Friday Live: Speech Therapy at Home What Parents Need to Know

It. Hello, Just give me one second. I am setting up everything. Setting up everything. Go live, Okay? Just setting up stuff. All right? Give me, like, two more seconds. It. Okay, just press live. And here we go. All right. In today's live, I want to talk about what you need to know at home, if you're trying to do therapy at home, okay? And it really is. It really, really is a mental game, all right? A lot of us who are at home trying to do work and help our children run into a lot of hiccups, okay? And I want to give you exactly what I tell my clients myself so that you know that you're not alone, all right? And it's not really the fact that it's about the technique or anything. There's one thing you got to do at home to do to get results for yourself. It's not really about the technique, because, to be honest, if it was about the technique, you wouldn't stand a chance. Because a lot of therapists, they use a lot of time to learn all these things. Like, it takes around two and a half years or three sometimes to get a degree in this kind of. In this field. And I myself, I've been working in this. The first, I started in 2014, right? And in 2014, I started as an ABA therapist. And it took me around, like, three months before I really got the hang of anything, okay? So if it was really about that, I think you wouldn't be able to teach your child anything, okay? And we're talking about speech delayed children who are on the spectrum, children who have, like, some sort of disability, some sort of diagnosis, that kind of stuff. And I don't want to talk about diagnosis and everything, because I don't want to. I do not want to make you. I don't want to confuse you, as confusing as it is. And last time that I knew that, when last time that I was trying to actually teach about this kind of stuff, everyone was asking me, hey, what kind of. What kind of thing are you? Like, what kind of diagnosis are there? What kind of therapy is there? But it's not even. It's not really about that really isn't about that. Because if I go into all the details about, like, what I know about diagnosis, it won't help you. Okay, let's say that I'll tell you that. Hey, yeah. Your child has a speech disorder. He has, you know, a practice of speech. He's got. He's got phonological disorder or something, or delay. What is it gonna. What is it gonna do anyways? To you, there's nothing that will do to you, all right? Whereas if I tell you like, oh, this is what you need to know as a parent, this is what you got to do right now and have that mindset, then it'll help you a little bit more. All right? So what I intend to do right now is to tell you how you should think, okay? How you should think and how you should think. It should be like this. Your child is on. If your child right now is delayed or, or needs speech therapy in any way, okay, let's say that at their age, they're not hitting their age appropriate goals, of which it's pretty. It's different in every country, obviously. But if your child is still using or not using any words to communicate, then of course you need speech. You need to do stuff at home. If your child is using like one word per sentence when he or she should be using much more, then, yeah, of course he's got, he needs to use. You got to use some therapy techniques at home, all right? So the first thing I want to talk about is don't even, don't even think that this is gonna. Your efforts are gonna be useful in the first week, all right? It's especially hard for parents to do anything at home that will have effect in a very. It's very hard for anyone to have. For anyone who is at home, like a parent to see any results very soon, all right? It takes, it really takes some time. All right? It really, really takes some time. So what, how long are we talking about? So first of all, you need to understand this is for the short run so far. For the long run, my bad. For the long run, it needs to be a really long game, okay? And when I talk about it being a long game, you gotta know that. You got to know that when you're doing something for the long run, it takes at least like three to six months to get in the groove. You need to understand that other than your child is learning, you're also learning, okay? You're also learning. And when you're learning, you need a lot of time to absorb and understand the groove and the way that you do things. Okay? And, and what, what I mean is imagine that all the things that you've been doing, the way that you talk to your child has been this way, right? And you've always been doing that. And if they've been. If it works, if it does like any effect, it would have somehow already, okay? So therefore, we need to change our behavior, okay? And that's super hard to, to understand as a parent because you and I were brought up in this, in, in a, in a way by our parents. And whether you like it or not, it's just going to be the same. We're going to try to do the same things that our parents