Should You Speak in 2 Languages to Your Child? | www.agentsofspeech.com/micro

Hey. Hi. Welcome. For tonight's, Tonight's live from agentsofspeech.com and. In this live video, we're going to talk about bilingualism, trilingualism, just language in general. And this is a very, how to say, this is a very heated topic because a lot of times what, what parents will tell me is that the first, maybe the first assessment or the first, I don't know, the session or with a pediatric psychologist, psychologist or what developmental, whatever they call it nowadays, I don't, I can't catch up. I really cannot. Back in the day, it was only clinical psychologists and educational psychologists. There were no, like, developmental whatever, early education advisors, whatever they call it now. There are many, many these kind of names out there. I don't even know. And. Right. I've been working in this field for what, since, I mean, like around eight to nine years now, and I don't really even know all these names anymore. And because I've relocated to Southeast Asia, obviously. And let me know if you're watching. Just let me know where you, you are right now. And guys, if you're in Southeast Asia, stay safe. All right? Anyways, so a lot of parents are telling me, oh, the therapist told me that I should only speak in one language to the child because it's going to confuse them or whatever. Oh, it's better if you choose one now and so on and so forth. But in, in countries such as Hong Kong. Sorry, not a country. Let me get this straight. In places like Hong Kong, Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia, even usa, sometimes, you know, like when we're dealing with places that have a high degree of bilingualism rooted, like, deep rooted inside of the country's culture, the place's culture, it becomes difficult, it becomes difficult to, to choose one because everyone there can actually speak multiple languages, right? So when you say, like, for instance, inside of the family, if, you know, it's always this story, right. All the, the grandparents speak this language, right. The parents speak English most of the time to the child. And then inside of, inside of, what's that called? Inside of school, they might be speaking in different languages as well. Right? So for instance, in like, hi, Kuyan. So for Kuyan, it might be, it might be Chinese at home, right? And then English for school, and then, I don't know. And then Bahasa Malayu for, for inside of, you know, I don't know, just everyday life, right? So there's already three and people interchange here and there all the time. All right, so I'm going to tell you straight up before we Go inside this live much longer to discuss and answer questions, right? I'm going to tell you that, hey, bilingualism, trilingualism, we're only just getting started, you know, look at, look around the kids around you, they all speak two to three languages at the very minimum, right? Where I'm from Hong Kong, the kindergarten is trilingual school, right? So if, if you ask me, oh, which should I choose? Choose one language. Hey, it's not going to be functional for the, for the child. A lot of times they're gonna have exposure to different types of languages. That's just the case of it. So when you choose one, that's not, that's not practical nowadays. That's what I think at least, right? Okay. That's my opinion now. So let's talk about some scientific evidence. All right? So scientifically speaking, I'm going to, if, if you want to see the references, you can, you can just PM me because obviously in this live, I want to keep it as casual as I can. So I don't want to link different articles here and let you read like scientific whatever, right? But I did a little research to update myself because bilingualism is something that, to dabble in a little bit during my master's, right? Or else I couldn't, I couldn't get it right. So basically, bilingualism, there isn't really a problem with, with a child who is speech and language delayed to be exposed to more than one language, there isn't really a big problem. The reason is because if your child is language disordered or delayed, the whole thing is on the, there's language system. So anyone who has a problem with, you know, speaking or, you know, understanding language, it means that their whole language acquisition. All right, their whole acquisition has a problem. Okay? So it doesn't matter if you have, you put two or three or whatever to your, to your kid who has a problem acquiring even one language, you know, it's still the same, it's still the same thing. All right? So therefore, why would people say, ah, you should have one language first because, you know, you don't want to, to confuse them? Well, basically the confusion will happen anyways with one language. So logically speaking, right? It's. If you add one more, then it would be even more confusing. Sorry, it's getting very. Okay, there we go. Yeah. So logically speaking, yeah, that, that's why a lot of therapists say, oh, I only do one, only do whatever. But the thing is, the thing is, in general, bilingual people, I, I consider myself rather bilingual. I Guess you know, I spoke English at a very young age. I spoke Cantonese as my mother tongue at a very young age. In fact, that's the first language