Can You “Cure” Autism?

All right, so let's talk about can you cure autism? So you obviously came to this video with hopes and dreams and looking for some positive things on the Internet. So I'm here to tell you first of all, I'm not here to destroy any hopes and dreams here, all right? And the word cure is a totally wrong word to use here. I am not autistic myself. I need to make this a disclaimer. And there are loads of people on the Internet now are self proclaimed autists. What some of them I really think they are. And I've been working with autistic children since like eight years, eight or nine years ago, since at the time of recording this video. So this is just going to be a longer video ranting about why I think you cannot cure autism, so to speak, but you can learn to cope with it. Okay, so I'll talk about my experiences and some similarities I see in between like us neuro typical people and neurodiverse people who are on the spectrum. Okay, so first of all autism, a very good analogy that people used to say is like oh, autism is like operating system but whilst we are on Windows, autistic children or, or people are on Mac, right? Are on, on iOS or whatever. So when you think about that then can you cure, can you change your iOS into Windows? Well yeah you can, but then like you install Windows on, on iOS but it'll never run as smooth as it would natively on, on a PC, right? Or like it just doesn't work. So what, what I'm trying to tell you here is that autism is a multi facet thing. You have sensory problems, you have play problems, you have social problems, you have language problems. And I don't mean to say problems because deficit is even harsher word. So I don't want you to feel unhappy when I talk about that way. And because it's autism spectrum, it's not clear cut about how that person is affected in many ways. Okay. So nowadays a lot of people will say oh we shouldn't put children who are on a spectrum. These what us neurotypical people would like them to do, right? So I'm going to get a lot of backlash about it and I'm risking myself getting canceled by these individuals. So I'm, I'm telling you that if you are a foreigner that is living in a different country, what are you going to do? You're going to try to assimilate, you're going to try to learn to the culture or whatever because you're the minority and I'm a minor minority at a foreign country, so I know this very well, okay? So when you're somewhere where the majority of people are doing something, you don't want to be the minority who is doing something totally different and disrupting the society, right? So this is exactly what we're trying to teach autistic people and children, right? We're telling them to, okay, to be able to have your own time and do your own thing, you need to learn how to cope in this real life society, right? And that goes on to like, regulating your behavior, regulating your. Your sensory inputs and sensory, you know, sensitivity and so on, right? And it's also to learn to. How to communicate with people to get what you want, okay? And it's not about yourself, because in this world, what do we need the most is people, interaction, connections to get what you need. Because whatever you need right now, someone else has it, okay? That's something that autistic children need to learn from us, and that's through training, right? Because when they want something from me, I make the decision, decision whether I want to give it to them or not. And for me to make that decision, they have to understand, they have to say it politely, correctly, at the right form and at the right context and at the right, right time, okay? And these, what the rights are, it comes from people like us, neurotypical people, and that's the majority of people. There's no right or wrong. There's only appropriate or not, okay? Appropriate to the context of who the majority are. Okay? Let's say that you're wearing a skirt as a guy on the street. Well, that's not going to be appropriate in, in a country that's very conservative. Whereas if you were in Scotland, that'd be fine, all right? As long as you're wearing the correct ones, right? Because that's the culture there, okay? So you have to remember what you're trying to do here. You're not trying to cure autism, because autism by itself is a developmental disorder. It's not something that is a delay that will go away, all right? And most of the time, when we're dealing with autism, it's a lifelong journey, all right? So if you think about curing, you're already on the wrong page. And I want you to, like, delete that from your. From your mind right now, okay? Because from this day on, when you're thinking about autism, you're thinking about all this kid, this guy, this girl, they're on a different wavelength. And for them to come back and be Able to function in this society. They have to learn our rules, okay? And our. Why is that important? It's because if they don't learn these rules, they won't be able to make a living themselves. And most of the parents, the moms who have been like long time clients of mine, they will say, man, I just don't know when, when I pass away, are they going to be able to sustain themselves? I don't even care if they go to university, they get married, whatever. I don't even care about that. Are they able. Will they get, you know, like, I have some clients who are like, of adult age. They used to get beaten up, like, used to get bullied, all right? And I'm not talking like, I'm not playing around. This, this does happen, all right? Because they cannot understand people cutting cues, right? They get angry when people aren't patient with them. They get angry when people don't follow rules. They're very rigid. So when that happens, they get violent. They push people and people push back. And, you