have done to us. And I've tried that. I've actually lived that before because my first day at work, long, long time ago, the first thing that happened to me was I started to talk like my dad, right? I started talking like my mom. And I try to get the child's affection by doing what I thought was fun. So the first thing you have to understand is it's in the long run, you have to change your behavior. And number two is that you gotta think in a way that puts the child first, okay? And I don't mean that you have to be, you have to read a lot of books or whatever. You just have to make a simple tweak, which I'll talk about here, okay? And if you have any questions anytime, right now, you can tell me. Okay? So the first, the crux of what I want to talk about, it's getting a little messy because I was like, sorry, I was trying to share my live video and stuff and I was like, just babbling. Anyways, so you need to understand that there's two extremes to therapy. Two extremes. The one extreme is super naturalistic, what we call child centered. Okay? Child centered, that's one, that's one way of doing therapy. The other extreme is being like teacher centric, what we call like clinician directed. I'll just call it like dictatorship. All right, so one side is dictatorship. The other side is like just free play, free whatever, Just very child centered, whatever. And where should you fall on this extreme? It depends. All right? It depends what kind of child your son or daughter is. I would say that most of the time that you should always have some sort of dictatorship, but not all the time. So it needs to be like both things at the same time. Okay, so how do you even do it? So what would you even decide? First of all, I want to say that at any time, if your child right now doesn't like to look at you and doesn't like to hang out with you, your first job, to be honest, is really to think about. It should be child centered. It should be you getting out of your child's way so that you guys can have fun together. If you guys cannot do that, it's very hard to have a sustainable relationship, right? So how do you even do that. So I've been talking about this on my online course as well. If you want to check it out, it's at www.agentsofspeech.com. but I think that the missing piece inside the information that parents aren't getting yet is that, is that being child centered means we're not asking anything in return. All right? We're not asking anything in return. Right. And that's especially hard to understand for Asian parents. It's hard enough for Western parents to understand. It's hard enough for a lot of people to understand. But we have to be. If we want to have a sustainable relationship with your child, especially one that has a speech delay or a language delay or whatever the diagnosis, you've got to be able to have a child centered approach that you can use day to day. Okay? And what that means is that we're not asking any questions. As I said about a million times. We're not giving commands on a daily basis. We're not trying to control what they do. We're not trying to tell them what's wrong or right. We're trying to. These are all the don'ts. But what we should try to do is to see what they're interested in. Start talking at their level, at their language level. Don't talk too fast as well. I'm trying not to say don'ts. But what a lot of parents don't understand is when they're interacting with the child, it takes a lot of time for them to settle down on how to talk. It takes really, like the reason why there's. The reason why I tell parents to send me videos all the time is because I want to see it and I want to give feedback ASAP about how to talk. Okay? So right now if you're talking, you're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Where is it? What is that? How's the cow go? What do you do with that? And then you. And then when you describe something, you use like three to four words per sentence, but your child is talking at like maybe 1 or 0, then that's too hard for him or her. Okay? So you have to be child centered in a way that you're being empathetic. You're being empathetic towards how well they can actually use language. If your child isn't good at using language, then, you know, use less. Be child centered. Be thinking about what your child is thinking. There's a reason why they're ignoring you. There's a reason why they're running away. The reason why you don't attend, you don't think, they don't hear when you're trying to talk. Alright, let me give you an example. So back in the day when I was in university for bachelor's, I took psychology, by the way. And then there was this. There was this class where it's about human neuroscience. And I hated biology. I still hate it. But I don't know why it just keeps on popping back into my life because of what I do, right? So what happened was that the person who was teaching it was this professor from Mainland China. Because you know, Hong Kong is getting more and more professors from over there. And