I ever learned, right? So growing up with this knowledge, I can tell you, I can attest because a lot of my friends around me are also bilingual and because growing up in Hong Kong, we were called third cultured kids. So basically what that means, we don't really fit with the monolingual Chinese speaking population and the monolingual English speaking population. So we're in the middle of a sandwich, right? So for us, really, when I say us, I'm speaking for all the people who speak two languages, okay? So we have to. This is research backed, okay? If you want to ask me, I'll try to find something to tell you. So basically everyone you know, as I was saying before, right, to speak a sentence, whatever, then one person has to acquire around 150 words, right around to make a sentence to start knowing enough vocab. So if you're doing a bi. If you're bilingual, you have to double that. So there are some words that I know very well in English, but I don't know the translation in Chinese and vice versa, right? So there are some words in Chinese I don't know how to say in English. So sometimes what we call mix code, we mix it up. We. We will sometimes substitute one word with another even if our base language is English, right? So, so in Southeast Asia, this is very, very common, the mixed coding. And is there a problem with mixed coding? No, because that's the social norm here, right? So whatever. But there is, there's always a base language. I'm coming full circle, okay? Don't worry. So basically for us bilingual people or trilingual people, our vocab needs to be nearly double the size in order to have the proficiency, meaning the skill and ability to speak fluently. All right? So for me, I remember my Chinese was always a little behind. My English was also a little behind, especially in primary school and then secondary school. Slowly I kind of caught up, I think, I believe. But anyways, that's just how it is, all right? You have more languages than you, the more that the vocab will be shared. And therefore some words you have to learn a few times, right? In different languages. Therefore it takes up the same amount of space. So at the end of the day, okay, I'm not a expert in bilingual or lingual or whatever you call it, or language. I'm a speech therapist. I talk about language acquisition and teaching children to Talk. So going full circle, what you need to do is to not care whether you're using what language to talk to your kid is to make sure that you make it very clear what you're. How, what you're communicating, all right? Especially if your child is not speaking it. It doesn't really matter how. What language you're talking and speaking in, right? It depends on how much you're talking, how fast you're speaking, what words are using, is it too hard, too easy, Whatever. All right? You need to be careful about that. Doesn't matter what you're saying. All right? And then some parents will tell me, hey, he knows the numbers and alphabets. Actually just the numbers in English. And then he knows something in another language. Right? Doesn't matter. I mean, in the beginning, at least. Okay, so why. Why is it logical to think that, oh, yeah, one language would be less confusing? Not really. Not really. And when I tell you this is because what are you going to do when he finally catches up with one language? Then someone will have to already. That somebody will have to catch up with the second language as well. Right? So if it's normal within a society for you to have two languages to learn it, then we. Why. Why would you do it? Just start up a two. All right, so here's the, here's the advice that you need to hear. It's okay for you to mix code, but keep the base language in one grammatical form. Do not mix up the grammar. Okay? Do not do it because it's very confusing for children. It's even confusing to us adults. Right? So let's say if, you know, back in the day, what people call, like, Chinese English, right? Basically it's an English. We're speaking English. But in the Chinese grammar, that is very confusing for foreigners when they hear it because they don't understand Chinese. Okay. And that's why even, like Singaporeans, right? Even Singaporeans, even if they have a certain Singlish, like a way of saying English, I wouldn't say the accent. Right. It's. It's a way of saying it. I think it's a different language. Totally. It's a adjunct. It's a different, like an alternative English kind of thing. Even if their. Their English is. Has a, you know, different tone and sound to it that they put the stress at the back. Stress as in like the, the high note at the back. Like if they say library, they say library or something. I'm not sure. Okay, I. I stand corrected. Anyways, their grammar is pretty. Okay. It's pretty good. When they're talking. That's why, you know, foreigners are okay with listening to Singlish at the very least, you know, because they're, you know, it's the. At least the grammar, the pattern is the same. Okay? So therefore, when you talk, when you speak, your pattern needs to be strong, right? When you have a model like, okay, so Alien's got it. Yeah. Strong English model, strong Spanish model. Yes. Be very specific about what language you're speaking. It doesn't matter if you're bilingual, Right. Somehow the