Motivating a Child to Work when S/he Says "NO" | www.agentsofspeech.com/micro

Hey, guys, going live right now to talk about how to motivate your child to start to do work, even if he or she knows, already knows how to say no to you. And you're like, ah, let's do this. Let's look at some cards or whatever, let's read a book, let's play games. And they already know what you're trying to offer, which is like a reward that we always talk about in Agents of Speech or in therapy general, that we use a lot. We use rewards, right? And we hope that we can get rid of the rewards. But what about sometimes that even if we use the rewards, we ask them to do something and they still say no? Well, the thing about it is that we always need to think about if a child, you know, all a child has, right, or talks about is basically whether they want. They want to do it or they can do it. They have to have both in order to do the stuff that you tell them to do, right? So obviously they can do it. It's just that they don't want to. And why is it that. Why is that? That they don't want to is because they can foresee the amount of work ahead of them. Right. So how do you trick them? Well, that's not really a trick because, you know, it's very difficult. Everyone procrastinates. I procrastinate a lot to be, like, transparent with you. I'm working on a new course. A bunch of stuff that we're doing here in Agents of Speech has been difficult to get my hands around it because, you know, number one, perfectionism. I want it to be great, even though I know that it wouldn't be and it would take several iterations. Number two is that I foresee the work. Man, I see a lot of stuff that I need to do, so I'm holding it off. And same for a kid who. Who does that as well, you know, like, if they can foresee that sitting down with you is just another 15 minutes of grinding, then it's going to be difficult for them to look forward to it. So how do we deal with it? So I want to talk about this quick experiment that I learned in university in my bachelor's or undergrad as you call it. It's strange because I didn't really go to class that much, to be honest with you. Let's just tell. Just letting you know. All right? But for my master's, my attendance rate was 100% anyways, during my undergrad for psychology, I was learning like, so if you can't get someone to do something for you, ask them for a smaller commitment. And inside of our full intro course, we talk about like a micro commitment, right? And this is exactly it. You can, if you know that your child will say no to a huge commitment, start with small ones, build a momentum. So let me explain myself. So if you are dating someone, right? Or you're looking for a job, start with small commitments first. Right? First you ask for a number. Okay, that's good. Second of all, you go for a date or something or, or you text or whatever. And afterwards, maybe like three or four weeks, like three or four dates down the line. And then you start saying, oh, maybe we can like see each other more often or like and, and call ourselves and have a, you know, have a talk about your relationship. Right? So it slowly escalates. And the same should be with your kid. Okay, I'm not saying that you're dating your kid. What I mean is try to think about it in this way that we're always escalating and escalating in terms of responsibilities. Right? Our relationships. Right. Okay. And also our work. So we need to do the same for our kids. All right? And we have our. When, when, when we're a little older, we can utilize our inhibitors inside of the front of our brains, which is a very adult thing. We're like, oh, you can't drink tonight because tomorrow I gotta do something. Kids who are under, I would say under 18 don't really have that kind of like responsibility built in, you know, like, so you have to help them. So how do you help them? So number one, start off with giving free rewards. Okay? Just let them know, hey man, we're gonna do something. Here's something for free, just, just to play with you. And it might be like your time, you know, like you're playing a game together. And afterwards start to add a little bit of the so called tasks that you're doing. So start with the task that your child has already mastered and is more than willing to do without rewards. And once, you know, like, if you're already at a stage where you've been working with your child for a bit already, then it's easy for them. There is a way that you can get them to do things without a reward. You can fade it out already. And there are tasks that they're more than willing to do. So for instance, if your child is already speaking in sentences, if you tell them to copy a sound or a word, they're more than willing to do so because it's so easy now. So start with those stuff and then slowly go up to the point where they need to actually commit, right? So you can see this happen in a lot of places. So for instance, if you're downloading a new game on your. On your phone, there's an app. The start of it is like, crazy dumb. Like, crazy easy. You know, like, baby level. It's so easy and you're like, so stupid. I can do this in like one second. And then later on, as you upgrade your level, it becomes like, oh, man, this is like getting difficult, man. And there's a point where it's so hard and you don't want to play, but then they give you option to pay your money in order to get like a secret, like ability or whatever. And that's where they make their money, right? So this is the same logic when you're teaching children. Start off with something easy. Make it fun, make it engaging. And the best learning is always at the level of just attainable, right? Just attainable. Just difficult enough to push them a little bit. So if your child finds it boring, whether it's too easy or whatever, make sure your rewards are good enough. Or if your child finds it not rewarding enough to do something so hard, start with something easier and slowly build it up. Okay? I had this epiphany to talk about this because recently we had. I reached out to a parent that I was talking to, and she's in the membership. For those who are interested, the membership is now closed for now. And it's. She said, hey, I can't get him to do the stuff I want to. You just say no, right? So I guess the problem now is that he knows what you're trying to do. You know, like you've been teaching your child for a long time. And if you're following this channel, this Facebook page, or in this group, by the way, the group, it's very difficult to reach you guys anymore. But anyways, that's what you guys should be thinking about, right? Think about what tasks you can do to warm them up, make them feel like this is easy. It's easy to attain the rewards. I feel like this is a good use of my time and they will continue to do so. If this topic makes sense to you, I would encourage you to join the micro course. If you haven't, or if the micro course is something that you think it's too easy, then I would encourage you to just check out our courses on agents of speech.com. all right? It helps us out to create more content for you guys. And, and we're working on more courses, especially on verbal reasoning. That's something I'm working on. And second of all, what I'm working on is speech disorders. So people are asking me about, oh, does my kid have apraxia speech? Right. My kid cannot say these sounds, what can I do? So on and so forth, right? So I'm going to make a crash course for that. And so that just to educate you. But that's not something that you can do 100% at home. You need someone to analyze your child's speech sounds and then just give you the plan of attack, you see. So, okay, so that's it for tonight, is a real quick. If you have any questions, please leave them down below and I'll get to it. But that's the gist of, like, what you should be doing at home if your child says no. Okay, so Joan says, Joan Phillips says, thank you so much for your. Thank you. Like, thank you so much for watching. I appreciate you instead, you know, like, it's all about helping you guys. So let me know if how I can help in any capacity. But if you are unsure about what to do and your child is, like, doing how to say, it's like pulling your hand, not willing to listen to you, has words, doesn't imitate you, doesn't use it correctly, go join the microcourse first because we've got you covered over there. If you finished the course, then we can have a chat and see what other things we can do to help you. Okay, so that's it for tonight. I'll see you next week and have a good one. Making this short because I'm running. I'm running late and my Internet is very unstable today, so I'll just cut it short without talking and babbling too much. See ya.