. Anyways, today I want to talk about being realistic or not. And through like this whole, this war thing going on. I don't want to be political or anything. It's just that I'm very grateful for what I'm able to do and what my work is like and I cannot imagine myself to be inside of that situation. I know that in agents of speech there are at least like two or three parents who are from, from Ukraine, so. And I'm not sure about Russia, but anyways, prayers to their family and today I want to talk about realistic or not. And this thing is because there's. Throughout my career as a, as a therapist, a lot of parents will ask me different things such as, oh, is my child able, will my child able to go to university which help to do this, do that, whatever. And basically they're always thinking ahead like 20 years later, you know, like as a mother, no one cares about the kid more, right? And you know, I kind of understand where I, I do not understand. If I said I understood, I wouldn't, I would be lying because I'm not a woman. First of all, I don't have a motherly sense. I've, I don't have a child even yet. I've got three cats only. And when people say, hey, be realistic about your kid, parents get emotional, right? So I'm here to manage your expectations, okay? So generally speaking, don't take my word out of context. My, my, my, my, my words. Okay? So if your child is non verbal, and let's define non verbal real quick, meaning at around like three, they're still not using words for communication. I would consider maybe they are non verbal. But we need like, obviously need, need like thorough assessment, right? So when, how, how long does it take for a non verbal child to catch up? Right? I can tell you if a child is speech delayed at 3, they can catch up really quickly. But you will still see hints of speech delay in primary school. Okay? That's just the nature of it, right? Especially if your child is preterm, meaning like pre. What's that called? Like early. I don't know how to say it properly. So if you're pregnant and then. I forgot how to describe it. But anyways, if you're pregnant and then the child comes out earlier, then there are risks about language delay, okay? And speech delay. So if your child is at three and he or she is still language delayed or speech delayed, it will carry over towards primary school and then towards secondary school. You will see that they are okay. And then actually there isn't any problem with their intelligence or whatever and they're able to like go on to university and so on and whatever. Yeah. So preterm premature birth, Right? You're right. Vanessa, thanks. So like, and then for children who are on the spectrum, and that's something I have to be realistic with you, it's not like in the movies that they have like A Beautiful Mind or whatever, they can have like photographic memory. They can't talk, but they can. Like have you seen the movie called like the Accountant? Like he's, he's autistic but then he's like a super millionaire assassin accountant kind of guy, right? Like Ben Affleck and then his sidekick who is like the person in her, in his ears, like like the Alfred of the Batman. She's like non verbal but she can like code and do all that kind of stuff. Hey, it's not uncommon that this happens. But at the same time you cannot expect that every autistic child is like that. And recently, just to let you know, if a child is on the spectrum, they will be on the spectrum. There's no becoming normal. That's just. I don't know how to sugarcoat this better. It's just that they're different in the way that they're different than us and all the stuff is different, like sensory talking about their response to different stimuli, meaning sense, like you know, like light, sound and. And also medication. So recently, like one of my students, she took the third booster and then her speech was gone for like a week. And it happens to her like on and off because she has apraxis speech and different things going on. And I'm not saying that hey, vaccines suck, except I'm just saying that they will react differently to medication and then it will happen not only to just vaccine. Last time she got a fever and then she couldn't speak for a few days. Right. And this is something that will carry on in her life for a very long time. So you have to remember if a child begins with that, they will always be like that. There's when parents ask me, oh, is there a cure for this? When will they be normal? Are they going to be okay? Well, define okay, define normal, define all these things right for me and then maybe I can tell you, but most of the time is that they won't, they will Be like that. And they will have to learn how to cope in this situation, in this whole real world thing, you know. So given that, what I've just said, if your child is on the spectrum, just have some sympathy and empathy towards what they're going through, everything is very different. Okay? And yeah, so the underlying story I wanted to tell you today is that a parent where she is very like, I'm not here to bash her or whatever, I'm just telling you if you put our ruler, our ruler onto how a child is supposed to grow up or whatever, and you're starting to compare with other children, then it gets pretty damn hard. Like it gets very, it's not bad to, to the parents, like, to the mothers around you, right? And also the other children will also suffer because they feel like, oh, you're using me to compare with other people. And children on the spectrum, they do know these things, right? So at the end of the day, you need to slowly and surely teach them that no matter like how others people, how the people think, I don't want to put my values on you, right? I'm just giving you the, the skills and, and the, and the mindset to thrive in this society. And maybe this is a little bit too wishy washy for today's life. There's no like, actionable step. I'm just telling you there was a parent who like, would compare, like whenever I told her that now I'm not working with her anymore and I don't. And I'm like, I can only tell you my experience with her and I'm telling you what I think should be like, should be like for a mother, right? So she came to me and she said, hey man, look, my friend goes come to you too, right? Is he doing this one? I want to do this too. I think my son is better than him, right? Like, why don't you make it harder? And then she would also say like, hey, this is too easy for my kid. Do it. And then when I told her to do it, she was like, oh, no, I thought you were supposed to do it. And I just, you know, just, just do it, right? So she is asking me to solve her problem and solve her kid's problem, you know, and she expects that, you know, it's, it gets done because she paid money and it never works that way. Okay? So this is something I just wanted to get off my chest because recently I see more and more parents are like that. Especially, you know, look at me, I'm Chinese, right? Like, you know, Chinese people are like this. I'll give you money. You help me get rid of the disaster in front of me. You know, there's a saying like that in Cantonese, my mother tongue. So at the end of the day, don't be like that moment. Be the person who tries to mimic what the therapist does. Understand where the kid is. Don't. Do not say that. Oh, because the other kid is doing this. I want to do this because the other kid is so much worse than your child. Therefore, I don't want to do that. Like, you don't need to compare. Yes, comparison is very important for us to gauge what type or what stage your child is at. But at the same time, it's not healthy to have that in your relationship. Okay, just a quick message for this Monday and I'll be off my way now. All right, thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next time. Bye Bye.