know, like, one thing goes to another and, you know, stuff happens, all right? So I want you to remember that you can never cure. You can only cope. And if you haven't, you can watch a movie called Accountant. Although it's a. It's a very exaggerated thing about, like, it's basically an autistic accountant who's really good numbers and also who is assassin and so on, so forth. And it's starred by Ben Affleck. And then it's very exaggerated, but at the same time, I think it's a little bit real in a sense where you can look into the world of theirs. It's actually quite. They feel that this is their norm, this is their normal, right? And we will never understand that. And outside, they might seem another one way. The inside world is another, which is also very true. So when you talk about curing, all right, the best thing you can do is to understand where they're coming from, what they want, what their inner world is like, what, what they're thinking, so on, so forth, and then talk to them about why they need to upgrade themselves. Well, you cannot do this for children who are under, like 10 years old, right? That's why, you know, a lot of the training we do is to lead by rewards, right? And a lot of people are saying, oh, ABA Applied Behavioral Therapy Analysis, that's the whole name of ABA Applied Behavioral Analysis is abusive because you're taking something and treating like a. Like an animal, right? Oh, you want this? Okay, do this first Right. And a lot of people are saying, oh, this is like, oh, why? We're, like, trying to put our neurotypical activities and pushing them onto, like, autistic people, right? Well, that's not the case because how else can you train a kid? How else can you train a kid? All right, so I do not agree with treating a child's eye contact, focus, whatever, and not because, you know, some people say, oh, eye contact is painful for autistic children. I don't. I don't mean that. It's because there's no functional use. Like, not everyone has eye contact with everyone a hundred percent of the time. It depends on the situation. It depends on appropriateness. In fact, some children I've seen who are trained under ABA techniques, they have such intense eye contact that is actually scary, right? So be careful of what you're trying to train here. So below 10, you cannot really, like, you must do those stuff, right? What else can you do? Are you going to leave them to be like that? I have a client who hasn't been to therapy since he was born and he's seven now. And because of the pandemic, he couldn't access any services of resources. This kid is on the spectrum. He can speak in sentences, he has some phrases, but he never uses them to communicate. Right, so what do you do now? We go back and teach him from the very basics, right? Teaching him gestures, teach him how to communicate with. Why does he need to talk to me, how to play with me, how to create some routines that he enjoys, that human connection. Why does, does. Does he have to, like, mingle with me, a neurotypical person, and actually make it hard for him to learn how to communicate and so on. So it's all of these things that help him cope, to understand. Oh, you are resourceful. You are helpful. I cannot do this alone. I cannot open this thing. I cannot unlock it. Right? I don't know how to play this. Playing alone is not fun, so on, so forth. And then you're helping him to understand. Oh, so there are different people out there. There are different perspectives, Right? So I want to skip ahead and talk about the teenage years, right? When you cannot cure autism at a teenage year or adults or adult age. So it's all about talking to them, why they have to keep on doing it because it's actually painful. It's hard for them to learn the ways, right? And they can't just move somewhere else where all the autistic people live, there's no such place in the planet. There might be in the long run, but right now there isn't, right? So it's very difficult. So they must know about why they're doing this. And most of the time it's because I want to have more friends and communicate with them and have fun, right? That's number one. Number two is I want to become something, right? It might be a writer, it might be a scientist, it might be a speaker, it might be a teacher. They have aspirations. All of them have. I'm sure I've seen too many. And that's why they have to fight for their language, fight for their behavior, fight for their sensitivity issues, right? And try to act normal, right? That's because that's when they get the opportunity to show themselves, right? And of course, there's loads of people who, like myself, who are very comfortable with adults just suddenly hand flapping, turning around, you know, speaking very short sentences. I'm totally okay with that. All right? But not everyone is like that. Okay? So what happens, like, if you do the inappropriate thing at an inappropriate place and they cannot understand that, right? That's going to compromise themselves and put them in danger, right? Let me give you an example, right? You do not want to dress as a woman with a lot of flesh revealing at night. You don't want to do that. Right? After, like, maybe it's a Saturday night and after everyone gets struck, you would never want to do that. Especially in an Asian country, you wouldn't want to do that. That you're just. You're just compromising yourself. And that's something you have to teach children, no matter if they're on the spectrum or not. If you do this activity right at this time at this place, you're compromising yourself and you won't achieve your dreams, right? If you go to school and you start like just spinning on the floor and you're not learning, what's going to happen? You're going to get kicked out, right? And then because you get kicked out, you