Child Understands Everything, Just Won't Speak

All right, so this live, we will talk about children who can understand a lot more than that they can speak. And for this kind of cases, we literally call it in the speech therapy industry is. Is what we call expressive language delay. Okay? An expressive language delay just means that, oh, they cannot. They're not able to expressively, meaning how they talk, how they get their message across is a little slower than that. They can. They can understand, which is the receptive part of language. So why is there such a discrepancy? Why I want to talk about this is because today I got on a consulting call with one of the parents, and they were saying how the kid could understand a whole bunch of stuff but weren't able to talk. And they asked me why. So I gave an analogy that I think would help some of you. So first of all, if you have a. Let's say you have a parent or a grandparent who moved somewhere, a different country, and this would be more applicable for people who are, you know, who have lived in different countries. So basically what happens is that if there is a local community of people who speak your language, a ghetto, as we call, and, you know, like you, you can understand some of the local language, but when you're, like, getting your needs met, you can speak your own language, then what are the chances of you going to actually learn and go through the pain of learning a new language? It's very low. It's the same as your kid. So to find an. A closer analogy, let's talk about a real case. Okay? So a real case is a child that I know who has speech disorder, basically. And what he would do is that he would shout whatever he wants because like that, right? And he understands literally everything I tell him, right? And this is what we call. He's not even just an expressive language case. He's. He's a speech disorder case because he's got problems with pronouncing some sounds and creating some sounds, right? So therefore, this would be a very good case to talk about. So why he does that, basically, is because speech is very difficult, number one, right? It's hard for him to say something. Second of all, he has a habit, right? If he shouts and he points and he does some gestures, he gets his message across without having to talk. Whereas for us, it's different because our speech is so well developed, we would rather talk instead of doing other things. Right? Instead, you know, we have, like, voice command stuff. I don't want to alarm yours, right? You have, like, Apple, you have Google's one, you Have Amazon's one, right? We start using our voices more than typing. That's crazy. You know, as opposed to someone who would much rather like pull you make a gesture, look at you, shout at you to get their message across. So the key here is the level of difficulty for the kid. All right, so if a kid doesn't have the vocab to tell you what they want, right? Children who have expressive language disorder, actually any language disorder or delay, there is a common thread and that's what we call word finding problem. You know, like that tip of the tongue feeling we have when we're saying something. It's even worse than that because they don't even have the vocab. And even if they have it, they're not able to like pick it out right away because it's. Because how they learn their vocab isn't well established yet, right? You know, like if you're becoming an expert of something, you. It's much easier to learn something of the same field. So for them, talking in fact is very difficult because of a few things. Number one, it might be speech as we talked about. Second of all might be that their vocab isn't good. So for nearly everyone, nearly everyone, I'm saying their understanding is always better than their speaking. All right? And that's pretty much down to practice, I would say. And would they rather like. And the third thing is a habit. Are they willing to change their habits to do something hard in order to do the same thing, which is to tell you a message that I want that, right? So how do we go about it? Right? How do we make them want to talk more or whatever? So first of all, the first thing is can we make the speech easier? Can we make talking easier? Can we teach them using a word or even a sound instead of using their main method? Right. If the main method is shouting and crying and pulling your hand, can we do a non speech communication as we always talk about agents of speech? Right. Can they do like a gesture, like a sign language? Okay, so if they can do sign language, can we dumb down speech until it's like a behavior that they're willing to trade to get their message across without going back to the old habits? Right. There is entry barrier. Every time you try to teach someone something new, it gets pretty hard, right? So for instance, this cat is trying to put her face onto my microphone because she learned that and I allowed her and now it's really difficult to stop her from doing it during this life. But anyways, so you have to remember that you have to change the habits. You have to teach them an easier thing, right? And you also have to deal with their, their speech problems that, you know, it makes them super difficult to. To say anything. So back to that case. What do we do? So in what we needed to do is that you need to understand when a child wants something or wants to get across a message to you, they're in a hurry. They want to let you know asap. So therefore they're like, how to say the mood is actually quite hot. Like anxious. That's the right word for it. They're literally anxious. If you see their eyes, they're like, they want to tell you something and say like that the communication intention is very high. They really want to tell you something, but their skills are very low, so they cannot. So to get something that they really want, they revert back to the easiest thing, which is to like, pull your hand or whatever you call it handling, whatever. So what does that mean? Is that now what you have to do is to present him and find something that he wants anyways. You know that he wants that. So he doesn't need to make you guess. Like, he's like, ah, you don't get it. Let me help you. It's like that, that