YES Talk 305- Choosing Yourself: The Path to Growth & Fulfillment

You, I'm going to land on one piece here because there's more of this. As this comes up, choosing myself is way fucking harder than I thought. I must choose myself first before I can choose anyone else. You don't need to raise your hand on this. You don't need to respond to this. But I just want you to think how many of you have spent your life, or at least big parts of your life, always trying to do everything to make everyone else happy and not being true to yourself. And you've suppressed all that shit. And some of you have stayed in relationships that were dead. You stayed in relationships that were oppressive. You stayed in relationships that were downright fucking abusive, or you've just stayed in relationships out of the sense of duty. And I'm talking a lot of this, not just relationships with a spouse or a significant other, but in relationship with your parents. And because you feel that attachment, you still listen to the motherfuckers. And so some of you have stayed trapped in these relationships in this box of, like, trying to please them or trying to live for them. And it's like, I must choose myself before I can choose anyone else. And what is so powerful for me on that is that this is what people want who are whole. They don't want somebody who needs them. All the bullshit about, you know. You know, from the movie, the old movie with. What was the movie with Tom Cruise? Show Me the Money. What was that movie? Jerry Maguire. And he says to Renee Zellweger. Is that her name? He's like, you complete me. Like one of the most romantic, powerful lines in Hollywood lore and total bullshit. This is how you have a horrible marriage, is being codependent. And this is what I was. I was so afraid of being alone. I was so afraid that if I didn't have a beautiful wife, then I was not worthy. As if she gave me value, not who I am. And to choose myself and say, like, oh, look at me, motherfuckers. I am the man. And now here's the beauty of it, guys. And this is what all of you need to understand. The beauty of it is, is when you can come into the game from that place, you now have something to actually offer that somebody could actually want. Somebody who doesn't need you. But because they don't need you, they are now free to want you. They are free to be with you because it gives them joy. Not because without you, they are empty. And I remember in last November, after I came back from a long trip and we'd been on our Inner circle mastermind out in. Wherever we were in Nashville at the Biltmore State. Been out there and then I'd spent a week there. And then I'd gone to Nashville and spent a week in a medicine journey. And I came back and I remember sitting down with Julie, who was. There were still no. Like, we would talk, but it was like nothing and it was all me talking. She'd give one on one answers and I just. I told her, I said, I just want you to know I don't need you anymore. I don't need you. I am here today. With all the shit that's gone on, I'm here because I want you. You're the one I want to be with. You're the one I want to spend my life with. But I don't need you anymore. Now, I don't know what she thought of that because she would not respond. She was like, this was the. This was all. This was a dead marriage even then. And I look back at it and I know that. But what was not dead was me. I was waking up. And some of you through these three days, the most important thing that will happen for you is you wake the fuck up and go like, oh, shit. The work that I've got to do on is me. I don't need somebody else to do this work to be. It's not that I don't need somebody else to do the work. I don't need somebody else to make me whole, because I can't. Guys, here's the thing. Those of you that will choose to go on with me in a conversation of coaching or working with me, or whether it's in the one on one or in coaching or whatever, I'm not your fucking savior. I can't make you whole. All I do is remove blindfolds, wake the fuck up.