way that we learn grammar and language is by the context, number one. And number two, there's an argument that we all have this universal grammar device inside of our head that helps us. It's a theory from this guy called Chomsky. Right? But anyways, it helps us think and learn a grammar. Okay? But I'm not sure if that's true or not. At the same time, I really think that it really depends on the context. So if you think about it, when you talk in a specific context, when you speak in Chinese or English, the reaction will be very different. And when you speak in Chinese, it might be just, you know, and in my culture, it might be all foul language when something bad happens, right? Or in English, it might be talking about, you know, using Jesus, you know, saying Jesus Christ or whatever, right? So it's very different. It's contextual based, and the reaction will be different, the tone will be different, the grammar will be different, but you just need to be very explicit about what language base you're using. All right? So at the end of the day, if you go do your research online, you will be, like, very confused because some people say that, oh, bilingualism is totally okay. It's fine. That's what at least most of the speech therapists say, right? On the Internet. But if you go to someone in person, they will say, I'll choose one language, do it one first. And why they do that is because, I don't know some of the children who come to me, at the very least, who are on the spectrum. If your child is not on the spectrum, that then. Then don't care, right? They're very rigid. They only like to speak in one language. And if we choose one, then it's good for them. It's playing into their. Their wants, right? So there was a few kids in Hong Kong where they. We could only speak English to. Because they've. They. They're so fixated. They. It becomes like communication becomes so ritualistic to them. They only want to talk in English other Than that they. It's very difficult. Right. And by the way, Chinese is hard for them to read something. You see, ASD children are very good at reading because it's just they're recognizing something very rigid, like a pattern in English writing. So it's easy for them to connect the dots. Right? But in Chinese, it's very difficult. It's. That's a drawing, for God's sake. Right. So it's very difficult for them to draw the parallels. It's very hard to. For them to understand the rules of reading. Okay. It's a fun fact, by the way, that dyslexia in English is very easily treated. Not easily, rather that there's a protocol for treating Chinese not so. And especially nowadays we use simplified Chinese in mainland China. Super hard to treat. Dyslexia was simplified Chinese. Another fun fact, there's no dyslexia in Japan because it's a one to one rule. You see that symbol? It means that sound. So therefore it's very difficult to be dyslexic. At the very least, it can be treated all right. Okay, so let's take a look at. Let's take a look at some questions. So Nandani says, what course can we do for a kid who's already speaking? Help with my questions and more explanation. And toys. Yeah, we don't have that right now. Nandani trying to work on it. But at the same time, if you're. I think I. I think I've talked about this before in a live. But basically for why questions, the toys that you should, you should be using for explanation. It should be always board games or some type of toy that has a lot of rules in it. So that they have to explain the rules to you. Explain when you do something wrong, explain who won, who lost, explain who is winning, who is losing, so on, so forth. Right? So I'm sorry, I cannot go deep because today's topic is about bilingual or trilingual, whatever, Right? Okay. Kuyan says, will a kid able to speak the word Thai with gesture? But one week later, no wonder to repeat the same word again. No matter how I hinted at him, he stuck again with no word. I'm wondering if you understand the meaning of the word. I just follow in a good mood. Or is it. Yeah, Kuyan, we talked about this like a thousand times. But maybe like. Okay, so listen up. So this is the thing. He doesn't understand imitation. Ku Yen. He doesn't understand. I'm sure he can. He knows a lot of words. I'm sure he does. I'm sure he has some words inside of him. He knows how to, you know, but he can. He doesn't know. He needs to imitate you. That's the problem. That's not his mood. He doesn't understand imitation. Right. That's why we always. I always tell you to make him do the gesture. Right? If he can imitate the gesture first, then he will imitate the sound. All right? It's not about us teaching him the gesture or the word. It's about us teaching the concept of imitation. That's why we start off with that. We start off. That's why we talk about imitations first. Right? Okay. So if he cannot, then move down. Remember that chart that we have inside of the group that I showed you before? The word doesn't come out. Then just make him imitate the gesture. Okay? And why we want to do that is because I want him to understand. Okay, cool. I have to imitate something. Doesn't matter if it's too hard. And by the way, it's not about mood. It's never about good mood or bad mood or whatever. And I've said this many times, right? The