over there, like he's being impatient. So you already got it. You already can guess. There's only a few things that he or she wants anyways, right? So you grab it, you give a little bit to him or her, right? And then when he wants more, that's when the time where the kid is going to be a little more calm and you can teach him or her something, right? When he wants more, the communication intention is still there, but it's not as high, all right? It's a lot easier to get them like get their foot in the door and give them what they want for free first. Which sounds crazy because everyone says, oh, you got to make it hard for them. You know, you got to make it. You got to make sure that they don't, they don't get things for, you know, for free or whatever. You got to make sure that they say something or communicate with. You can't make it too easy. That's what a lot of people say, right? So how do you go about it is that, first of all, it's the opposite. You have to make it so easy for them that all they need to do is just to be there. Okay? Not like before they get angry, cranky, whatever. You already gave it to them. And I know what you know, I know what you want. You want a cookie, right? Cool. Open. Here you go. Have a little bit. And then he's like, oh, thank you. So he's not angry anymore, or she's not angry. And then when he. Or she's eating that cookie per se, it's so little that he instantly wants more. So when he wants more, he tries to, like, tell you that's the perfect time to teach. Not when they haven't had any. Right? It's very difficult. All right? So there's a certain resentment, if you like. It's like as if you're withholding something away from them and they get zero access is going to drive them nuts. All right? And why do I always talk about food? Now, let me tell you. And the reason is this. We want something that is of, like, high demand, right? That's first. Second of all, we want something that disappears and we don't have to remove it from their hands. Imagine if your child really likes your phone and you try to get it from him. It's nearly impossible. You know, you're just asking for a fight. So, you know, that's why I like food in the beginning. Later on, we teach, like, play and everything like that, right? And that's why food is nice. So, you know, like, we talk about this a lot inside Agents of Speech. And the full thing is on agentsofspeech.com micro and the micro course, I lay out and answer a lot of the questions. The parents say, man, you're reading my mind. How come I have this question and you answer it? Well, because I've answered this question millions of times, right? That's an exaggeration. Thousands. So that's one part of it. So what you can do is to remove that anxiety by giving them what they want before they even say. Right? And then when they want more, teach them something that is slightly harder than their current ability and slowly decrease your health so that they do it themselves and they achieve a new level, which is like using gestures or using a sound or like, just like, you know, it might be like an easy sound, like ah or I. Or, you know, if it's like in. In any language, like mom. Mom is like eat, right? So, you know, it's. It's not real words yet. Maybe you don't have to go there yet because most of the time when, you know, like a lot of parents would say, I say cookie first, say whatever first. You know, that never happens. So why are you trying? So try something that's easier for them and for them to like just do it and get along with it and give them what they want. Right. So that's one part of it. Hope you understand what I'm talking about. Right. And then the other part about why they won't talk is mostly in generally receptive language skills are good and expressive language are not great is because of again, yet again, I'm going to say again, play skills. Right. So is there when you're playing alone your receptive skills are still developing, but can you play with other people? Right. Can you express something that is outside of what they can accept? Like for instance, if they're playing something and they want to tell you, oh no, they're pretending to be something. Like they're pretending to be cooking something and then they touch something hot like pretending like ah, like that. Are they able to do that? Do they have the imagination to do that? Do they want to show it to you? Do they have the, you know, do they have the idea about it? Most of the time it's no. So most of the time the best thing to do for your child is like the two things I talked about. Number one, giving them what they want and showing them an easier way to get what they want asap. And then the second one is that you play with them as much as you can and teach them more play sequences that you can use with them. All right, so I'm just going to say hi to everyone's first. Hey, Gerard. Gerard. Gerald. Sorry, watching from Philippines. Hi. What's up guys? You can say hi and tell me where you're watching from. That'd be great as well. Melissa says hi and someone has a, has a. It's not really a question. Okay. Your videos. Okay, thank you. Honestly, simple and stressful. Preparing trouble. Return to just babbling. Not too often. Work in progress. Yeah, everyone is a work in progress, including myself. So let me know where you're from. Say hi. If you have any questions, put it in the comment section below. I'm just going to continue talking for a bit and I'm just going to go about my night again. Okay. So when a child has expressive language disorder, it's very difficult to engage them because it feels like ah, they understand me a lot. And when you do assessment or whatever, it's very difficult to get a. Especially if you're in the States. Right. We talked to some parents from States today. It's very difficult to get resources because like the bar can be very low for speech delayed children. Right. Meaning sometimes I say competing. Right. If your child is already talking, has Some words, but isn't as in talking in sentences. Like their peers are, right? Then it's very difficult for them to compete with non verbal children. I'm saying compete as in compete with resources, right? How are you going to compete? You tell the other mother who has a non