Dealing with Children Who Throw a Tantrum When Going Home

Hey, this is Ming here, a speech therapist from agentsofspeech.com today we're talking about what happens. What if your child throws a tantrum when they're about to go home and they want to do something else, Right? And you don't know what to do. So, first of all, my background is in speech therapy. I also had some time as an ABA therapist, and just because of my work experience there, parents tend to ask me about this kind of behavioral issues, Right? So first of all, the. You need to understand the function of a tantrum. What is the function of a child trying to achieve? What is he trying to do when he's doing a tantrum? So there are usually two that he or she is trying to do when they're throwing a tantrum in public just so that they can do something right before they go home. They don't want to go home. They want to do this. And you know it, he knows it, and he's trying to express that to you. So the number one is protest, right? It's like, shut up. I want to do it my way. Like that. That kind. Right. Second of all is trying to manipulate you to access that thing that he wants. So these two are rather similar, but kind of different. Okay? So you need to understand the function first. So if that's the case, no matter how big the tantrum is, you cannot, cannot allow them to get what they want. Because first of all, if they protest and they get what they want, they know that protesting works, okay? Second of all, they're using throwing a tantrum to request for something, then it's actually more effective than talking, because when they talk, you say no, and then they escalate into a tantrum and they get what they want. And, you know, like, yada, yada, yada. You've heard this over and over with your therapist or with a teacher. You just cannot negotiate with them like that. All right, so what can you do? Okay. Because all the advice just stops here, right? They never tell you, oh, what to do. All they say is, like, all day. I mean, as in, like, other teachers and therapists or whatever. And I've been one of them. I just say, I'll just ignore it, you know, whatever. But as a matter of fact, you. Every day having this, like, people are watching. People are, like, giving comments, like, looking at you in a weird way. It's very difficult for you to handle. I understand that. And so I've actually been with parents and, like, in public spaces just to teach them what to do. I don't do that anymore because of coronavirus. Right. But anyways, the first thing is always to prevent it from happening. So anytime that you feel like it's going to trigger a tantrum, don't allow that thing or place to be seen by the kid, okay? And then, you know, like, parents will start saying, oh, it's impossible. They must go past that place. They must whatever that place or whatever. Right? So that's fine. Just choose the road that has the least resistance, that has the least amount of temptations to him or her. Okay? Just do it first. Prevent it in that way. Okay. Maybe that if you take this turn or whatever, or you go during this time of day, the playground is open. There aren't other kids, right? Whatever. Or they don't have the flashy lights or whatever. I don't know. I had a student who in Hong Kong, the newspaper stands on the streets where we walk the pedestrian. They would put toys, all right? Like. Like a whole row of, like, mini buses or buses or whatever. And they would just put it there. And the student would, you know, whenever he walked past it, he would grab it. Yeah. So there was a certain place where he would start, like, triggering. Okay. And the same that he would also snatch other people's french fries and find it funny in McDonald's. Okay. We were able to prevent it. And how do we do it is that we took another route, right? Or we blocked his eyesight like that. Like, didn't let him see it. Then. Whatever. A lot of people will say, hey, that's not natural. Main. What? What are you doing? What I'm doing is just to prevent it, okay? If you don't prevent tantrums, you cannot reward the calmness of a kid when it does happen. Okay? Which is my next point. My next point. Reward them before the tantrum happens, okay? When you give them something before they, like, they're triggered, then they have no actual reason to throw a tantrum. Okay? All right? So there's no actual reason for the child to throw a tantrum when they. They are rewarded before the thing happens. Okay? And you might ask why. Why is that even? What does that mean? So I have a student right now. Her tantrum is different. She just lies on the floor and does nothing and doesn't want to walk anymore, doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to whatever. She just wants something. She just wants the. What's that? She just wants to watch something, whatever. So our way of mitigating it is to give her the reward if she's continuing to walk. Right. That's one thing. Okay? Second of all, when you're about at the place where you know your child would be triggered, then what you should do is to give a reward for saying, nice, being calm. Nice. Good boy. You don't like it? Good. Shove them a screen, Shove them a phone and let them watch it so that they won't get triggered. I know it sounds crazy, but just imagine how much easier your life would be if you were just able to walk past those temptations without them throwing a fit. Okay? So you have to use screen time asap, if that's something they like. Or you give them a snack right before. Screen time is better because it directs. Diverts the attention to something else. Okay? That's something practical. All right? The other thing you have to do is that you have to teach waiting at the table. And that's not something I'm telling you to do right now because it requires some skill, some clinical skills, some, you know, therapeutical expertise to able to do it. So tell your therapist about it, especially your behavioral therapist, and let them have a program about waiting. Okay? All right. So up till now, just let me summarize. If your child is throwing a tantrum, understand the function, all right? Never allow them to get what they want and fulfill the function. Never have. Never let them have it. Okay? Instead, distract them. Prevent it with all means. You can reward them before they get triggered, okay? And then reward them even more when you get home. Okay? I. I've had a parent who said, ming, you're. You're right. All I had to say was, I'll give you Mickey Mouse when we get back. And all problems were solved, right? So you have to think about it in the short term. First, how do you make him so that he doesn't throw a tantrum first? Because the first step is always to get him not to throw a tantrum. And then you can talk about rewarding him when there's a lack of a tantrum. You know what I'm saying? Okay. So anyways, if you haven't, you should go to agents of Speech.com checklist to grab a free list of tools and toys that I recommend you getting when you're starting home therapy. Okay? So that's it. I'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.