the way that he taught was very, very. He just read from a textbook, basically. What I mean is. And when he read from a textbook, the jargons that he used was too hard. He picked a textbook that was an entry level. He was talking through PowerPoint with like, with words, but like a whole paragraph. And what happened was that I fell asleep. The majority of the class just dozed off and used like a recorder just so that they get their money's worth out of it. But to be honest, Hong Kong local university is so cheap. I don't understand like, just might as well not go, right? So what I'm trying to say is, are you being that lecturer, right? Are you being that lecturer trying to say stuff that's too hard to someone? And we have a saying in Chinese, right? You're playing piano to a cow. And if that's ever the case, you feel like you're trying your best, you feel like you're trying to give knowledge, you're trying to teach, but all you get is nothing. Then yeah, you might be playing music, playing piano to a cow, all right? So you have to be very child centered. Do not ask anything in return, alright? And to illustrate this a little further, why I tell you guys not to tell you, especially not to talk in long sentences that your child doesn't have, or ask questions that your child doesn't understand or give commands that your child can only guess what to do is because there's something called a zone of. Damn, I forgot my book. Knowledge is very bad. It's called zpd, the Zone of Proximal Development. Anyways, anyways, doesn't matter about the name, okay? It just means a comfort zone. Just a comfort zone of language, of ability. And everyone uses it when you're in the education field. So in this zone, in this zone, when you talk, your language level, your models for language, it needs to be inside somehow or just a little Bit outside of it so that it pushes their comfort zone a little bit. If it's way outside here and your competency level, your comfort zone is here, then you're going to tune off, right? Just like right now, I'm talking to you on this live. I'm not talking about nonlinear phonology. I'm not talking to you about auditory discrimination. I'm not talking to you about syntax structure. I'm not talking to you about like what was the difference between the adjunct and the complement. Right? These stuff, even for us, we don't really know. We have to like read books and discuss about it and refresh our memory. We hardly even use it because like, it's not practical. So you need to be empathetic. What you're saying, are you being child centric? Are you saying something or words that are outside of their competency? If it's outside of their competency, then they're not going to absorb it at all. So there's a study where I need to find it. If you want to, you can just private message me. I don't want to like just put it out there and people don't look at it. So there's a study that they took in some parents from America, I think, and they asked, they taught the parents, like one part of the parents how to talk in a child centric way using what we call indirect language stimulation. Stupid word for like talking simple. So one part of the parents were taught to talk in this way. Okay, in the ils, in direct language simulation. The other part was not taught, like is the control group. And then they looked at the children of these parents for like extended period of time. I can't tell you how long because I don't remember. And what happened was that the ones that were taught the way to talk, the parents, their children improve significantly. The other part, not really. Okay, so the moral of the story of the study is that if you're able to talk in a way that your child can relate and within their competency, it actually helps their child to. Actually helps the child to improve in terms of language. All right, so you might ask me, hey, okay, so I get it. So child centered. It is the slow way. It is the right way to do it. It helps the child to improve naturally, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's like studies and all that stuff behind it. But how do you do it? So first of all, you have to observe, observe your child. How much is she or he saying? If most of the time it's babbling, it's alien language is being like just stupid words in singing. Then you should stick to one word. You should stick to one word because they're not using language consistently and it's hard to actually adjust. It's hard to actually adjust. So how do you even do one word at a time? So, for instance, how I would do it is like, let's say the child is drinking something, right? I'll say like, yes, drink, cup. Yes, using cup. Sometimes I might write one to two words, but as long as it's natural. Some words you cannot use, like by its own right. But I will keep it as short as possible. Yes. And then let's say I'm describing that I'm using this, like, roller to roll off stuff from my shirt because I've got cats, right? I'll say yes, roller, roll, roll. Yeah, up and down. I got it