Friday Live: Your Expectations for Speech Therapy or Any Therapy

Hello, good morning. Good morning. Good morning, everyone. Welcome to Friday Live. Friday Live. So we're just gonna wait for a little bit to see when people are gonna join us. All right? And in today's video, I want to talk about your expectations. For speech therapy or any therapy at all, okay? And the reason why I want to talk about this is just because parents that I've been talking to or working with have been giving themselves a really hard time at home, okay? And the worst thing that I wanted not to happen actually kind of how it happened already. So what am I talking about? I'm talking about that your child is actually. Doesn't he or she doesn't actually enjoy playing with you, okay? I don't want that. That's the worst thing that could happen. To be very honest, that really is the worst thing that could ever happen. All right? If your child doesn't like talking to you or engaging with you, then we've got a problem, okay? And you really don't want to overdo anything, to be honest. That's the. That's the biggest thing. Like, the reason why I want to talk about this, because basically, right now, there's. There's a few clients that tell me, oh, the training isn't effective. The training isn't effective, right? They keep on saying, no, it doesn't work, it's not fast enough, or I'm not getting results or something. But you have to remember that if you push your child too much, the opposite will happen. Because right now, you have no other choice than to teach your child at home, right? So if you push them too hard, bad stuff's going to happen, right? And I'm telling you this because if your child has been to aba, not speech therapy, okay, But Applied Behavioral Analysis, which is like a branch of behavioral therapy where, you know, they just focus on target behaviors. So they see language as a behavior, whatever is a behavior, and they try to teach a child according to that. So the thing is, you're going to have around, like, two to three hours every day if you go to the clinic. And there's a reason why the clinicians don't want you to be inside the room. Whereas in speech therapy, we're very welcome for parents to come in, right? So ABA therapy is. Is like, you will see all the. All the protests, all the rejections, all the. All the unhappiness of a child if you sit in. Because in the beginning, you're breaking the routine. And when that happens, they usually go, ah, and they go crazy a little bit. And if Parents see it, number one, is that they don't like it and they might actually, like, withdraw from the therapy. Number two is that when the therapist is being hard on the kid, they will run to someone who they can actually like. They. They'll run to someone who is lower on the hierarchy of power, Meaning, like, they'll run to someone who they can actually control, which is the mothers, usually. So when you see a lot of, like, monkey climbing or tree climbing where the parent is the tree when a stranger appears, then that exactly is. That exactly is the child finding someone who he or she can control and then getting on them so that they don't need to do any work. All right? So when you are the therapist at home, especially at these kind of times, your expectations should be very low for your child because they already bully you, okay? Without a better word for it, they really do bully you. If your child is, like, tree hugging you, climbing onto you, hitting you for no reason, ignoring you when you talk, they give you a very bad look. And the thing is, the relationship between you and your child needs some work. And this kind of rapport between a mother and a child, a father and a child, needs to be before. Needs to be before any type of therapy work without any relationship, working relationship. It will not work, all right? It will not work. As simple as that. It's just like you bring. You will bring your child to a therapist like myself, and then your child hates me, right? Like, all he or she does is just scream and shouts and just, like, ignores me. Then how would you feel? You would. You wouldn't feel that confident about me, right? So you wouldn't. You might actually just leave. And I'm okay with that. And I've tried that a few times already in Hong Kong, less in Jakarta, because I just don't know why. I mean, that's also because my experience is increasing. But what I'm trying to say is not about me, but for you, for yourself, right? My cat's trying to drink my coffee. Stop it. Stop it. And then the thing is, if you have that kind of expectation for your therapist, but you don't have the expectation for yourself, then you're just being very. You're just fooling yourself because you can see it from someone else. But when it happens to you, parents are blinded. They think that, oh, no, no, no, no, I gotta love my child. I gotta, like, teach them my way, right? And I'm not trying to change your way of parenting because I'm not parent, right? I can only tell you objectively or subjectively, according to my observations, what is the best that I thing that I think. Right. That I think is correct. So the thing is, if the ways that you're doing things right now and you've been doing the same things over and over and it's not working, that means you got to change, okay? You know, doing the same thing over and over again and. And expecting a different result is def. Is definitely a definition for insanity. All right? That's what crazy people do. And I'm not saying that you're crazy, but I avoid doing that because of the trap for everyone. All right? So be careful. Okay, so