How To Teach Autistic Children to Speak Naturally

In this video, you'll learn how to teach autistic child how to speak naturally. This is a really long conversation. This would go on for three, four hours. And we can't even scratch the surface of this whole topic because there are so many skills. But I just want to focus on the high level things so that you will learn why we're doing something and get your mindset straight so that whatever you do is not about what's the next thing to teach, what are the skills? What are the diagnostic criteria of asd? All these are good, but a lot of people are focusing on those, you know, eye contact things. We're focusing on topic maintenance, whatever, getting them to stop stimulating. But we're not going to go symptom by symptom and treat the symptoms because that's not the correct way to do things. Right. Without further ado, if you have like around 15 minutes, I'm going to go through this. And if you want to learn like the tactical know hows and stuff, we have it on agents of Speech.com course, you can go there and learn about some technical skills that you can do at home. By all means. Those are all free for you to learn. And let's get started. So the first point is this. Autistic children, they need a goal, they need a reason to talk to you. And we've talked about this a lot inside of Agents of Speech and you need to understand this. Language is a means to net. We have something that we want and that's why we communicate. There's a reason why you're taking time to watch this video. It's just me in my house talking to a camera. The reason why you're watching this is because there's something, some information you want to learn. Okay? So it's the same thing applies to autistic people or children in general. That's why therapy always starts up with quote, unquote, manding, right? The I want phrases, the give me whatever. Right, right. What can I do to attain X? That kind of situation happens a lot in therapy. And that's a good starting point because if we don't have anything, a reward, screen time, toys, snacks, whatever that can intrigue a person, it's very hard to get them to learn how to communicate. So I'm going to say that I know what's going to happen. A lot of people are going to say you don't know what you're talking about. Like if children don't want to talk, then don't let them talk or whatever, you know, like the naturalistic way to deal with neurodiversity. Virgin people, which is a name for like people who are on the spectrum. Adhd, like for us neurotypical people to give in and understand them. Right. Whilst there are some merits to that, I feel sometimes the larger picture is that we're all in this world together and we're teaching. Why we teach autistic children is because there's, there'll be one day when you, the caregiver, the adult, the parent, whoever's teaching, I'm going to disappear from this world. I'm going to pass away, I'm going to go, I'm going to be gone no matter how long I live. The children that I've taught before that they're not going to have someone to advocate and say, yo, listen, you're not supposed to, whatever. There's no one to explain for them. So therefore when they're at their own devices, they need to be able to take care of themselves, of which language and communication is a huge part of it. There's no point in having a child unable to communicate their needs, wants and also desires and emotions. There's no part of them living. There really isn't a point because at the end of the day, if they cannot express those things, people aren't going to accommodate for them. All right? And this might be advocated in the western world for Asians. These things are like a far cry, right? So let me get back to the topic right now. Autistic people or children or any typical children, we need to get their attention, right? So a lot of parents will say, how do we get our attentions? How do we get them like to focus or whatever. That's besides the point. You need to have something of value that they want, right? And so like just now you saw a cat a lot of times to get a cat to want to come to you. The reason why my cat comes to me a lot is because she's asking for head rubs. That's what she's doing right now, right? She's asking for a snack, she's asking for time together. That's why she enjoys my company, that's why she wants to be with me. So I always say, and agents of speech will always say, if you have a good relationship with your kid, you can teach the kid anything. And this is true not only for children on the spectrum, it's true for everyone. Okay, so how do we get them from all those need based talking to speaking naturally? The thing is this, I can speak with you naturally, right? Now, but the. The moment that I don't know what you want from me. Right. I don't know what you want from me. And my topic goes from, like, teaching autistic children to starting to talk about my own hobbies, then that's gonna have a discrepancy, and you're gonna think that I'm pretty strange because I started this topic. So how do we get there? The thing is, you have to have with autistic child the same thing that you guys enjoy together. Okay? The problem is most people, all right, I'm saying most as a child, general term, focus on the skill sets, the language goals, and they forgot to build a relationship and rapport with the kid. Okay? So if the autistic child likes you and is able to, like, sit down and have fun with you, and I'm like, I. I get it, I get it. A lot of parents are going to say, yeah, of course. I know. They stop telling me these things. Yeah, the goals, whatever sentence structures, whatever you're trying to teach, those aren't the main things that you should be focusing on. So think about how you can build those contexts together in order for you to have something in common. Right? So friends or