Child Can Sing (with Words) But Won't Talk Talk to You | www.agentsofspeech.com/micro

Hello. Today we're going to do a live just to talk about things I've been teaching, but it seems like we need to repeat, repeat and repeat, and that's fine. I'm okay with that. So here we are again. So I asked in the Facebook group anyone who. Who has these problems, like, if your child won't talk when he or she wants something, but they can, or she. Or he can sing songs, knows all the colors, can count with numbers, and maybe even some animal names or sounds or whatever, then this live is for you, okay? And this thing I've been talking about for a long time in different ways, but I guess I will say it very directly with you, especially if you have commented. Yes. In the Facebook group. And I've told you guys before, like, nearly 100 times how to deal with it. Okay? So a parent was saying inside of the Facebook group, and not only in the Facebook group, I get, like, a lot of DMs, a lot of PMs. When I say a lot, it means like 20PMs every week, just saying the same thing over and over, which is, my son can count ABC and knows all the colors, but whenever he or she wants something, he'll pull me and cry and get angry easily, right? And then parents, especially the mothers, will start asking me, is this speech delay? Is this autism? Is this whatever? Hey, man. Some parents who have watched me a few times will say, oh, my child has problems with communication. Can you please help me? Yeah, of course I can. Of course I'm going to try and tell you what I know, but you're the person who needs to do the thing and stop thinking about it for a bit and try to apply what you've learned. Okay? So the problem here is that your child knows the language, knows the sounds, know the words, but he won't use it. Okay, so where has he learned all those words? All the numbers, all the alphabets? You know, all the. All the animal names or dinosaur names or whatever, right? Where did they learn those? They learned it from something like YouTube, the books, whatever, okay? They learned it all over. They learned it through observation, learned it through just osmosis. All right? And how can we deal with it? So think about how they learned this, right? If they've learned these words. So difficult learning to count just through someone saying it beside them or just through, like, videos or whatnot, Then what do you need to do to teach them? All right, copy the same method, guys. Just copy it. Okay? Start talking as if what you want them to say. Okay? Start saying what you want them to say instead of asking them, instead of trying to make them talk, okay? That's the number one tip I can give you, okay? I've said this many times, guys. If your child knows how to use the words. Sorry, if they know the words, but they don't. Won't use it when they want something from you, okay, then, yeah, you need to teach something that's easier, okay? Because if you keep on asking, hey, say this, say that, whatever, do this, do that, and they're not doing it. What are you teaching? You're teaching them to ignore you. They're teaching them that this struggle between you guys is something that they have to go to in order to get what they want, right? So I've said this many times. I'll say again, guys, teach gestures. Just go ahead and teach it, all right? There's no need for pecs. There's no need for aac. There's no need for this and that and whatever. The thing about it is that gesture itself is. An AAC is an alternative method to communicate with you. And for those who don't know what AAC is, to save you guys from googling, it means alternative augmentative communication, long word for anything. Any other method to communicate with you that isn't speech, okay? It can be sign language, it can be using text, it can be drawing, it can be whatever. It's just anything other than speech as a communication method, right? So let's say that, okay, let's run through the situation here. A lot of times when, when. When parents talk to me over a consultation, they will. When they tell me something, I can instantly know, not most of the time, okay? They're like, man, how come you know what's happening at home? Well, yeah, first of all, I've talked to a lot of you guys, okay? I've talked to, for now, online consultations. I've done over, like, I think nearly over a hundred now, okay? So with that said, I probably can know what's happening if you describe to me a little bit, okay? And what happens the most is that, is that they can say some things off of their. Like, I don't know, they just remember it, right? Suddenly they remember and say, like, oh, this is a car, a blue truck, whatever. And then when you want them to say, they don't reply you. And they kind of shy away. And when they want something from you, they start pulling your hand, and if you don't give it to them, they start screaming. And. And then when they scream, you. You say, oh, say Cookie first. Say cookie first, right? And then it's like a whole routine and cycle and so on, so forth, right? And if you've listened to me before, you know that I keep on going about, like using gestures, whatever, breaking the routine, establishing a good communicative routine, all this kind of stuff. And even for parents who have gone through the micro course, right? Even if you guys have watched it and you have watched it and nothing has changed. Well, I hope that you get this one thing from me tonight or today, whenever you're watching this, okay? Or this morning, in fact, if you're in America. So inside of the micro course, if you haven't, go check it out, right? What we teach is basically how to create a communication routine with a kid, okay? And there are loads of things that you need. A. It's just what I tell you guys is like a high level strategy is a high level mindset that you should have instead of, oh, you should go down to the child's eye level and tell them what to do. Like, none of that stuff. I don't want to teach that kind of stuff to you because, number one, it's common sense, right? Number two, although most of the things that I teach you are actionable, if you don't change your mind about some things, nothing is going to work because it's just human nature. I don't know why. For parents especially to keep on doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for the same result, okay? And some, you know, making it sound a little bit bad, it's like insanity. It's like, why would you keep on doing that? So if you're asking your child to say this, say that, or copy me or whatever, and it's not happening, stop doing it. Think about how to make it easier for them, all right? And that's the essence of the micro course, all right? Two reasons why children don't want to do something or cannot do something. They don't want to or they can't, right? It's always these two. No matter if it's a small child, a toddler, a teenager, an adult like yourself, right? Or whatever. And we have to take the perspective of the kid. If the child can use words already to count one, two, three alphabets, right? What