Child Refusing to Imitate Words | www.agentsofspeech.com/handpulling

Hey guys. Going live here to talk about basically hand guiding again. And I know I've been talking about this a lot, but recently I did a Facebook post about, about coaching a small handful of parents over the Internet. And yes, we do have a membership. We do have a lot of courses like the Michael course and so on, but which I've linked in in the title. If you click on it, you'll know what it's a good starting point for, for, for kids who haven't started talking yet. All right. And the reason why I'm talking about this is because there were so many responses. I mean, we were Talking about like 200 something PMs to the face to my Facebook page, which is kind of crazy. So I couldn't go through all of it, so I had to talk to some parents. And out of those parents, it feels like it's, you know, like out of other parents that I've been talking to today, yesterday and so on, it's still about hand guy. And I feel like it's something that should be, and I thought it would be. Have been eradicated by the microcourse, you know, And I feel like some parents really do require a little more, a little more help in this department. And so today I'm going live to talk about it a little bit more. Right, so what, what is hand guiding? So basically it's, it's the easiest and most effective way of your child getting what they want. All right? And then a parent said, oh yeah, they hand guide me a lot. And then when they give up, they go to their grandparents and stuff, right? And then it's always the same story, right? They hand guide you over, you say something, oh, you want, whatever. Oh, cookie, here you go. They grab it, they run off. Right? So I feel like it's something that requires a total mindset shift. That's exactly what the micro courses was, is about still. And I think that because parents are so busy, especially moms, and they work a job and then they go home, it's another job, and then you have like two or three kids. That's just crazy. So at the end of the day, I want to make it easy for you. I'm gonna make it easy for you to, to change your habits. And that's exactly what I said to the parent today. It's like, oh, it's up to, like, I just crossed my fingers, I hope, you know, like, it's really up to the, the difference in children. Right. You can't really help if, if a child is this and that And I'm like, no, it's really up to you. It really is up to you. Because the parent will determine how the child will become, no matter if it's a speech delay child or whatever, right? If, if we can agree on this, then life can be a little bit easier, right? You cannot say that it's determined by. But I mean, I mean it's like a, it's like a huge chunk of who you are as a person, right? And so you have to be really careful about that, all right? And because you're watching this kind of videos on the Internet, that means that you care, right? And every time I type hand guiding or hand leading or hand pulling onto live videos, I get a lot more views. And there's a reason is because most of them, most of the children who are, you know, most parents who care and care enough to search will come across this term, right? That's why a lot of people found me on Google and stuff. And it's because of this term. So let's talk about it a little bit more. Right? So hand, handguarding, how do we get rid of it? You don't get rid of it because it's, it's intent. The what is the intent of a child grabbing your hand? Right. To get something done. They're treating you as a tool, right? I've talked about this many times. But let's talk about the philosophy behind it. Why you don't want it to happen because it's inappropriate, because it's not effective communication. Because you, a child pulling your hand towards something, they, they're not sure what it is that they're trying to communicate about. It's not specific, right? So at the end of the day you have to be very careful when, when a child pulls your hands towards it, it's kind of like a trap because now you have to guess. And then if you guess wrong, they get angry, right? But then at the same time, if you know what they want, but you want them to talk and then you prompt them, they get mad, even more mad because they're thinking, dude, why are you making this harder than it is? Why are you doing this to me? Right? So at the end of the day, still trying to stop the vending machine. Yeah, man. So this thing, so I've been talking about like how to parents a lot about like hand guiding is like the child thinking that you're a vending machine, but they have no idea how to, how to operate you. So they just like, haha, let's just get it done, man. They're like a tool. I press something, press some button, and something flies out. I don't know how, right? It's like watching an elderly person using a smart tv. It's kind of like that. And then they get mad and they stop watching, right? So it's kind of like that. So how do we stop it? Like, I feel like even after the micro course, it's been like two years now since it came out, right? Not really two or one and a half years since it came out. And I feel like it's not as effective as I thought it would