family members that you have commonalities, you guys actually have a better time together, no matter. If you can, like, follow the type of talking pattern, you know, the cadence, the rhythm of someone allowing them to talk about what they like, what they. What they really like to do in the weekends fosters a relationship. And this doesn't go away when you're trying to teach autistic children. So the problem is, inside of, like, therapy, there are two camps. One is like, you know, like, anything structured, anything that we push on the child is wrong. And the other way is like, I'm gonna set goals for my kid. I've got, like 10 to 20 goals, and I want to push those onto the kid. Both are not wrong. There's no right or wrong. The thing is who's delivering that thing. Can someone make the child understand why they're doing it? Right? So let's talk enough of that, and let's talk about some practical stuff. How do we get there? So the main thing that we should focus on is to create routines and also play sequences. You know, like something that you can do together that will make your relationship better so that you can use those activities to teach language so that your child can speak about it. Okay, so what do we do? We go from, if your child can do I want whatever, or, like, they can ask for things from you. Great. Use those to teach different things. So it might be, you can see this Mr. Potato Head here, we got some games here as well. I'm not going to take it out and show you, but what we need to do is, can we take these games? I will use a reward schedule. Let them know that after you play with me, I will reward you with something. Right? Once your child understands that you're into playing it, suddenly that becomes a shared experience between you two and you don't need to reward as much and you're fading out rewards, right? The same as you're going to work, right? In the beginning, it's all about the salary, but the more you work, and I don't know about you, but most people are like, as they work more and more, they get. They get friendly with colleagues, they like the environment. And then going to work becomes something from inside rather than more external. All right? So you need to set up time to not think about language goals, to use the reward schedules and the things that you're teaching already, teaching with already, and use those to teach new activities and routines that you both can enjoy. And that includes being enthusiastic. That's number one. Because if you don't like it, if you're not enjoying yourself, how do you expect other people to enjoy it? Right? The second point is, when you're teaching something, an activity, the rules need to be very clear, right? It's not even just tell. You have to show. You have to show how, explain multimes and keep the rewards going during that time. You cannot just teach something and expect your child to learn. So whenever a parent watches some of our videos, they're like, man, I get it. I'm going to teach them play. And then they're like, they buy a toy and then they just put it on the floor and your kid's not going to play. It's not automatic, right? If it's automatic, they wouldn't be on the spectrum. Right? What's automatic to them is like to put, you know, like things in the line. What's automatic to them is to look at the wheel spin. Those are the symptoms of autism. But the real reason behind it is because there's a lacking of play skills and the play is irregular, right? Not saying it's right or wrong or whether you should allow it or not. Those things are fine. Those. Because if you teach the correct play skills, those things will be replaced if they find the other activities more fun. And a lot of times what we need to do is to use those stimming activities. As the rewards for them after playing appropriately. When I say appropriate play skills nowadays is a huge note in the community, they're saying, oh, who said that, you know, spinning a wheel is inappropriate? How can you say that? So I have no thoughts about it. As long as if you can target some language with spinning wheels, then by all means, that could be an activity. But the fact is that it's so repetitive, you can't target much. So that's why we have to teach more complex play routines and activities, right? So what do we, what can we teach? There's loads of stuff you can teach. For instance, if your child likes to swing, you can go on a swing and enjoy that time together. Even if your child likes that because that play routine is under your command, he's not going to like it or she's not going to. She's not going to have it because these routines are the things that he or she likes. Was for free, was without you. Children on the spectrum are. They have rules inside of a brain and they think, dude, I didn't play this with you. Why should I listen to you and play your way? And this is with everyone, to be very honest with you, and not just people on the spectrum. So that's why you need to incentivize that and show them, like, after you play it my way or you play it together, which is fast, it's simple, the rules are very clear. And afterwards you get rewarded. There's no room for error, right? You teach that, I'll maybe swing three times, you get a reward. So I cannot give you unlimited examples because it goes case by case. But I want you to have that in your mind as a principle. Take the principle of what I told you just now. Find out what your child likes. Think of some activities that have some steps involved, right? Those steps are very simple. And at the end of those steps, you need to reward your kid, right? With whatever that is. A plus grade reward, right? Rinse and repeat. That activity needs to have a start and an end. Have some steps involved, something that your child actually likes already. And then you need to reward with something that they