the other way around. Anyways. Yeah. So I would stick to one word at a time according to what they're doing. Okay? So indirect language stimulation is a slow way, but it works. Okay, I've seen it work. So let me tell you another story about my. So I moved to Jakarta around a year and a half ago. And the reason why is just because of my girlfriend. It's not because I want to start anything in Southeast Asia. But anyways, so I came here and I started to see a client at home, visit. But I realized quickly because back in Hong Kong, I only worked in a clinic. And when I was working in clinic, I was very dictator because it was my place, my room, my toys, and children need to listen to me. And it works, right? But at the child's house, it's much harder because everything they get for free, everything, they. They're like the king or queen over there. They're used to just throwing a tantrum and whatever. So this kid, I can't tell you his name obviously, but I'll just call him. Just make one up. I'll call him Sam. All right, so Sam, in the beginning, he was like two and a bit when I saw him. And I couldn't use like a dictatorship on him because whenever I demanded him or something, he would like, he, like, bumped his head on the wall. So I couldn't do that. If I were to do that, I would used around like a month just to, like, try to mold him and. Which was very hard at his house. But the reason why I am more of a molder of a dictator in Hong Kong is because I was working in a private clinic. And private clinic, you have to show results asap, or else the clients will run away because they're all Chinese, and Chinese people always shopping. So that's a sidetrack. But anyways, I'm here in Indonesia. Sam, I think my third ever client here. When I told him to say something, I said, hey, say hi. And he was like. And he was like. And all I hear is banging. And the mom was right next to me because when I do therapy, I like the parents inside so I can look at their faces. I know they're learning and so on. And I thought that it was very bad. So I decided to go the natural and slow route of. And the natural slow route is obviously indirect language stimulation and all that we were talking about. So Sam back then wasn't using any words. He would get super angry, get no eye contact whatsoever. And how we actually started to do it was that I was just following him and I was just playing next to him. I was not hoping that he would give me any response. I was just next to him talking one word at a time, one word at a time. And we would get toys and play cards together. And until he was actually okay with me touching his toys, I started to, like, give a little more demand, a little more demand. But before that, I was just totally just accompanying him. I was just sitting next to him. I was just, like, trying to make sure that he was okay with me touching his toys. Because back then, if his mom touched his toys, he would be so angry. So I was just trying to sit there and be okay with him just being a friend. And once I infiltrated his system, his environment, and became a friend, what happened next was that I started to talk a lot, but in one word at a time. So I would say, like, oh, put. Yes, the car. Great. Slide down. One, two, three, go. Like that. Just like that. I wasn't asking for anything in return. Right? But thankfully, because the parent wasn't Chinese, wasn't really Asian, I'm not going to tell her descent, but, you know, she was very understanding. And after, like, one to two months, we start to see results. We start to see results. Sam is actually able to talk, but obviously still in the one or two words, right? So we're slowly teaching Sam all that kind of stuff. We're teaching the mom how to do it. The mom in the beginning was so bad. Don't mind me saying, if you know who you are, if you're watching this, the mom. I'm sorry, but in the beginning, it was so hard to watch because she would get so angry at the kid whenever the kid, like, banged his head against her chest, which is very bad. But there's no point in getting angry at a kid that doesn't know anything. I say it easily because they're not my kid. But, you know, I also get angry at my cats when they don't know any better. But anyways, so that mother helped me understand that, hey, this is really important. What I read in the books before did work. But just the thing is, because I worked in a clinic and I have to make things work asap in a dictatorship fashion. It doesn't like. It's very. It's very hard for parents to replicate what I do. You know, it takes a lot of soft skill to take the time to do it. But, like, talking correctly, that doesn't. That doesn't really. It isn't really hard to do. It's just. You need to break your own habits. So let's go back to Sam Simone Samsung. In the beginning, she would, like, talk really fast in three different languages intertwined, and then she would speak in full sentences. She would ask questions. You know, when the kid was, like, throwing toys, she would say, do you do