is that function for? That's for edgy, like that's for entertainment, all right? Him or her talking and counting and using numbers or alphabets or dinosaur names or whatever, that's an entertainment, all right? But they cannot use the words for another function, which is requesting, okay? Whenever someone is In a hurry, or they feel like they are, they're stressed out, they go back to the one, the thing that they know best. And what's that? What's the thing that they know best? To pull your hand. Right? To cry. That's the fastest way to them. That's the thing that. The way that they know. All right? And if you try to change that by not meeting them halfway by telling them, keep on saying, say this, say that. Oh, no, you didn't say it yet, or do this gesture and you make them wait too long, then that's gonna ruin the whole relationship between you guys. Okay? If there's so much crying and whatever, and all they wanted was the thing and you didn't give it to them in time just because you wanted to squeeze out something, then that's wrong. Okay, I'm just going to tell you up front, that's wrong. Why? Because if a child learns that day, every time when he or she wants something from you, they have to go through a torment. That's the word I'm going to use, right? It. It's going to torment them. It's like, I don't want to talk to you anymore. Every time. It's very effortful. Why don't you just give it to me already? So that's why we always say inside of the micro course, if you have something you want to give them, give it to them first. Give a little bit so that they feel like, okay, it's not okay, it's for free. Okay, I get it. Okay. Okay, I can do this a little bit for free first. Cool. And after that, you can slowly increase. You cannot charge them upfront free, which is super high, telling them to talk. Okay. Do something they've never done before, which is to say something to you. Right. A lot of parents will say, oh, it's up to. Up to their mood. There's nothing like that. There's no, no such thing as mood. Okay. Why? Because if your child is in a bad mood, then try something easier. All right? Do a gesture or something. And then this is where parents will say. They will say that, oh, the gestures don't work. I've tried this at home. It doesn't work. If I tell them to do the gesture, they don't want it. And the reason is only one, is that it's not fast enough and they're waiting for too long. So what's the difference between a gesture and a speech? Right. Gesture is something you can manipulate your child to do, whereas speech, you can't. You cannot Put your hand inside of their mouth and make them talk like a puppet. It's impossible, right? That's why we can take their hat and do a gesture and immediately give them the reward. And then they make the link between doing the action and getting rewarded. That's why they. They know. Okay, so I match these two actions. All I need to do next time is just to put my hand out and then I'll get rewarded instead of crying and throwing a fit and pulling your. And climbing up the counter, whatever. Right? So you need to teach them an easier way and a way that you can help them finish. Therefore, it will be not according to their mood. All right? So let's put that aside. Okay? The next few things that you might ask me is this. You might say, I get it, but when are they going to talk to me, right? You're gonna do so much gesturing and stuff when they can already talk. Are you kidding me? Why can't they? We just teach them how to talk? Well, sometimes you have to take one step back and for. In order to take two steps forward. The problem here is that your child doesn't know how to communicate, right? Doesn't know the correct way of communicating. So when they know these words for entertainment purposes, you have to help them go towards using it. For request, you need something in the middle. And what is that? That is what we call a pre linguistic skill. Okay. Of imitation. All right, So a lot of speech therapists on the Internet will talk about, okay, what's the 11 pre linguistic skills? Right? I cannot count them all here. I'm not a textbook guys. So one of the most important ones is imitation. Verbal imitation skills, okay? If your child doesn't have that, it's very difficult to know whether. Whether their speech and language skills are up to what level. Okay? If it's just that they don't understand, they have to repeat after you copy you. It's very difficult to try to get the language sample or the speech sample for. For that. For what I'm saying. Okay, so what, what is imitation skills? If your child can already say words, but they won't imitate you, then what's the problem? Is that they don't understand the concept, number one. Number two is that they aren't compliant, okay? And a child who is not not compliant with you, meaning they don't really care, they're not under instructional command, means that not teachable. All right? It means that they are not teachable at this moment. They don't have learning to learn skills. All right, Maybe I will Talk about this in the longer video format and most probably because I always need to like, repeat after and after. And you know, I can make these live videos all day long. You can watch the micro course all, all you want, okay? And this is what I say inside, okay? And I show you guys with like real life examples from, from, from other children, other mothers teaching their children, right? The first thing you have to do is to cut down your questions and instructions, okay? If you don't join the microcourse, I don't care. I don't mind, actually, I really don't mind. As long as you listen now and then you're taking notes and you understand what to do. Okay, first thing, I was going to summarize it real quick. First thing, no more questions and instructions that get ignored, okay? Why? Because if you keep on doing that, what are you teaching your kid to ignore you. That's crap. Okay? That's not good. All right, number two, if you are, if you are right now getting a lot of tantrums and hand pulling, whatever, teach the gesture. Take your hand, do the gesture, Give the item to them right away. Do it multiple times in one sitting. Okay? I repeat my. I'll repeat one more time. Do it multiple times in one go. Do not do that gesture once. Give it to them and forget it. That is not effective teaching because there's not enough repetition. All right, number three, number three thing. If your child can learn words just by watching videos, then there is an effective way to teach them without being stressful. So therefore, when you are not having something, when you don't have something they want, let's say you don't always have your phone around and you're not always giving it to your kid, right? Or you don't always have like the toy, or you don't always have food or drinks or whatever. When they are idle, describe as much as you can to them, okay? Because they can learn that way. They've learned the numbers and the alphabets that way. And that's what we call indirect language stimulation. Okay? That's language