Guilt and Terrible Parenting | www.agentsofspeech.com/micro

Hi. Yeah, tonight we will be talking about whether, you know, there's terrible parenting or, you know, whatever you call it, you call it. And the reason why I'm doing, talking about this during this live is because I just sent out an email today. If you're not on email, you know, just go to agentofspeech.com and sign up for a newsletter. And inside the email I was talking about how a parent who has been, you know, teaching her kid really diligently and having great results. And tomorrow morning or you know, tonight maybe for you guys in America, we will be premiering one of the videos that showcases the child's development. So stay tuned on Facebook and also on YouTube. Most probably you'll see it more often than YouTube because Facebook isn't really a video sharing platform. I don't know, don't really know what it is nowadays. But anyways, she told me that she felt guilty and she felt like a terrible mom. And there are loads of reasons she lists. And I just, I could only like, just listen to her. She said, ah, I wish that I have done therapy much sooner. I wish that I didn't do this to her or do that to her or, or I didn't do enough. I'm not good at teaching her. There's a lot of stuff. I didn't push her enough or I made her cry. You know, it's contradicting. It's really contradicting. So I told her, hey, look at this video that we made. After so many. Just so, just a lot of videos that she sent me throughout the years. Actually just spent only a year, right? We took the child from. No, nothing, no talking to. Now she can speak in two or three word sentences. So it's pretty, pretty good. I want to show you how much, how. Just I just want you to look at exactly how many videos we're talking about. So I'm just going to share my screen real quick. All right. Maybe just the window. This one. So look, look over here. If you can see all this stuff, yes, you can, right? If you can see it, look at all the videos that I got from. From her and someone else, right? Okay. All these videos here. Okay. All these videos. Stop sharing. I proved my point that she has been doing all this stuff very diligently. And obviously in the beginning, nothing seemed to work right. And as we got along, as the mom learned more about how to do therapy, as I knew better how to teach her and got a better grasp of the child, it got a lot better. Okay, so why, why do Parents, especially the moms, think that, you know, they're terrible. I'm a bad parent. I don't know what to do. Right? And whereas the dad, who probably isn't watching this, is not watching this, because 80% of you guys are women. And I'm okay with that. I'm always working with the mothers more often than the dads. And the reason is because the dads are always less worried. They're always like, ah, it's okay. I mean, like, maybe in four or five, they'll start talking, whatever, and. But the moms will start to be very worried. They're thinking, that's not good enough. I need to do more. And it's that mentality that pushes the mom over, like mental anxiety, right? That they always think, oh, this is not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I'm very tired. Most of the moms that I teach have a job. They also are the housewife. Even if they have a helper, they. There are some things that cannot be taken over, right? Such as cooking, such as talking to the child, such as attending to the husband and so on. They are super. You are super busy, okay? Very, very busy. In fact. So sometimes I would think that when. When a mom feels. Says, oh, I'm so guilty, I feel like, whatever. I feel very bad because I do a much less than you do. Okay, Okay. I do a lot less. All right? I. I really do. Especially in this pandemic where I can't see any children. I really think that, you know, if you. You're a terrible mom. I'm a horrendous therapist. You know, I'm. I'm really bad because I don't spend enough time as much as you do, trying to do everything right. And if you feel like there's some. Some sort of guilt or whatever going on, you know, we can share it inside a Facebook group. There are loads of people in the Facebook group who think the same. Every, like, two weeks, a mom says, ah, I feel so guilty, everyone's blaming me. I should have stopped gadgets. Whatever. The therapist just went to first assessment, and then the therapist just kept on saying, ah, you're not making it hard enough for the child to talk. You know? You know, create communication needs. Whatever we like, we therapists say, right? And that's not cool, I think. And that's because you guys have a lot of pressure. All right? And inside the Facebook group, every one or two weeks, as I said, these kind of posts pop up and there's a lot of motivational saying, hey, you know, I used to have a lot of guilt. Whatever, whatever. And even for parents who are having teenager sons and daughters, they have a lot of regret, you know? And I'm saying this so that you look in the future and you. And I don't want you to feel this way because even teenagers or adults, the moms will feel like, oh, man, if I did this first, then it wouldn't happen now. Right? It's always, you know what. What they say is that, is that, you know, if you're looking back in time, retrospect. Right. Retrospect is 2020. Okay? And it's true. And I get that too. If I knew about a certain way of doing something, then I would say, ah, if I did that with that kid at that time, then they wouldn't. They would be