let's talk about relationships between you and your child. All right? So when. Obviously when kids, like when they go to therapy, they have very different relationships between the therapist and the parent. So, for instance, recently I saw one of my students in real life, right? And during the lockdown, it's the first one that I've seen. I. I trust them and they trust me. And therefore, we wanted to try out one time, like with face masks and everything, and be really careful about it. And the thing is, as we. The thing is, after like, two or three months at home without doing anything, the kid. The relationship between the kid and the mom became sour. And it's not only them, man. I mean, like, even between me and my girlfriend who, you know, if we stay together too long, which is now. She's at work now. Hallelujah. But, you know, like, if two people are stuck inside the same place together for a long time, you will get, like, you will get pretty upset about small things, okay? And that also happens for kids. So this is something I want to tell you about, right? You got to be careful. You got to be careful. And what should you do when this happens, when the relationship goes sour? So the story is, when I got there, the kid acted as if he didn't recognize me. And then when he saw me, he kept on climbing on his mom. And the act of allowing the kid to climb on you is already a big no. All right? That means you're allowing them to be. To be bad, to be controlling over you. And a lot of the times it's a power of struggle. We adults might do it passive aggressively. If someone doesn't close the fridge door, we might give an off comment or leave it open until they find out at the expense of all the food inside. That's just very passive aggressive. So children don't know that kind of stuff. They only know how to, like, physically get hold of you. All right? So if A child right now doesn't want to talk to you. They just want to. They want something from you, and then if they can't get it, they scream. Then. Yeah, they're basically struggling for power, and they think they're talking to you. That, hey, listen to me. I'm the boss around here. You better do what I. As I say. And sometimes that's okay. Sometimes that's okay, really. Especially for. Well, on Facebook, Savannah's watching. If you're watching on a replay, then, you know, think about your child. All right? For Savannah, yeah, it's still, like, bossy, right? But it's okay if. If they are bossy for a bit, as long as. As long as they're. They're willing to do, like, therapy with you. And other times, you know, it's fine. If they're, like, kind of struggling for power with you, I think it's fine. But the thing is, yesterday, that client, they really couldn't get him to do anything, right? He would, like, eat lunch for a long time. And, you know, just when he. When he gets hurt. When he gets hurt, like, he hits his foot on something, he would rush to his mom and hit him. Like, hit her. Sorry. So when he gets hurt. Hurt. He wants to inflict pain on other people just to show that he's hurt. Well, there's, like, two reasons for it. Number one is, like, he. He doesn't know how to tell people that it's. It's hurting, right? So he just uses, like, a physical way to do it another way. Another reason why is because basically he just. He just thinks that, like, he's a punching bag. You know, the mom is a punching bag, and that's just the end of it for emotional, physical, whatever. It's just a punching bag, so you don't want to get there. All right? So if you're on a replay and you. And you're my client and you're watching this. Yes, I am directing to a few of you, actually. I actually intend to talk to you guys about it. And I realized that, you know, it must be the case all over the world right now, okay? Because all of us feel it. Staying in with the family for extended period of time will. There will be friction. And people don't understand is that friction will happen even between toddlers and moms and dads. Okay? Dads have it easier because they can just, like, go to work or something or have something to do or just have an excuse or something. But mothers, you guys are, like, care too much to not give. Okay? So that is the biggest problem right now. I see. And yeah, so I want to talk about expectations at home, right? So expectations is that you can expect the same effectiveness or whatever at the context of your home, because basically there's a reason why you want to go to a clinic because it's an environment for learning. It's an environment to listen and it's environment to obey, whereas at home is totally different. So therefore, you cannot expect the same amount of focus, right? So an example is working at home, right? So working at home takes a lot of discipline, okay? And I've been working at home for a long time now, you know, and slowly, I might not even have a clinic that I work myself in, okay? It might be just at my home because I'm just so used to it. Whereas the other clinic will be like, for me to supervise and look after other cases remotely or something. So working at home is very difficult in the beginning. So it's the same for your child. Your expectation cannot be so high, all right? When I started working at home, it's just totally, like, ridiculous, you know, like, I would sleep, I would play some games, you know, it's the same as when I was in, like bachelor's or masters, you know, like, it's just in the mood of, oh, I gotta do this thing, what's the deadline? But there's no person to give a deadline to you, right? Same as your child. There's no clinician, there's