facilitation there. Okay? There's a lot of words, okay? But if you summarize what everyone in our industry is saying, it's that, okay? And obviously I'm not going to talk about the stuff that a lot of the my colleagues saying colleagues and other speech therapists are saying, like, you know, follow their lead, whatever, whatever, you know, play skills first, all that stuff. Because those are hard. Those are very difficult to do if you don't master, like just these Three things, you know, talk less, show them without telling meaning, use the gesture, give it to them. Repetition, right? And then also to teach imitation. That's super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super important. Okay, child, to imitate your sounds, then get them to imitate your actions. Right? And the problem here is that if you imitate. If your child cannot imitate sounds, you cannot get a lot of diagnosis for where children who have speech errors, meaning they have pronunciation errors. Like, for instance, if their name is Stacy and they go like that, they're deleting the S's or whatever. Or if they say car and they say tar instead, where it's like a different sound, or they delete all the front sounds. Like one of the parents who I'm working with, like, if they say like far and they go ah, like that. Or if you say like tap, they go ta, like that without the p at the end. These are all speech errors, right? So if you can't get your child to imitate you, how do you think we're gonna, number one, know what errors there are? Because we have to check the list of words and sounds there are. Number two, if you can't get your child to imitate your sounds, how do you think we're going to teach and train speech? Speech errors, right? That's the problem here. Okay? So I don't think enough people are saying that telling you that imitation of sounds is super important. Imitation of words, super important. But if they cannot do that, you need to go down one step and meet them halfway and do imitation of gestures. Okay? Or actions. All right? And what you don't understand, or a lot of parents don't understand, right? Let's say that a child can already talk. And why it's like such a big problem for parents to go back one step and teach actions first is because in their minds, they're like, what? What's going on? They can talk already. Why am I doing something so elementary? This is too easy for me. This is too easy for my kid. I'm doing something that isn't worth my time. Okay, well, let me. I'm going to tell you, right? It's something that isn't worth your time. Well, try it. Is your child imitating your words? If not, then go down one step, right? There's no point in trying and trying, trying and hoping that it will have happened. If it would have happened, it would have, you know, if it were to happen, it would have happened already. You get what I mean? Right? So you cannot pray and hope and whatever. Just that because they can say like, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10 themselves. And what, you know, parents will, will say, it's scripting or whatever or stimming or whatever. I, I don't know about that. I cannot analyze it over the Internet, like just through a conversation, obviously. So, you know, within all the, all the emails and texts I get from, from parents like yourself, I really think that you have to be honest with yourself. Number one, right? Are you sure they can do this? Right? Is, are you sure this is too easy for your child? Are you sure this is too hard for your kid? You gotta be like, you gotta face the music, you know what I'm saying? And sometimes it's hard to take it, that your child needs to start from a lower level. I get it. And certainly no one else loves your child more than you do. And I cannot say that for my students, obviously all the parents who trust me with their children on or offline nowadays, more online. I also have to tell them that, you know, I'm not doing my job if I'm not. I'm telling you, if you're watching this and your child can speak and is still pulling your hand or like throwing tantrums, whatever, when they want something and not using words when they're supposed to, then, you know, you gotta, you know, take a look at what's going on. Do you have to go back and teach them gestures first so that they meet their communication needs at the very least and not go back to the, the easier ways, the primitive ways of how they do things? All right, so that is my little rant here. I know there's loads of, you know, loads of parents here who, who say, like, yeah, my kid can sing. You know, they can do all the, all the actions like the wheels on the bus go round and round or whatever, but they just won't talk to me. Okay. Whether they are on the spectrum or not. Okay, I'm just gonna go, keep on going because I feel like it and I feel like, you know, if, if you haven't been through the micro course and whether you have or have not, or you've heard from other therapists or you're like some of the parents who I am teaching and they, they ask different profession professionals asking for help from psychiatrists seeing if their child has this, has that, that's fine, that's totally cool with me. I'm okay with that. But keep the main thing, the main thing, okay, and what is that? Is that they can communicate with you. They can use something to talk to you. All right? Whether your child has a label of asd, a label of apraxia, a label of whatever, if they pull the hand, they don't know how to communicate with you effectively. Okay, maybe in Australia or whatever you call it, hand guiding or any other way to make it. I don't know. It sounds better that way. I'm guessing, because they're leading you, they're guiding you. But in fact, as I always tell parents, they're treating you like a vending machine man. You know, it's really true. You know, like, they go up to you, they try to press some buttons to get what they want, and then if they can't, they start, like, kicking it, right? It's not like, oh, what's going on? Nothing's working, you know, and you don't want to stay on the. On the level. As a vending machine. I remembered my. With my first ever student when. When a child did that to me, my supervisor said, dude, as in ming, yo, he's kicking you like a vending machine, asking for that can of coke from your hand, you know, but there's no method for it. That's why he's getting so frustrated. And when he illustrated like that, okay, it was back then when I was doing aba, I was like, hey, man, that makes a lot of sense. Because when we put our dollar coin in or $5 or whatever into the vending machine, we expect it to come out. So when the child guides you with his hand or pulls or whatever verb you like to use, they expect the thing to come instantly. When it doesn't work, what do you do? You kick that machine, slam it, you say, what? What's going on? I thought this was the game rule. I do something, you do whatever, right? And then when the vending machine, which is you, you go back and you say, $20, please. You know, instead of pulling, I want you to say the word which costs a lot more. What are you gonna do? You're gonna throw a tantrum? What? I thought pulling your hand is enough. Why is that? After I put my money in, which is pulling your hand there, you know, it's exchange, right? By pulling your hand, they expect it to come out, and then you didn't give it to him, and then, in fact, you raised the price, and he kept on asking for it, what's going to happen? The child is going to get in a tantrum. Anyone's going to get in a tantrum, right? So you need to remember that, okay? So it doesn't matter if your child has Whatever diagnosis, you don't need to see for a second, third, fourth opinion and everything and come back to me and say, oh, man, look, I've gone to a psychiatrist. They said this and that. The pediatrician said this and that. Well, can your child do it or not yet? Can your child talk and use gestures to fulfill their needs yet? If not, then go back and do it. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I get a lot of stick for saying, oh, diagnosis doesn't matter. Of course it doesn't matter. As a professional, I do look at diagnosis to help me plan my therapy. But to you, what's the biggest problem here is that your child cannot talk to you or they use other methods of getting their needs method. And that's the problem here. Don't get obsessed with diagnosis or the label guys. Do not get obsessed with it. If you get obsessed with it, you're not. You're going away from the main thing. All right, I get that. You get more funding and get more whatever. If you get a diagnosis, that's number one. And number two, there's a strong emotional thing to it. Whenever a child gets diagnosed with, like, asd, it's like a death sentence. It feels like that. I understand. I cannot say I understand it, obviously, because I don't have a kid, and hopefully I don't need to go through any of this. But I'm telling you that when you focus on this kind of things, right? When you have a problem and you focus on the problem, then the problem gets bigger, right? When there's a problem and. But then, in fact, you focus on the solution, then the solution gets bigger. You think about, oh, okay, I can. I can see a speech therapist. I can see an aba. I need to do more parent training. I need to understand where my child is at. I need to go to them and understand why they're not talking to me, not using, not copying my words, not copying my gestures, not compliant, whatever. You need to remember that at the end of the day, this kind of speech, I've started listening from my supervisors, talking to the parents to all the way now, like, how long has it been, like seven or eight years that I've been telling parents, telling them that, hey, man, I look young, but I don't know much about parenting. But, you know, this is my opinion after, like, seeing kids, like, kids on the spectrum or kids who are delayed every day, okay? And this is what I'm saying, right? Don't get obsessed about the diagnosis. Leave the diagnosis to the professionals. Whereas in, you know, Some, not most. Some of our audience are from developing countries. And this kind of service, you cannot really rely on the professionals, ironically. Right? So, yeah, let's look at Kuyan. Kuan is one of the. Sorry, man. Sorry, Kuyan, I'm gonna put you on a table. Like, that's a saying in Chinese, meaning I want to use you as a way to, like, remind everyone. So she says compliance is a rule number one. Yeah, it's rule number one. Learning how to learn is crucial. Talk less. Gesture, repetition, imitation, action or sound. Thanks for great keywords and reminders. Agree that diagnosis is a guidance to understand kids more, but understand on what's what, next steps to work on. Yeah. So thank. Thank you, Kylian. That's very, very good. I mean, I think that, you know, I've done some of my job knowing that you can summarize what I just said into these few sentences. I'm very happy for that. And guys, if you, you know, like, a lot of parents are. Are like that. They were worry. They're worrying all the time. And it's well justified that you're worrying. It's your kid, after all. I mean, like, if anything happened to my cats, I don't even have a human baby, you know, if anything happened to my cats, I wouldn't be able to sleep. You know, there's one time where my. My cat went out, like, the orange one. I don't know where he is. Anyways, he ran out and then we lost him for a night and we were so scared, you know, I couldn't even sleep. So I can't even start to imagine if I had a child, had a human kid, and this would happen. It'd be crazy, right? So I'm happy. You know, Kuyan is one of those mothers who kept on asking me the same questions over and over, and I had to, like, keep on repeating myself like I am right now. And if you don't want me to, you know, like, help me out here, go to agentsofspeech.com Michael. It's not that expensive, number one. Number two is like, it's all the advice that you need to hear, especially when I start talking to you. I'm going to talk about that kind of stuff. You know, I've been doing this for quite a long time. I talk about the same stuff all the time. And if you listen to any of the older speech therapists, they're just like a broken record machine. Keep on talking about the same thing over and over, because for the whole career, that's what they've been doing, right? And actually old anyone in any profession, they're going to be like, talking about the same thing, right? I don't want that to happen. I want to learn. I want you to learn. I want everyone to be on the same level for a good discussion. That's why I tell you guys to go watch the Michael course, okay? Because it's made in a way to teach you what to do, what to say, what to try, okay? And if you need more help, put it inside of the Facebook group or email me. I don't know what else, okay? Just tell me. And we're going to work on it. Because every kid is different. We had a. We had a kid who. Who had problems with a student, actually, I would say who had a. Who had problems with, like, taking up different food textures, right? Whenever she ate something like jelly, she spit it out. Whenever she had, like, problems with, you know, if the. If the food size was bigger than, like, this, it'd be very hard for her to chew and so on, right? So we're working on it now. Finally, she can eat different textures, right? And when. How does this work? First of all, you need the compliance for him for her to try different things, for her to sit down and work on her sensory. Everything starts from compliance, right? Everything starts from telling them why they should do something with us, right? When they're younger. It means that it's fun, right? There's some sort of reward going on. That's why they should listen to us when they're older. You have to tell the rationale, tell the reason behind it very clearly, as clear as you can. Just like now you're listening to me. There's a clear rationale to why you're listening to me, right? So someone said, yeah, yeah, of course you can ask questions. Go ahead. I will try my best