Why ASD & Speech Delayed Children Won’t Sit Still?

So let's talk about why children on the spectrum or delay children won't sit still. Okay, so let me tell you a story about. I had a conversation with one of our members and she was telling me how in the car the kid used to be able to sit in the baby chair for a very long time and now he's starting to like walk all over. Because she moved back to USA and they were in the Philippines. And in the Philippines you don't need to do all these things, right? Although I would say safety wise they should have anyways. But during that time he was allowed to do so. And then when he moved back to usa, it was very difficult for him to sit back at the correct place and stay there because there was a lot of stimuli out there. Okay, so the first thing I asked the parent, right? And I'm going through here like these things may or may not work for case by case basis, just telling you what worked for us and I'm not telling you what you should do, right? So my first question for the parent was, was there a reason to sit down for the kid? Obviously no, because for the child to sit down it was more of a given thing, like I told you. So that's why you should sit down. There was no upside for the kid, there was only downside, right? Because you're strapped onto the baby chair, you can't move, can't do anything. Although you give like a screen like screen time for the child, the outside world is a lot more fun for him, right? The first question I ask, is there a reason to sit down? If there isn't, make sure that there's a reason, okay? And that means giving, providing rewards, making it fun when they sit down, think about what they get when they sit, okay? That's the first thing. Second of all is what can the child do when he or she gets off the chair? Right? Most of the time when the child gets off the chair, it's funny to them because the parents trying to grab them and chase them and they think they're playing tag or something, right? That's what exactly what was happening because when she was trying to grab him back on the seat, she was like the kid was like running away and going hahaha like that, like he thought it was a game. So that's why the more he ran, the more he was actually rewarded to do so, right? So given the chance he, he ran, he felt fun that the mom was trying to tag him or something, right? And plus when he was in the car, which is like Very dangerous. I would say he was starting to look out the window and he was pointing at things and labeling and stuff. And then the mother, what the mother was doing, because we were teaching her about how to do language facilitation, right? So if you don't know what that is, just search inside of our YouTube channel or just go on Google. Doesn't need to be me who tells you what it is. So what was happening was she was like, yeah, that's a car. Yeah, that's a tree, whatever, right? When he was talking. Because previously he was non verbal. Now he's like using single words and phrases. He was like using what he learned from what his mom had taught him. And he was going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? And then the mom was very happy and reinforced that, right? Because he was able to leave the chair and he started to label stuff at the window. The mom couldn't catch him. That was fun. And then now he's labeling and he's getting rewarded by the moment saying, good job. Yeah, that's whatever. So again, what does he get after he leaves the chair? Right? So that was my question to the mother. She told me this and I'm like, yeah, no wonder, right? No wonder he's getting out of the chair, because these things are happening. So the third question was, was it an option for him to get off the chair? And she was like, yeah, because when we would strap him down, he would make such a big fuss and we couldn't concentrate on driving and doing the thing that we were doing. We just unbuckled him. So here's the most important part. This is what I said to her. I said, look, if previously he was able to sit nicely and after a trip to Philippines and you came back and he cannot anymore. So that means it's not his ability, his inability to sit in a chair for extended period of time, right? He had a taste of freedom, so to speak. And then he's trying to exercise that, right? And you allowed him to, right? And this is where you have to draw the line, okay? I told her, you have to draw the line on the car. It's not negotiable. Non negotiable is that you sit in the chair strapped on. I don't care if you're gonna make a tantrum, because your intention is to save his life, right? Is to keep it safe, is to keep the whole journey safe. So therefore, getting off the chair is not an option. You have to tell that. He's like, nope, that's. That's it. I Don't care, right? And then when he's on the chair, you need to provide as many good rewards as you can, right? Obviously when he's there, he's trying to get out. He's like, ah. And then he knows how to get out, right? Some, some children make sure that they don't know how to get out. Like, put a strap on it, all, right? Make it