no therapist or teacher to give them a deadline to finish something, right? So therefore, if you give them a deadline, it feels like it's not the right thing because you don't have the right to tell them what to do at home, right? So that's why we get angry at people micromanaging us at home, right? And that's why your kids, if you have older kids, if you tell your older kids to, like, you know, what's that, clean and tidy their room, then, you know, they will get angry as well, because frankly speaking, it's not your business. You're just trying to micromanage them at home, right? So it's the same with toddlers. So you have to be very careful working at home. The expectation should be set very low at the beginning. Very, very low. If you don't have a good relationship, it's not going to work. So what is the expectation going to be? Right? So you have to expect that your child is going to be slacking, your child is going to be nagging, he's going to be lying on the floor for A long time. When you tell him to do something, he'll run away. So that's why, that's why I've been saying for a long time that if you want to teach your child, five to ten minutes is fine time in the beginning because everyone works in sprints, okay? That's just the way how people work. And if you think about it, if you're at a therapy center, you have one hour. That's a one hour sprint chopped into like a few, like in three chunks or something, three or four chunks, which is very easy to, to swallow for kids. And we usually work in like 10 to 15 chunks, right? And we have a deadline. And human nature is to procrastinate, you know, so when you procrastinate at home, you get no, like there's no consequence. Whereas in the therapy, if you procrastinate, there is a consequence. People will tell you that, oh, you don't get this kind of reward or you don't get to do this or do that, right? So that's going to be a big problem. That's going to be a big problem, right? So when you think about it, when you think about it, you have to be very, very, very, very careful about your expectations when you're trying to do stuff at home, right? So other than that, what's a bigger deal? I mean, like parents will ask me how come I can't do it? How come when the children tell me they will run away or something. Well, you are still working at home, all right? So when I started working at home, I couldn't even focus for, you know, 10 minutes. I would write something half, halfway and I just walk off. You know, I could do something, I make a coffee or I don't know, or like nowadays, you know, I would very inclined to pop a beer, you know. But the thing is you got to have discipline. And discipline doesn't come from like a month, you know, it comes from like six months of just trying. Because the thing is, we've been conditioned at home to do nothing, right? How often do we, you know, open a book and read it ourselves for, for intention other than entertainment, Right? You know, obviously some people can read a Harry Potter book for like six hours, like my sister. But you know, if you're reading to learn, if you're reading to learn and doing something, to learn and gain something, the intent of it, how long can you do it for if someone didn't put a deadline on it, right? I mean, you wouldn't want to do your homework or your work if there wasn't a deadline on it, you would procrastinate, especially if you were at home. Whereas at the office, at your school, at the clinic, it's much easier to work because everyone depends on you, right? You have to get it done. So with that in mind, I hope that you treat your child just like any other human being. Any other adult. Any other adult who requires to do work and manage them like an employee. Okay? Imagine if you could see your employee at home, working at home. You'll be surprised what they're doing. You know, like, you would be very surprised about what they're using for their time, and you would be very surprised how little time they actually need to fulfill the work. Right? Because there isn't much. If you really focus on something, it gets done pretty quickly. All right, so how to say this? So let me give you an example, right? So my master's thesis is actually written in four hours, right? If you really focus on it, you'll get it done. What I'm saying, I'm not saying I'm like, obviously it wasn't the best work, right? But, you know, at the same time, I'm telling you, if someone puts their mind to it in a short period of time and do a sprint, it's going to be very, very easily achievable. That's why. That's why if you are at home, you just want to use five or ten minutes. Okay? I'm going to drill this in your brain, okay? Just sprint for it. Sprint especially anything like that requires motor, right? You don't want to train for like an hour every week. That doesn't get you anywhere. You want to do like 10 minutes every day. That's how you learn. Okay, so what are your expectations? Would you expect your child to interact with you? No, you shouldn't. Okay. And the reason why is because they're not used to it. You're not used to it. I had a client who talked to me and said, hey, hey, Ming, I understand where you're coming from. I want your stuff you're telling me to do. I've tried before and it's not effective. And the thing I'm talking about is basically the language facilitation that I've been talking about. If you haven't, there's a video about it on YouTube or Facebook. Just search for it. Okay. Language facilitation. Put agents of speech, something like that. Okay. And so she's like, I understand where you're coming from. Like, yeah, I