to answer anything here. But, I mean, I get my point across, right? There must be a reason why your child is doing. Is doing your bidding all right, or listening to you. Basically, there are only a few reasons why. Number one, because there's some reward, all right? Number two, in order to do what they want to do, which is usually making friends, talking to people, having fun with people, having socializing, playing games, whatever. But the last thing that they won't do things for you is because you want to, okay? You have to remember that you can never get a person or a kid to do something because you want them to do. And this is what a lot of parents are getting it wrong. Because if you keep on telling them to talk and answering questions and asking questions. What does that mean? The reason is because you want to. Not him or her. You want. Okay, so turn it around. Think about why they should do it for us. How do we make it so that they feel okay doing it for us? We're not their boss, you know, and obviously for you, yes, you brought them into the world, right? But it doesn't mean that you have, you know, they were born that way. They didn't ask to be speech delayed. Didn't ask to be on the spectrum. Didn't ask for you to keep on, like, making them talk. They didn't ask for that. All they wanted was just to do their own thing. You know what I'm saying? Okay. So, Aileen, what's up? So great that you're helping people. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. It's always very good praises from you, Aileen. I'm taking your. Your advice with a little bit. I'm taking advice, Aileen. Or is it Eileen? Which one do you go? I think it's Aileen. Right. Anyways, I am thinking about writing a book so that, you know, I don't need to keep on doing these lives. And I can point anyone who wants to watch the videos to go to the micro course or just read it on Kindle or something. I just, you know, if someone. If I was just, like, talking to something and I'll, like, turn it into words, it'll be. It'll turn into a book really quickly. You know what I'm saying? Okay. So sorry if I'm getting your name wrong. So sorry about that. My kid is doing kindergarten. She is able to read, drink. Okay, cool. But she is not able to answer if we question her. Yeah, number one, why are you questioning her? Right? That's my always, always. I'm. I'm asking you back. Why are you. Why are you questioning her? If she doesn't understand, then don't ask her. You know, like, answering questions are lower in the list when it comes to, like, developing. When it comes to, like, language development. Right? I mean, what kind of questions are you asking? That's my question. If your child can, you know, I don't know what. I don't know how well your child's language ability is when you say this kind of stuff, right? You say that she's not able to express a feeling. This Covid. Put everything. I'm not entirely sure what you mean here. So, you guys, if you need, you know, me to answer your questions, give a little more context, it will help me A lot, right? So Eileen says, Aen says, sorry, our speech therapist stuck to her rules. If you didn't speak, I guess no payoff. She was great. But your micro is the best. Oh, thanks. High praises always from you. I'm very happy for that. I'm very for grateful for that. Yeah. So always stick to your rules. Don't be a man or a woman of your word. Don't go off and then, like, say something and then don't not do it. Right. If you ask him or her to do something, that needs to be, like, how to say it needs to be. When you say something, you mean it. You want them to do it. All right? That's why when kids come to me or any therapist, to be honest is I'm not special. Right. I'm just a guy who teaches children. Okay? So when you do that, when you do that, when you ask something, you want them to do something, make sure they do it. If they don't know how to do it, teach them. All right, so it's simple questions like, what happened in school? What is going on with her? Well, you know, like, I don't know how much, like, her language ability is. If a child is speaking around, like, two to three words, I don't think she'll be able to answer these questions. Okay. It's very difficult. All right? You need to understand what you're asking is, like something abstract to her. So rather than that, I think you should work on something else. Right? Yeah, exactly. So if she's expressing her emotions in single word, like happy or sad, then there's no point in asking her what happened in school. You're just setting her up to fail instead. You should, like, if you. If you ask her something that you don't know the answer to, then it's very hard to know if she's saying the right thing or not. Okay, so what are you supposed to ask them? Don't ask. Okay, maybe you can see, you can ask the teacher what she did at school and then tell her what she did at school instead. A little less asking, a little bit more talking to her and telling her what happened so that she can learn the language there. Remember, if a child can learn from an iPad or a video, whatever you use, then he or she can actually learn from listening. So instead of trying to ask questions to extract info out of her, then go ahead and teach her instead. Okay. Oh, Tope, what's up? Or Tope. I think it's Tope. Right. Okay, we. But we don't question. How do you Know they understand. It's a simple, like, how are you? How are you doing? How was school? Did you have fun? Yeah, that's the. That's the. You know, it's. It's a. How to say it's. It's a paradox, you see, it doesn't matter if they understand or not. You know, it doesn't matter if you know they understand or not. The. What matters is that you teach them the language, all right? And what you want them to say, if you ask them a question that. Okay, let me give you an example, right? Like, let me give you an example. Guys like you, both of you, all right, Say that I'm teaching you guys a Chinese. Some Chinese, okay? You guys can only say happy, unhappy, whatever, like your kids, like, in one or two words in Chinese, okay? Let's just say that because I'm Chinese, right? And I ask you some question, like, how are you today? Right? And then you're like, ah, I only know these two words. What am I going to say? All right, so in this situation, how would you feel? What would you want me to do, Right? Would I want to give you choices? But the thing is, how would I know how you feel, right? So it's a contradicting thing. The more you want to check if they know, the more you make them know, feel like they can't tell you, and the more that they don't want to talk to you. You understand what I mean? So by asking questions, you're actually making it worse. Because if you only knew, know a bunch of like, I don't know 10 Chinese words. I asked you, what do you do at school today in Chinese? Like, if I use my mother tongue, I use in Cantonese, right? And then you will be like, what's going on? What did I say? What. What did you. Well, I only know 10 words. I only know, like these. These words. And then it'll make