verbal child is like, oh, my child is verbal, he's just not as good as others. It's very hard to justify. And sometimes I think this is like it's, you know, like it's equally. No matter how bad the severity is, it's still going to affect the family the same. You know, it's still gonna, you know, the parents are still gonna use a lot of time and money and a lot of sweat and tears to do the same thing, you know. So this is something that has been on my mind about like what is fair, what is not. Especially when I'm talking to parents who have this type of government services, right? Not to talk about like in Indonesia where I am right now, if you don't have money, don't even talk about therapy, right? So Fatuma says watching from Dubai. That's great. Good, good, good, good. From Ghana, Anna. That's nice. And Shushu is from usa. Very nice. Okay. So other than that, if you have any questions, please let me know. Okay. And what usually speech therapy, speech therapists will do with this type of children is basically because like if you're from a westernized country, right, Most therapists when they do work is going to feel like they're only playing with the kid. Whereas like for me, I cannot do that because I'm from Hong Kong, right? If you, for the people who don't know, because Hong Kong's rather small city, Chinese people cannot take that. You only play with the kid whilst paying for a premium, you know, you cannot pay a certain amount, like I don't know, it's more than private tuition per hour. And then you're just playing with my kid, right? That's crazy. And today I even heard like American parent who'd say the same. But obviously there are more lax about it. Right? But what I'm saying is when you're going to therapy and no matter how well your child is doing, like it will still start off with play because your child needs to build rapport with your, with the therapist. If there's no like relationship, there's nothing you can do. That's for reals, okay? It doesn't matter how well your therapy skills are or what goals you set for a kid, right? If you don't have a good Relationship with the kid, you can't do anything right. As we talked about this just kid, this client of mine who. This student of mine, I would say he's really cute. And then when he first came he was like, ah, he was like crying and everything. It was super hard to get him to do anything. He had nothing. Right. But something that it was great was that his receptive language, his understanding of language increased very, very quickly. Okay. And that's because his language didn't have much problem. It was his speech problem that affected his expressive language. Maybe I'll talk about this next week. Talk about speech disorders. There are loads. There was a parent in the comments and say, oh, how come you're talking about apraxia of speech? I thought it was like a 0.1% prevalence or 0.01% prevalence, whatever. Which I did state. Right. Why do you say it like so casually? It might be, well, it might be really like there's a chance. And the reason why I'm talking about all these disorders or whatever is because parents do ask about it. They want to know about it and it's, it's your right. And I think that, you know, like sometimes when someone like a therapist talks about this kind of stuff, it's over intellectualized and I really want to, I really want to dumb it down for everyone. Not saying that you guys really need it. What I mean is, isn't it easier for everyone? Right? So love, I guess that's your name. That's a cool name. Just turned three is her son. I believe he has expressive language disorder. He shouts a lot. Yeah, maybe then there's you know, like just the sentence. I don't know what's going on with the kid. Why does he shout? Why does it do anything? But as I said in the beginning of the video, remember to like give something that he wants to him before he even gets a shout. So it prevents him from like knowing that this behavior should. Would be rewarded. Right. And that's pretty smart, you know, like preventing something is half the battle. Right. Once you get him into the loop, meaning he wants more from you and he doesn't need to shout, then what are the chances of him shouting anyways? Okay. Given the fact that he's shouting to have something from you. If he's shouting for other reasons, like sensory reasons. Sensory, sorry reasons, it might be a problem. Okay. So love you. I guess you said how should I react when he is shouting? You know, tell me why he's shouting first. If it's about you want something, then do what I said just now. All right. Mita says, I'm from Indonesia. Oh. My son is 4. He understands all instructions, but have to not really have two way conversation. How to make him answer question. You start sensory integration therapy last month. Well, you should be in speech therapy too, right? Not only si. And I don't know why in Indonesia, SI and OT are separated. SI is a part of ot, right? That is a question for myself, not for you. I really don't know the answer for this. Okay, but having a two way conversation, first of all, how do you define a two way conversation, Mita? So like, what do you mean by that? Being able to talk about the same topic. Being able to like, I don't know, talk about school like something happened before, tell a story. What do you mean? So sometimes we don't have like, we all yearn for a normal like interaction between like our children, Right. Even some days I just like think about, well, what if one day I can talk to this kid who I'm teaching, who's not talking and have a good time with them like my other students. Right. And the, which begs the question, how far is his language abilities? If he cannot string a sentence together, then how is he able to do two way comfort, two way communication, right? And what do you mean by how to make him answer questions? There are like, if you check out our word combiners course, right? I break down, like, I basically tell you, like the level of difficulty of different questions. So you start with what questions, right? Like what is that in Indonesian, right? And after that you have like who and where. Right? But it's not who anywhere is not the ones that are. We just remember like for instance, where do you wash