don't get to do the things you want in life. So remember, autistic children, people, they do have aspiration dreams and whatever they do have the stuff they want to do, but that's only after they get to a certain age and they start to think and they start to have more world knowledge, right? Let's talk about adults. Autistic people. I've only taught a handful of them, and recently I've got a breakthrough with one of them. And it's after I decided not to teach, right? After I've decided to. Okay, Only Come back to me when this happens, right? I've set a very clear goal for her, okay? She, she might be watching this video right now and she knows that I'm talking about her, okay? And basically I told her, look, if you want to continue doing this, and you always say, I cannot stand this, I cannot do this, it's because I'm on the spectrum, then it's the same as anyone in the world, right? I'm also a Chinese man speaking English, talking about speech therapy who is 90%, like speech therapists are 90% women. So what am I doing here? And I talked to her about that. And it's a limiting belief, right? And sometimes it's all about the motivation and all about the mindset, change that will help them, quote, unquote, cure, right? It helps them cope and think, I must go through this, right? I must stand up for myself, right? Just because, like, she's got loads of issues. I'm sure she's okay with me talking about her difficulties here since I'm not revealing her name. But she cannot chew properly. She used to not be able to go to the toilet herself. She's a proper adult, right? So we got rid of the toilet issues, right? And now she's training herself to. I've taught her the methods to eat, right? To take different textures, right? To talk to people, to stand up for herself and not think that it's too hard, right? And not go into tantrums right away. Learn to calm down, use the anger management systems that we've taught her already, okay? So at the end of the day, let me just summarize. From 0 years old all the way to 10, you gotta do some intense therapy, okay? And this is a long term fight. We're talking about a lot of tantrums, a lot of screaming, shouting, and that's because you're trying to equip the kid with as many skills and knowledge as possible that they might need to use later in life, okay? No matter what people are saying right now, and I'm a strong believer of this, is that children who are on the spectrum are different. There are, they are different. And most of us, a lot of us nowadays know how to cherish these people, right? We don't want to put our standards on them, we don't want to put the same ruler to measure them, right? But at the same time, if those children have aspirations that involve working with the majority of people on this planet, they're going to have to learn and cope to communicate and use the same language and use the same rules to further their life, to get to where they want to be. Right? So with that said, after like around 10, you need to start telling them like the social implications, the stories. Get them to understand why they're in this, why they have to like, study and why they have to go to speech therapy, why they're doing this and that so that they can get to here. Right? And after those teenage years when they're an adult, they have to learn that they're going to be alone someday in life and they have to pick it up themselves. And if you keep on doing this, you're not going to get to where you want to be. Okay? And you're going to say, okay, what about low functioning adults then? Obviously you don't know. The thing is, after so many years of teaching people on the spectrum, you actually don't know how much they really understand. Right. You might think that, oh man, it's not talking, whatever, I can say whatever. But they absorb it. They really do. I can only tell you the examples that I've, I've seen. And most of the time they do know what's going on. Okay? They just choose to like, hand flap and spin, right? That's their choice. But at the end of the day, once they understand why they're supposed to stop, why this is more fun, why this will give them more purpose in life, and then they'll start listening. All right? But before that, there's no cure. The only cure to autism is that you have to recognize that this is a long term fight and it's, it's something to cope with our society right now. And that's something that autistic people have to go through, even if it's very painful, because these people have aspirations and goals just like us. Okay? And that's the end of this video before I get even more backlash from. I don't know who, but I think I'm risking a little bit talking about this here. All right. Usually I only talk about this privately on my newsletter email, and now that it's very searchable, I hope you don't take this the wrong way. Don't cut out parts that makes me look like I'm a bad person talking about something that I don't mean. Okay? If you were to share this video, share the whole thing, make sure that person watches the whole thing so that they know, okay? Because if there isn't a problem, at the end of the day, this is my last thing I want to say, right? If I don't think that autistic children. There's a. There's a way out to improve. Then all these videos that I do and all my job basically is use is practically useless. I should quit right now. Right. And you should as well, because there's no way in teaching and learning. Teaching a child to learn. Right? There's no. There's no point. So you should start now. So if that's not the case, then get started today. Okay, so that's it for this video. If you haven't, please go to agents of Speech.com checklist to grab a list of tools and toys that we recommend you start home therapy with. All right, so see you next week. Bye. Bye.