that? Are you sure you want to throw that note? They don't understand what is. Are you sure you want to do that? It's impossible. So slowly, as the mom was watching me model, as a model for language facilitation, as we call it, I'm throwing a lot of names at you, but it's just the same thing. You're just talking simply, right. After a long time. And I watched her do it, and I also taught her how to do it. She now speaks very nicely, and I want to hire her if ever, like, she wants to work, which I think is impossible. But, yeah, a lot of times when I train the parents, I want to hire them. In the end, man, they're just so good. The ones that I trained in real life, they're online. There's a few that I think, oh, man, dude, if I could, like, make them, like, a therapist at my place, that'd be excellent. Anyways, so, yeah, so Sam was actually taught using that naturalistic method from the ground up. And afterwards, we did have some table tasks and we did dictate him a little bit. And that's because he had some behavioral issues that I wanted to get rid of. Okay. And in the end, we also started to do group therapy with him and another kid of mine, and it works perfectly. And now his language level isn't that bad. If he were to do, I'm guessing, because there's no like standardized test I can do in Indonesia that would work. But let's say if he would, he would go to Singapore and to do a language assessment, it wouldn't be that far off from the language appropriateness. Right? So he probably wouldn't even get any speech therapy right now. So that's the power of it. And this is of course a standalone case, right? You cannot say that, oh, I want the same for my kid. How long would it be? It doesn't work that way, number one. Number two is like, are you willing to go through the amount of stress, work and learning with your child? Because to be honest, Sam's mom, she, in the beginning, she was so stressed out, man. She was super stressed out. And to be able to get to a point where we can, I can lean on her and know that she will do the right things took some time. Okay? It took like four months before she really calmed down and could handle the kid. All right? And to handle a kid is very easy. Actually. The first thing I would tell you to do is just to stop talking and start looking at your kid. What are they looking for? All right. Yeah, that's child directed. Sorry, child centered. Child centered. Okay. So that's all good and whatever when I say it. But when you do it, you have to have in your mind that it's going to be a long run thing. It's going to take like three to four months before you get the hang of it. And for your child to actually now be used to you talking like that and start to like you. Okay? That's the main thing. I'm sorry if it sounds like that. I'm saying that your child doesn't like you. Most probably, yes, most probably. They don't like hanging out with you. Okay. They don't enjoy it. That's why they're like looking away. And that's not your fault. That really isn't your fault. Because no one ever told you that it would be so different. No one ever told you that it would be so different. And it takes time to actually implemented. So today in this live, we're not going too into like the hour mark because I have a next. I have a session in the morning as well, right after this. So if you can hear my cat, she's just like, they're just fighting. Okay? So the next thing I want to talk about is like being a dictator and how to be a dictator if you're a mom or dad who wants fast results right now. This is for you. Okay. What I was talking about for the past half an hour was to be a good talking, a talker and a listener and to. Sorry. He's like, this guy's called Jaro, my cat. And he's kind of like, blind. So, you know, I don't know why. Like, so when he sees me and then he suddenly cannot see me anymore, he'll, like, cry out loud. Anyway, so for the past half an hour, I've been talking about, like, child centered. Child centered. How to be a good companion, how to talk well, how to, you know, someone who creates, like, calmness instead of, like, stress around the household. Right. And the other part is, like, the real extreme is to be a dictator and to take that, Dictate that they do the things that you want them to do. How do you do that? Well, first of all. First of all, you have to have something that they want theory. Okay? It's not something that they can access themselves if something that they get themselves is not going to work. And a lot of times on this channel or on this Facebook page, I preach a lot about bribing, which I'm going to get a lot of frowned upon by a lot of people. Especially like aba people. We don't use bribing. Whatever. Yeah, it is exactly bribing, man. In the beginning, you bribe them into listening to you. It's dictatorship, right? There's no. There's all the control is with us, not with the kid. So if you want to do this, I really strongly recommend that you only do it for five to 10 minutes because you simply do not