a lot far further ahead. Right? And this happens to everyone. And I guess the only person we tend to blame is ourselves, right? Because even if you choose a therapist who doesn't do a good job, you would blame yourself for choosing that therapist in the first place. Right? If there is a therapist who does a good job, then you therapy, you would blame yourself for not finding him or her therapist sooner. Okay. And by the way, you should really join our Facebook group. I just put the link here so that you'll find it, because we have past 5,000 parents inside. Well, obviously there are some therapists or whatnot inside as well, but most of the time, most people inside are parents. Okay. We make sure that everyone joins. You need to fill in all the. All the questions so that we don't get spammers. Okay. Or people who PM you or DM you asking for stuff from you. Right. So we're here to safeguard that community. Okay. And slowly, we will move off Facebook somewhere else. I don't know when, but for now, Facebook is serving its purpose. It's great. All right. So what do you do when this happens? Well, I'm not a parent. I'm not a mom. I'm not even a dad, to be honest. So a lot of times when this happens, we have to put on a lot of hats as a therapist. That's why, you know, a lot of therapists have a counseling degree or some sort of counseling. I don't know. Just they know something about counseling. And as much as I like to counsel you, I guess the best way to show you guys is to tell you is that there are results. Okay? There are loads of parents out there. There are loads of parents, loads of moms out there. In fact, the best people who you should listen to are the moms because they know most, they did most of the homework for you. And you won't feel guilty because you see that if you put in the work and you try, your child will improve. All right? You will see about it tomorrow morning or tonight for you guys in the US and it really took me a long time to create that video. You know, I hired someone to help me. It's a lot more professional. I went through all the, all the videos I put, I took out all the parts that made sense and showed progress and also the parts that didn't show progress. And I just want to tell you that this is not a short battle. It's a long, long, long battle. And if for now you feel like, oh, I'm, I can't do anything about it, or you feel guilty about it, then you really don't have time for that. Really, I'm telling you, you really don't have time for that. Because in a practical sense, right down, you know, time really passes so fast. When I first saw the first child as a therapist that was like, let me do my math around seven years ago, so the three year old who I taught is now a ten year old, right? So I'm saying that time passes really fast. You don't have time to be guilty. If when I first became a therapist, I'm just saying from my perspective, because I would never know yours, right? I could never understand yours. But for me, when I just started to have my own like office, my own clinic room, I didn't think I deserved it. I didn't think I deserved, you know, asking for like 100 bucks USD per hour. But that's just the reality. Because if you're like me and then you go through a lot of training and education, that, that's, if you don't charge that, how are you gonna make a living, right? I mean, you already spent so much time and money that aside, I think I really didn't have time to be guilty or had this imposter syndrome or anything like that. Because if I did and I didn't own up to what I was supposed to do, which was to teach the child, then it would waste even more time of that child. So think about in this, this way, okay? And I guess sometimes it's very difficult and you feel lonely on this journey. Like, trust me, I know. Because the first bit, like we have now, the second video coming out, the first video of a progress video of the child improving and I got the parents approval to do so and the mother Actually did it for like a whole year was a mother named Tenor. So, you know, if Tenor is watching this, then great. Hi. And I'm still helping her. I'm still looking. I'm still coaching Tinar to this day. And the reason is because she's so committed. You know, there are so many mothers and dads who come to me and they just give up in the first month. That's why I don't want to make things too committed anymore. That's why we have the micro course to teach you to get a taste of starting your journey and learning yourself. Because no one could have really, no one could have known this pandemic would have happened. All right, so back to tenure First. So Tenor, she was so alone, right? And at the village, or they called Ganpong, right? Or in her town, little town, everyone was like, saying how her son wasn't good enough and no mother could empathize with her because all the kids were talking and she felt so alone, right? And when she first sent me emails and stuff, she was like, I really need a friend. I need someone to help me out. And I didn't think about that a lot because, to be honest, this is my job. I make a living out of it. I'm not here to be a friend, right? So in the end, of course, we didn't become, like, just friends. We became like a. Like a coach to a mentee, right? Like a mentor to a mentee. Like a. I'm always coaching her. Sometimes I even say things that are a little bit impolite, you know, like, meaning I'm not always trying to, like, praise her or anything. I do point out