Ming from Agents of Speech says parents of speech-delayed kids should talk less. Constant commentary and questions overwhelm children and make them less likely to speak. Instead, sit quietly beside them, wait for them to engage with you, then use fewer, more strategic words.
Hey, this is ming here from agentsofspeech.com and in today's video, I want to talk about talking less. This might be strange because a lot of parents that I work with are from Asia, right? And they always want to, like, try to chase and catch up, everything like that. I believe in Singapore there's a term for it called kyasu or something. But this is exactly what we're going to talk about. Without talking too much, how can you make sure that your child is learning and catching up? Because they're already behind. If you're watching this, there might be a chance that you know your child is behind and you want to learn more on how to catch up. And the thing is, actually, the more you do it, it's kind of like a paradox. So the more you do it, the less likely they can actually catch up. Biggest secret. The biggest, biggest secret ever. You should talk less. In my clinic when I do therapy, I don't really talk that much. I don't really repeat myself. I don't really ask a lot of questions. Everything I say is for a reason. And I want my student, my clients to absorb only the stuff that matters. Okay? So I will teach you how to talk less, to teach more. So first of all, if you are asking a lot of questions, as I said in a previous video, you can watch that, I'll put the link up here or somewhere. And you shouldn't be asking questions if they just don't understand, right? And the other thing is when you talk less, it actually de stresses the child. Because you think about it, if your child isn't understanding a lot, you get bombarded by the stuff he's not interested in. What are the chances that he or she is gonna, like, talk? Gotta be quite low. So I want you to imagine right now that you're in a bar with your husband and his friends, or maybe vice versa, you're with your wife in a makeup setting, and all they talk about is just like football, makeup, all the stuff that you don't care about. And they keep on talking to you, keep on asking you questions, keep on putting your face, their face, in your face, and it's annoying. Okay? So the number two reason why you want to talk less is because it's actually annoying. You can actually see from the child's face. A lot of times when I see videos or when I'm there, I see children's face actually are so grumpy and annoyed. A lot of parents ask me, it's like, how come he can have so Much fun here. When I go to go back home, I try to talk to my kid. He throws a Lego at me. Well, the thing is, I'm not being rude or anything here, but the actual fact is you are actually a negative stimulus, meaning annoying them that you're actually asking and talking so much that something about that they don't care about. So what can we do? We have to talk less first. First of all, your child has to be okay with you sitting next to them when they play. Some children don't even want you to sit there. They don't want you around because they know what's coming next. They know gonna talk about, oh, what's that? Oh, how does it go? Tell me how to play this toy. Really show mommy what's that? And then you might go on and describe stuff in a really long manner, like, oh, you're picking up the Lego and putting in the bin. That's cool. And so on. And when you do that, they know that you're gonna start talking like that in their minds. It becomes kind of like noise, okay? And you don't want that because language should be natural, should be something they like. And if it becomes noise and annoying, then they will have a hard time actually catching up because they don't even like communicating. I remember you as a parent, as I talked about in another video, you're a better therapist than I am because you're always there. Children actually learn how to play with parents first and then with other people and then with children. That's how the play skills evolve as they grow older. So they have to learn to play with you. So I'm telling you, if right now your child is having troubles actually sitting down and listening to you, first of all, he or she needs to be okay with you beside them whilst playing or doing something else once, that's okay. You don't want to touch the toys and you want to talk less. Just don't talk at all and try to engage them and play. Once your child is okay playing with you, and then you can start talking. But you have to talk strategically, which I will talk in another video. But for now, if your child is already very angst, just annoyed from your presence around them, then the best strategy is now is just to talk less and just don't talk at all. Okay? Do this one thing first, and then we can talk about what's gonna happen next time when they're okay with you, when they're actually smiling at you, looking at you, feeding you with the spoon, the toy spoons, playing hide and seek with you telling you that they want to play and for you to sit next to them. So with that said, thank you for watching this video. Before we go, I want to give you a gift. It's a checklist for all the tools and toys that I actually use at the clinic and what I actually recommend to parents. And you can get it@ww.agentsofspeech.com checklist. You can grab that PDF file for free. With that said, thank you so much for checking out these videos. It means that you really care and you want to do it yourself as well. You want to learn more, and you want to become a better parent, a better educator, therapist, teacher, whatever you want to call it for your child. So thank you so much and I'll see you in the next one. Real soon. Bye.