you stressed out, and then they don't want to talk. And then, you know, it keeps on going, right? And then you ask, hey, you didn't tell me yet, right? Did you do this or did this? And then both words she didn't really understand, she couldn't catch. Maybe she could catch like every five words that I say. Like if, for instance, if you're amateur in Chinese, I talk to you in a full sentence, which happens to me on a daily basis in a foreign country, like I am right now in Indonesia, then, you know, I can catch maybe like every five words, I will catch one or two, right? And then you expect that child to speak back to you in a full sentence and answer questions and understand. Impossible. Impossible. So that's why you guys need to understand by asking questions that your child cannot answer, you are setting them up to fail. Right? And that's why you should only ask questions that your child that you know the answer to. Okay? So if your child only speaks in two to three, stop asking those questions. First, if you know the answers, such as, you guys went out and let's say that you went to the mall, got some bread or whatever, and you got home and said, oh, what do you. What did we do today? And then you can tell them, in fact, after asking that question or draw it out, we first went to the bread shop, and then we went to Adidas, and then we went to whatever, McDonald's. I mean, we went home. All right? You cannot ask something that is very difficult for them because you're going to stress the child out because you want to check if they understand. That's the thing I've been talking about for the whole session. You asking questions, you telling them to say something or doing whatever is for you to know. Is for you to check, is for you to know. Okay? My child not understands. Okay, fine. Okay, well, so. So what's it in for them? First of all, nothing. Second of all, it's stressful. Then what do you do instead? You should teach them language. How they have been learning for a long time and what has been working. Where do they learn those words? Like happy, single words, like sad, whatever. Right? Like you're saying, right. Where did you. Where did she learn these? Right. From listening from some. From someone. Okay. From listening from. From the iPad or whatever. Who? I'm learning from books or something. Was it. Did they learn from questions? How can you learn something from. From questions? Did you learn one plus one equals two by someone asking you what's one plus one? And you're like, what's going on? Right. What's. You know, you cannot. It's impossible. You must spoon feed someone first, at least some initial info. If you don't know the question to it, then sorry. If you don't know the answer to it, how are you going to teach something? Right? Yeah. So you can't. You cannot. If. If the answer is a variable, how are you going to teach them to tell you something that is variable? I hope you understand what I'm saying. Right? So Tope says she understands now. Top end. Sorry, this is actually top end motherhood. Sorry, I mistook you for someone else, I think, who's called Tope or something. Sorry about that. Many parents are here. So let's see. Mary says, new to this 18 month grandson, speaks a few words but understands everything. He's followed to accept directions, gestures for her needs. Okay, So I think 18 months is a little too early to be honest. And 18 months is the lowest bound of where a child can start to speak in one or two words. Right. And that's totally fine. So your child, your grandson here, I don't think there's too much of a problem because for us therapists, if we see a kid who is like 18 months and speaks like one or two words or three or whatever we think, okay, that's not too bad. That's fine. That's okay. So I don't think any of this. Meryl. Sorry, I got your name wrong. Meryl. I don't think there's anything to be worried about as of what you just said. All right, cool stuff. Yeah. All right, cool, cool. You got my point. That's great. Okay, so my rambling, there is some stuff, you know, there is a little use, I guess. Oh, great. Tope. Great to have you. Can language delay be related by other disorders? Yeah, it could be. It could be. In fact, you know, like other disorders. As in what? Like there's loads of disorders that would create language delay. Okay. For instance, if only your child had like a speech sound disorder, meaning they had pronunciation problems, like talking with like wrong sounds, like I was talking about just before in this, in this very live, then you know, it's going to make them. Because they cannot like pronounce the words nicely. Right. Therefore they won't be able to speak, you know, longer than their peers. Right. Or they, they're not going to be able to be understood by their peers or adults that easily. And therefore it will delay their language because they feel like, oh, you don't get my point. I'm going to stop talking. When they stop talking or they don't talk as much, then the language is going to at least expressive language is going to go down because they're not practicing it enough. Right. So therefore even just speech sound disorders will create a language delay. And let's not talk about like all the genetic disorders that will definitely be, that will definitely affect language development. We're going to talk about autism spectrum disorder, asd, which will cause a language disorder. In fact, not even just a delay. Okay. There are loads of disorders that will create a language delay. And why is. Because if any of the abilities are affected, meaning if they can't play as well, they can't grasp up as well. Like they can't like hold things better. They can't run as well. They can't whatever as well as other children. They will drop in language delay because they're not as confident to express themselves. Right. When the children are a lot less, like they're a lot shyer than a lot of their peers, what happens is they don't have enough practice and then it just happens. It's an environmental thing, Right? All righty. Cool. Rita, I think. Yeah. Watch the live from the start and then you'll know what I was ranting about. Okay, so Meryl. Okay, no problem. Is it Meryl or Merlay? I'm not sure, guys, so sorry. Tope says, please, I need to set my 1. Shoot me a PM. Right? And I mean you can always. I think you've already are. You're already in our private Facebook group of agents at speech. So you can just ask there any questions you have without setting a one on one. There's actually a link to do it inside of the group, but you can go and take a look. Okay, what, what about giving options to see the understand, encourage speech? Yeah. The thing is you need to keep on going down the list, right? So if your child doesn't answer a question right away, you give a little verbal cue like, ah, like. And then you give choices. If they still don't, if they still cannot, like, they still cannot say, after you give choices, then you need to go one more down, which is directly telling them what the thing is. Right? So that's what I'm talking about. You