know that that's sunrise program or something. Frankly speaking, I've never heard of it. When I heard of it, I looked into it. It seems like the data and the research doesn't match. Okay. It seems like it's not effective with, like, when I look at the numbers, right. It's not proven, it's not evidence based, as they call it. But to give it the benefit of the doubt, right. I looked into it. It's a little different from what we are supposed to do that is backed by evidence. So if you're doing like five or ten minute sprints for therapy at home, that's your expectation. How about the 99% left of the day? So I would be inclined to tell you that other times you should actually teach by doing language facilitation and direct language stimulation. Which means, which means basically is that you talk very passively about what they're doing just to teach them about language. All right? And you need to turn that knob to the maximum, especially now at home, all right? And this is only for children who have language problems, okay? Especially those on the spectrum if they have 50 very, very few functional words or phrases that they can use. You have to turn out that dial at home about like you just narrating, describing everything that your child sees, touch, or does. Okay? You just got to turn up that dial. No more questions, right? No more instructions. Just turn up that dial to talk about everything. Okay? And excuse me. And you might ask me, hey, Ming. Just like my other clients, right? They would say, that's not effective. I want to know how you did it in your place. Like, how to make them talk, how to make them answer questions. And the thing is, dude, that's not gonna ever happen because you're at home. Right? Right. And for that particular client, I have in mind, she wasn't even that responsive at my place. So how do you even expect that she would be responsive with you at home? And the really, you know, like, sorry if these live videos become like a rant for me. I just keep on talking about, you know, how frustrated sometimes I am. And that's okay because I don't talk behind parents back. I really just share with you guys the things that I'm saying right now. I've already said to the parent, I'm not backstabbing, I'm not anything. I just want to tell you guys, if you have the same mindset, be careful, okay? And I'm not like saying like pooping on parents who do the same. You guys are correct. These are your children. Do whatever you like. And at the same time, I'M telling you subjectively and objectively that, you know, if this happens with you, this might be the problem right now. Okay? So this particular client, she's been teaching how to read books and taking her child's hand to point at the words to read it out. Okay, well, you have to remember when you're reading a book, what is the goal of teaching through a book? Okay. What's your expectation? Are you expecting them to read the words one by one? So you're actually teaching them to read the words, right? You're not teaching them to enjoy the book or, like, become a language task. You're teaching them to read. You're teaching them phonics, right? You're teaching them, like, word. The shape of the word to the form, to the sound of the word. So there's nothing wrong with it if you're doing, like, a reading program. Correct. But just the thing is, that shouldn't be the case. I mean, you wouldn't use a book like that. And if you want them to understand the story behind so that you can ask questions, so that you can advance their verbal reasoning skills, then this is not the way to go. Because you're just drilling on the words, right? And if you get their hand and point at the words one by one, you're also only teaching by word level, not sentence level as well, because God knows. Only God knows if they actually can put the words together in a sentence, because you haven't controlled the task. So this is very, very down the road for some of you. But I just want to let you know that if you want to do that, that's not the way to go, man. That's definitely something that you shouldn't do. All right? If you drill, you drill a hundred percent. You drill so hard that your child knows you're drilling. You know you're drilling. They want to finish the task, you want to finish the task, get it done, sprint just to learn, and that's it. All right, so what we're doing right now for sprints, if you guys know Tenor, the one who gave me consent to share the whole journey, she's pretty nice. So what we're doing right now is, like, we're teaching the son a bunch of vocabs. So we would put all the vocabs as flashcards on the table, and then we just sprint through it. He just gets all of it when he listens to it and repeats, all right? Just to get him going, right? So once he gets all of that, all those vocabs done, and then the Majority of the time left is language facilitation is like just talking and describing what's happening around in this world. And slowly now, when she does it, the sun is picking up words, and he's starting to repeat. When he starts to repeat himself, although his speech is unclear, you see that he's putting what he learned from the flashcards into real life. And that's what we're trying to do. As you remember if we talked about in a different live video, that there is a spectrum of therapy over here. The most unnatural is the drilling, right? So when you drill 100%, this is you learning a foreign language in a classroom, okay, you're learning Spanish or something, right? Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, right? All that stuff. And then you have all the way here, which is real life. Real life. So if you learn all the. All the numbers, right? All the numbers in Spanish, but you never use it in real life. You wouldn't know what. How to use it. Actually. You can only count. You don't know how to use it. So for me, for me, when I went to Mexico, long, long time ago, because they don't speak a word of English, I had to start all over here, right? I couldn't really count from 1 to 10, but I could understand prices and talk about prices, because if I didn't, I couldn't survive. So all the way here is the most natural. Over here is the drilling. So if you drill but you don't do the natural, which is a language facilitation, the vocab never gets to real life, and they will never use it. And that is the reason why a lot of children are stuck at I want whatever or like, give me whatever or like, this is a whatever. These kind of phrases that are frozen in a carrier phrase level. Excuse me, my cat is going crazy. Stop it. All right, there you go. There you go. Good. Yep. So that is what I'm talking about. So 99% of the time, you have to be doing. You have to be doing the descriptions. You need to talk. There's no reason why your child wants to talk to you if you don't talk a lot, you know? And that's. That's the reason why your child likes to talk to me. I mean, not your child, but, you know, children in general would enjoy talking to me. To me more rather than the parents. And that's because there's a statistic that speech therapists talk, like two words per second or something during. During clinic time or I don't know how valid the study Is, you know, it's just like machine gun. I keep on talking, you know, so that's why at the end of the day, you know, sometimes if I use my voice wrongly, my voice actually hurts. And I've never lost my voice before, so thank God. But at the same time, that's what happens. Okay? So your expectation should be high during drilling. Any time other than the drilling time. It should be low, as low as it is. Because if you think about it, how often do you even talk at home when you're just, like, sitting around? You don't talk a lot. So don't make it unnatural for your child by asking them to repeat everything that you say at home. Right? It just. It won't work. It won't work. If you don't set the expectation and the example and to that you're the person who speaks the most, then that's fair enough. And if a lot of what you say to your child is questions or, like, demands, commands and quizzing and testing, then they're not gonna, like, they're not. They're gonna hate talking to you. And the reason why is because, like, just imagine someone you know just going down like, you're making coffee, and then suddenly, suddenly someone asks you, what color is the coffee? Oh, good, good, good, good. What are you doing with the coffee or grinding? All right, right, right, right. What are you doing? What cup is that? What color is the cup? Where do you put the cup? How do you do it then? You know, you would be very annoyed as well. All right, so you have to put them on the same level as yourself. Not saying that you're friends, right? Or doesn't make sense, but you have to put them, like, you have to respect them at the same level as anyone in the house. Right? They would find it strange that. Why don't you quiz dad? Or why don't you quiz mom about the color of the sofa? Or like, where's the rubbish been? Like, how do you dance? Or like, how do you sing a certain song? Why do you not even ask? Only ask me. Why is it so unfair you would think that, oh, kids who don't speak or, like, with language deficits disorders, delays, wouldn't think that way. But no, they're not cognitive lower than you are. Like the normal, normal, typically developing children. They just haven't. They just have a problem in acquiring language. So when you do that to everyone but. But them, it gives them a very, you know, it's not fair at all, you see? So don't put yourself there. Okay? Be Careful. Be very careful, all right? Expect very little from a child at home, because from now on, it's working at home. I'm working at home. As you know, the productivity goes way down, and you have to adjust for that for your child as well, because they're. You're just used to being like a potato at home, you know, like a sofa couch potato, right? They're just used to, like, sitting and watching and eating and then sleeping and then wake up. And then they only do the real work when they get out of the house, right? When they, like, put on shoes, they have to walk to school or whatever, or take the car or whatever. So they're not used to it. So be careful. And then if you drill at home, make sure that you give it a thousand percent, right? 1000% only for a short sprint. After that, they can do whatever they want, right? Once they like, if they. You make it consistent every day to sprint, they will do good. All right? Just as, you know, if you're trying to learn how to. You're trying to work out right now at home, right? You know, all those, like, fitness programs or whatever. If you, for the first time, you do like a whole hour of, like, CrossFit or something, the next day, your whole body's aching. You wouldn't even want to do it anymore. And because you don't, you didn't do it the second time, the next day your momentum is going to be way lower and you wouldn't want to do it. So consistency, C is the key, right? Consistency is the key. You must keep on doing it, but you cannot burn out, right? And I hate it. And yeah, I really hate it when I tell parents to only do a certain number of minutes, like certain number