be. So therefore, I really want to step up Agents of Speech. And the reason why I'm saying this is because, like, if you guys are on my email list, on my new email newsletter, of which you should be, because it's cool and I share a lot of stuff there, you can go to agentsofspeech.com and then you can scroll down and join the email list. But anyways, why is it, why is it important that I get this out of the way? Because there's so much more to teach, right? Just look at, just go to agency speech.com, go look at the courses. I haven't even finished the, the verbal reasoning course. And that's because I've been going through a lot personally for the past whole year of 2022 has been pretty much hell for me. And so, you know, I haven't been 100% finished with all the courses I wanted to make, right? And you know, like, there's articulation course that I made. I haven't made it public yet that there's a lot of stuff, the membership like, just not, not to bore you, right? But I feel like knowing it and doing it is two things. So let's talk about how you're going to have to do this. All right? Every day you will have to set up a time where you're, you're, you're 100% into the game and you're 100% wanting to actively stop and teach a new skill to your child. All right? So let's just think about how many parents are here and how many of you really have that dialed in into your, your schedule. All right? If you use Google, Google Calendar or Apple Calendar, whatever Calendar you use, I want you to block off a certain amount of time. It could, it could be just 15 minutes, just every day to work on something with your kid, all right? Very important, okay? The reason why is because I, when I talk to parents and they want to schedule a call with Me. They always. I mean, always. Everyone is like that. It's not. They try to do everything in one go right before our. Our video call. And they're not consistent about it. And that cannot give you a transformation for a child. It cannot give you a transformation for itself. Right? You need to change yourself in order to change your kid, and that's the end of it. Because the child never put their hand up to say, I want help. I need help. They're not going to push you and say, are we going to practice today? In fact, they're going to say toilet or pee pee or pretend something or cover their, their ears and run off or whatever. So, you know, I. I've heard too many. Too many. I know, exactly. I can guess. It's only always like the three or four options that's going to happen, right? Or, you know, some kids to headbutt you. Like my first ever case, he would bite me, right? He. He would headbutt me. He. He would go between my legs and cry. You know, that kind of stuff. Yeah. It depends on, like, what kind of. What type of child your child is. And at the end of the day, you need to have that structure into your life. It's, it's. I would say it's harder at home, but at the same time, it's also easier at home. And the reason is because they cannot choose whether they are there or not. Whether. Whereas at the clinic, you brought them there, right? So since they're already at home, you need, really need to structure this every day, all right? Every day I want you to actively find something your child likes. Actively find someone something your child likes. Don't play around, okay? It's not play time, all right? It's time to get something done. And I want you to understand this is very super important, all right? And you might say, oh, well, yeah, a lot of parents will tell me, I'm 100 committed. I know you're committed, but it's just that the habit isn't there. Right. So I want to tell you a little story here, and it's about me at my first job. So my first job to be very, like, just, Just being as honest as I can with you. Right. No one would imagine me as a therapist for, for children, all right? No one would. If you look around in my industry, every guy, like 90 are girls. 10 guys. Other than that, 10, maybe most of them don't look like me. They're skinnier, they're more feminine. I don't mean it in a bad way. It's Just how it is in the industry and you know, it's just very different. So for the first week, you know, my super, my supervisor was like, man, dude, why, why are you in this industry? I thought you're going to be like a, you know, like a policeman or whatever because, you know, like, I, I do look like one. And in fact it's, it's not like I'm not joking around, so. And I was like, oh, I, I feel like this is something I, I can do. I find it challenging, right? And he's like, dude, according to your performance, it's not going to work. So, so what I had, what happened was that I did make it through probation somehow. And he was like, oh, is you very improved it. You did a good job. I can't believe it improved so much. But then the challenges had just begun. And it was just because I got a really difficult case for my first case ever. I still remember, remember his name. I'm not going to share it with you. And it was the only reason why I got slightly better at my job. I wouldn't say I'm really good, but is because of practice, all right? I had no choice but to sit every day, sit down every day and work with