need to keep on going down the list. You can give options. Right. But if it doesn't work, then you have to go one more down, which is directly tell them what it is. Right. So you need to have that in your mind. Adhd. Yes, it does. Yeah, it does. It will. It will. Cause it might not will. It might. I've seen ADHD children who just blah, blah, blah, can't stop talking. And their language is super good, you know? All right, so someone probably in the group says, my friend's daughter is 18 months, only say about four words. Babbles. Do you think she doesn't have a problem? Because. Yeah. I mean, if 18 months and then can say forwards again, I'm. I'm not gonna be too. I'm not gonna be exactly worried. Right? Because at 18 months they are supposed to be using single words. Okay. And there isn't like a word count in my books at the very least. You know, there are like Speech and language milestones that say, oh, by 18 months, they have to have, like, 20 words or whatever. If they have four words, yeah, maybe they're a little slower than the peers, but it's not something that. That would warrant speech therapy or speech assessment, for that matter. And if you try to imitate, I. All right. If he runs away, then it means that there's something they don't understand, the compliance. And it might not be that it's because of her speech and language ability. It's about her understanding and a behavior and so on. Right. So to be honest, 18 months. You don't need to be too scared about it. I would say you don't need to be. Alrighty. Don't need to be too scared about it. Wait until at least two, and then we can reevaluate it. Rita, new to this. Cool. Start from the beginning. Watch this. The first assignment for you is to watch from the beginning if your child is having this kind of problem. Right. Oh, that's good. Okay, how do we say this name? Michaela. Michella. I'm not sure. Okay, so always repeat my words. That's good. And then we can. You can move on to the next one. Yeah, move on to the next one. You can move on to the next step, which is combining words, which is they need to start saying and start being able to describe things. And repeating words is part of the language developmental process. It depends how old your child is. If your child is, like two and keep on repeating words, I'm totally okay with it. Oh, Stephen. What's up, man? Yeah, I mean, you just need. The thing is, like, I'm using this thing called Stream Yard, so I need to press on it and say, oh, yeah, I let you use my name or something, but don't worry about it. Yeah, for your friend. It's totally okay. You don't need to treat every kid, like, to do, like, therapy with every kid and need to be, like, contingent and whatever, you know, like, you don't need to. I mean, you. You really don't need to. And. And they're too early. All right. And it's like a professional. What's that called? It's a sickness. I believe in Chinese we call it, like, a professional sickness. You know, like, we try to find fault in children and then we try to, like, teach them and stuff. You don't have to, you know, you just let it be for a bit. You know, relax. More children catch up more often than not, you know, so I've talked a lot today. Let's See what this person is saying. My daughter is so good at singing, but only Mo says 10 words. She's 23 months. Thank you for the session. You're very welcome. I love talking, but you know, talking for 40 minutes straight is a little difficult for me sometimes. Okay, so probably to help everyone here, it would be best that you guys go through the micro course. If you haven't, okay? And after you watch it, ask me more questions that are of high quality. Like higher quality. I'm not saying that you're asking dumb questions. None of that, no stupid questions. But if you can search and then like listen once and then maybe, okay, listen once, not enough, listen twice, listen twice, not enough. Listen to three times, right? And then the last step is like, what am I doing wrong? How come in the, especially in the micro course you scroll down to the comments, right? And then everyone's like, oh, this works. Thank you so much. And then you see some people who are like, ah, don't get it. And then ask me and then I tell them back and then suddenly they say, oh yeah, I get it now, whatever. And then you see inside the Facebook group, they like, a lot of people say, oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. It works now. Whatever. Why is it that when you're doing, it doesn't work when someone does it, it works. Is it because of a kid? Maybe, I don't know. I haven't seen your child. What can you control? You, how you do it. That's all you can control is your way of doing stuff. You cannot control your child. You cannot control the weather, you cannot control the mood. You can only control yourself. Okay? So therefore think about it. Okay? Take a look. If you're one of those people who are inside of an Agents of Speech membership, which is a whole totally different thing. It's only for committed. There you go, there's the orange cat I was talking about. He was gone for like a night. He ran out or something and really made me really worried. Anyways, the membership is something totally different and now we're trying like a lot of different things. In Asians of speech. It's getting quite. What's that called? It's getting a little bit confusing for parents who just joined us. So if you need more help, just shoot me a PM or whatever or send me an email. We will try our best to explain to you and we're, we're going to make an infographic soon to tell you what our services are, what's going on, but always start with the micro course guys. Always start With a micro commitment. All right, let's see. All right. Thanks, man. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I mean, you're welcome. That's what I should say. Thanks for staying up and listening to me. That's something that's different. Now, a lot of parents would do. They would just listen and not do anything, you know? But I trust that you guys would go do something about it. All right? My daughter has speech delay. Did ELP program help her improve speech delay? I am. I don't know what ELP means in your country. Let me try to. Oh, Extended learning program. Is that what it is? I'm not entirely sure what ELP is, but get whatever service you can for your child, okay? I. I really don't know. What. Yeah, you tell me. Your child has speech delay. But I. How do I profile your child with just that one sentence, right? It's impossible. It's like saying, like. I'm not saying this to discourage you, right? Ask whatever you want, but describe it like, I. I can tell you my car has broken down. What should I do? It's that kind of thing. It's like, my computer is broken. What should I do? It's like that. And I'm the technician here, I'm the clinician, so it's very difficult. See, this is also something that I see a lot, right? This kind of questions. Guys, there's no stupid question, but in fact, if I need a come back and ask for more info, then it's not the best