Child’s Speech Delay the Parent’s Fault?

Okay, so let's talk about whether it's your fault or not that your child is speech delayed. So I've been talking to a lot of parents over the Internet, and there's a recurring theme. You see, a lot of parents are like, oh, I feel so guilty. I feel like giving my child screen time actually caused the speech delay. And you see a lot of therapists online, they're like, no, this is not the case. You don't have to feel guilty. The thing is, even if we say that as a professional to you, you still feel that guilt. So let's talk about whether it's your fault or not. Obviously, the short answer is no, right? And the rationale behind it is because, you know, like, there are loads of children out there who are watching screen time. They're neglected. There's no caregiver whatsoever. Right? And yet they still speak very adult. Like, there's no problem with them. Right. In terms of speech and language. And so that's a counter argument and that you're unlucky. And the reason is because, like, children are predisposed to be at risk of speech and language delay. So you have to be careful with. When you're thinking about this. Don't put it on yourself, because it's not about yourself. It's about your kid. So is it your fault or not? No, but don't make it your fault. Okay, let's talk about that. This is something that I have been thinking about, how to put it forward to parents like yourself. And the reason why I'm saying this is because it's very hard for a professional to look you in the face and say, look, your child is already here. And to go up here, you need to do some work. And then, of course, parents are gonna be like, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm ready. Bring it on. Right? And then when I'm in the clinic room, I ask, what do you think about today's session? They're like, oh, I think you're just playing with my child a lot. I think he's engaging. Well, I think that it's going well, right? So fast forward. I tell them to sit on my seat and try. They're like, hey, how come when I do it, it doesn't work? Right? So what I wanted to tell you is that you need to treat therapy like speech therapy, ABA therapy, occupational therapy, these things as truly a therapy, you know, like, it's. The therapy only begins when you go outside of the clinic room. Right? Let's say if this was an adult therapy, let's say, and you were here to like reduce your anxiety, let's say you're very common in clinic room, right? You're very calm with the therapist, but the, the work really just starts when you leave. If you can bring those skills and bring it out. And mind you, I remember, like mind you, I want you to remember this, is that your child never asked for therapy. They didn't put up their hand and say, mom, I can't speak, please bring me to speech therapy, I cannot talk anymore. Well, there are these cases, but they're like primary school, secondary school, which I've encountered but at the very like right now if a child is like one and a half to three or even like all the way to six, they're not going to be able to tell you that, right? So they didn't ask for help, therefore they're not going to be enthusiastic. That's number one. And number two, that therapy is for you, for you, the parent to bring those therapy techniques and language acquisition development, whatever you call those language facilitation skills. There's a load of jargons out there. Bring those skills back into home and start doing it. So do not make it your fault from now on, don't make it your fault. What I mean by that, you can expect and hope and pray and ask questions that are not helpful towards a child's language development. So let me give you some things to think about first. I don't want to, I don't mean to offend anyone here. I'm just being as straight as an arrow to parents like you, right? And the questions I get is like, oh, what is the cause of the speech and language delay or disorder, right? And to be very honest with you, the cause will not help you with determining what to do with a child who is not speaking it, all right? That's, it's just not going to help in the beginning. All therapy is very similar. Get them to want to communicate with you and teach them how. That's all right. It sounds simple, but it's not easy, right? You would know, you must have tried. Your child must be like pulling your hand, getting angry, spitting like a top on the floor, these kind of things. If you're Talking about like 1 and a half to 3 year olds who are still non verbal, this will happen, right? So another question I get a lot is like, when is my child going to start talking, right? How long is a piece of thread, right? As a piece of string, it depends. I don't know. No one can answer you. If someone can answer you, then they're probably just lying to you because no one knows, right? And then another question would be, oh, is it a delay or disorder? Because I heard that delay is something that they can grow out of and disorder is something that cannot. Well, it doesn't matter what it is right now. It really doesn't matter if it's a delay or disorder because the way that you teach your child is still the same, right? It wouldn't change. So why would you care about that? And then, you know, sometimes in YouTube, the comments will say, oh, Ming, you're not a parent. Of course you don't understand. Of course getting down to the nitty gritty of the diagnosis is very important because it gives a parent closure. It gives a parent closure about, like, what is how the journey is going to be. Yes, you're right. You're totally correct. I'm not discounting that. But how is that going to help you in taking action? Right? If you want your child to start talking, bring those therapy techniques and start doing it. It doesn't matter if it works or doesn't work. You have to stick with it for long period of time until it works. And you know, therapy, it doesn't work for a very long time. And suddenly it works. So let's talk about, like, some parents that I've been coaching online. We