reason why children don't do something is either they don't know how to or it's too hard. Right? Sorry. It's too hard or they don't want to. So if you keep on hinting to them. I don't even know if they want it or not, number one. Number two is. Is it too hard for them? So you think that they say it one time. It doesn't mean that they can do it over and over, Right. You might be able to do, I don't know, do a cartwheel on a good day by accident. Doesn't mean you can keep on doing it. Right. It doesn't mean that you can do it once. Maybe it isn't consistent. Okay? So that's why we go down. If you keep on hinting for him to say, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it. And you're stuck at that level. You can't do that. You need to go down one level so that he can do something about it. Okay? You can never hint a child and keep on saying it. I know you know it. I've heard you say it before. Keep on saying it. It's gonna annoy him, number one. Number two is he might not have. He might not be able to do it because there's a lot of things. He might be nervous. He might not want something from you. There's a lot of things. So therefore, reduce it. Make it easier for him, and go down. Whenever you are stuck at one level and you keep on doing something without making it easier, it frustrates everyone. So don't do it, Kuyen. Do not do it. Don't hint him to talk. Hint him to imitate something. It's not that the goal is not for him to talk, but the goal is for him to imitate. Once he imitates, all the words will come because he's learning. He learns that every time he has imitate. Right. Okay, so if you're in the course right now, Ku Yan, I want you to make sure that he is consistent with the open palm gesture, right? I want you to be. I want him to be consistent in, you know, gross motor imitation, meaning he can touch his head when you tell him to. When you say, hey, do this. Ah, good boy. Right? When you get his attention, when he knows he needs to follow it. When. Follow you. When he knows he needs to imitate you, and then you can teach more words. You cannot do that because. You cannot do that. Because one person who does one thing one time doesn't mean they can consistently do it. All right? So I hope you understand this time, all right? Don't do it. It's not about good mood. Seriously. It's not about good mood. Then what are we gonna do when the kid comes over and they're not in a good mood? Right. So you can't do that. It's about seeing where they are, and if they can't do it, go down one level, make it easier for them, and keep on doing it. Build it up. All right? You just want to hear him say it once or twice. I don't care. I don't want that. I want him to be able to imitate consistently. Got it? Okay. Yeah. You're not, you know, that's because you speak English in Indonesian. That doesn't mean that, you know. So vani don't matter. Yeah. Okay, cool. So he's saying some aqua. Yeah, aqua, too. That's you, right? You treat dyslexia. I know how to treat dyslexia. Very successful. Yeah, usually it's. It's the people with the. With a lot of experience, especially, you know, special needs teachers, kindergarten teachers, early intervention people. They really are able to. To. They really are very good at treating dyslexia. You know, we don't even do it. It's usually educational psychologists or whatever. Yeah. All right. Nabil says hi. Nabil, what's up? Oh, that's great. Two or three sentences now. That's. That's great. Hallelujah. Excellent. Cool, guys. Okay. So sorry for the rant just now. I'm just. Yeah, sometimes I. I do have to keep on. That's why I do these lives. Right? So that I can talk to you guys more and. Yeah. Okay. So Jesselyn asks when will be a good time to start the second language? My boy just started speaking to speak more in English. However, he is non responsive to Mandarin. His Chinese teachers in school speaks to him constantly. However, they also see that he doesn't really respond. It's okay if he doesn't respond. Okay. It doesn't really. It's always a good time to start a second language. There's no bad time. Okay. If he isn't responsive to Mandarin, then, you know, keep on talking. There's receptive and expressive, Right. A lot of my friends who are very bad at Chinese, they can understand me, but they'll reply me in English, right? It doesn't matter if they don't respond, he doesn't respond. You just keep on talking in Chinese. Okay? You just keep on talking in Chinese. And one of the questions I get is, oh, should I say a word in English and then use Chinese after? No, don't do that. Don't need it if you're in Chinese mode. Just keep on going in Chinese, you know? All right. Someone says, I can't see you. I think you're in the Facebook group. That's cool. We have stopped talking, speaking in two languages to my son when we worry you had a delayed speech. Still improving. But he's not. Say full sentence in English. How can I help him? We only speak to him in English. Can we speak to a Mandarin too? Yeah, you can speak to a Mandarin. Just don't mix it up. Just don't mix it up in one. Just don't do it in one sentence. Right? Yeah, Ellie says it right. No Spanglish. No. No. Chenglish, no. Whatever. Just straight up. If it's English, then English it was Chinese and Chinese and make sure it's