hard for them. They can't get out. And, like, don't talk about it. Only give good things. And then when I told the mother this, it was very hard for her to digest what I was saying. Because a lot of times, right, when I'm working with, like, parents, what they do is they give in to the child a lot. And obviously they know they shouldn't, right? You know, you shouldn't, you should know, you shouldn't. You shouldn't be negotiating about things that are life threatening, right? So what she did in the end was she bit the bullet and she listened to me, right? Not saying that everything I say is gonna work. It needs to be case by case again. And so what she did was she strapped the kid onto the baby chair, put the buckles on, made the buckles harder to get, like, lock it, right? And then just let him scream, right? And of course, we, we don't do this right ahead. We start by introducing the baby chair inside the house first, right? Buckle him in and then let him have some snacks or whatever, right? Make it easy. Slowly move the chair closer and closer and closer to the, to the car. Put the, put the chair in and the car, he goes in without the car started. Let him sit inside and have a snack or watch something or have like a fun game or whatever. And then slowly we start to turn on the car and just sit there for an extended period of time. And then we go on the journey. Because what we don't want to do is to start the training in real life, right? When you really have to start driving, right? You don't want to do the training during the real thing. You want to have a dress rehearsal, so to speak, right? So you dress, rehearse at home. You. You make sure he cannot get out of the strap, make sure he has a good time and has something, a reason to stay, so on and so forth. And then you start actually driving out, right? When, when you do that, you layer it in and it makes it easy for the child to understand why he's supposed to stay there. Because it's good for him. It's fun. There's rewards and such. Then you can move on. All right, so the last point here is your relationship with your child dictates the behavior. There's a reason why when your child goes to a therapy center, I hope they're more well behaved over there, right? And the reason why is because the therapist's relationship with the kid, and I see this many times, the reason why parents bring their children to me is that when they come to my room, right, they can sit nicely, they can listen, they can do work, they can talk, right? But then back at home, everything's all back to normal. Normal, so to speak, right? So what you got to do is to bring the mindset that you and your child, there's a relationship going on, there's a given, there's a take. Obviously, we give as much as we can, right? And we try not to let him take so much from. From us, from our authority, so to speak. And we're not saying to be like, super strict. And like, I see a lot of Asian parents, I'm saying this from my experience, is that they would say, ah, you, you can sit down. And then they get really, really angry about it. It's just that if the rule is something that cannot be broken, there's no room for negotiation. I don't need to be mean. I don't need to be like, I don't need to raise my voice as the no is a no. And that's why kids won't touch my stuff even if I put it right in front of the kid. And kids know that there are people with lower bottom lines and higher bottom lines. Bottom line is more of a Chinese word. So what I mean is, like, there's a limit, there's a threshold to what they can do. They know who they can actually manipulate and so on, so forth, right? So I'm not saying that kids are malicious and they're trying to, like, take control of you or whatever, but they know what they can get away with, right? So as long as you're between you and your child, your relationship is that I give you everything you want, right? But at times when I want you to stay still, be quiet, and hold my hand, you have to, because it's a safety problem. I'm not going to compromise your safety just because you want something, right? And that's something you have to understand as a parent, okay? It's more so that we aren't emotionally connected as much to the child as you are. That's what is very easy for me to do. But when I see parents struggling, all they had to do was to stick to the guns and do what was necessary. Okay, so this story ends with the mom very happy sending me a message saying, oh my God, Ming, it's finally working. And he took a picture of the, of the kid on top of the car seat. Right. And how, how this panned out at the very end was that she did go through the steps of putting the car seat inside of the house trying to get him used to it, sit down and so on, so on and so forth. And then slowly get into the car and layer it so that the child totally understands what to do. All right, so that's it for today. If you want to please go to agents of Speech.com checklist to grab a list of tools and toys that will help you start home therapy. All right, so that's it for today. I'll see you in the next video. Bye. Bye.