have you as the parent, simply do not have the mental capacity to dictate a kid for more than, like, five minutes. Because it takes training to train yourself to be able to talk in a certain way and act in a different manner. Okay? So just do it for five or ten minutes every day. Just be a dictator for a day. And how do you do that? How do you do that? Get something that they love? All right. Buy that chitado chips if you're in Indonesia. I had a client who didn't know how to sit down and do work. And he was a. His speech was not there yet. So we. We had to get him to sit down. So I had to dictate him for a whole hour. In the beginning, it was impossible. Nothing worked. His play skills wasn't good. He didn't like toys. But what we did was I bought chips in Indonesia. It's called one that kids love is chitaro. I don't know how to say it correctly. In Hong Kong there's one called need longer heat wave. Wow. Very good as well. Obviously you don't want to give chips so often. So I'm going to give a little bit, right? So a whole packet of chips could last me for a whole hour. Actually half a bag can last me for a whole hour. So what you do is you get the chips, you put it on the table, you get them to do a few tasks and you give it to your kid. And in the beginning, don't do things that are too hard. Make sure that you're setting up them for success. And we're getting, we're treading right into, right into the realm of behavioral therapy. Okay. So what you do is like this, similar to teaching her this cat. So you take out the chip, you put it on the table, you tell them to do something super easy. So for instance, like clapping hands, touching head, that stuff. Just do one. When they listen, give it. Okay. Doesn't matter if they're not looking, they're not focusing. I made a video about this. You can go check it out on YouTube or Facebook. Doesn't matter if they're doing it for you, then they're focusing. If you tell them to tap your head, do this and they do it. Give the chip slowly. What you're doing is building compliancy and not short five minutes slowly. You want to do like three different actions and then afterwards you want to do five different actions. And from those easy actions, we move towards talking. Right. So this is a good way that you can drill what we call drill. Drill. Drill all those like language and speech into your child if you really want to. Okay. And I really, really urge you not to do it for too long. Okay. It's gonna hurt the relationship if you do. Alright. So there's two sides to it. There's like the really natural, really natural child centric where you talk and talk and talk, but only like inside their competency zone. Okay. That's what you keep on doing. The other side is being a super dictator about how you teach your child. And is there a middle point? Yes. But the middle point is very hard for you to implement at home. All right? Because it takes, it's like Tai Chi, man. It's like Tai Chi. If you're Chinese or actually anyone who knows Tai Chi nowadays, it's Tai Chi man. It takes a lot of understanding for the child, for teaching children to know when to give, when to take control. So what I say is, what I say for you to do at home is to go two extremes at different Times, Okay? When it's time to go to the extreme of being a dictator, go full on. If you're going for being naturalistic and doing language facilitation and direct language stimulation, all these jargons, you know, being natural, then go full on. Don't go halfway. Don't go halfway. Okay, so let's talk more about being a dictator. When you're being a dictator, do you need them to sit down? Yes and no. If your child is over three, I want them to sit down. If they're below two, below three, then. Nah, I don't think so. Just let them be. Because it's really tiring for children under three to sit down all the time because they just don't have the muscles to do it. Right. So when you are doing a dictatorship thing, which is like clinician directed, or shall we say parent directed, from now on, I just call it parent directed. Is that you need to have loads of goodies next to you. These goodies cannot be accessed in any other time. All right? These are the money. You know, the. The artillery, like the. The bullets that you use. And you only use it. The nuclear warheads of. Of teaching. You only use it when you're educated. Or else it don't work. It won't work. Your words will mean nothing. Your demands will. Will not be fulfilled. Okay? Because simply, the stuff isn't strong enough. All right? So once you know. Oh, by the way, if you have any questions right now, you can just. Or comments, you can just post them. That'd be great. Yeah. So I was talking about chips. Don't worry, because later on we will be able to slowly move away from the food. So remember that kid I was talking about where I had to use Chitaro? Right now we don't even use Chitaro. We just use toys. And before, he didn't even know how to play toys. Now he loves toys. So we can use chips to like or whatever