as. And all the language facilitation skills, all the things that we talk about in the micro course or whatever in other courses, they all stand true in whatever language, right? Speak as if you don't need him to respond. Speak as if you're not asking questions. Right? Speak as if you know his language level. So for Chinese, if his Chinese level is low, then start off with one word at a time, right? And then build up from there. Oh, he's not to stop saying any Language. What does that mean? Now we're starting Spanish. Yeah, Spanish is. I've been to Mexico once in my life. They don't speak English. I had to learn all the Spanish numbers right away. I don't remember anyone, anything. Don't make me try. Oh, hi. Good evening. Yeah, yeah, you don't need to do that because it's too long. Right. So let's say that it's very hard to remember. So let's say you're learning a new language like me. I'm in Indonesia. Someone speaks in Indonesian and then translates it to English. Would I care for the, for the Indonesian? Because I know. No. Right. Because I know he will translate into English. Right. It's just like. Yeah, it's a. It's something that you shouldn't do because you're taking the focus off the language. You're trying to facilitate. Right. So if I were to. If this, you know, a lot of people from Facebook who are on, you know, in the Malaysia and whatever, they asked if I have a Chinese version of the courses or whatever. I don't. Right. And the reason is because my, my Mandarin isn't that great. If I had to do it, it'll be in Cantonese, but there's not like, not like Cantonese speakers in the world, I believe. And you know, and same to you, right? If you speak in English and then you translate to Chinese, then all the child's gonna listen to is the. Is the language that he understands. It's just like the announcements in the airport. Very foreign thing for us nowadays, the airport, very dangerous as well. But, you know, if you're in a airport, you listen to the announcements, you don't even understand. You won't even pay attention to foreign language. You will only wait for your mother tongue, you know, for me, I only wait for English or Chinese. So, you know. You got my point. Yeah. Ku Yan. Yes. Okay. Yeah. The thing is, it doesn't matter if. If he doesn't know to imitate. All you need to do is to take his hand, do it one time, and then let him have it. It's about the repetitions. So let's say, if I teach you that, let's say we're in a tribe, right? We don't speak any. Any like spoken to, okay. We don't speak anything. We don't speak anything. So basically I tell you that when you do this, the open. I will open something and give you something. Right? So how are you going to teach him without knowing, without him understanding that he needs to imitate you, obviously, you take his hand, you open it, and then you open it once for him and then give him that thing, right? You keep on doing it hundreds of times. He starts to get it. Okay? Even a cat, even a dog will start to understand. So for instance, my cat, if I open the drawer, she will come because she knows there's food inside, all right? She will meow at me to open it. So that's communication. He needs to know that. And all you need to do is to show him directly, take his hand and do it, and then give it to him. Do a hundred times. He'll get it. Trust me. I've done it thousands of times. Yeah. If he watches, then, you know, turn it off. Turn it off and then tell. Teach him, like, turn on. Like, you can still do buka if you want. I mean, open if you want, right? Doesn't matter. You can still do that and then turn it and then play again. Or like that for play. I don't know. Search online. Like, play gesture. Let me do it now, Right? It's like that play. Or that's play playing, I guess. But you can do anything. You can do like that for. For play. You can pause it and you can make him do something. Anything, Anything. Just make him do it and then play again. Doesn't matter what the thing is, right? What the reward is. Okay. Super sidon is it? Or is it super sidden? Anyways, my son has autism, adhd. He has. He's minimally verbal, and he learned to understand and speaks in English. He can't understand Filipino well, but we're learning it step by step. Okay, that's cool. Great. The French is incredible. When you're France, you get so used to. When you get home, you're like, where's the French? What? Yeah, I mean, like, fair enough. How can I help my son to speak in full sentence? Well, hey, we've got a course called word Combiners. You can go to agentsofspeach.com to check it out. Without. Without much of. Without enough information. I can't tell you. I can't tell you what to do. You know, just ask me how to. How can I help my son to speak in full? I don't even know how much your son can speak right now. Right. I might be giving you the wrong advice. So. Yeah. Yeah, my cat, when I speak to them in Cantonese, they. They kind of understand me too. Yeah. Funny. Says, but there's reason why I can't. Doesn't want to imitate to the mom. Does it mean. Does it. Someone else Regardless of any language, it could imitate the guests, but still. Stop it. Hey, man. I mean, Bonnie, I know your situation. I know whatever. I know everything. Not everything, but I know enough to give a comment