The REAL reason you fear Judgment (It started in your childhood)

What's up, beautiful people? So, question, have you ever been worried about what other people think? Parents, coaches, teammates, girlfriends, boyfriends. Have you ever worried about what other people think? Really want to reveal to you that the core place that this mindset or habit started is nothing to do with the other people in your life right now. It all started with the first set of people that you learned to care about what they were thinking because it was dependent upon your safety. Who was that? It was your caregivers. It was your parents. See, when we come into this world as children, if we don't abide by the rules in the house, there's a threat to our nervous system that we're going to get kicked out. We're going to get not accepted into our family, which is a real threat for our bodies because what we care about at that point is just nurture and development and Obviously surviving. So what happens is we go through so many years of practice of having to keep an eye on what our parents think about us. Are we doing things right? Is this acceptable in their eyes? Because otherwise, you know, they're the ones getting the roof over our heads. I mean, that could go on for 7, 14, 20 years. And because of that habit, we then overlay it onto the rest of the world. What do they think? Is what they think about me acceptable in their eyes? Even though you don't live for other people to be acceptable in their eyes, you live for yourself to live in your dream reality, your vision, your mission, your purpose, to unfold that and actually live that as your life and your lifestyle. And so when we actually reconcile one of the first memories you had of where you thought you had to be careful around your parents or your caregivers or people in authority. When we go back to the first time that you can remember and we ask a kind of question, you know, what was going on there? How did you feel? You know, you don't have to have the answer to these questions, but when you ask them back to yourself, you can just do a huge exhale and breathe out for whatever you need to release that you were holding on. Any type of mindset, any type of suppressed emotion, because it's often the nervous system, the body is actually following a memory. automatically, and it's a blind spot of ours, that we overlay that memory onto other people— our coaches, audience members. We feel judged, and in reality, it's got nothing to do with the audience or the people. It's all to do with that first memory when we were children, um, where we were practicing, you know, taking care of other people's opinions of us to make sure we were being a good boy, good girl. So that being said, after you've been able to identify that, then you can start to feel what was that like. What was that like to actually have to always be careful of your parents or your authority figures in case you did something wrong, in case you got told you were bad and you had a threat to your actual life that you're going to get kicked out of the house? Not physically, but, you know, as a metaphor. Not be accepted, be put on the naughty step, feel detached from your caregivers. What did it feel like to go through that? When you give yourself permission to feel, it really opens up Pandora's box of just restoration. Your nervous system doesn't have to suppress something that you've been avoiding because, you know, obviously it's a normal, it's a normal thing to avoid something we don't want to happen. But it's also the precursor to living a life that's so small because you're just trying to avoid things. And that can show up in performances. You don't play to win, you play not to lose. Or, you know, it could show up when you're in your romantic life. You know, you don't go into romance to have a beautiful relationship, you have it just not to lose them. And so you turn up as this version of yourself which is very small and limited. So yes, when we can reconcile, allow ourselves to feel those emotions, we're now saying to our body, I'm not scared of this anymore. I can face up to this. This is not scary anymore. I'm an adult. You know, I'm not 5 anymore. I'm not 7. I'm not 14. It's not scary for my parents to disagree with me. It's not scary for them to have a different view of, you know, how they think I should be living. It doesn't matter anymore. You know, you're not living your life for them. But ironically, when you live your life from your ambitions, your dreams, your passions, you end up making them happy. Because why? They just want to see kids, you know, living their dream, being happy, fulfilled, prosperous. And so every time that we focus on, is this right for what they think I should be doing, we're literally taking time away from actually being in the embodiment of what is going to make them happy anyway. You're on national television, you are competing on the world stage, you're, you know, winning titles, you're playing at one of the highest levels, you know, you just being you in your happy state is giving back to your family. You don't need to try and think about, is this right for them? Would they agree with that? Would they accept it? Because your loyalty to them versus your loyalty to yourself and your mission is the umbilical cord that might need to get cut for you to get to the next level. So I don't know why that felt good to say. So, um, yeah, when we can Go back into that memory, allow ourselves to feel. There becomes a little bit of stillness. A little bit of stillness starts to come, and we can now look back on the memory from a different lens, not one based in fear and avoidance, but one based in, ah, acceptance, reality, understanding what we know about life now from our perspective. We have more information about what our parents might have been going through back then, their mental problems, their upbringing. And how they behaved with us. Now we can see that how they behaved with us was their own mental stories they were playing out, their own narratives. Actually had nothing to do with us to some extent. They're, you know, we didn't need to take it on as who we were, this identity about who we need to be. And when you go back and you view it like that, it changes the memory. And you're able to see things from a different light. You're able to go back and experience the memory from a different place, different lens. Which actually changes how you view other people in your life viewing you, because they're, they're the genesis. They are the original people that you had to care about what they're thinking about you because it was necessary for your safety. But now that's not true. And if you go back and reconcile that it's not true, that extrapolates into all the people, all your audiences, your coaches, your authority figures. It changes on a multiple level. It's like a ripple effect. You throw a stone into a lake. it ripples out. Okay, but not done there. So, you know, you go back and you revisit the memory from a new place, from a new perspective— lightness, lightheartedness. You understand more, so you don't take it too personally. You don't make it mean something about who you are. But the, the invitation is, if you did see poor role models, or if you did see poor attitudes or behaviors as a child, It's what I consider our gift in order for us to demonstrate the opposite in life. Because anything to do with poor behavior, poor role models, is to do with a lack-based mindset, fear-based mindset. Someone's in pain, fear. You know, if you live from that place, you're going to be having the reactions of that, and you're going to be embodying that. You're going to eventually have these poor kind of behavioral adaptations. And so the invitation for us is not to take that on about, oh, that means that I'm bad, or that means I'm also like that, or it must mean that I'm not good, or I'm a bad boy. No, no, no. It's not to go into those type of identifications. That's what I call misidentification. It's actually to use it as an invitation, go, okay, wow, I definitely don't want to be like that. So, okay, this is my opportunity to demonstrate truth in the world, like vitality. Prosperity, joy, passion, love, inspiration, intuition, awe, wonder— these things that you have in your mind as a child, that you know who you are before the conditioning of society and childhood family experiences. Before that, you have these imaginations. Your imagination runs wild. You have a vision of who you want to be, and the memories you have from the past, or the examples or role models, are all invitations on the spectrum of it. So if you want to live in awe and wonder, you had to experience what mundane, uninspired, trapped looked like so that you could know how to achieve that. If you wanted to live and follow your passion and intuition and heart, you had to experience potentially parents or role models that just didn't believe in themselves, were too afraid, didn't take any risk, or they saw life as a threat. You needed to see that and experience that so you know what the opposite is. So it's all a catalyst for our growth, all the catalysts for who we are, you know, becoming and have chosen to experience ourselves as in this lifetime and in our performances.