to bridge towards play. All right? It's not like, hey, you're so. You're so unnatural. You only use food. You're like teaching pets or whatever. Yeah, of course. In the beginning, of course it feels like teaching pets. But we move away from it because we're human, right? We teach them the correct way to play. But we're gonna use that as incentive. Yeah. So I was talking about in my previous video about like focusing. That's when you're teaching a child. Like a dictator. Like a dictator is that you need to give salary on time. You need give the salary on time or else Your child, your employee isn't gonna like, listen to you. So what I mean by on time is that you have to reinforce, you have to keep on giving those treats whenever you can, okay? Even if it means that you have to finish the task for them. Okay? So if you've been following me and you've been watching a lot, one of the tasks that I like to do is like the open palm, right? So open palm. It doesn't matter if they're not looking, it doesn't matter if their hands are limp. As long as you help them finish, that's it. And when you're doing it, they cannot be doing anything else. They must be focused on you because it's only like five or ten minutes of you being a dictator and them having to listen to you. It goes a long way if you're able to make your child listen to you for five minutes. Because it's micro commitments towards something. All right, so if it's micro. What, sorry, what do I mean by micro commitments? Is that when you are. There's a lot of psychology theory is that when you are teaching things, sorry, when you ask someone to do something really out of their way, they would say no. But if you start off with smaller ones and move up to the bigger commitment, they would say yes. That's why when you're getting sold on something, they always ask you, they always tell if they can give you a free gift first. Right? Oh, I've got a free gift. You want it? Oh, yes, I'll put in your details and then you do it. Whereas if they just told you to, oh, you want to sign to a newsletter, they won't do it, but you won't do it. Right? So it needs to be a micro commitment where it's, where it's how to say it's good for the child. Okay, So I would bribe. It's ethical bribe. So I would say, oh, you want to chip? Okay, help me do this. Good job. Here you go. So now the relationship is that, okay, if I listen to you, I will do, I will get what I want. I will get something really nice. Correct. So you have to keep on doing it and help them finish it, even if they don't want to do it. Do something even easier. So easy that the trade off makes sense for them. Okay? And that is exactly how companies, especially makeup companies, get your content and get the sale. They give you a discount, they give you a free gift, they give you a demo, they tell you to sit down and do a makeup with them. And then they Soft sell you and say, oh, it looks beautiful on you. That kind of stuff. Same, it's micro commitments. Oh, you want to try first? It's like, oh, you want to try this sample? Oh, oh, I'll teach you how to use it. And then you sit down and suddenly you've got like five products under your face. And I've seen it firsthand, man. First is like the blusher and then the whatever, the mascara. I don't know the names, but suddenly your whole face is makeup. And you're like, oh no, it all looks so good on me, maybe I should buy it. And then after that, oh, you need a box for that makeup. How about this? And you get the box and somehow you leave the mall with a box of makeup, right? So I've seen that multiple times on my mum as well in the cooking thing, you know, like you get like a sample of meat that's cooked by like the pan, which is like totally unrelated. And then my mom tries it and then she's like, oh, it tastes really nice. And then she's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what you need is like you use this pan. Let me show you. You want to try it? Oh yeah, it's very hot. This is how you do it. And you have to think about you're actually a sales at home if you're doing the dictatorship way. If you're doing a dictatorship way. I'm sorry, there's marbles in my mouth. It's just when I talk too much, it's like that. So yeah, you have to start with micro, micro commitments and slowly move towards them listening to you 100%. It goes a long way if your child can do it for five minutes because then you will start to have control over them. All right? Right now it's still okay because we're still in the house, they're still like safe running around. And although you can't really control them, you know where they are, right? Let's say after the pandemic stops and we're all back to our like usual and we go to malls and stuff and the park and whatever. How valuable is it that your child's gonna listen to you when you need them to? Just think about that. You building five to ten minutes of this dictatorship over them, it leads to long term compliance that you can actually tell them to stop. Tell you a last story and