here. All right? Your child doesn't imitate you is basically because, first of all, you weren't strong enough to. You weren't. You didn't want to make her upset in the beginning. She knows that she has other ways. She doesn't need to listen to you with a stranger or someone new. Then he has more. She has more reason to try because it's a clean slate. So for all children, they're always testing our bottom lines. You know, even if it's a child who I've seen for a long time, if I don't see them for a bit and they come back, they're always trying to test my bottom line. That might be a very crazy Chinese translation, because that's a Chinese phrase, like bottom line. But what I mean is, they're trying to see where your limit is, right? They're trying to see where. Where the heck can I. Can I try something and make them go my way? And your kid Vonnie is that she knows when she can get her way with you. That's why whatever you request doesn't matter unless it's fun for her. That's why you see that she will imitate you when doing peekaboo, when singing songs, when, like, doing numbers and whatever that she likes. Okay? So therefore, if you want her to imitate you, I don't think it's the problem. Like, she. She doesn't have an imitation problem. She has a behavioral problem. She's got a compliance problem with you. Okay? So if you want that to be gone, either you don't give in to whatever she has for you and make her really pissed off one day and let her cry her lungs off and she would still not get whatever she wants. Or you go with it and just forget about it. Just whatever. And do it. Like, just follow her lead all the way until she starts talking in words. Okay. You have two choices. I would say in the subway. I. I don't know. I've never been. I've been to France. I've been to Paris. I didn't like it. Potty trained poop is very hard for him. So I'll find how I can do to help. Yeah, Shushu. I'm not sure how to tell you what to do because, you know, potty training is very personalized. It depends on where he likes to go poop, you know, it really depends where he likes to go poop and when and so on. Right. So Ng Ling says is it should teach him in mother tongue. Grand spot and Mandarin school. Talking English. Yeah, we talked. We talked about this in the earlier in. In the earlier. Right. And I think really, you don't have to do it in the mother tongue or whatever. Do whatever is natural to you. Think about, like, what my boss before in Hong Kong, she. When she answered this question, she taught me to say, oh, imagine yourself when, you know, he's 18 or. And he wants to talk to you about something serious, you know, like maybe school, maybe love, maybe, I don't know, relationship, friends or whatever. Career path, whatever. Right. Then which language would you like him to talk to you with in? Right. So whatever is natural to you and whatever makes sense. And you can teach both at the same time. You know, a lot of children, at least when I was in kindergarten, what I remember, not everyone was good in English. You know, we're all Chinese. Yeah. So it doesn't matter. I think, Yeah, guys. You guys are giving in. You guys are having the same problem. Sometimes. I would say, Nabil, I don't know what. Where she's spitting. Is it on your face or what? I don't. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. There must be a trigger to her spitting. So tell me more. Yeah, it's still behavioral, man. Yeah, I mean, like, sometimes I can see from the videos, from your videos before that you allow her too much, you know, and it's not like, you know, Jay. Right. She's that kind of person, even at this age. Okay, Vonnie, you know who. Who I'm talking about. She's like that, you know, even at this age. So her mom had to, like, pick her up and put her back on the seat when she was your child's age, you know, so even to this day, she kind of only. Only listens to a handful of people. Only cares about for a handful of people. So, you know, she. Although, like, I asked her, right. So would you like your mom to be, like, very nice to you and let you do whatever or be as strict as she is, you know? And Jay's answer was like, yeah, I would love for them. For mom to. I would love your mom to my mom. This is. I'm quoting her. I remember. I'm trying to remember. She said that she respects her and loves her because she did that. She was very strict, but obviously she doesn't like it, right? So she. She's only Here, up to this stage where she's able to talk so much is because of her mom being so stern with her back in the day. And I believe that. I believe that. Well, you know the answer then, Nabil, what should you do? It's attention seeking. So don't give attention, right? Even if he spits on your face, don't give a reaction. All right, you know, I'll tell you a story. I know we. We totally deviated from bilingualism, but we kind of finished it. So if you're here, you're. You're watching this, just scroll back to. Around, like 10 minutes from. From like 2 minutes to 15 or something, and you can take a look there. Attention seeking behavior. Don't do it. I'll tell you a story. So back in the day when I first started in aba, there was a kid who would always, always run and headbutt me, like, use his head bomb like that onto my. You know, onto my