really love, all right? That's how you foster a good relationship. And the word for it is called pairing. Because you're pairing those positive experiences with yourself. And therefore you become the reward and you become a reinforcement. You become a positive experience, right? When you have those, then finally you can teach some language, right? Those natural language will come out because you are such a giver. Your child will think, oh, if I follow you, I will get what I want and more and I will have fun. So that's why I'm going to listen to you. When you say something, I'm going to try repeat it. Because when you say something, you don't expect a kid to talk, right? But because there's an expectation and then he can already anticipate what's going to happen in the next step because you've done it so many times. Let's say it's like just one of these toys here that's single or whatever, they know they're going to grab the next card. When you give the word to the correct context, then the link will come. And don't get me wrong, children on the spectrum are very good with making links with a word to a real word, object or event or concept. So when you have a very strong routine and the child can anticipate the next step, when you say the word, it's going to click, right? And if it does click. And when you say something and your child replies, then it's very easy to exaggerate or give them more of the activity and have a positive response. Then your child who is on the spectrum is going to think, oh, she is praising me for this, for repeating, and that's why I should say more of it. The biggest problem, when you hear a child say something, you have to praise it and go, wow, you're not the person who he cares or she cares for praise from. You know what I'm saying? What happens is like parents go into a therapy or teacher voice, teaches a word, maybe hears a word somewhere from, from the kid and goes, wow, that's so good. And then you can hear that fake voice going up and down. It's very loud for some children. They don't like it. And parents don't even know that they're actually annoying the heck out of the kid. So don't get me wrong on this, right? Those things are correct. But you have to have the correct context. And who you are to the kid needs to make sense. If you're a person who plays and you're very generous with the rewards, they're used to taking commands from you, they're used to listening to you, they're used to having fun with you. Then when you praise, it's a lot more effective. That's why you need to change who you are to the kid. That's how you get your child to speak naturally with you. And this is not even just for autistic people. It's about how you operate as a teacher to A child, because a lot of times a different person, when they say something, an important person in a child's life says one word, it beats everyone else who says multiple. Like, they keep on convincing, come on, blah, blah, blah. One person who the child trusts, that's game over. Like, the child's gonna listen to that guy. So you need to be that person. Because that therapist or that teacher who your child trusts will not go home with you. That's the end of the story. That's why you have to change. Okay? So long story short, how to get a child on the spectrum to speak naturally is that you need to become a better or a different person to your child. Someone who will give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, keep on giving. Right. Second of all is that you already have a very structured approach to teaching new activities to your kid. Right. Third of all is that you have a common context, a common activity that you guys both like, and you guys have the same topic to talk to each other about. And then also is that your child and can anticipate what's going to happen in the world, then it's a lot easier to teach language. All right? And that's pretty much it. If you can do that, if you can teach activities and routines with a reward, you can get rid of rewards, then throw it outside of the house. Don't care about it. Right. A lot of the parents who we coach inside of Agents of Speech, we don't use rewards anymore. We really don't. We're just like, ah, that's good job. Right? That's good. Just the praise is good enough. So you need to get there. So a lot of that stuff on the Internet is saying, oh, rewards are bad. You shouldn't withhold things from a kid. Those are kind of true. But you need to start there and then slowly get to a point where, because your child can be under your instructional command, then you can go there. Let me give you an example, and I don't mean it in a bad way at all. Okay? So if you have a pet, you have a dog, you have a cat, you bring them outside, and you don't leash the animal, right? What's going to happen? They're going to run around. It's going to be a nightmare to teach. But what if you have a leash and you have all sorts of treats a lot easier? So you see a lot of people who are like, have dogs unleashed, they're tame, they listen, they have a clicker instead of using a reward, a treat. They didn't start day one like that. So it's the same as your relationship with your child. The relationship with that pet and the owner has become so good that it's like you don't need anything external. And I don't mean that you're the owner of your child. I don't mean that it's a totally different relationship, but you need to get there somehow. All right, so that's all for this video. Thank you for tuning in and spending some time with me. I've been rambling, I know. But if you haven't, please go to agents of Speech.com course to get all the free courses that will teach your child from single words, all the way from no words, in fact, all the way to combining words into sentences. All right. So that's it for today's video. And I'll see you later. Bye. Bye.