that kid. And the reason why I have to thank my partner who is back in aba, he always took sick leaves. So that's why nearly every day was me. It was me, the kid and the supervisor just sitting there trying to work it out. And you know, this kid was non verbal. He would hit people, he would run off, he would scream in the earth. And after two months, he started talking, right? As a fresh graduate. That was pretty crazy, you know, and he was the only guy, he was the only guy who, if I said, hey, insert name. I'm not saying his name. Let's say it's Steve, right? Hi, Steve. And he would go back, hi, Ming. He would do that to no one other than me and the supervisor. And that's because of all that time that we spent there. And every day we would like from, from Monday to Friday, we would spend around three hours together, right? No one wanted to take up the case. The supervisor took up the case just because she just became a supervisor and I, I didn't have a choice, right? So. And, and they're not going to give it to a girl, all right? Because no one's going to be able to handle that kind of guy case. Like, like, like a young child who's, who is fast, who, who has, like, who, who bites you without any, any remorse. You want to give that to. It to a girl? Would you? You know, so at the end of the day, I, I got really good, okay? And what I'm trying to say is I wasn't the most child friendly guy. I wasn't the most whatever. And that's the only reason, because someone looked at me. Someone looked after me and made me do work every day. And I still remember to this day the supervisor, which I have to thank a lot. So, Toby, if you're watching this, as far as Terry, actually, my bad. Terry, if you're watching this, I'm truly grateful for, for you using like a Yoda Yoda doll and teaching me how to, how to teach kids. But, you know, so I'm thinking how I can do that for you. And I don't think it's too hard because now I've been doing like teaching parents over, like the Internet for what, three years? And I've seen this happen over and over again. You know, if you scroll into like agentsofspeech.com micro, which is the URL over there or over here, whatever, you will see all the testimonials that we could get children to talk without me seeing them. That's the truth. But the problem is this. The success rate of an online course is very low because although the micro course is only one hour long, most of the parents are like, I cannot finish in one sitting. They say that it's impossible, right? And yet, I don't mean to judge, right. How many episodes of I don't know what's. What's on Netflix nowadays, right? How many, how many hours do you watch anything on a streaming platform, right? Do you watch stuff? So, you know, priorities, right? Set a priority, get it done. Because to be honest with you, right, It's a very. I, I don't mean to be, you know, you know me, I, I don't try to discourage, you know, like on YouTube, a lot of the comments that say, oh, like Ming always gives practical tips and he doesn't like, make parents fear or whatever. But I, I'm not trying to guilt trip you. What I'm saying, what I'm saying is, what I'm saying, trying to say is you got to put your heart, you know, your, your efforts where your heart is, you know, if you really, truly care about your kid, you know, And I've taught mothers who don't even speak English, right, in Indonesia, who lives in a, in a village, you know, and she doesn't even have, what, what's that broadband Internet she uses, like 4G to, to send me videos every day. You know, we talk with like Google Translate and yet she's, she's exactly the person inside of the micro course that I use as videos because she's, she's doing a good job, right? And so if you think about that, it really is come down to your will and my, my effectiveness in teaching. Now I'm not saying that my, my effectiveness is 100, but you've gotta, you gotta really, you know, dial it down, like really hammer it. You know, when, when you know the knowledge, you gotta put it into place, right? Don't do it one day, don't do it the other. So that the knowledge is out there, right? And I remember someone telling me something really cool and I found it pretty funny. It's from this guy called Derek Sivers. But anyways, he says that if, if, if information was a thing that would make, that would make all the difference, then everyone would be millionaires with six pack abs. Which is very true. So at the end of the day you gotta, you gotta do it. So the knowledge is out there. Just if, if you want to watch a long winded version of it then you know, go to YouTube and type hand pulling, like just hand pulling agents of speech or something, right? Or, or you could join the micro course, you could join other courses too. By the end of the day with that information, what are you going to do with it, right? Are, are you going to, are you going to take action? Are you going to not take action? Are you going to wait for a child to naturally catch up? Which I don't know when I remember a parent telling me, oh, how do I know between what's a disorder and a delay? Because a delay means that inevitably the child is going to catch up, whereas a disorder