Alexandra Niel shares ten rituals that helped her through divorce and beyond. During the split, she got therapy, read self-help books, booked massages, decluttered her home, and planned more time with friends. Now she meditates, journals, takes baths, volunteers, and keeps a strict sleep schedule.
Today I want to share with you 10 self-care rituals to nurture your soul during divorce. Divorce is not easy. It takes away your energy, it takes away your joy for life, and it can be a battle to come back. So it's important to be able to take care of ourselves. The first 5 are going to be things that I actually put into play when I was going through my divorce, and the next 5 are habits that I've developed along the way when I want to stay in a good mental place when and if things get a little wonky with my new beau. So the first thing you can do to nurture your soul during divorce is to really seek therapy or counseling. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. When we're struggling, it's good to have an outside perspective that can help us to see things through in a different way, to offer a different perspective, to get us out of our head and out of the emotions that we're feeling, to look at things more objectively and make better decisions. Number 2 is to read inspiring books or personal development. That was my route of choice. I went fully down the personal development route and started reading books about relationships, about self-improvement, and it really allowed me to think about what I did, my behaviors, in a different way. It offered, in its own way, a different perspective, and it offered me a different path moving forward so I wouldn't make the same mistakes again. Something else you can do, number 3, treat yourself to small indulgences. I used to get mani-pedis here and there from time to time, but as I was going through my divorce, that was one of the things that just helped to make me feel good. I liked it when my toes looked nice and when my hands looked nice. It was a way to build my self-esteem and my self-confidence. Maybe you want to get a massage to help you to release all of that pent-up emotion that is being trapped in your body, because that also is going to help you in the long term. Number 4, I decluttered my living space. When I left the house, I packed up all my stuff. I didn't think about what I wanted to keep, what I didn't want to keep. It was just everything that was mine came with me. And when I found myself in the new apartment, I was like, I have all the stuff that I don't want, I have all the stuff that I don't need. So I went through a decluttering process, and I really kept only the things that brought me joy and the things that I knew I would want when I moved into a bigger living space. Marie Kondo your life, because— and Marie Kondo your belongings. Just start fresh. Anything that holds bad memories or negative feelings. Get rid of all those things. You don't need that kind of energy. And then number 5 is plan more social events. One of the things I realized is that while I was married, we really didn't go out all that much. So it was important for me to rebuild my social life. We live far away from the people that I knew and the friends that I had. So when I moved into my new apartment and I got closer to those people, I was able to do a lot more things. And spending time with people that are in a good, positive positive energy space really helps to get you into the same space. So here are the other 5 habits which I've put into play more recently. And the first one is meditation and mindfulness. Being able to spend that time in silence with myself, being able to— giving myself the space to feel my emotions so that I can let them go and release them has been a game changer. It's important to have that silent space because all day long. We're all go, go, go, go, go, and we need a moment to just take a breath and be just in communion with ourselves. Journaling is also important. That's number 7. Although I don't do it consistently, I enjoy the process of writing my thoughts down, of capturing the things that have happened during the day, because I know I'll go back and I will be able to relive those experiences that brought me joy. Being able to write your emotions down is a way of releasing them and letting them go so you can process them more effectively. Number 8, take a relaxing bath. As humans, we have an incredible connection with water. We are 70% water. So while the situation here is not ideal— imagine in your head 10 pounds of stuff in a 5-pound bag, that's the size tub that we have— I make it work. And it's important to have those moments where you can commune with water because water is cleansing and it will help you to release emotions as well. Number 9, volunteer. I recently joined my Rotary Club, and I wish I had done it sooner because I am in contact with people who are positive, who want to give back, who are interested in what happens in the local community. It's a way to get myself out of my head, to think about what can I do for others, because when we do for others, we don't have time or bandwidth to look at our own belly button and wallow in our negative emotions. Last but not least, get a good sleep routine. Having a good sleep hygiene is incredibly important. When we're tired, we don't make good decisions. When We don't manage our emotions in the same way. So if you're in the habit of waking up at 1, 2, or 3 o'clock in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep, that's your cue to try to find a way to correct that so you can get the nurturing and restorative sleep that you need so that you can be in a better mental space. So these are the 10 tips I wanted to share with you so that you can nurture your soul as you're going through your divorce. I hope they serve you. If there is something else that you do that you want to share, Let me know. I'd love to hear it.