tummy, and it hurts. But it was attention seeking. It wasn't for, you know, escaping or anything. He just laughed when he saw my face. You know, my grimace on my face. I'm like, oh, like that. He just likes it. So what do you do? Right? There's another kid who likes to drool all over my pants. So I don't know. I guess I'm lucky that my mom was washing it every day for me. So, thanks. Thanks, Mom. But, you know, those are. Those are what we call attention seeking behavior. So how do you deal with it is that you don't care about them, okay? You really cannot care about it. If you care, then you lose, right? So I know it's degrading. It's angry. It's. You know, it makes you angry. It makes you very pissed off, right? So at the end of the day, you cannot give in. You just can't give her a response. It needs to be as neutral as possible. You very neutrally just wipe off your face. Your reactions to her should be praises when she doesn't do it. You know, give her the attention when she deserves it, that therefore she won't have to spit on your face to get your extreme attention, right? So think about it. It's hard, Nabil. It's hard. Yeah, man. I mean, like, not strict rules, but, you know, just being what we call contingent. You know, if you say something, you gotta mean it doesn't need to be negative or positive, right? So it doesn't need to be strict. It just needs to be that you stick to your word and you stick to the Rules that you give yourself and to your daughter. Right? Yeah, Nabil, that, that's why, that's why you can't get angry. You gotta up your eq, you know what I'm saying? You cannot get angry. That's what she wants you to do. I have had a kid who would spit on my face as well. But this was. Yeah, this kid is very funny. He's his cerebral palsy and ASD at the same time. So whenever he doesn't want to do something, he would spit and try to go on the floor and do some break dance. But because he was like what we call hemiplegic, meaning he can only move half his body freely. So he had a really bad time moving around on the floor. So whenever his mom gets angry, he laughs. Whenever I get angry, he laughs as well. So one time he learned this skill where he would go, he would shout like right in front of me and then he would laugh whenever, like, I told him to like, be quiet. So what I did was that I just didn't care anymore. I just didn't care. I didn't care at all. Whatever he did, he spat at me. Whatever. I made him do the lowest thing, thing I could make him do, which was to pack up and tidy up the toys. Whenever this happens, I get rid of all nice things around him as a punishment. So all toys, he has to pick them up and put them and put them away. He has to wipe the floor, wipe everything that he spat. And then I didn't care. I kept on making him do some sort of, some sort of stuff like matching, very low level stuff you must can do. And that's building compliance. Right. And then whenever he follows I'm. I praise him a little bit, but still very neutral. I don't want him to feel like I've forgiven him or that, you know, we're on the same page or anything. So, you know, like five or six sessions in, he started to be much better. With me. It takes time, man. And if you get angry, you're just, you know, I can't even get angry at a kid anymore. Like, to be honest, I really cannot. Other than those who can speak a lot and being really disrespectful. Those kids who can't talk, I cannot, I just don't, I won't get angry at them, you know, it's just difficult for me. I don't see a point, you know, if I get angry, then they laugh and it's even more angry, like even more, even more offensive. Right. So it's like they're. They're having fun when you're unhappy. It feels like that. But you have to remember that that kind of entertainment to them, you know, they're just trying to have some fun with you, that's all. So if you keep that in mind, just ignore it. Okay. All right, that's. I'm gonna. That's all for tonight, guys. I mean, we've answered a lot of questions. We talked about bilingualism in the first half of the video. Thanks for tuning in, guys. Thanks for hanging out. And if you haven't, you really need to go to agentsofspeech.com micro and join the micro course because we're always updating and stuff. And by the way, other friends here who are always here where our Zoom. We have a Zoom membership thing going on. I'm gonna, it's gonna open up soon, probably in. At the end of. What's that called? At the end of this month. Okay. But it's only for micro course. Micro course people. All right. If you have the micro course, then you can join and how it works is every two weeks we got on Zoom. And then we can, we can talk about, like, the videos you send to us. We can show to everyone and we can talk about it, discuss it where you can do better, where is where you're doing fantastic. And so on. And I, I see that a lot of parents get a lot of value out of it, you know, and it's better than, you know, paying me up front, you know, 77 bucks USD for a consultation. Rather you can do it at a low cost every month and have me talk about what you're doing at home. Yeah. Yeah, man. Got to fight yourself. Anyways, good night, guys, and see you inside of the private group if you're in the micro course. And that's it, guys. Bye bye.