means that it's all over the place. They're not going to be able to do it inherently, they're not going to catch up. And I'm like, oh, you got to be careful about these assumptions because how do you even know if a delay is really just like how long the delay is right? It really, it really truly is right. Like for instance, for example, if you talk about like a delay in something, like there's a rollover effect. If you're not talking by three, then everyone's talking and then by the time you're five, you have your first words and what's going to happen is like how are they going to catch up and how long it's going to take. It's going to roll all the way to Secondary school, you know, I've seen it happen. So you got to be careful. What do you mean by you want to know whether it's a disorder or delay? It wouldn't change the actions you would change. You would do right now all you got to do now is to focus on the one thing in front of you. And for some parents, it might be getting a child to say first words, right? For some parents, it might be putting words together in a combination. For others might be getting them to answer some questions, right? But everyone is different. But if you're dealing with hand pulling right now, then the answer is very, very simple. Words and sounds is not the thing you're working you should be working on. It should be teaching your child to use like gestures to stop pulling you, to stop snatching, you know, to stop, you know, crying and becoming like a spinning top on the floor. And how do you do that? Is very simple, right? I'll just repeat the information in a very, in a very summarized way here. All you got to do is take something they want, actively get them to come over, right? Teach them a gesture, open the container, hold it in front of them, don't let them snatch, turn it onto an open palm, give it to them and keep on doing it. Keep on doing it, right? Don't do it one time, don't let them have it and run off. Give them a little bit so that they eat it and they want to come back. You know how many times I've repeated this for the past, you know, like for the past at least five years I've been starting to teach parents, right? How many? If I got a dollar, for how many times I repeated this sort of advice, I, you know, I would do pretty well. I really talk about this a lot and the problem is that it doesn't. I feel like I'm doing you a disservice because I tell you this, but I don't see the result and that's my problem and I have to make it better. So anyways, Jennifer says hi. Hi, Jennifer. Long time no see. Well, I'm happy he or I, I don't know. Kaisis, is it how you call, Is that how you say his name is doing well is doing better. I'm very happy about that. You know, like, let me know if you have any questions with the articulation course because there has been some problems of me like uploading the, the resources. So some people see it, some people don't. Let me know if that's still a problem for you. And what sound you're working on. You can also, like, send me some, some speech samples if you want, Jennifer, and you know, through email, something. And then I, I can go through them with you since you kind of joined the articulation program before I put it out into the, into the web. So it's still not public for now. Yes. Jessica, thank, thanks for that. Yeah, so I'm very happy about that. You know, like, so, so what's going to happen in the next few weeks is that I'm going to open up this very private, private parent coaching. Very, very private. So now I'm doing things more like, oh, here you go. Go do it. I do have a membership, but we only meet like two weeks every two weeks. And that's for parents who are already kind of like a veteran. Right. So I, I really feel like if I don't have this, it's going to be really difficult for a lot of parents to climb out of it. Right. You need the support from, from each other. So I'm going to start it. And the reason why I think it's going to work is because, wait, someone says, what's my YouTube channel? Yo? It's Agents of Speech. Search it. So the reason why I think it's going to work is because I posted this post on Facebook saying, oh, I'm looking for a bunch of people to do private training to teach first words. And then 200 something private messages popped into my, my, my inbox. And that's only Facebook. Right. So I think it's, it's, it's going to be worth it. It's not, it's not something I'm going to do for free, obviously. But at the same time, it's, it's something I'm looking to do. I'm looking to do. So look out, guys. And these, these parents. I'm going to use it as a testimonial, like a case study for others to see that it's very possible, it's very easy and you can finally stick it to the doctors who keep on telling you, oh, just be, oh, wait for them, wait for the kid, they're so young or whatever. Or like, oh, some, one of my, one of my, my clients right now, the school kept on pushing for like autism, for autism assessment, trying to say, oh, you, you have, your son might have autism, like, don't come to our school anymore, that kind of thing. You can finally stick it to them because what you can do at home is huge. It's crazy. Yeah. So