your hands? And at the sink. Not like that. Those are like just memorizing questions. It's for instance, like, where's the laptop? And if you can see, it's on the small table, right? Where's the, where's the cushion? Wedge, like wedge cushion, it's on the sofa. That kind of, that kind of thing. He has to look around and describe to you, right? That's who and where. Also like that. Who's wearing glasses. Minions, right? This kind of who and where questions. And after that, who and where, you also have like. And then you will start doing why questions. But they really have to hone in on being able to answer like who and where with like full sentence before you can talk about other question types. So it's very difficult. Right? And then Shamala says, any idea why children are speech related? If they're not autistic? Well, that is a question that we do not know. You know, like that. Actually, there are loads of different disorders right there. It might be that they have cerebral palsy. I'm just listing out the possibility. Doesn't mean your child has it. I'm just saying that there are loads of reasons why your child would be like, language delayed, speech delayed. But if a child is totally healthy and doesn't have any external problems or like medical issues or whatever, then it's what we call developmental problem. It's like a functional problem. Right. We don't know why. If we knew, then are we able to do anything about it? Maybe it's a gene expression. I don't know. No one knows. There is a family history correlation, meaning if your dad has it, then you're more likely to have it. Right. If your mom has it, then you're more likely to be delayed as well. But most of the time we don't know why. And even if we know why, it doesn't mean that we can intervene at that level. You know, I'm saying, like, what I mean is, it doesn't matter. Okay? And I was just telling a parent this morning that, yes, all language delayed and disordered children, they must have some problems. Not problems, like some deficiencies in this position. I can't even say the word right. Anyways, what I mean is there must be something going on with their language acquisition skills, right? There's something wrong with it that we don't know how to pinpoint. It's such an abstract thing. Like, you think about, we're the only animals who are. Who can. Are able to master language and master speech and talk in a way that we send across a message. It's very difficult to have a study to think about, oh, why do we have it? It's very hard because even if an animal had a speech delay, it wouldn't know. The closest I have is my cat, who's deaf right now. Like the orange one that you guys see, Right. It's very difficult to answer your question. So we don't know yet. If we don't know. That's. That's the thing. Okay, so Mita says. Mita says she just speaks the thing he wants to say. Well, the thing is, like, Mita, you got to find something that you guys are both, like, he's interested in first to talk about and then build up from there and build up more of his. What's that called? Build up more of his. His interest about different things. And this is a Very high level goal, you know what I'm saying? Very difficult to answer without more information here. So this is probably someone from the group, from our Facebook group. It's awesome. We've got like 7,000 people in it. That's crazy, right? Like last year I was doing like a roundup of 2021. Our group in the beginning of 2021 was like, like 100 something and that was like 7,000. It's crazy. Which I'm very happy about. So I think it's Shafiq. I'm not sure how to pronounce your name, but anyways, My son, my 6 year old, is hyperactive. She can speak and ask for demands. She can answer yes and no, but unable to narrate tell a story. Two way communication, it's hard for us to afford a lot of therapy. He she is homeschooled and can read and write. Can you tell me which therapy I should go for? Otier speech? Yeah, definitely speech. Because if she cannot tell a story by six, then that's something you have to work on, right? And I would say for like telling a story, there's loads of things that you can do. And I would say that you need a thorough assessment to know where she lies in terms of narrative speech. Right? You need to know how much she can talk, how much she can like tell a story. Can she say something in a sequence? Like first you put on your shoes and then you go out the door. And last, I don't know, you open your umbrella. I don't know, I just made that up in my mind. Right. And usually how we do it is that we give them a series of pictures and then we let them look at it and see what they say after we model it indirectly. Right, Meaning I show them a bunch of pictures first. Maybe I can show you guys some if I'm not violating any copyright rules by putting it online. But anyways, let me take a look now. Oh, actually I've got these ones that we made ourselves in Agents of Speech. Haha. And you guys can like buy it soon since you guys are all here, then I can just show it to you, right? So basically like for instance, this one, right? If you can see this, okay, so these dotted lines there are heads and whatever that you can stick on. So maybe there's a mom here, like a dad or like a girl, a boy. But anyways, how I would do is like I would stick one person here. Like this is like just basic picture description. It's not even at story level yet. So maybe what you can do is first we go to the park and then we first our family went to the park. Right? And then daddy and mommy were walking, I don't know, sister and brother were playing on the bicycle and then grandpa and the little girl were playing playing with the swing. Right? Actually it could be the same people, right? It could be first daddy mom like boy and mom go to the park first they jog together and then boy mom were playing were riding the bicycle unless mommy pushed the boy on the swing something like that. Right. And there are more of these so after I do it once maybe I would just let her try and tell her. Okay, you try now. Okay. First we went to a restaurant and then daddy was eating a burger Mommy and the son were eating I don't know what unless they paid the bill something like that. Right? So it really is.