of rounds or something, and then they come back and they tell, oh, yeah, me, you know, I did 30 minutes. The kid was sitting down for 30. And then, you know, the parent was telling me because she felt proud of herself and the kid and wanted to tell me so that, you know, I would be proud for them as well, I guess. But then the thing is, dude, I'm not proud. I'm actually a little annoyed that you're burning out your child. Okay. It's just because, you know, in the beginning, yeah, of course you can sit your child like an hour later, like once you've done it for a few months, of course you can do that, right? If you chop those up into like 10 to 15 minutes segments. But if you tell me, hey, oh, I did it. Oh, oh, my God, you sit down for like, something already. So, San. Oh, I haven't seen the comments here. So on Facebook, Santi says is 21 year old, too late for restarting speech there. Pay therapy. Yep. She says is resting to my son's. My son can understand well, but most of the time, he gets confused what to say or should choose. Yeah. Santi, I think it really depends on what the problem is. Right. I cannot tell you that it's too late or too. Whatever. It's not too late, obviously. I've got clients that are older than 21 years old, and if you're talking about adult cases, there are people who are much older than that. Okay. So I don't think so. I don't think so. You just have to. We just have to know what's the problem in order for me to, like, tell you whether it's something that, you know, you should go ahead and do or not. Right. So, yeah, feel free to always comment. Just rambling and rambling and rambling. And we're gonna stop the live today around, like, 10 to 15 minutes. No worries. Santi, you can describe your child a little bit more in detail over here. And what. What you mean by gets confused. Oh, PDD nos. Okay. Okay. That's. That's a. That's pretty. That's pretty. That's pretty broad. Yeah. Yeah, that is a super broad. That's actually a very, very broad diagnosis. Okay. So I don't know, maybe it's. It's a good. It's a good time to, you know, do assessment or something. Find a speech therapist who is trustworthy, not just myself. Find someone who can help you out and then, you know, see what. What he can do, he cannot do. And then just do the therapy work at home as well. Okay. So understand. Well, most of. Yeah, Tell me more if you. If you need more help. Okay. I just. I need more information than that. Right, Cool. So let's go on. And I'm gonna end it in around 10 minutes because I have a. Another session after this. I want to prepare a bit. So right now. Recently I've been asking. I've been getting asked a lot about and by a lot. You know, a lot of people nowadays on, like, Facebook ads or whatever, people will say, oh, yeah, I got a lot of questions. But in fact, they didn't really. But, you know, I really did get a lot of questions. Like, four or five parents have been, like, asking me about toilet training. And we do go through toilet training and all that kind of stuff inside our online course. Right. But I feel like it's not deep enough or intent for enough. So therefore I'm going to make some. I am going to make some workshops for specific topics over the Internet. So some of them are like toilet training, hair cutting, you know, sensory problems, behavioral. Behavioral problems. And then there are a few that I always get like eye contact, you know, and setting up a home therapy station at home. All these are workshops that I have in mind. Right. And it's going to be 90 minutes a pop. So for these 90 minutes, I'm just going to go deep in it and have live Q A sessions after. So let me know what kind of topics you want me to, to tell me. And if you haven't, if you're not on my emailing list, right, you can go to agents of Speech.com, put in your email because people on my email list will get discount. Whereas on social media it takes money. It takes money, in fact, to get people to sign up. You know, it's just, it's just like that nowadays, you know, Facebook is greedy. So that's that. Santi. I am based right now, I'm still in Jakarta. So that, that is where I am at Jakarta Indo. All right. Yeah. So your expectations for these workshops, do not think that after you watch these in this kind of info, you will be able to do exactly what I do. Okay. It's just hugely impossible. And the reason behind it is because I've seen quite a few children, you know, like, I've at least seen like 100 kids by now. All right? At least. And I'm kind of low balling it. So I will know how to like create momentum. Create. I know how to like keep the therapy going. I know when to like pull, when to push. Right. Whereas for you, even though it's your own child, they're not used to listening to you for training. Okay. So the expectation should be if you can do it for five minutes, then it's great. So all these like toilet training, whatever. If you're able to, if you're able to actually do it for a short period of time and they're listening very well, then that's very good already. Okay, so we're nearly at the end already of the live and suddenly we have a lot more people joining us. So let me know if you have any questions right now and then we can talk more about, we can talk more about like what you guys want to hear. Okay. Because we have a bunch of. I see a lot of clients that I have here. So we have a lot of different children at different levels and Just before we go, let's talk about what expectations you should have for children on different levels. Let's start from the one word once. The one word, or actually the no words ones. The