the bad things, right? I do tell her what to do. And it's too bad that I cannot, you know, help every child, right? And I'm not the best therapist out there either. You know, there are therapists who are excellent, who are really good, who have been doing it for 10 years. You know, who's the ones that I know? The ones that I learned from, I learned from. They are really, really, really good. But at this. At the end of the day, you're the best person to do it. Because I've said it many times, you're the person who spends the most time with the child, okay? So don't waste that time. Do not waste that time. I know it's tiring. I know everything is chaotic, especially in this pandemic. Things are going out of hand, especially if you're in Indo. Indonesia is really getting very bad, right? So today I'm not teaching anything. I'm just telling you to do something about it, okay? Because I think those parents who see a result and those who do not see a result, the only difference is that the parent doesn't give up and keeps on trying. And you think that, you know, the two mothers that I'm talking about tonight, they are very strong willed, no. You know, like, they cry a lot, they get angry at the kid, they sometimes when the kid doesn't respond, they want to hit them, they shout at them. You know, they get really sad. They want to give up, but they never like, you know, giving up wasn't a choice because where do you find therapy for them? Right. It's impossible. And I don't see say this in a very condescending way and for, for Indonesia or like other developing nations, right. The thing is they don't have enough therapists, Right. Even if they do, it might be too expensive. Okay. And secondly, sorry, thirdly is that even if you do get the therapy, the, the therapy to parent training is very limited in these countries, okay. And this is where I'm trying to fill the gap, okay. Even in, let's say, United States, I guess not a lot of therapists, I would believe, do a lot of parent coaching, Right. And as I always say on this live right. Parent involvement is the number one key factor to seeing a child improve or not. There are multiple studies out there. If you don't, if you want to know about it, which is kind of, you know, you don't really need to know about it, right? But if you really want to know, ah, Is it really parents? Is it really? No way, right? It could have been the air, could have been the water, could have been no gadgets, could have been, you know, ASD or a miracle cure or a dha, fish oil or whatever there is, right? Or what else? Nem check, however you pronounce it, nem check. Nem check protocol. Is it all these things? I don't think so. It's about you, okay. At the end of the day, it's parent involvement, all right? Therapists come like second or third, I guess, you know, I really think I'm not that important. If I can tell you what to do and for you to understand why you're doing it and have a, have a way of teaching your child anything. I don't think I need to be here, okay. Or any therapist needs to be here. Okay. And we need to make this knowledge as, as much, as much as available as possible, right? So that's why there's the micro course. And thankfully there are no people who ask me, why isn't this free for the micro course? I think it's pretty, it's pretty self explanatory. Right. Number one is that the course has a chronological order, right. Whereas the free stuff, like this stuff or on YouTube, you have to piece it all together, which is totally fine. Some parents will also do that, you know, and I try to keep, keep it as low as possible there. I don't want to compare myself to other therapists online who obviously the price point is very different. Mine is a lot lower. And I do this only for a few reasons. Number one is that I want you to give you a taste. I don't want you to commit to something, pay for something and then you feel like you can't do. I want you to be able to continue. All right, I know baby steps. So you know how we teach children. There's always baby steps as we talk about. Right. Only two reasons why a child can't do something or any person. Number one, don't want to do it. Number two, don't know how. So if I show you too much and overwhelm you, then you don't want to do it anymore because it looks crazy. Yeah. So let me see. I see someone just asked a question. Mohammed asks how much time we should give to a two years hearing impaired baby at start. Well, there, you know, as much time as you can, right, Mohammed? But at the same time it's good that you already know that he or she is hearing impaired. At 2. I would say that, you know, always start off with 10 to 15 minute minutes a day. Okay. And that's for you, not for the kid. Obviously if someone was well equipped to talk to a child and play with a child, they could do it for a very long time and it would still be fun, engaging and educational. But for parents in the beginning, I think that because you guys don't have enough training to keep on playing with a child, it looks harder than it, you know, it really is quite hard if you tried before, right. It's very hard to keep the conversation going. It's very hard to think of something to say and play. I remember when I just started playing with children, it was very difficult. I had nothing to say. I'd make up some silly story. At the end of the day, the child wasn't even listening. Right? So just two, just 10 to 15 minutes every day. You need to think about two years old. Their