I'm heading off. Okay? So the last story I wanna talk about is compliancy. So there's a client also here in Indonesia is in the beginning he would hit throw, not listen to mom and dad. And after like three, not two months of me doing this, like bribing and giving and bribing and giving and telling. Do stupid stuff when I'm around. He listens to me, all right? When I rap, I tell him to go. He goes, right? And it's very funny. He calls me Carrots because we've been playing a lot of food, toys, it's a carrot banana, like at me. But anyways, so if I tell him to close the door, he does it. If I tell him to do whatever, he does it. But if the mom tells him to do it, he doesn't. He does not do it if the mom asks. So what's the difference is that in the one hour per week that I see him, actually two hours per week I see him, I've built enough authority over him that he would do anything that I tell him to do, okay? So if you were to spread out that one hour into five or ten minutes every day, in a week, you're gonna have the same effect, alright? Just imagine how easy life would be if you were in a mall or outside and your child would listen to you and not cry over toys or cry over ice cream or like run over there and like slide on the floor when you know there's virus all around or they would like snatch someone else's toy or whatever. Just imagine how good it would be, okay? And this is what you got to learn, man. This is what you got to learn. So to conclude and summarize, today's little live session is that there are two extremes to doing therapy. And you can use it at home or anywhere. The first extreme is to be supernatural, not light having powers and superpowers and whatnot, but like being so child centered that you don't ask anything in return, okay? You actually keep on talking at the level that your child can, can actually understand, right? And then what you do is like, you talk about like in one word or two words or at the level of your child's operation, right? And you don't give any commands, don't ask questions and keep on describing and don't ask for anything back. They don't need to imitate what you say, they don't need a response, doesn't matter, okay? You're just there being like being like a commentator. Let's say the other side is being a dictator, okay? Giving them what they want, but to demand. So if you want this, you gotta do what I say, okay? That's the other side. So when you have these two sides together. That would make sense. Is there a middle point that you can use? Yes, but don't use it right now because it takes a lot of soft skill to do a push and pull kind of thing. You don't know when you should let your child do it. You don't know when you should, like, firm up. So why not? You just either firm up all the way or. Or be, like, totally undemanding the other way. Okay, so these two things, these two ways are backed up by evidence. It's been used over and over again. Nowadays. We're more over here being natural and everything because it just takes. It takes more time, but it's more natural, it's more fun. This part is more suited for helicopter parents. They want to get it done. That's fine. But, you know, you've got to have some natural in what you do, or else everything. Every time you need your child to listen to you, you might need something in your hands, like chips, for instance. And if you don't know how to fade out those treats, it's going to be a problem. All right, so with that said, that's all I have. I have. That's all I have to talk to you guys about today. If you have any questions, you can put them in the comment section. I'm going to stay here and hang around for around four more minutes just to see how else I can help. And I'm just going to drink some water. Just at any time. If you guys have questions, you can put them down below. All right, Staying for three more minutes more. And then I'm gonna off my live stream. Oh, yeah. If you guys aren't following. Following my ig, you guys should do it. It's Ming phone. Speech. Write it. Speech. Okay. I was typing in the YouTube. If you're in Facebook and you're like, what? Nothing's coming, Right? Just a little bit more. If you have any questions. If not, I'm happy to hang out with you guys, to be honest. Cool. Well, I'm going to head off now. Thanks for hanging out with me and listening to me. When I'm on live, it's kind of. I always have marbles in my mouth. So let me know if you have any more comments. You just put them in the comment section and then just tell me, like, and I'll just reply you in the next live video or I'll just type it to you. I probably would do both because then you would probably not miss it. Okay, so the next live, we're gonna have is on Monday, also at 9am Jakarta time, which is 10pm EST. If this is international and you're wondering when. So for some reason, for international standards, we always go with, like, American stuff. So, yeah. So see you guys. 10:00pm EST or 9:00am Jakarta time. WIB or something. So thanks for hanging out, guys. See you.