zero word ones. The zero word ones I've talked about a lot. Don't expect them to answer questions. Don't expect them to follow instructions. Don't expect them to talk to you or initiate any conversations. All of these four, just forget about it. What you should expect is that for five or 10 minutes, they're gonna listen to you very nicely. That's very, very good. If anytime they want something you can teach them to use gestures or sounds to get what they want, then that's very good already. So how about one to two word level children? Well, what you want to expect as well is that, okay, you can ask questions, but you should, you should answer for them. You cannot expect them to know how to answer you. Okay? Okay. You need to give them the model. So, for instance, if you ask something, it needs to be something that is relevant and not just like for, you know, for laughs and giggles, you know, it should be functional and natural. You cannot just suddenly ask, oh, what's the color of the dinosaur? Like, come on, no one ever asked that in a play situation, right? You're just testing them for the testing them sake. You just want to listen to them talk, which is okay, I understand. But you have to ask questions that make sense at that situation, okay? So you have to be careful. So let me give me an example. So for instance, if you are making coffee and they like to watch you make coffee, right? You can ask questions like, oh, where's the packet of coffee? Oh, on the counter. Good. What do we do next? Yes, pour the hot water like that. You can do that, but you have to ask question and then reply them. And then you would ask me, hey, can I give instructions to two to three word children? Yeah, you can, you can give. But remember on Wednesday we talked about micro commitments, right? So you preferably want to make it so that you can help them finish it for you. Okay? So if you're saying like, oh, help me open the drawer. Okay, sure. Here. Here you go. Let me help you open a drawer. Right? So that's for like one to two words to two to three words. Once you get a four words, your expectation should be that they want to play games with you, right? So this is not drilling anymore. It's more like playing together. So you can play a lot of things with them that can actually increase the times of communication outside of the games, they would still talk in like 1 to 2 to 3 words, 1 to 3 words left because at the end of the day you don't need to talk that much if you're not engaged in a game or something that is fun. Okay? So when it's fun and games, expect them to talk a lot more. And you can ask a lot of questions and give a lot of commands for four plus words. And then what I like to do is I like to teach a lot of board games and for those you can do a lot of language therapy stuff. Okay. And what you can do as well is that they can teach people how to play the games by making a YouTube video. You know, like you can set up a camera, that smartphone like myself right now and then tell them to, okay, now you can do unboxing and teach people how to do it. And then you can do some sort of script therapy, give them structure. So in the beginning you say hey guys, today we're going to talk about blah blah blah blah. I want to show you guys how to play blank, you know, like the game. And then you give them like maybe you've already taught them through pictures, right? And you made them like sequence the ones from the pictures and then you can go to words you see. So you never want to, you want to front load all the thinking work before they put the language in or else when you put them together it's going to crash. So you first teach them, okay. This is the sequence of them doing something, right? So after that you put the language in. So maybe you are still cueing him or her when the camera's rolling, right? So when you're cueing him and then what happens is that when you watch it together, number one, it's a reinforcement, number two, it's a feedback. So when they watch it, it's fun. Hahaha, I'm on camera, I'm on YouTube. Secondly, they see that they're not very fluent, right? You can ask them, well, what do you think about it? Like were you fluent? Ah, not really. Were you being cute? Yes. Oh no. Well, let's do it again. So. And then afterwards it becomes, especially if your kid is a perfectionist, it's gonna be very easy to teach them a lot of new words by doing this like YouTube thing, right? So Santi, sorry I haven't been answering. You asked any WhatsApp number. Sorry, I don't like to disclose it here. Maybe you can DM me, you can PM me, we can talk a fair, but for now we're not open for any therapy. All right. She says, my son likes to type, but still copy when we ask him. Type, do you want to eat? Oh, I see. Okay. Well, yeah, don't expect too much from him, to be honest. He's at home. All right? So that's how I would actually do it. That's how I would actually expect the stuff to do at home. Okay. Other than the real tasks that take like, you know, 10 minutes or 15 minutes tops. I wouldn't even expect them to talk too much to you guys because it's not like they're at the level where they can like, talk about their aspirations or whatever, you know, like, or like they have some, you know, for teenagers. Even if you have teenagers at home, you know, that they wouldn't even want to talk to you. They close the door and that's it, you know. So think in that way, Think in that way. Don't be. Don't be. Sometimes a little self serving. All right? You want them to talk to you. It's like I kind of start to get why parents do it now because when I come