attention span is very, very low. It's around like I don't know, four minutes at most. Right? So don't stress over how much time it should be the quality. Okay? It's never about the quantity. If it were, then, you know, kindergartens, any child who goes into kindergarten, they wouldn't be speech delayed, right? It's about the quality. It's about that cool stuff. So thanks for asking that, Mohammed. I think that most parents all are. When I'm talking about, like, guilt and I'm talking about, like, whether you are a terrible parent or not, the focus shifts on, like, the methods, right? Or what. Or what should I do or who should I listen to? It's more of how much are you doing. Right? Okay, so how much are you doing? It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right, as long as you keep on going. You will spot and you will learn. All right? And I see a lot of parents gaining a lot of knowledge over the Internet, all right? Some even have, you know, for those who are doing biomedical, they're studying, like, biochemistry and stuff, but they rather do that than actually teach the child and do some behavioral work. Behavioral work, meaning therapy work, right? Me and you. I'm talking. Talking can be considered as a behavior depending on, like, how you look at it. So behavioral work is when you sit down with them and you teach them something, okay? Biomedical is when you use, like, protocols like NEM check or like dhl, dh, so dha, fish oil, whatever, or using supplements or whatever, that kind of stuff. Yeah, you can do it. You can try your best to do it, but at the end of the day, nothing, nothing, nothing takes over. Behavioral approaches, meaning therapy, okay? Meaning teaching, meaning really sitting them down to learn something. So let's say that you have, I don't know, like me, right? Like me, I've got a flat foot, right? So no matter how much supplements I take or whatever, it's not going to help me. The only thing that's. That's going to help me is to build the muscles to support that arch to go back up. And that's behavioral, okay? You have to train. You train what you train what you get. Okay? So that's about all my rants right now. I think, you know, anyone who is watching this video is not a bad parent, all right? Anyone who has stuck this very long time is not a bad parent. I mean, you really want to know, right? You want to know, you want to learn. And you're listening to this guy on the Internet, that's me, and I'm happy to help. And that's why there's the microcourse and agents of speech. Okay. That's why I started this stuff. And whenever you feel like this guilt or whatever is creeping in and making you paralyzed and think that, oh, man, I should have done that, should have done this. Should I try this? You know, in the business world, we call this the shiny object syndrome, right? You want that? Nice thing. Ah, this kid's using talk tools. I buy talk tools. This kid's using the iPad app for learning, like Gemini, I'll do it right. Or speech blobs or whatever that is. Or, oh, they're having success with sensory integration and red light therapy. I'll go for it too. And then like some of my clients, the whole house is just this high tech therapy stuff at home. Right? And the only thing that we broke through to make the child start talking and words and better sounding words at the very least was therapy, was that I taught them how to use their hands to prompt. Okay. To create a situation where the child had to talk to them. Okay. To sit the child down and work. That's all it takes. And you have to take this first step. Okay? If you need more help, just go to agentsofspeach.com micro there's a lot of parents who DM me and PM me and say, hey, man, hey, Ming. My child is this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this. And then there's a whole story, it's like this long and the PMs, which is cool. I like reading it. But at the same time, hey, it will be much easier if you go through the micro course first. You learn some of the basic stuff, change your mindset a little bit, and then you ask inside of a Facebook group. It will make a lot more sense. It will increase the quality of your question and therefore increase how fast your child improves. Okay? And whenever you're learning anything, it's always about the quality of your questions that dictates how well you learn something. Got it? So that's it. If you want to learn more, you know, just PM me or, you know, if you haven't joined the micro course first and again, join the Facebook group if you can, because we finally hit 5,000. It's been a year since we, we started that, this little Facebook group and it's been a year starting this YouTube channel as well. Okay? So thanks for everyone supporting. Thank you for being a subscriber, supporter, whatever you are and wherever you are as well. I hope you have a great day. Stay safe and let's try our best to, to fight through this pandemic Especially if you're in Southeast Asia, that is. And I am. I'm here to help. Okay. That's all I wanted to say today. I know it's been a long rant and I didn't expect to to talk so long about this matter. It's just that too many parents are giving me their stories about this kind of stuff, and I really think that I should try to address it. Although not everyone's going to watch this, obviously. So that's all. And I'll see you next Monday. We do this every Monday morning or Sunday night for you guys in the U.S. that's it, guys. I'll see you soon. Bye. Bye.