you guys should be looking out for that Right. Nice, Ashley. Yeah, that's right. So we're going to do that. We're going to do that over the Internet and we're going to have it as intense as possible. I know that everyone doesn't have enough time nowadays, but we're going to squeeze it out, right? I'm. I'm going to squeeze out. You're going to squeeze it out. We're going to do it together and we're going to make this the first case study that has a. Like, I want it to be 100% successful. You know, I want it to be like, everyone who joins all over the world will see each other working very intensely. We're going to have a group where we share all the videos. Is it, Is it. Are you scared of, you know, privacy or whatever? Dude, it's going to be really just a handful of people just working towards. And we're going to showcase it in a way that maybe it's in a book, right? Maybe it's going to be in a video that we're going to try our best to make viral. You know, maybe it's going to become a documentary, right? Maybe it's going to be a lot of things. Okay. But at the same time, I, I think the world has never seen someone's. You know, it really hasn't seen, like, even if you look at Hannon program, they have like parent. Parent online courses, parent books, whatever. Have, have you. Has anyone like, handheld a parent until they can. A child can speak. Right. I've done it in my membership, but it's over a long time and I feel like it's not fast enough. Right. One of our members who, like, actually there are a bunch inside of a membership who went from no words to now speaking in, like, sentences. And one of them in Singapore got discharged out of speech therapy. It's like, don't come anymore. Like, you're more than okay. And obviously that's one case study. There's. There's others who, who aren't as. There's one that's super, super duper, super duper committed. This, this mother who's like one of our top fans of me, who I'm very happy to have her, but the kid is still stuck at like, imitation. Not a single word level yet. Like, he can say any word right now. The sounds are getting better, but at the end of the day, it took a lot of effort. Took a lot of effort, and we're still not there yet. And that's because it's a complicated case and I'm not saying that all cases are going to be assessful as successful as a lot of the, the parents there, but at the very least, you know, that parent saw others go for, became friends even inside of the membership, right? So that's what I'm trying to do for, for a small handful of people, right. And I want this case study to go outside to the world and make a difference. And after that I'm done with it. I'm okay with it. I've got the system down of how to get parents to do the things and I can instruct them and give them feedback and get it to a T, which the micro course is doing great, but it's not enough really. It really isn't, isn't enough. And oh by the way, through Facebook I realized that there are so many Filipinos who, who, who support me, who, who follow me. And actually one of our, our, our team members and agents of speech, she's from Philippines as well and she was like me, you should do a, something like a, like a, like a talk or whatever for Filipinos. I'm like, that's great, that's a good idea. Let's, let's get it going. So I'll probably like do like a post about this, but if you think this is a good idea, please like comment below and, and share this out. Okay. And when I post it out, please share it to as many people as possible. I'll make it as well make it because I, I understand from talking to a bunch of Filipino parents is that the government system cannot, cannot keep up with, with anything, especially speech delay stuff. So yeah, I want to do these, these things I'm just putting out there. So for the hand pulling stuff, let's, let's eradicate it, let's get rid of it. Because there's so much more to teach after hand pulling, right? There's so much more. There's imitation of sounds that we got to do, right? We got to do imitation sounds and then we're going to do like single words. We got, we're going to increase, expand vocabulary after increase, expand the vocabulary. We got to put words together to combine, right? After that we got to teach them how to use verbal reasoning to answer why questions to talk about stuff, right? To talk about stories, talk about instructions, talk about sequences, so on and so forth. And after that, after all that stuff, we still have getting ready to school programs, right? So we need to start doing those. And that starts from you today. If you're already in the micro course, go through it, right? Go watch It. Go watch video five, right? If an Indonesian. Indonesian woman, mom with no, not much English can do it, so can you. All right, so can you. Seriously. Okay, so if you're in it already, go back and watch video 5 and video 12. Very important. If you're not inside yet, please join it first, right? Because if you, you know, it's just. It's just the information is out there. Go do something about it, all right there. You listening to me over and over again is not going to help you. The only thing is going to help you and your kid is by doing