5 Keys to Congruence and Authenticity

Are you struggling to show up congruently and authentically in your life? Today I want to share 5 keys to make that happen. Hi, I'm Alexandra Niel, Certified High Performance Coach, and I work with women to help them rewire their beliefs so they can rewrite their stories and be better parents, better friends, better leaders, have a long-lasting impact in their community, be a change agent in their workplace and live a full, abundant life. Based on some of the research I'm doing at the moment, I'm finding that congruence and authenticity are hallmarks of great leaders. And there are different ways where you can be congruent or in how you can be congruent. First, it's about being yourself. So are you behaving the way that you would expect yourself to behave, or are you behaving according to your values or who you believe yourself to be? So that's the first one. The second one is, are you behaving that same way with other people around? So are you showing up as your true self with your friends, with your colleagues, and with other people? Finally, are you able to adjust your style based on whatever the situation is that you're in? So So your circle can see really a clear and consistent picture of who you are, how they fit within that group, and really what their role is. Bottom line is, it's all about being authentically you, no pretenses, no matter what situation you're in and who you're dealing with. People with strong congruence and authenticity really have that magnesit— magnetism that attracts other people to them. But it's not just that. It's those two qualities really are the cornerstone for building trust within any group, right? So being both congruent and authentic means that you have to know yourself well enough, understand your strengths and your weaknesses so that you know when you can be vulnerable And allowing those around you to see your soft underbelly is not an easy thing to do. It really takes courage because it leaves you exposed and again, feeling vulnerable. But that's what people want. People want authentic leaders who are true to themselves as they lead other people. Now, being authentic not only helps you grow your own self-awareness, but it allows others to show up as themselves as well. It creates an environment where people can share their views and ideas comfortably, themselves being true to who they are. So there are many ways to develop more congruence and authenticity, and I've tried a few of them over the years, and through trial and error, I just want to share 5 that I found to be the one that worked best for me. So the first one is get clear. This is one of, um, the most powerful of the 6 high performance habits. Having clarity on your principles and your values, what drives you and what you believe in, really sets the stage for how you're going to show up, however you're going to show up in, in your life. So Once you know who you are and what you stand for, take an honest look about and at what you want. What do you hope to achieve? How do you want to contribute? And set some goals that are achievable but also kind of stretch your comfort zone and your comfort limits a little bit. And if you feel that in general you're not congruent or authentic at all, or that you can continue to do better. There's so many resources available. You can read, you can listen to podcasts, you can do your own research. One of my favorite ways is to find people around me who exhibit the qualities that I'm looking for, that I'm trying to learn, and seeing how they engage. So, you know, finding role models that you can really have a discussion with or observe how they engage the people around them can be really, really powerful. And you might also want to ask yourself some probing questions. You can ask yourself things like, you know, what are my strengths and weaknesses? Some people don't even know actually where— what they're good at and what they're not so good at. Are you clear in your vision? Do you show up as a leader who is open to suggestion and feedback from others? Many people, you know, God forbid you would criticize them because their, like, their evil twin comes out and doesn't want to hear, doesn't want to hear what you have to say. And you might also want to wonder and ask yourself, do people see you as an authentic leader? Do they hear you as an authentic leader? And if they don't, then it's important for you to ask yourself, how can I show up to really prove, how can I show them that I really am being genuine in my leadership? So that's the first, the first point. The second point is practicing self-compassion. I think we all do really well beating ourselves up, but we really ought to treat ourselves with the same kindness and the same compassion that we show those that are closest to us. It's okay to make mistakes. That's how we learn. Admitting those mistakes and being willing to learn from them instead of closing ourselves up, that's the most difficult part. So practice self-compassion. The third one is pay attention to how you're showing up in the world. Notice when you're being reactive. It's really easy to do and really easy to recognize in others, but not so easy to recognize in ourselves. So if you do feel that you're showing up and you are being reactive, or worse, being passive-aggressive, you have the ability to make a choice not to behave that way. So have that self-awareness to realize how you're presenting yourself and then do something about it. Number 4 is speak up when you disagree. I can't tell you how often I've been in meetings or I've engaged with people and I've disagreed with what was being said or what was being proposed, and I didn't say anything about it. And guess what? It stays in my head. It just won't, you know, it won't go away because it feels like a missed opportunity. So if you're in an environment where you have that established sense of trust and it's really safe to do so, let your voice be heard. Speak your mind. Say what you want to say. Because going along with something that you don't agree with when you were either, um, not given the opportunity, or you had the opportunity but you didn't say anything, that over time tends to build up resentment and bitterness, which is not good for any relationship. And the last piece is Don't try to be something you're not. You know, we need to be willing to, to see ourselves, warts and all, before we can show up as our authentic self. And to do so takes courage, it takes strength, but it does pay off when we do show up as our true selves, in who we are, in what we stand for, and in the vision that we have for ourselves or for our company or our business. To show up with congruence is being authentic. It takes courage, and when I say courage, I mean really being— having the ability to acknowledge your strengths and your weaknesses and being vulnerable in order to connect more honestly with other people. Showing up with that authenticity kind of creates an environment where great leaders themselves can shine because their teams feel safe to contribute, to share, to exchange ideas. But it also helps to create an environment where people care about each other as much as they care about the outcome. So remember too that it's not just about work, it's also about life. And the more we're able to show up authentically, the deeper and more rewarding our relationships will be, and the greater the impact we're going to be able to make. So I want to ask you, what is one thing you can do this week to show up more congruently with who you are and more authentically to the people around you? Let me know in the comments, okay? And if you want more details, because I kind of went through this a bit quickly, click on the link below, check out my blog, and then you'll have a bit more information. And I hope this served you, and we'll talk soon.