home, all I want to do is just to like, talk to my cats or like, like, you know, touch them a little bit, but they don't want it. They just like walk off and they come to me whenever they want to. So that kind of sucks. But now I kind of understand, like, you just want to, you know, have some good time with your children and know that they're improving. Right? So I don't blame you guys or I really don't. I mean, like, it's just very normal for us to do that to our children. So at the end of the day, at the end of this video, which I'm going to stop very soon, is that, you know, expect less at home. Okay? And when you do really, like, you're doing the thing that you want to do, the goal that you want to achieve, do it a thousand percent. Make sure that at the end of it, they look exhausted. You know, they look physically, they tried their best and you tried your best and good therapy, good home therapy, good. Any therapy is that when you finish working, you're sweating, you are sweating. You're like, oh, man, that was good. It was like a mini workout because you're both using your brain and you're moving your body and it should be the same with your child. If it was good therapy, it was fun, especially on the drilling side. Then they should be like, you should see them. They have the eyes on the prize. They want to finish it they're looking for cues, they're looking for prompts, they're asking for clarification, trying to best everything. And then you see that they're physically tired after 15 minutes, they just kind of want to nap. Then you have succeeded. Good job. That's all you needed for that day, to be honest. And then slowly you can make it more chunks of 15 minutes at the maximum is around an hour. Don't burn your kid out in the beginning. It's going to be very hard to come back. Okay, that's what I wanted to talk about today. And feel free to ask me any questions, especially just leave in a comment if you're watching this on a replay. If you are a client and I've talked to about, you know, I've talked to you about this and you're listening to this again. Hopefully you have. You're looking stuff at a new light and you understand more about where I'm coming from. Okay. Okay. And if you're just discovering me and discovering this kind of videos, hopefully you'll. You'll watch more, you'll engage more, you will understand where I'm coming from, which is a little different from a lot of therapists around the world, actually. So, yeah, this stuff is practical. It's not just like the stuff that I tell you is practical. It's not just workshop, you know that I don't have. How to say I don't have any skin in the game for. Because most of the people that listen to me are actually my clients. Right. So if. If you can't do it, it rubs off bad on me as well. So I'm telling you that this stuff, you have to just trust me on it. And I know that a bulk of you already are trying your best, but it's just that I think it's more of a. Is the difference in expectation and habits. Right. So I'm okay with. I'm okay with, like, repeating until everyone is on the same page. I'm totally okay with that. So hopefully you guys understand where I'm coming from. And I'm not trying to say that you guys are doing a bad job at all because, hey, no one's having it easy right now. Especially at home when people are going crazy, especially moms. There was a mom who had four children at home. I was talking to, man, she couldn't even reply me, you know, like, we were on the phone and then she was, like, talking to me, and then one was screaming, the other was, like, pulling her, and her head was like that. Because we were on video call. She was like, oh, God, it was crazy. So, you know, my heart goes out to all of you guys at home. Yelena, thank you so much for listening to me. And, you know, and for some parents, they don't really like listening to this kind of stuff because the hard pills to swallow. Right? But anyways, thanks for this. I need to go on to my next session and prep a little bit. All right, so I'll see you guys on, like, Monday, Wednesday and Friday, 9am Jakarta time. WIB is when I'm going live on both Facebook and YouTube. Facebook is a little better because I'm using the phone camera. Okay. And YouTube, I'm just using my laptop, so it kind of sucks. But anyways, let me know if you have any questions or anything that you want to. For me to go through. And I'll make some workshops, which are, like, it's the level of how I would, like, train. Train therapists, right? With, like, slides and, like, examples and worksheets and all that kind of stuff. Whereas these lives, I'm just going off the hook, you know, off the. Off the cuff. I don't know how to say it. Just. It's more of a. I'm not reading from a script at all. I just have a few points I want to talk about, and I keep on talking for, like, nearly an hour. So that's how I roll on these lives. But for workshops, it's going to be much more detailed. So tell me what you want me to talk about. And then we'll also get more people to join us on social media so that we get the word across during these times where we're still able to actually use the Internet a lot more than we should be. All right, so that's all for today. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. And hopefully I'll see you guys on Monday, 9am WIB, if you are from the USA, which a bunch of them are, a bunch of you guys are, then that would be like 10:00am Sorry, 10:00pm EST. So in New York is 10:00pm yeah, you probably wouldn't know if you were in the usa. All right, so thanks so much. I'll see you on Monday. All right, goodbye.