use of our time here. You know what I'm saying? So, for instance, if you ask me, how can I get my daughter to improve expressive language? I don't know. Like, it's like you saying to me, why is my car so slow? How do I make it faster? I don't know, like, change the engine. Maybe the brakes are broken. I don't know. And by the way, I don't even know how much your child can talk, how much she can understand how old she is, what language you guys are speaking, right? Is she going to speech therapy? Is she going to aba? What is she doing? Like, is she, like, going to kindergarten right now? What was going on in her life, right? Does she have a speech disorder? Does she have ada? Sorry, asd? Does she have adhd? See, there's so much you need to tell me in order for me to give you a good answer, okay? That's why we have, like, the micro course to answer the very low level, actually a high level, because it's a mindset shift, right? And then afterwards you can ask me the questions that you're supposed to describe to me what's going on. I cannot tell you. It's impossible for me to know how to improve your child's expressive language. If I were just being generic here, like a lot of speech therapists online, I'm not trying to, you know, talk poop about them, like not trying to poo poo them or anything, I would say, ah, well, you gotta explain more. You gotta follow the lead, play more games with them. Start with play, you know, you know, you gotta. I can talk about all this generic tips to you all day long. All day long. I can say, well, what are the communicative needs? You need to identify it first. You know, have you, have you had a story time with them before bed? 10 to 15 minutes every night? You know, this kind of generic tips. Do you want to listen to this? That's my answer to you. Do you want to listen to generic tips? If you don't want generic tips, be specific about your child. Tell me what's going on with the child. What's going on. And that's why I get so many PMs nowadays with like a whole, like just, just one sentence or like a whole paragraph, like this, the life story or something. All right, so to, to better help you guys, I am making a quiz that, you know, calculates the points or whatever and then tells. And then I'll give you like at least a slightly more targeted answer for your situation and what to do. So guys, please stop asking me these questions. I mean, at the very least, make it a little more comprehensive for me so I can help. Okay. Alrighty. That's cool. I guess that's all I want. I spoke too long today. I wanted to condense and quickly talk about it so that. Because inside the group it's always these questions and I don't get it because I've already talked about it many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times. Inside of the group, outside the group, inside of our, the course, inside, like at online. You know, we had a talk with 300 people online on Zoom and I talked about the same thing. The questions still keep on coming and that means there's a high need for it. Okay, so Rodney says, found this info. Going to start with my. Yeah, cool stuff. That's right. Yeah, man, good stuff, Rodney. So, yeah, try it out and hopefully they can, they can be assessed by a therapist asap. Okay. That's more important than joining the micro course, obviously. But you know why I made the micro course or any of this online training. I did it before the pandemic, obviously, but after pandemic, it really exploded out. And I realized that not a lot of parents have the help they have. And the reason like why, like I did it before the pandemic is because us as speech therapists, we don't have time. You know, we're back to back. You come here after I finish teaching your child, I get like five minutes to talk to you and then go, go. The next is like knocking on the door, right? So that's why I, I made this online resource for you to watch so that I don't need if I don't have time. And I realized that all over the globe that we all have this problem. We, you know, we bring the therapists, will sit inside the clinic, write something and then tell you, okay, today with this, this, this, and you try at home. Okay, bye, bye. And then you have another person come in. They very difficult. So that's why I made it. So go check it out. Peace. Says my daughter is three years old, seven months. She can. She didn't. Isn't diagnosis diagnosed yet. She can't make sentences, but she has more than 100 vocabulary. She can respond short answer. She did not start preschool. Cool. In this case, this is much better, I can tell you that. Improve her vocabulary, okay? Improve it by using flashcards, by using toys or real objects or whatnot. But the most important thing is that she's compliant to learn with you. Okay? If she's compliant to learn with, you can teach anything. If you can sit her down and do stuff, then you can teach her anything. All right. Cool. All right. So that's pretty much it, guys. Is it Michella or Mike? I'm not sure how to say this name. Sorry. Yeah. So good that you're looking forward for more. I'm happy to, to be able to help. Obviously, the one stop thing is the micro course. First go to agents of speech.com Michael. And then if you need more help, just ask inside of the group. See how I can help you. I cannot always attend to all the PMs and DMs. It tends to get. How to say? I get lost in it. You know, sometimes there's too much and I'm very happy because of that. And sometimes if someone says inside, that's my staff now. She's helping me, like tell you guys, oh, email me or like ask inside the group or whatever. And it helps me a lot. Okay. And that's pretty much it. Hope you guys have a good night. All right. And hope you guys are safe and sound during the pandemic. And thanks for listening to me rant, because sometimes it's difficult for me to say the same thing over and over and then to only listen to the same questions again, which is a little frustrating at times. But, you know, this is my job, so I'll suck it up and I'll say, yeah, okay, fair. That's. That's something that I need to do anyways, but that's it, guys. I. Hopefully these lives, I can keep it up. I've been doing it for a year now, so hopefully I can keep on going. Right? Yeah, I gotta control myself as well, right? Yeah. Everyone's gonna repeat the same mistakes. I mean, like, if you think about not only with teaching, like, speech, lay children, you look at financial advice or, you know, whatever advice, marriage advice or whatever, all the people are talking about the same thing since forever. Right. Everyone just keeps on going round and round around. And I think that's just human psychology. That's why in the micro course, I tend to try to steer your mindset away from trying to be like, I want this for my child, not what does my child want? That's the shift you need to have. If you don't have that, it's very difficult. All right, enough of me ranting. If you have any questions, put them in the comments. And if you're in the group, ask in the group. Okay. Pretty cool. Have a great night. Going to.