it. Right? Because if I can learn a guy that isn't supposed to be in a therapy field can learn it through, like, repetition and get okay, good at it, then so can you. But you got to level up yourself in order to level up your kid. Okay? So that's pretty much all I wanted to talk about. Because for the past two weeks, I've been just. I haven't been doing my work, has been surveying parents. You see, I'm always talking to people. I'm trying to respond to everything. I'm getting on calls with parents just to see what's happening. And I feel like the recurring words are like, oh, my kid has a lack of confidence. There's a lot of avoidance. They don't look at me in the eye when I call them, they don't reply. And then when I want them to come over, they won't. And they pull me on my hand. And when I prompt them, they will try to talk, but they won't. I'm trying to teach them pointing. I'm trying to ask them questions so that they will talk. But all these things is not the main point. The main point is to get your kid listening to you and copying. Copying some sort of copying some gestures. And then those gestures become their default initiation of communication, right? So when they initiate with a gesture, and then you can upgrade and make them talk, right? After they start talking, then you can start being less specific so that they can talk more. What I mean is, for instance, if they say eat, then you don't know what they want to eat, so you give them something not edible or something they hate. So they have now to say, eat cookie. And then you give them a cookie, right? Or if they say, eat cookie, you want to be more specific, then you start eating cookies. Oh, yeah. Oh, mainly cookie. Okay. And then like, no, I eat cookie. And I was like, okay, I get it now. I eat cookie. There you go. Right? So you've got to take it one step At a time. The biggest thing that I hear parents want to want to hear is they want to hear what they say to me. What I want that parents are telling me are, is I want to have a conversation with my kid. Right? But you can't have a conversation without going through these steps first. Right? So let's. Let's go get it and, you know, like, look out for that. For that thing. I'm going to. As I'm posting more and more, thinking about how to do this the best way possible. I hope that you. There's a lot more support and commitment is an issue. It really is. If you're committed, then I'm committed. Then everyone's committed. All right? And commitment is just one or two times we're talking about the parents. If you look at, like, if you join my membership, which is not open right now because I'm going through a whole crazy overhaul of everything in Agents of Speech. Our membership started like a year ago. And then you can see some parents kept on posting for so long, and that is the reason why there's kids are talking. All right, it isn't me. I can give you the information. You know, I know this is like my audience is a bunch of mothers, but if you watch Matrix or like Star wars, right? What does Morpheus say? I can show you the door, but you have to walk through it. Whatever that cheesy line is. Well, it's kind of true. So. So that's why I'm gonna. Exactly what. What I'm gonna do, because I cannot virtually teach your child. A lot of parents are saying, do you do virtual. Do you do virtual stuff? I'm like, no, I don't do. I don't do tele practice. It's impossible. I only teach parents, and that is going to be what I do from now on. All right, see some questions. My son is two and a half, doesn't speak, and I show too much screen time after much ot stop battling responding names to some extent. That's a good. That's good. I think your most important thing now is to think about how to use that screen time for good, how to make that into a reward. How do you make that make your. Your child talk and work for the screen time instead of stopping altogether and go cold turkey. All right, okay. So I think that's all I wanted to talk about today. I hope it's not, you know, I write the title like this and a lot of people watch, but then they realize that I'm just talking about. You go to do the work or else no one's going to do it. That's exactly what I'm trying to say. All right, so peace out, guys. Have a good night or good day if you're halfway around the world. And be sure. Be sure that we stay connected, because the more I talk to you guys, the more I know how to communicate with you, how to. How to make sure. This is the knowledge. It works already. It seriously does work already. And I was very scared. I did it, but now it is. And I'm like, three years into this. This is all I want to do from now on. All right. Your success is mine. So I'm going to start that case study thing very soon. I hope you guys will see it and share it. And on the other side, gonna do, like, probably gonna try do a public service talk for. For Philippines. But everyone is welcome to join. I'm just targeted at Filipinos. I think that would make. That would make a lot of sense. Fariza is also a guy. Yeah, we're like, probably 1% the only guys here. Probably. Or maybe not. I'm not sure. So see ya. And I'll talk to you guys next week. All right. Bye. Bye.