have a membership that parents submit videos to me and I check them out and stuff. And one of them, she heard her child hasn't been talking for a very long time for like half a year. And you know, like, a lot of parents will join and then they quit or whatever. That's fine, you know, like, as long as you've tried, then I'm more than happy to part ways as long as you have tried. You know, like, don't say that nothing has worked because, you know, if you haven't done your work, then it's very difficult for, for me to determine whether it's the right direction or not. So anyways, this, this person, I'm probably gonna make a video about this later on. And there are multiple success stories inside of, you know, like the people who I coach. And just to tell you, right, it took us her six months doing the same thing. Every time I saw the videos, I'm like, okay, just here, do this, here do that. Don't say this. Try to praise her here. Give a prompt here like this. Set up the table like this. This is very, very small, minute things, right? And after six months, what Happened was like she suddenly started to copy and once you started copy, she started to talk and now she's at like single word level all of a sudden, suddenly clicked and then now she's already using two words. Sometimes, not all the time. But you see, it doesn't work for a very long time and suddenly it works. And the reason is because you've been building the foundation, right? And is it your fault that your child has a speech and language delay? No. Is it your fault that your child is stuck at this level? Maybe, maybe not. All right? Do not make it your fault. All right? That's what I'm trying to say to you. I'm not saying, I'm not trying to condemn you for not doing it. I'm saying is don't be paralyzed, don't be asking the wrong questions. Do the right things, listen to someone, doesn't need to be me. Listen to their methods and go do it. Most of the time the methods are very similar. Find something your child likes, get their interest and then show them how to, how to communicate to get what they want, right? And that's pretty much as simple as that. It doesn't get. It's not rocket science, right? So at the end of the day, you have to keep the main thing, the main thing, right? Which is your responsibility as a parent. Because the therapy work only starts, only begins after you go outside the clinic, right? Treat it as if you were doing some sort of anger management therapy. The real test comes when you're triggered. When the anger is triggered and you have to cope with it. It's the same with speech therapy. The real test comes when your child is requesting for something, is wanting something from you, is wanting to communicate with you, but they're using the wrong way. Like hand pulling, like hitting you, biting you, pinching you, kicking you, like rolling on the floor, right? Using one word only. These are the times when you bring out those skill sets. Use it. If you think that you can wait it out and you know everything will be fine, then it could be very might like. Loads of children are like that. We call those late talkers. Right? There's a subtle difference. And don't ask me whether your child is a late talker or a speech late child, right? Because your rationale is that, oh, because it's a. The reason behind your asking is because you want to know whether you need to do anything or not, alright? It doesn't matter whether you do anything. Like it doesn't matter what diagnosis it is. It must matter if your child will speak Tomorrow or like in a week or in a month or in a year, you still have to put in the work because it decreases the risk, right? You're trying to manage the risk. Okay? Don't come to me and ask, how do I know if it's a late talker? How do I know if he's gonna talk tomorrow? Then why am I doing this? No, it's not like that. You must do it, all right? Or else. Because the consequences are too large for you to not do it, alright? You would rather be safe than sorry. Okay? So I don't know, I feel like I have to come up in front of you and tell you this, okay? And I usually don't. I'm not as straightforward unless you put up your hand and say, ming, I want to learn. And that's why a lot of times parents leave very good reviews about our stuff. That's because I get straight to the point. I tell you what to do. Exactly. Just only one thing. Go do it, Finish it. And then we can go to the next level. Don't think too much. Act. Alright? Go do it. Because you can pay someone to do it, but they're not gonna be at home when the real test comes. You are left alone. Your child didn't ask for help. You asked for help. You asked for help for a child to go to speech therapy. There's no done for you unless you have a therapist in your house 24 7, which is still not gonna solve a problem because people, people move, you know, people get pregnant, people get married, people have. Have problems at home. You know, like, people have better jobs, people make more money, you know, you can never put your child's development and education totally solely onto someone else's hand. And you cannot. I'm not making you like, scared or anything. In fact, I think I'm very optimistic about every case I see. As long as you put in the work, you will see improvements. Right? But the thing is, you cannot ask these questions to try to think about whether everything's gonna be fine. Things are only gonna be fine if you actually do stuff, alright? Whether or not the stuff you're gonna do are in vain or not. Because you're gonna learn and you're gonna be a better parent because of it. Alright? So that's it for this video. Sorry for the rant. I'm sorry if I am. Actually, I'm not sorry if I've offended you. And then you're obviously not the. The person that I wanted to speak to. Right? So anyways, if you do want to start home therapy. You can go to agents of Speech.com checklist. Grab a list of tools and toys that you can use at home when you're starting. All right, so that's it for today. I'll see you in the next video very soon. Bye.